Farris funeral home abingdon va obits
DIC death certificate question
2023.05.31 18:05 Calm_Psychology5879 DIC death certificate question
My stepfather passed away to an SC condition and I know my mother is eligible for DIC. Death certificates are taking forever to arrive, but the funeral home has uncertified copies. The VA knows he’s dead and stopped the 4k payment he was getting. Would they take the uncertified copies for DIC to start since they knew enough to stop the benefit?
submitted by Calm_Psychology5879 to VeteransBenefits [link] [comments]
2023.05.27 18:34 Top-Total692 [HIRING] 25 Jobs in VA Hiring Now!
2023.05.24 18:48 Sweet_nana219 How would you feel?
My sis in law is bff with my husbands ex wife. I am uncomfortable having to be around said ex and feel like my feelings aren't being considered.
For context, I, 47f, hubby 50m, have been together 6 years, married for 3, we both have previous exes, and children. We went through a very rough spot last year in our marriage just as his dad came down terminally ill. Our rough patch was so much so that hubby went and stayed with his sis and to also help with his dad whom lived with sis.
Hubby and his ex were married for 12 years, 10 of which she cheated on him. I didn't really realize up until this area in our relationship that sis and ex were as close as they are.
After father in law passes, sis puts a special mention in the obit about ex, which really hurt me due to the fact that hubby and I were working on our relationship (we were set for divorce)and ex hadnt been the only other person who had also been helping with the dad during this time, I was also there,along with other family members but there was no mention of anyone other than the ex and the hospice staff in the obit as a special recognition. My thoughts were, why include ex in the obit? Why not take her out to dinner or for a spa day?
Sis literally asked if she could do this "mention" the day we sat down at the table in the funeral home to make the arrangements in front of the duneral director and other family members!
I, of course wasn't about to make a scene so I didn't say anything, and hubby went right along with it, as in he didn't care. I realize we were put on the spot, but it could have been changed, at that point nothing was set in stone. Why did sis ask hubby the minute we walked out if she had messed up doing that "mention" had she felt otherwise? Hubby was ONLY upset over the fact that we weren't asked beforehand, but he has made it clear that he didn't care that sis made the mention of the ex. Ex is at almost every family function, including hubby's other sisters wedding, and b-day parties and I must "just get over it" because we can't choose anyone's friends! I do understand that statement, but what about MY feelings? She is an ex for a reason!
I have to add that my brother has remained somewhat friends with my ex but we are never around him! My oldest son lives with an ex of mine who is not his father, and we have had to see him(my ex)1 time during mine and hubs relationship, at my granddaughters 1st b-day party almost 3 years ago. Am I in the wrong here? I just need to know how you would feel?
submitted by Sweet_nana219 to Marriage [link] [comments]
For context, I, 47f, hubby 50m, have been together 6 years, married for 3, we both have previous exes, and children. We went through a very rough spot last year in our marriage just as his dad came down terminally ill. Our rough patch was so much so that hubby went and stayed with his sis and to also help with his dad whom lived with sis.
Hubby and his ex were married for 12 years, 10 of which she cheated on him. I didn't really realize up until this area in our relationship that sis and ex were as close as they are.
After father in law passes, sis puts a special mention in the obit about ex, which really hurt me due to the fact that hubby and I were working on our relationship (we were set for divorce)and ex hadnt been the only other person who had also been helping with the dad during this time, I was also there,along with other family members but there was no mention of anyone other than the ex and the hospice staff in the obit as a special recognition. My thoughts were, why include ex in the obit? Why not take her out to dinner or for a spa day?
Sis literally asked if she could do this "mention" the day we sat down at the table in the funeral home to make the arrangements in front of the duneral director and other family members!
I, of course wasn't about to make a scene so I didn't say anything, and hubby went right along with it, as in he didn't care. I realize we were put on the spot, but it could have been changed, at that point nothing was set in stone. Why did sis ask hubby the minute we walked out if she had messed up doing that "mention" had she felt otherwise? Hubby was ONLY upset over the fact that we weren't asked beforehand, but he has made it clear that he didn't care that sis made the mention of the ex. Ex is at almost every family function, including hubby's other sisters wedding, and b-day parties and I must "just get over it" because we can't choose anyone's friends! I do understand that statement, but what about MY feelings? She is an ex for a reason!
I have to add that my brother has remained somewhat friends with my ex but we are never around him! My oldest son lives with an ex of mine who is not his father, and we have had to see him(my ex)1 time during mine and hubs relationship, at my granddaughters 1st b-day party almost 3 years ago. Am I in the wrong here? I just need to know how you would feel?
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2023.05.20 18:23 OfficePsycho I took care of my mom for over 20 years. I’ve taken care of my dad for about a year, and after the last three weeks I am overwhelmed.
My mother died less than a year ago, after over two decades of me taking care of her. For the majority of that time my father not only helped, but did the lion’s share of the work. About eight years ago, he nearly died due to medication issues, and for about two years I was taking care of both of them. He was eventually able to start helping again, but now it was my turn to do the lion’s share of effort, for both of them.
My dad started having mobility issues near the start of last year, seemingly due to the return of a problem he had around a decade ago. About a month before my mother died he literally fell over one day as we were entering the facility she was in. After that his mobility started getting worse, and another health problem from over a decade ago suddenly resurfaced. I pretty much transitioned from my mother and her health issues being the main focus of my life to my father and his health issues once we were done with her funeral.
A few months after my mom died I found that my father had started talking to himself. I really couldn’t judge on that, as if you were to go years back in my post history you’d find me discussing how I started doing the very same thing when my SO suddenly dumped me one night with no warning. I figured it was his way of dealing with the loss of my mom, just as I’d done the same when my SO left me. Not too long after that I noticed he seemed to be having more memory issues. I didn’t think too much of that, either, as the whole family had COVID at the beginning of the year, and both he and I had been diagnosed with Long COVID. He had memory issues, I had memory issues, must just be me noticing it affecting him more, since I wasn’t focusing most of my attention on my mom.
Three weeks ago, it was like someone flipped a switch. He gets confused on what day or month it is. Over two days we had several discussions about how a local TV personality has changed her look, and every “change” he pointed out was how she’s looked for several decades. He’d dropped his house key, and when I told him I found it and returned it to him he said “That’s a house key,” as if I’d asked him what it was. I could spend several paragraphs on all the notes I’ve made of the oddities in his behavior over the last three weeks.
The first week this happened, he brought up on his own about moving into a VA Home, as though he’d sensed something had changed in himself. About a week later he brought up his mental health on his own, and when I suggested getting testing done he gave me this unnerving look and told me I could go get testing done, but he was never going to do it.
The obvious answer is dementia, but I can’t be sure. He’s also dealing with a B12 deficiency, and I’m ashamed to say I only learned this week that such can also cause issues with memory. He also has several other issues that would line up with pernicious anemia, another issue I was somehow unfamiliar with until this week. He’s got heart issues as well, and it could even be a UTI; I had experience with my mom having those and them changing her behavior drastically. He’s also had issues with his medications, and long story short this week I found out he hadn’t been taking several medications for an unspecified amount of time, as he’d had issues getting them refilled due to a change in the refill system at his pharmacy, which he didn’t inform me of/let me get involved with until this week. This was on top of one of his doctor’s changing his prescriptions about a week before the change in behavior started.
He's been letting me go with him to see one of his specialists, the one who changed his prescriptions. We had drama about a month ago, as his office both screwed up what tests my dad was scheduled for and then scheduled us to come in several weeks early for a follow-up; it’s a distance for us to travel, and arriving to have the doctor ask “Why are you here?” wasn’t a good feeling, to say the least.
The same doctor is responsible for the prescriptions my dad is out of. I (and my dad) called in at the beginning of the week, with me requesting an emergency fill; neither of us had our calls returned. We had an appointment yesterday to have tests done for my dad at the same practice. The doctor wasn’t in, no answers on the Rxs, and a nurse let slip my dad’s doctor is retiring soon. I feel like maybe he’s on his way out and doesn’t care about my dad.
I’ve never met my dad’s PCP, as my dad won’t let me come along to his meetings, and the doctor he used to see that I knew retired some time ago. I do know that I sent a list of questions to ask the PCP the last time he went regarding his physical problems, and from what my father told me the doctor brushed aside some questions, and I suspect my dad didn’t ask the rest after getting the brush off. It turns out my dad has an appointment with his PCP Monday that he forgot about (he’d originally told me it was this week), and shortly after I woke up this morning my dad asked me if I had any idea what the appointment was about.
I just…I don’t know. I want to go to the PCP with my dad. I want to be able to spell out everything I’m seeing in my dad, I want tests done, but I don’t think my dad is going to allow me to go with him. Somewhere I know my mom and dad did paperwork for me to have medical power of attorney, but I have no idea where he put that after my mom died.
And today is my birthday, which my dad has forgotten.
Thank you for reading my vent.
submitted by OfficePsycho to CaregiverSupport [link] [comments]
My dad started having mobility issues near the start of last year, seemingly due to the return of a problem he had around a decade ago. About a month before my mother died he literally fell over one day as we were entering the facility she was in. After that his mobility started getting worse, and another health problem from over a decade ago suddenly resurfaced. I pretty much transitioned from my mother and her health issues being the main focus of my life to my father and his health issues once we were done with her funeral.
A few months after my mom died I found that my father had started talking to himself. I really couldn’t judge on that, as if you were to go years back in my post history you’d find me discussing how I started doing the very same thing when my SO suddenly dumped me one night with no warning. I figured it was his way of dealing with the loss of my mom, just as I’d done the same when my SO left me. Not too long after that I noticed he seemed to be having more memory issues. I didn’t think too much of that, either, as the whole family had COVID at the beginning of the year, and both he and I had been diagnosed with Long COVID. He had memory issues, I had memory issues, must just be me noticing it affecting him more, since I wasn’t focusing most of my attention on my mom.
Three weeks ago, it was like someone flipped a switch. He gets confused on what day or month it is. Over two days we had several discussions about how a local TV personality has changed her look, and every “change” he pointed out was how she’s looked for several decades. He’d dropped his house key, and when I told him I found it and returned it to him he said “That’s a house key,” as if I’d asked him what it was. I could spend several paragraphs on all the notes I’ve made of the oddities in his behavior over the last three weeks.
The first week this happened, he brought up on his own about moving into a VA Home, as though he’d sensed something had changed in himself. About a week later he brought up his mental health on his own, and when I suggested getting testing done he gave me this unnerving look and told me I could go get testing done, but he was never going to do it.
The obvious answer is dementia, but I can’t be sure. He’s also dealing with a B12 deficiency, and I’m ashamed to say I only learned this week that such can also cause issues with memory. He also has several other issues that would line up with pernicious anemia, another issue I was somehow unfamiliar with until this week. He’s got heart issues as well, and it could even be a UTI; I had experience with my mom having those and them changing her behavior drastically. He’s also had issues with his medications, and long story short this week I found out he hadn’t been taking several medications for an unspecified amount of time, as he’d had issues getting them refilled due to a change in the refill system at his pharmacy, which he didn’t inform me of/let me get involved with until this week. This was on top of one of his doctor’s changing his prescriptions about a week before the change in behavior started.
He's been letting me go with him to see one of his specialists, the one who changed his prescriptions. We had drama about a month ago, as his office both screwed up what tests my dad was scheduled for and then scheduled us to come in several weeks early for a follow-up; it’s a distance for us to travel, and arriving to have the doctor ask “Why are you here?” wasn’t a good feeling, to say the least.
The same doctor is responsible for the prescriptions my dad is out of. I (and my dad) called in at the beginning of the week, with me requesting an emergency fill; neither of us had our calls returned. We had an appointment yesterday to have tests done for my dad at the same practice. The doctor wasn’t in, no answers on the Rxs, and a nurse let slip my dad’s doctor is retiring soon. I feel like maybe he’s on his way out and doesn’t care about my dad.
I’ve never met my dad’s PCP, as my dad won’t let me come along to his meetings, and the doctor he used to see that I knew retired some time ago. I do know that I sent a list of questions to ask the PCP the last time he went regarding his physical problems, and from what my father told me the doctor brushed aside some questions, and I suspect my dad didn’t ask the rest after getting the brush off. It turns out my dad has an appointment with his PCP Monday that he forgot about (he’d originally told me it was this week), and shortly after I woke up this morning my dad asked me if I had any idea what the appointment was about.
I just…I don’t know. I want to go to the PCP with my dad. I want to be able to spell out everything I’m seeing in my dad, I want tests done, but I don’t think my dad is going to allow me to go with him. Somewhere I know my mom and dad did paperwork for me to have medical power of attorney, but I have no idea where he put that after my mom died.
And today is my birthday, which my dad has forgotten.
Thank you for reading my vent.
2023.05.10 01:16 jmarchyok My (26f) boyfriend (26m) forgot that my grandma was on her deathbed
My boyfriend of 9 months forgot that my grandma was dying. I got notice that she was rushed to the hospital 1 month ago and immediately flew back to my home state that day to be with her as I thought it was going to be the end. Bf drove me to the airport and I was upset/crying the entire way there. I spent 3 days in the hospital with her (one of those days being my birthday) before flying back home as she was doing better and expected to make a recovery although she was still in the hospital at the time. During those few days, bf occasionally checked in and called to wish me a happy birthday but gave me space to be with family.
When I got back home, I resumed life as normal as I could with her constantly on my mind. I continued to get daily updates from my mom about my gma and occasionally FaceTimed her in the hospital. BF visited me the night after I got home and curiously, did not ask about her. I waited 2 weeks before I asked him why he did not check in about her and apparently, he said was sorry but he had completely forgotten that she was in the hospital so didn’t ask?? He was going through a lot with work at the time, had just bought a house the month before, and has been managing appointments with the VA medical system for a minor back injury. I understand that he is very busy, but I am struggling with how that justifies forgetting about my grandma and my visit back home when he was the one who drove me to the airport and I had conveyed before/during my trip how scared I was that she was going to die.
We had a conversation after he admitted that he had forgotten, and I expressed my concern about where I stand in his life priority wise. I also brought up that he will be starting classes soon (he’s pursuing an online bachelors degree) and because he will be even busier, that we will have to be intentional about our communication in the near future and that he will have to simply try harder to remember important things that are happening in my life. I have been working on expressing my needs clearly and am proud of the way that I communicated this issue because with previous partners, I’ve tended to steer clear of difficult conversations and hide what upsets me. He promised that he would check in and do better.
Over the course of the next week, he made sure to check in about her every couple of days. Last weekend, I unfortunately got the news that grandma took a turn for the worse and flew back to my home state the next morning. She ended up passing away last Monday and I spent the week with my family for the funeral before flying home on Thursday evening because I had work the next day. On Wednesday, I asked my bf if he would be able to be there with me the next evening because I wanted his support and did not want to be alone. He said yes, he would come over and that he would be there for me.
On Thursday, after my flight I checked in with him to see if he would be able to come over still. He said that he actually had some paperwork to do and would not be able to make it. I sent a screenshot of his text back the previous day that he promised he would available that night. This was around 7pm. He texted back and said that he would try to find a stopping point but wouldn’t be able to make it to my place until 10 (it’s an hour drive from his house to mine). I don’t have a car but there is a convenient train that I can take to his city that takes about 1.5 hrs. Since I was already on my way home on the train system from the airport to my place, I called and told him that I could just transfer once I got to the connecting station and just come out to him instead of him coming to me. I wanted him to be able to finish what he working on as it did need to be completed within 24 hrs and that 1.5 hr train ride would give him time to do it. I got there, he was supportive, we fell asleep, I train back in the morning on Friday. Now it’s Tuesday. We spent Friday- Saturday together and he checked in Friday evening about how I was feeling but hasn’t since then.
He is coming over tomorrow evening and I want to discuss how icky I feel about all of this. I’m still upset that he forgot about her being in the hospital in the first place and that I had to really push for him to make time for me the night after my grandmas funeral although he had promised to spend time with me the day before. I’m not sure how to approach this or how to set boundaries on my limits of tolerating his indifference. I’m thinking wait to see if he asks how I’m doing with everything and broach the subject. If something like this happens again, I’m not sure that I’ll be this forgiving but I could also be saying that just because I am emotional from the last week?? Advice on how to have this conversation and move forward in our relationship?
submitted by jmarchyok to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
When I got back home, I resumed life as normal as I could with her constantly on my mind. I continued to get daily updates from my mom about my gma and occasionally FaceTimed her in the hospital. BF visited me the night after I got home and curiously, did not ask about her. I waited 2 weeks before I asked him why he did not check in about her and apparently, he said was sorry but he had completely forgotten that she was in the hospital so didn’t ask?? He was going through a lot with work at the time, had just bought a house the month before, and has been managing appointments with the VA medical system for a minor back injury. I understand that he is very busy, but I am struggling with how that justifies forgetting about my grandma and my visit back home when he was the one who drove me to the airport and I had conveyed before/during my trip how scared I was that she was going to die.
We had a conversation after he admitted that he had forgotten, and I expressed my concern about where I stand in his life priority wise. I also brought up that he will be starting classes soon (he’s pursuing an online bachelors degree) and because he will be even busier, that we will have to be intentional about our communication in the near future and that he will have to simply try harder to remember important things that are happening in my life. I have been working on expressing my needs clearly and am proud of the way that I communicated this issue because with previous partners, I’ve tended to steer clear of difficult conversations and hide what upsets me. He promised that he would check in and do better.
Over the course of the next week, he made sure to check in about her every couple of days. Last weekend, I unfortunately got the news that grandma took a turn for the worse and flew back to my home state the next morning. She ended up passing away last Monday and I spent the week with my family for the funeral before flying home on Thursday evening because I had work the next day. On Wednesday, I asked my bf if he would be able to be there with me the next evening because I wanted his support and did not want to be alone. He said yes, he would come over and that he would be there for me.
On Thursday, after my flight I checked in with him to see if he would be able to come over still. He said that he actually had some paperwork to do and would not be able to make it. I sent a screenshot of his text back the previous day that he promised he would available that night. This was around 7pm. He texted back and said that he would try to find a stopping point but wouldn’t be able to make it to my place until 10 (it’s an hour drive from his house to mine). I don’t have a car but there is a convenient train that I can take to his city that takes about 1.5 hrs. Since I was already on my way home on the train system from the airport to my place, I called and told him that I could just transfer once I got to the connecting station and just come out to him instead of him coming to me. I wanted him to be able to finish what he working on as it did need to be completed within 24 hrs and that 1.5 hr train ride would give him time to do it. I got there, he was supportive, we fell asleep, I train back in the morning on Friday. Now it’s Tuesday. We spent Friday- Saturday together and he checked in Friday evening about how I was feeling but hasn’t since then.
He is coming over tomorrow evening and I want to discuss how icky I feel about all of this. I’m still upset that he forgot about her being in the hospital in the first place and that I had to really push for him to make time for me the night after my grandmas funeral although he had promised to spend time with me the day before. I’m not sure how to approach this or how to set boundaries on my limits of tolerating his indifference. I’m thinking wait to see if he asks how I’m doing with everything and broach the subject. If something like this happens again, I’m not sure that I’ll be this forgiving but I could also be saying that just because I am emotional from the last week?? Advice on how to have this conversation and move forward in our relationship?
2023.05.05 19:29 Capable_Judgment8209 Dad, I miss you and I'm so sorry
Hi dad, I wanna start by saying that I'm not in trouble, I'm not gonna hurt myself or anything, it's just been a long, rough, year and we've only arrived to May. I don't have much of anyone I can lean on, except some friends online, and I can't hold a therapist, they always let me go because my throat locks up and I just can't speak. People always say writing letters can be cathartic, so I don't know if I'm looking for advice, a pep talk, or just someone to listen to. I lost you almost a week before Christmas, I was only sixteen, I thought your gIrlfriend liked me at the time because she was so nice but I learned then that she was only tolerating my mom and I. She didn't like me around, didn't know why you would waste your time with me, because you adopted me but weren't in my life for several years.
They said it was a heart attack. You were in your late 60s, 67 I believe. They said you went down at around 6 in the morning, fell on the kitchen floor, and died around 9:30. She called the ambulance at 9:35. She said she didn't hear you fall, but you were a nearly 300lb man, and you went down hard. The police wanted to investigate her for negligent homicide, but they had to rule out no foul play because they couldn't find any proof she left you on the ground until you weren't breathing. Maybe it's a fool's dream, now that I work in the hospital and have learned what heart attacks look like, but I hope you had some sort of peace in your last few hours. I hope she wasn't too mean.
We were planning to take you out to eat at your favorite place as a surprise. When we called, she answered, my mom took the phone but I could still hear how cold she sounded. I don't remember her exact words anymore, it'll be 7 years this December, but it was to the affect of "he's dead now, don't bother coming, you aren't welcome here anymore." She was so mad that your body was released to my younger brother, since you had no other legal next of kin, that she didn't let us come take anything of yours to remember you buy. All the photos you might have had of us, the little trinkets you would buy for me... I was a bratty teenager so you never knew how much I loved the little funny 'toys' you got for me, they're all gone. She still lives at the house, but I've never been as strong as you, I haven't had the courage to go face her to ask her to reconsider. I haven't even had the strength to visit where your ashes are interned, I am so sorry we couldn't afford to bury you with a soldier's funeral like you wanted. We didn't know of VA assistance at the time and no one at the cemetery reached out. I didn't know you were in Vietnam until after you died.
My mother's ex-husband was proven not to be the father. The courts assumed I was yours, and I was just not by blood. My mom was up front that I wasn't your blood, but you were still excited to welcome me. My name, the bear you bought for me when I was born, a cup you bought for me before you died, and a shirt you bought for me when we first met again, are all I have left of you. You took care of me, raised me as your own, treated me equal to your bioson that came later, and even though you hadn't seen much diversity in your life, you worked with my autism better than anyone.
I never got to tell you that I have never blamed you, been mad at you, for leaving. I know you didn't want to. We had a safe home, just no running water, and some days I still feel homesick. I learned later that my mother is weak-willed, that's changing a bit since you died but too many years too late. She hadn't stood up to her family that was harassing her about how we lived, because it wasn't up to their more upper class standards and they assumed the worst of you because they thought it was strange a man would love a child that wasn't his as much as you loved me.
You endured so much from them. Welfare check after welfare check, call after call, you played along with them for our sake and you protected me so well. I truly didn't have a clue what was going on because you did so well not to let me see, and made sure I had a happy life with you. You never resented me or took it out on me. 12-16hr construction shifts back to back but you always came home with a smile, you always woke up with a snile and let me sit with you for the 5am news. I never gave you a moment of peace but you always took it in stride.
I was blindsided when I no longer was able to go home. I think a lot of people thought I would forget or I would move on because I was only 4 but the memories I made with you are the only ones I remember so vividly and they haven't changed at all over the years. I think, for a moment, my mother's family knew they made a mistake because you drove a white construction van. I saw an older gentleman that looked so much like you in a similar van when I left the store around 6-7. I remember how excited I was thinking it was you, I don't think my family had ever seen a worse public meltdown when they didn't let me go after the car and lord knows I tried.
The court only gave you visitation of my brother because the adoption wasn't official. You lost all visitation when he came home with spaghetti in his hair, I didn't know this until you died. My mother told me that you were so depressed that the court wouldn't let you see both of your children that you just couldn't take care of my brother. I guess the separation devastated both of us.
You treated me like a person. You helped me work through my emotions, gave me space, let me be a kid, you weren't physically fit but you would come outside after a long shift to play. With my mother's family, everything was such a big fanfare. I had to dress this way or that way, anything sweet or kind or caring I did was met with awes or coos, anytime I was upset I was met with sarcastic "poor baby" or they would smother me in hugs without asking. I wasn't allowed to go outside much, didn't really have anyone who liked to play the same as I did, it is no wonder I turned into a powder keg where even the smallest spark set me off. I feel so guilty and shameful for taking out my rage from grief and change on my brother. You knew how to prevent us from fighting when you saw me get overwhelmed or things had to be changed, but they didn't.
Being vulnerable, soft, even empathetic, could turn into humiliation even if that wasn't their intent. It became embarrassing, and awkward, and all I could expect was how much of a spectacle would be made if I tried to display a slightly more sensitive side. The internet was my escape from the stress at home and from the bullies at school and the fear of what would happen if I was outed to anyone at all, becoming lost down yt rabbitholes or writing stories with my then-friends was the only way I knew how to cope. That's why, when we were reunited later, I never said I loved you. I didn't know how to. I don't know how you would react. But I did, I loved you with the whole of my heart, and I still do. That's why I was on my computer a lot, and didn't do a lot with you even when you asked, and why we sat on the couch a lot. I think I was scared to face reality. If I wasn't immersed in my games, I didn't know what to do with myself since everything in my life was just too much to handle on my own and I didn't think I had anyone at all I could confide in. I know now that you would have held my hand without coddling me and be there every step of the way- and I think I knew that then too, but at that point, I didn't know how to open up anymore. I still don't. This is the most I've ever spoken about my perspective on the years gone by that we had to anyone at all.
I met my biodad at 10, I think I was just craving someone to fill the hole you left behind- my stepfather sort of did but he was out of the picture too by the time I was 10. He hit me a lot, then, but I still chased after him because I thought he had to be my dad, society always said that the only dad you can have is your bio one and I grew up hearing adoptive parents didn't count. Deep down I considered you to be my real father, but I didn't face it, I buried it, because I was convinced due to those notions you wouldn't feel the same. I learned later that you wholeheartedly saw me as your child.
At 11 I was dragged into a relationship with someone online. Maybe it doesn't count as a relationship, I don't know. I didn't know it was messed up until later. Then my biodad was in and out of the picture from 12-13, one of the many boyfriends my mom had died from a stress induced stroke when I was 13 and my family said I killed him- I still believe I did.
Needless to say you got me back at a very rough time. We got back in touch when I was 13 or 14? For a year after we met, you, someone who saw themselves as my own father, sat on the sidelines while I chased after my biodad's approval without complaint and was there for me when I came limping home after my last contact with him. You left your door open for me, you never pressured me to see you in any way and gave me time and space like you always had, as much as I needed. I know you aren't a religious man, yet I'll always be so grateful that you've had more patience than all the Saints in the church. I often feel like you were the only one that gave me any grace.
You were willing to adopt me, you wanted up adopt me, so my mom says. She said you were going to discuss it with me when I turned 18. I was too scared to call you dad in life because after so much rejection in person, even the tiniest possibility you could have rejected me was enough to break me, what a fool I was. There is a loophole in my state that let's me petition for a post-mortem adoption, I have people who can testify, but just like the courts when you died, I can't find your brother to sign off on the papers I need to file.
You've helped me a lot, even after your death. My biodad came nosing around after you died, I realized I shouldn't tolerate his behavior because you would have never treated me the way he would. I am a cowardly person, but the only reason I don't give up so easily is because of the lessons of perseverance you taught me so many years ago. My mother's family is the kind to quit but then make fun of you or throw it in your face when you don't follow through. You encouraged me when I was little, taught me how to think things through, find alternatives, instead of just telling me to quit like the rest of my family. There are a lot of opportunities I might have not had if not for the lessons you taught me.
By no means am I suicidal now, but I had been a few years ago. You've helped me survive those nights. The only reason I ever told myself, "just sleep it off, try just one more day" was all because of those lessons.
I read an analogy once where grief is like waves. When loss first happens, you don't know the wave that's coming for you. You're shellshocked, you don't think it's real, until your knocked under. You resurface, but there are still more waves to come, sometimes one after the other. They lessen over the years, you learn to see them coming, but they still can hit hard. Every birthday, high school graduation, going away to college, dropping out, my first job in a specialized field, my associate degree graduation coming up this month, even Christmas can be hard, knowing you're supposed to be there and I'll never see you again. I feel so guilty I try not to remember your birthday, since the reasons are so selfish. I am not strong enough, like you were, to come visit you, so I feel so guilty when I don't.
The waves that shoved me under this time I saw coming. My stepfather, we don't know if it was suicide or natural causes, but I lean towards the suicide verdict. It's been hitting me in bouts and reminding me of you. I have whole letters thought out for him and the two other men my mother dated, but this is already so long and no one could replace you.
Mostly though, out of this letter, I think the one thing I want to say the most is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I wasn't more open with you, I'm sorry I didn't spend more time with you, I regret shutting down so much you wanted to show me at the end, I'm sorry I was such a bratty teenager and I'm sure I hurt you one too many times by being closed off or having you watch me strive for my biofather's approval when you always gave me your pride and approval and love unconditionally. I'm sorry I never told you how much you mean to me and I'm sorry I didn't realize how much you taught me, shaped me, until after your gone. I know you wouldn't have survived COVID, but I can't help but be upset that you were taken from me so soon, they said you could have survived if they were just called sooner. Rationally I know there would have been nothing I could have done but I'm sorry I didn't spend more time with you, if I had been spending the night like I sometimes had, then maybe we would have had at least another year. My mom says you would feel proud if I took your last name, even as a double barrel, and I was going to take your middle name to honor you (I know you didn't like it too much but it would be wrong to use your first), but I feel almost undeserving after the hell I put you through, even though we had great years too.
We may have only had 7-8 years together, almost half of my childhood, but you were always more of a father than anyone has ever been to me. I am who I am today in part because of you. Words can't adequately express how much I appreciated, and still appreciate, you. I'm so, so, sorry I wasn't a better child.
I didn't revise this post. I wrote this at work very upset. It's probably messy, it has mistakes, it's probably clunky, but I needed to get this off my chest. I've never said this in such detail to anyone since we lost you. I'm mostly throwing this into the void, whatever becomes of it, becomes of it. Thank you for listening to me.
submitted by Capable_Judgment8209 to DadForAMinute [link] [comments]
They said it was a heart attack. You were in your late 60s, 67 I believe. They said you went down at around 6 in the morning, fell on the kitchen floor, and died around 9:30. She called the ambulance at 9:35. She said she didn't hear you fall, but you were a nearly 300lb man, and you went down hard. The police wanted to investigate her for negligent homicide, but they had to rule out no foul play because they couldn't find any proof she left you on the ground until you weren't breathing. Maybe it's a fool's dream, now that I work in the hospital and have learned what heart attacks look like, but I hope you had some sort of peace in your last few hours. I hope she wasn't too mean.
We were planning to take you out to eat at your favorite place as a surprise. When we called, she answered, my mom took the phone but I could still hear how cold she sounded. I don't remember her exact words anymore, it'll be 7 years this December, but it was to the affect of "he's dead now, don't bother coming, you aren't welcome here anymore." She was so mad that your body was released to my younger brother, since you had no other legal next of kin, that she didn't let us come take anything of yours to remember you buy. All the photos you might have had of us, the little trinkets you would buy for me... I was a bratty teenager so you never knew how much I loved the little funny 'toys' you got for me, they're all gone. She still lives at the house, but I've never been as strong as you, I haven't had the courage to go face her to ask her to reconsider. I haven't even had the strength to visit where your ashes are interned, I am so sorry we couldn't afford to bury you with a soldier's funeral like you wanted. We didn't know of VA assistance at the time and no one at the cemetery reached out. I didn't know you were in Vietnam until after you died.
My mother's ex-husband was proven not to be the father. The courts assumed I was yours, and I was just not by blood. My mom was up front that I wasn't your blood, but you were still excited to welcome me. My name, the bear you bought for me when I was born, a cup you bought for me before you died, and a shirt you bought for me when we first met again, are all I have left of you. You took care of me, raised me as your own, treated me equal to your bioson that came later, and even though you hadn't seen much diversity in your life, you worked with my autism better than anyone.
I never got to tell you that I have never blamed you, been mad at you, for leaving. I know you didn't want to. We had a safe home, just no running water, and some days I still feel homesick. I learned later that my mother is weak-willed, that's changing a bit since you died but too many years too late. She hadn't stood up to her family that was harassing her about how we lived, because it wasn't up to their more upper class standards and they assumed the worst of you because they thought it was strange a man would love a child that wasn't his as much as you loved me.
You endured so much from them. Welfare check after welfare check, call after call, you played along with them for our sake and you protected me so well. I truly didn't have a clue what was going on because you did so well not to let me see, and made sure I had a happy life with you. You never resented me or took it out on me. 12-16hr construction shifts back to back but you always came home with a smile, you always woke up with a snile and let me sit with you for the 5am news. I never gave you a moment of peace but you always took it in stride.
I was blindsided when I no longer was able to go home. I think a lot of people thought I would forget or I would move on because I was only 4 but the memories I made with you are the only ones I remember so vividly and they haven't changed at all over the years. I think, for a moment, my mother's family knew they made a mistake because you drove a white construction van. I saw an older gentleman that looked so much like you in a similar van when I left the store around 6-7. I remember how excited I was thinking it was you, I don't think my family had ever seen a worse public meltdown when they didn't let me go after the car and lord knows I tried.
The court only gave you visitation of my brother because the adoption wasn't official. You lost all visitation when he came home with spaghetti in his hair, I didn't know this until you died. My mother told me that you were so depressed that the court wouldn't let you see both of your children that you just couldn't take care of my brother. I guess the separation devastated both of us.
You treated me like a person. You helped me work through my emotions, gave me space, let me be a kid, you weren't physically fit but you would come outside after a long shift to play. With my mother's family, everything was such a big fanfare. I had to dress this way or that way, anything sweet or kind or caring I did was met with awes or coos, anytime I was upset I was met with sarcastic "poor baby" or they would smother me in hugs without asking. I wasn't allowed to go outside much, didn't really have anyone who liked to play the same as I did, it is no wonder I turned into a powder keg where even the smallest spark set me off. I feel so guilty and shameful for taking out my rage from grief and change on my brother. You knew how to prevent us from fighting when you saw me get overwhelmed or things had to be changed, but they didn't.
Being vulnerable, soft, even empathetic, could turn into humiliation even if that wasn't their intent. It became embarrassing, and awkward, and all I could expect was how much of a spectacle would be made if I tried to display a slightly more sensitive side. The internet was my escape from the stress at home and from the bullies at school and the fear of what would happen if I was outed to anyone at all, becoming lost down yt rabbitholes or writing stories with my then-friends was the only way I knew how to cope. That's why, when we were reunited later, I never said I loved you. I didn't know how to. I don't know how you would react. But I did, I loved you with the whole of my heart, and I still do. That's why I was on my computer a lot, and didn't do a lot with you even when you asked, and why we sat on the couch a lot. I think I was scared to face reality. If I wasn't immersed in my games, I didn't know what to do with myself since everything in my life was just too much to handle on my own and I didn't think I had anyone at all I could confide in. I know now that you would have held my hand without coddling me and be there every step of the way- and I think I knew that then too, but at that point, I didn't know how to open up anymore. I still don't. This is the most I've ever spoken about my perspective on the years gone by that we had to anyone at all.
I met my biodad at 10, I think I was just craving someone to fill the hole you left behind- my stepfather sort of did but he was out of the picture too by the time I was 10. He hit me a lot, then, but I still chased after him because I thought he had to be my dad, society always said that the only dad you can have is your bio one and I grew up hearing adoptive parents didn't count. Deep down I considered you to be my real father, but I didn't face it, I buried it, because I was convinced due to those notions you wouldn't feel the same. I learned later that you wholeheartedly saw me as your child.
At 11 I was dragged into a relationship with someone online. Maybe it doesn't count as a relationship, I don't know. I didn't know it was messed up until later. Then my biodad was in and out of the picture from 12-13, one of the many boyfriends my mom had died from a stress induced stroke when I was 13 and my family said I killed him- I still believe I did.
Needless to say you got me back at a very rough time. We got back in touch when I was 13 or 14? For a year after we met, you, someone who saw themselves as my own father, sat on the sidelines while I chased after my biodad's approval without complaint and was there for me when I came limping home after my last contact with him. You left your door open for me, you never pressured me to see you in any way and gave me time and space like you always had, as much as I needed. I know you aren't a religious man, yet I'll always be so grateful that you've had more patience than all the Saints in the church. I often feel like you were the only one that gave me any grace.
You were willing to adopt me, you wanted up adopt me, so my mom says. She said you were going to discuss it with me when I turned 18. I was too scared to call you dad in life because after so much rejection in person, even the tiniest possibility you could have rejected me was enough to break me, what a fool I was. There is a loophole in my state that let's me petition for a post-mortem adoption, I have people who can testify, but just like the courts when you died, I can't find your brother to sign off on the papers I need to file.
You've helped me a lot, even after your death. My biodad came nosing around after you died, I realized I shouldn't tolerate his behavior because you would have never treated me the way he would. I am a cowardly person, but the only reason I don't give up so easily is because of the lessons of perseverance you taught me so many years ago. My mother's family is the kind to quit but then make fun of you or throw it in your face when you don't follow through. You encouraged me when I was little, taught me how to think things through, find alternatives, instead of just telling me to quit like the rest of my family. There are a lot of opportunities I might have not had if not for the lessons you taught me.
By no means am I suicidal now, but I had been a few years ago. You've helped me survive those nights. The only reason I ever told myself, "just sleep it off, try just one more day" was all because of those lessons.
I read an analogy once where grief is like waves. When loss first happens, you don't know the wave that's coming for you. You're shellshocked, you don't think it's real, until your knocked under. You resurface, but there are still more waves to come, sometimes one after the other. They lessen over the years, you learn to see them coming, but they still can hit hard. Every birthday, high school graduation, going away to college, dropping out, my first job in a specialized field, my associate degree graduation coming up this month, even Christmas can be hard, knowing you're supposed to be there and I'll never see you again. I feel so guilty I try not to remember your birthday, since the reasons are so selfish. I am not strong enough, like you were, to come visit you, so I feel so guilty when I don't.
The waves that shoved me under this time I saw coming. My stepfather, we don't know if it was suicide or natural causes, but I lean towards the suicide verdict. It's been hitting me in bouts and reminding me of you. I have whole letters thought out for him and the two other men my mother dated, but this is already so long and no one could replace you.
Mostly though, out of this letter, I think the one thing I want to say the most is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I wasn't more open with you, I'm sorry I didn't spend more time with you, I regret shutting down so much you wanted to show me at the end, I'm sorry I was such a bratty teenager and I'm sure I hurt you one too many times by being closed off or having you watch me strive for my biofather's approval when you always gave me your pride and approval and love unconditionally. I'm sorry I never told you how much you mean to me and I'm sorry I didn't realize how much you taught me, shaped me, until after your gone. I know you wouldn't have survived COVID, but I can't help but be upset that you were taken from me so soon, they said you could have survived if they were just called sooner. Rationally I know there would have been nothing I could have done but I'm sorry I didn't spend more time with you, if I had been spending the night like I sometimes had, then maybe we would have had at least another year. My mom says you would feel proud if I took your last name, even as a double barrel, and I was going to take your middle name to honor you (I know you didn't like it too much but it would be wrong to use your first), but I feel almost undeserving after the hell I put you through, even though we had great years too.
We may have only had 7-8 years together, almost half of my childhood, but you were always more of a father than anyone has ever been to me. I am who I am today in part because of you. Words can't adequately express how much I appreciated, and still appreciate, you. I'm so, so, sorry I wasn't a better child.
I didn't revise this post. I wrote this at work very upset. It's probably messy, it has mistakes, it's probably clunky, but I needed to get this off my chest. I've never said this in such detail to anyone since we lost you. I'm mostly throwing this into the void, whatever becomes of it, becomes of it. Thank you for listening to me.
2023.04.17 16:06 Far_Effect_3881 3600 Mile Road Trip Complete
Car- 2023 VW ID.4 Pro S AWD with SK battery
Miles traveled-3603
Stops (I used EA only)-28
EAs visited-26 (Pooler, GA and Cookeville, TN twice)
Total dispensers working (available on the screen, I didn’t actually plug into all 130)- 130/134
kWh dispensed by EA- 1252.838
Total charge time- 12h 17min 54s
Avg charge speed (kWh dispensed/total time)- 101.87kW
Avg consumption per car's trip computer- 3.29mi/kWh or 304Wh/mi
Avg total consumption (miles/total kWh dispensed)- 2.876mi/kWh
Best efficiency- Staunton, VA to Hanover, MD 4.1mi/kWh over 180 miles
Worst efficiency- Ft Lauderdale, FL to Port St Lucie, FL 2.7mi/kWh over 94 miles
Number of times the charger didn’t start on first try-0
Number of charging session errors-0
Number of times I had to wait for a charger-0
Most popular cars seen charging- ID.4, Ioniq 5, Mach E, i4
Cars not seen- Any Genesis, Leaf, Hummer, Lucid, e-tron GT, Lyriq, i7, EQE, C40, Mini SE, Solterra/ bZ4X, MX-30 (obviously)
Most interesting- 2 Chevy Spark EVs
I started the charger through Android Auto every time. On a few occasions, it said “in use” even though no one was there. I was still able to start it by plugging in, then tapping my phone on the charger.
I have no way of knowing if a station ever limited power because the OBD2 reader I bought had a manufacturing defect causing it not to fit properly and I never got another one. The only one I know for sure that was limited and it could have just been my charger and not the whole station was Plantation, FL. It started at 100kW and crept up to 109kW as pack voltage increased. The two times I got 89kW I’m thinking it was the car because it was 89kW the whole time on multiple chargers and never increased with pack voltage. I’m pretty sure a charger would be limited by amps, not kW. There are also Plugshare comments of full speeds on those chargers. As for the times I only got 120s-140s on 350s I can’t say car or charger because I’m thinking the ID.4 has some cooling issues during DCFC. When I first got it, it could hold 90+kW up to 80% (when I did a full 0-100% test in the winter) but now that it’s warmer out, it’s dropping to 50kW by 70%.
I arrived home with the same SoC I left with, so I just used the total number of kWh dispensed by EA in the avg total consumption figure.
Here are my stops, start and end percentages, total kWh delivered, peak charge rate, and time spent.
Abingdon, MD 23-80% 49.102kWh 126kW peak on 150 30:31 8/8 working
Richmond, VA 16-61% 39.589kWh 89kW peak on 150 26:46 8/8 working
Rocky Mount, NC 1-76% 62.386kWh 186kW peak on 350 30:03 3/4 working
Lumberton, NC 23-81% 48.352kWh 142kW peak on 350 31:11 3/4 working
Florence, SC 53-95% 37.163kWh 72kW peak on 150 35:01 4/4 working
Pooler, GA 15-97% 70.692kWh 140kW peak on 150 49:20 6/6 working
Gainesville, FL 13-61% 40.049kWh 184kW peak on 350 18:28 4/4 working
Tampa, FL 8-80% 63.351kWh 186kW peak on 350 30:43 8/8 working
Port Charlotte, FL 39-88% 43kWh 116kW peak on 150 29:00 4/4 working
Plantation, FL 1-70% 57.915kWh 109kW peak on 150 33:50 6/6 working
Ft Lauderdale, FL 23-55% 26.469kWh 176kW peak on 350 13:49 10/10 working
Port St. Lucie, FL 9-89% 63.676kWh 191kW peak on 350 31:28 6/6 working
Orlando, FL 17-85% 58.018kWh 140kW peak on 150 34:18 6/6 working
Jacksonville, FL 19-79% 49.139kWh 89kW peak on 150 34:17 4/4 working
Pooler, GA 13-73% 49.276kWh 139kW peak on 150 26:16 6/6 working
Grovetown, GA 26-65% 33.024kWh 148kW peak on 350 18:00 4/4 working
Greenville, SC 18-80% 50.437kWh 167kW peak on 350 32:05 4/4 working
Asheville, NC 35-70% 29.584kWh 114kW peak on 350 20:11 4/4 working
Knoxville, NC 26-55% 24.289kWh 120kW peak on 350 13:05 4/4 working
Cookeville, TN 17-74% 47.788kWh 143kW peak on 350 26:24 4/4 working
Bowling Green, KY 33-83% 42.74kWh 123kW peak on 350 31:18 3/4 working
Cookeville, TN 10-65% 45.111kWh 145kW peak on 350 22:55 4/4 working
Kodak, TN 16-60% 36.025kWh 127kW peak on 350 19:10 4/4 working
Bristol, VA 17-78% 49.45kWh 153kW peak on 350 30:11 4/4 working
Fincastle, VA 22-47% 21.241kWh 180kW peak on 350 9:33 4/4 working
Staunton, VA 20-70% 41.145kWh 186kW peak on 350 22:23 4/4 working
Hanover, MD 13-44% 25.734kWh 125kW peak on 150 12:40 5/6 working
New Castle, DE 14-71% 48.093kWh 178kW peak on 350 24:58 6/6 working
Overall, the ID.4 did great. No issues with Travel Assist, the massage seats were welcome, and overall a great road trip car. The only issue is I kept getting an intermittent warning to check the right front parking light/ DRL but from what I could see they were always working. Also, the reduced charging speeds higher up, I would love to know if it's the battery getting too hot or something else.
submitted by Far_Effect_3881 to VWiD4Owners [link] [comments]
Miles traveled-3603
Stops (I used EA only)-28
EAs visited-26 (Pooler, GA and Cookeville, TN twice)
Total dispensers working (available on the screen, I didn’t actually plug into all 130)- 130/134
kWh dispensed by EA- 1252.838
Total charge time- 12h 17min 54s
Avg charge speed (kWh dispensed/total time)- 101.87kW
Avg consumption per car's trip computer- 3.29mi/kWh or 304Wh/mi
Avg total consumption (miles/total kWh dispensed)- 2.876mi/kWh
Best efficiency- Staunton, VA to Hanover, MD 4.1mi/kWh over 180 miles
Worst efficiency- Ft Lauderdale, FL to Port St Lucie, FL 2.7mi/kWh over 94 miles
Number of times the charger didn’t start on first try-0
Number of charging session errors-0
Number of times I had to wait for a charger-0
Most popular cars seen charging- ID.4, Ioniq 5, Mach E, i4
Cars not seen- Any Genesis, Leaf, Hummer, Lucid, e-tron GT, Lyriq, i7, EQE, C40, Mini SE, Solterra/ bZ4X, MX-30 (obviously)
Most interesting- 2 Chevy Spark EVs
I started the charger through Android Auto every time. On a few occasions, it said “in use” even though no one was there. I was still able to start it by plugging in, then tapping my phone on the charger.
I have no way of knowing if a station ever limited power because the OBD2 reader I bought had a manufacturing defect causing it not to fit properly and I never got another one. The only one I know for sure that was limited and it could have just been my charger and not the whole station was Plantation, FL. It started at 100kW and crept up to 109kW as pack voltage increased. The two times I got 89kW I’m thinking it was the car because it was 89kW the whole time on multiple chargers and never increased with pack voltage. I’m pretty sure a charger would be limited by amps, not kW. There are also Plugshare comments of full speeds on those chargers. As for the times I only got 120s-140s on 350s I can’t say car or charger because I’m thinking the ID.4 has some cooling issues during DCFC. When I first got it, it could hold 90+kW up to 80% (when I did a full 0-100% test in the winter) but now that it’s warmer out, it’s dropping to 50kW by 70%.
I arrived home with the same SoC I left with, so I just used the total number of kWh dispensed by EA in the avg total consumption figure.
Here are my stops, start and end percentages, total kWh delivered, peak charge rate, and time spent.
Abingdon, MD 23-80% 49.102kWh 126kW peak on 150 30:31 8/8 working
Richmond, VA 16-61% 39.589kWh 89kW peak on 150 26:46 8/8 working
Rocky Mount, NC 1-76% 62.386kWh 186kW peak on 350 30:03 3/4 working
Lumberton, NC 23-81% 48.352kWh 142kW peak on 350 31:11 3/4 working
Florence, SC 53-95% 37.163kWh 72kW peak on 150 35:01 4/4 working
Pooler, GA 15-97% 70.692kWh 140kW peak on 150 49:20 6/6 working
Gainesville, FL 13-61% 40.049kWh 184kW peak on 350 18:28 4/4 working
Tampa, FL 8-80% 63.351kWh 186kW peak on 350 30:43 8/8 working
Port Charlotte, FL 39-88% 43kWh 116kW peak on 150 29:00 4/4 working
Plantation, FL 1-70% 57.915kWh 109kW peak on 150 33:50 6/6 working
Ft Lauderdale, FL 23-55% 26.469kWh 176kW peak on 350 13:49 10/10 working
Port St. Lucie, FL 9-89% 63.676kWh 191kW peak on 350 31:28 6/6 working
Orlando, FL 17-85% 58.018kWh 140kW peak on 150 34:18 6/6 working
Jacksonville, FL 19-79% 49.139kWh 89kW peak on 150 34:17 4/4 working
Pooler, GA 13-73% 49.276kWh 139kW peak on 150 26:16 6/6 working
Grovetown, GA 26-65% 33.024kWh 148kW peak on 350 18:00 4/4 working
Greenville, SC 18-80% 50.437kWh 167kW peak on 350 32:05 4/4 working
Asheville, NC 35-70% 29.584kWh 114kW peak on 350 20:11 4/4 working
Knoxville, NC 26-55% 24.289kWh 120kW peak on 350 13:05 4/4 working
Cookeville, TN 17-74% 47.788kWh 143kW peak on 350 26:24 4/4 working
Bowling Green, KY 33-83% 42.74kWh 123kW peak on 350 31:18 3/4 working
Cookeville, TN 10-65% 45.111kWh 145kW peak on 350 22:55 4/4 working
Kodak, TN 16-60% 36.025kWh 127kW peak on 350 19:10 4/4 working
Bristol, VA 17-78% 49.45kWh 153kW peak on 350 30:11 4/4 working
Fincastle, VA 22-47% 21.241kWh 180kW peak on 350 9:33 4/4 working
Staunton, VA 20-70% 41.145kWh 186kW peak on 350 22:23 4/4 working
Hanover, MD 13-44% 25.734kWh 125kW peak on 150 12:40 5/6 working
New Castle, DE 14-71% 48.093kWh 178kW peak on 350 24:58 6/6 working
Overall, the ID.4 did great. No issues with Travel Assist, the massage seats were welcome, and overall a great road trip car. The only issue is I kept getting an intermittent warning to check the right front parking light/ DRL but from what I could see they were always working. Also, the reduced charging speeds higher up, I would love to know if it's the battery getting too hot or something else.
2023.04.17 16:01 Far_Effect_3881 3600 mile Road Trip Using Electrify America Only, Here's How it Went + the Stats
Car- 2023 VW ID.4 Pro S AWD with SK battery
Miles traveled-3603
Stops (I used EA only)-28
EAs visited-26 (Pooler, GA and Cookeville, TN twice)
Total dispensers working (available on the screen, I didn’t actually plug into all 130)- 130/134
kWh dispensed by EA- 1252.838
Total cost if paying full price- $509.35
Total cost with EA Pass+- $384.56 + $4 pass+= $388.56
My cost- close to free, 2023 ID.4 owners only pay after 30 minutes
Total charge time- 12h 17min 54s
Avg charge speed (kWh dispensed/total time)- 101.87kW
Avg consumption per car's trip computer- 3.29mi/kWh or 304Wh/mi
Avg total consumption (miles/total kWh dispensed)- 2.876mi/kWh
Best efficiency- Staunton, VA to Hanover, MD 4.1mi/kWh over 180 miles
Worst efficiency- Ft Lauderdale, FL to Port St Lucie, FL 2.7mi/kWh over 94 miles
Number of times the charger didn’t start on first try-0
Number of charging session errors-0
Number of times I had to wait for a charger-0
Most popular cars seen charging- ID.4, Ioniq 5, Mach E, i4
Cars not seen- Any Genesis, Leaf, Hummer, Lucid, e-tron GT, Lyriq, i7, EQE, C40, Mini SE, Solterra/ bZ4X, MX-30 (obviously)
Most interesting- 2 Chevy Spark EVs
I started the charger through Android Auto every time. On a few occasions, it said “in use” even though no one was there. I was still able to start it by plugging in, then tapping my phone on the charger.
I have no way of knowing if a station ever limited power because the OBD2 reader I bought had a manufacturing defect causing it not to fit properly and I never got another one. The only one I know for sure that was limited and it could have just been my charger and not the whole station was Plantation, FL. It started at 100kW and crept up to 109kW as pack voltage increased. The two times I got 89kW I’m thinking it was the car because it was 89kW the whole time on multiple chargers and never increased with pack voltage. I’m pretty sure a charger would be limited by amps, not kW. There are also Plugshare comments of full speeds on those chargers. As for the times I only got 120s-140s on 350s I can’t say car or charger because I’m thinking the ID.4 has some cooling issues during DCFC. When I first got it, it could hold 90+kW up to 80% (when I did a full 0-100% test in the winter) but now that it’s warmer out, it’s dropping to 50kW by 70%.
I arrived home with the same SoC I left with, so I just used the total number of kWh dispensed by EA in the avg total consumption figure.
Here are my stops, start and end percentages, total kWh delivered, peak charge rate, and time spent.
Abingdon, MD 23-80% 49.102kWh 126kW peak on 150 30:31 8/8 working
Richmond, VA 16-61% 39.589kWh 89kW peak on 150 26:46 8/8 working
Rocky Mount, NC 1-76% 62.386kWh 186kW peak on 350 30:03 3/4 working
Lumberton, NC 23-81% 48.352kWh 142kW peak on 350 31:11 3/4 working
Florence, SC 53-95% 37.163kWh 72kW peak on 150 35:01 4/4 working
Pooler, GA 15-97% 70.692kWh 140kW peak on 150 49:20 6/6 working
Gainesville, FL 13-61% 40.049kWh 184kW peak on 350 18:28 4/4 working
Tampa, FL 8-80% 63.351kWh 186kW peak on 350 30:43 8/8 working
Port Charlotte, FL 39-88% 43kWh 116kW peak on 150 29:00 4/4 working
Plantation, FL 1-70% 57.915kWh 109kW peak on 150 33:50 6/6 working
Ft Lauderdale, FL 23-55% 26.469kWh 176kW peak on 350 13:49 10/10 working
Port St. Lucie, FL 9-89% 63.676kWh 191kW peak on 350 31:28 6/6 working
Orlando, FL 17-85% 58.018kWh 140kW peak on 150 34:18 6/6 working
Jacksonville, FL 19-79% 49.139kWh 89kW peak on 150 34:17 4/4 working
Pooler, GA 13-73% 49.276kWh 139kW peak on 150 26:16 6/6 working
Grovetown, GA 26-65% 33.024kWh 148kW peak on 350 18:00 4/4 working
Greenville, SC 18-80% 50.437kWh 167kW peak on 350 32:05 4/4 working
Asheville, NC 35-70% 29.584kWh 114kW peak on 350 20:11 4/4 working
Knoxville, TN 26-55% 24.289kWh 120kW peak on 350 13:05 4/4 working
Cookeville, TN 17-74% 47.788kWh 143kW peak on 350 26:24 4/4 working
Bowling Green, KY 33-83% 42.74kWh 123kW peak on 350 31:18 3/4 working
Cookeville, TN 10-65% 45.111kWh 145kW peak on 350 22:55 4/4 working
Kodak, TN 16-60% 36.025kWh 127kW peak on 350 19:10 4/4 working
Bristol, VA 17-78% 49.45kWh 153kW peak on 350 30:11 4/4 working
Fincastle, VA 22-47% 21.241kWh 180kW peak on 350 9:33 4/4 working
Staunton, VA 20-70% 41.145kWh 186kW peak on 350 22:23 4/4 working
Hanover, MD 13-44% 25.734kWh 125kW peak on 150 12:40 5/6 working
New Castle, DE 14-71% 48.093kWh 178kW peak on 350 24:58 6/6 working
EDIT: Cost added
submitted by Far_Effect_3881 to electricvehicles [link] [comments]
Miles traveled-3603
Stops (I used EA only)-28
EAs visited-26 (Pooler, GA and Cookeville, TN twice)
Total dispensers working (available on the screen, I didn’t actually plug into all 130)- 130/134
kWh dispensed by EA- 1252.838
Total cost if paying full price- $509.35
Total cost with EA Pass+- $384.56 + $4 pass+= $388.56
My cost- close to free, 2023 ID.4 owners only pay after 30 minutes
Total charge time- 12h 17min 54s
Avg charge speed (kWh dispensed/total time)- 101.87kW
Avg consumption per car's trip computer- 3.29mi/kWh or 304Wh/mi
Avg total consumption (miles/total kWh dispensed)- 2.876mi/kWh
Best efficiency- Staunton, VA to Hanover, MD 4.1mi/kWh over 180 miles
Worst efficiency- Ft Lauderdale, FL to Port St Lucie, FL 2.7mi/kWh over 94 miles
Number of times the charger didn’t start on first try-0
Number of charging session errors-0
Number of times I had to wait for a charger-0
Most popular cars seen charging- ID.4, Ioniq 5, Mach E, i4
Cars not seen- Any Genesis, Leaf, Hummer, Lucid, e-tron GT, Lyriq, i7, EQE, C40, Mini SE, Solterra/ bZ4X, MX-30 (obviously)
Most interesting- 2 Chevy Spark EVs
I started the charger through Android Auto every time. On a few occasions, it said “in use” even though no one was there. I was still able to start it by plugging in, then tapping my phone on the charger.
I have no way of knowing if a station ever limited power because the OBD2 reader I bought had a manufacturing defect causing it not to fit properly and I never got another one. The only one I know for sure that was limited and it could have just been my charger and not the whole station was Plantation, FL. It started at 100kW and crept up to 109kW as pack voltage increased. The two times I got 89kW I’m thinking it was the car because it was 89kW the whole time on multiple chargers and never increased with pack voltage. I’m pretty sure a charger would be limited by amps, not kW. There are also Plugshare comments of full speeds on those chargers. As for the times I only got 120s-140s on 350s I can’t say car or charger because I’m thinking the ID.4 has some cooling issues during DCFC. When I first got it, it could hold 90+kW up to 80% (when I did a full 0-100% test in the winter) but now that it’s warmer out, it’s dropping to 50kW by 70%.
I arrived home with the same SoC I left with, so I just used the total number of kWh dispensed by EA in the avg total consumption figure.
Here are my stops, start and end percentages, total kWh delivered, peak charge rate, and time spent.
Abingdon, MD 23-80% 49.102kWh 126kW peak on 150 30:31 8/8 working
Richmond, VA 16-61% 39.589kWh 89kW peak on 150 26:46 8/8 working
Rocky Mount, NC 1-76% 62.386kWh 186kW peak on 350 30:03 3/4 working
Lumberton, NC 23-81% 48.352kWh 142kW peak on 350 31:11 3/4 working
Florence, SC 53-95% 37.163kWh 72kW peak on 150 35:01 4/4 working
Pooler, GA 15-97% 70.692kWh 140kW peak on 150 49:20 6/6 working
Gainesville, FL 13-61% 40.049kWh 184kW peak on 350 18:28 4/4 working
Tampa, FL 8-80% 63.351kWh 186kW peak on 350 30:43 8/8 working
Port Charlotte, FL 39-88% 43kWh 116kW peak on 150 29:00 4/4 working
Plantation, FL 1-70% 57.915kWh 109kW peak on 150 33:50 6/6 working
Ft Lauderdale, FL 23-55% 26.469kWh 176kW peak on 350 13:49 10/10 working
Port St. Lucie, FL 9-89% 63.676kWh 191kW peak on 350 31:28 6/6 working
Orlando, FL 17-85% 58.018kWh 140kW peak on 150 34:18 6/6 working
Jacksonville, FL 19-79% 49.139kWh 89kW peak on 150 34:17 4/4 working
Pooler, GA 13-73% 49.276kWh 139kW peak on 150 26:16 6/6 working
Grovetown, GA 26-65% 33.024kWh 148kW peak on 350 18:00 4/4 working
Greenville, SC 18-80% 50.437kWh 167kW peak on 350 32:05 4/4 working
Asheville, NC 35-70% 29.584kWh 114kW peak on 350 20:11 4/4 working
Knoxville, TN 26-55% 24.289kWh 120kW peak on 350 13:05 4/4 working
Cookeville, TN 17-74% 47.788kWh 143kW peak on 350 26:24 4/4 working
Bowling Green, KY 33-83% 42.74kWh 123kW peak on 350 31:18 3/4 working
Cookeville, TN 10-65% 45.111kWh 145kW peak on 350 22:55 4/4 working
Kodak, TN 16-60% 36.025kWh 127kW peak on 350 19:10 4/4 working
Bristol, VA 17-78% 49.45kWh 153kW peak on 350 30:11 4/4 working
Fincastle, VA 22-47% 21.241kWh 180kW peak on 350 9:33 4/4 working
Staunton, VA 20-70% 41.145kWh 186kW peak on 350 22:23 4/4 working
Hanover, MD 13-44% 25.734kWh 125kW peak on 150 12:40 5/6 working
New Castle, DE 14-71% 48.093kWh 178kW peak on 350 24:58 6/6 working
EDIT: Cost added
2023.04.12 05:35 shesarejector Airbnb Listing Includes “Crime Heat Map”
 | submitted by shesarejector to ABoringDystopia [link] [comments] |
2023.04.11 20:40 Faction_Chief /r/news - https://www.washingtonpost.com/dc-md-va/2023/04/11/shooting-funeral-home-dc/
submitted by Faction_Chief to NoFilterNews [link] [comments]2023.04.10 16:07 Suitable_Cap_9146 Confused Letter to Mr. Peterson
Dr. Jordan Peterson
As the title may imply, I am supremely Confused. Not just with my mental health, but also with this. I don't use reddit and was forwarded here, understandably so. The VA can not get me in for a mental health appointment until the end of next month. So, in a futile attempt to reach for something, I found myself on Peterson's sight. I thought maybe I could find catharsis in writing a letter to Mr. Peterson, assuming it wouldn't ever reach anyone. That lead me here, typing to a larger audience for some reason. I guess someone writing some nice words on his website was enough to get me to this reddit. The following will be long winded, and may just look like rambling. So, for that I apologize.
I am 31, I served 8 years, honorably in the US Army. I have been divorced since 2019, and have two children with the same woman, my ex-wife. I believe that most of my problems, if not all, are of my own design. I left for the Military young and at a time where my friends were deploying to the middle east. That was precisely the reason I joined. I wanted good men protecting my friends, and I felt a responsibility to do that for other people's friends. Not to mention, I fell hook line and sinker for the "liberating Afghanistan" message that was peddled to us for decades. When I left home though, I had a gf. After a year of being in, just before I planned on ending our relationship, she revealed she was pregnant with my oldest. At this point, I had never even considered marrying this woman.
My unit in Fort Knox KY, [possibly the Army at large] had a policy where you couldn't take any paternal leave for the birth of your child unless you were married. As luck would have it, I came down on deployment orders to Afghanistan. The deployment date being about two weeks before the due date of my first child. I personally, was not capable of going on a deployment I may possibly never return from, without holding my daughter in my own hands at least once. It is very safe to assume, I got married. In the span of about 3weeks, I became a father, a husband and set foot onto the world's theatre.
My deployment was largely uneventful in contrast with some of the men I would come to know. The detriment there, was seeing behind the curtain. I can remember traveling through a village and seeing a 10 yr old boy drop kick a 5 yr old girl for a pack of gum. I can remember seeing little kids tied up outside, or knowing that this young boy was going to be raped after we left because, "women are for bearing children and boys are for pleasure". I can remember listening to my officers and translators asking the local town or village how we could help and being met with the translator explaining that they don't want our help. That we make their lives difficult, that they want to help us so that we would go away. I was only in a handful of engagements, short ones at that. Those were tough sure, I wouldn't deny that, but by far, the most difficult thing for me, was that we weren't there to liberate, we were occupying their country against their will. We were imposing curfews and confiscating weapons, the same weapons we lose our minds at the prospect of losing here in our own home.
The rest of my career was simply being put into far higher positions than my pay grade would suggest. Thankfully, it also involved excelling at those positions. As a 13D (I don't think that's the nomenclature now) I sent over 3000 rounds down range as a fire direction chief, while being an E-4. I Have ran a handful of fire missions based on astronomy alone as well as being the first FDC in Fort Polk to run missions off of radar alone.
As you also may have guessed my marriage never went well at any point. it was built out of necessity, and not love and respect. About two years before I got out, my ex wife had a relative pass away. She traveled back home for the funeral. I even suggested she spend some extra time with friends and family before coming home. That time kept getting longer and longer before, I very ignorantly gave her a test. I just suggested maybe she stay there to have our second child, she was pregnant with. She immediately accepted... she was 3 months pregnant and had already been gone for two.
To make an already long story a bit shorter, before all this I had started drinking a bit to sleep. most of the guys I deployed with had punched their own ticket and I felt a lot of guilt over that. I was struggling with my own understanding of the world, the way things actually work, the depth of greed on our rock here in space. Along with my marital issues and own personal insecurities. Needless to say the drinking got worse, peaked at about a gallon and a half handle of sailor jerry's every couple of nights or so. This got bad enough to beg my ex wife to come home. she would refuse multiple times.
Somewhere along the way a woman from my past would end up contacting me and we would just talk for a couple of months before she revealed that we couldn't speak any longer. She had always been in love with me and that to continue to speak would simply be wrong. I had also loved this woman deeply since before I could have even told you that's what it was. After my ex wife refused to come home, I got blackout drunk, then woke up nude in my bathtub with my fire arm in hand. confused, i rush downstairs to find a mass of scribblings apologizing to everyone. I had quite literally, saved my own life by drinking so much, or just got too scared and chickened out before passing out. The latter is more likely. I would ask my ex wife to come home one more time and help me, she would refuse. Tiffany however, upon hearing my situation, would end up taking her own children to her parents, and fly 1200 miles to fort Polk in under twelve hours. There she would stay, fight me when I tried to leave to get something to drink. She'd hold me and wipe my head when the tremors and sweats got so bad. she stayed until I was ok and she went back home
From there an affair would continue for about 8 months. my leave would be used to see her mostly and visiting my daughter when I could get time with just the two of us. Tiffany and i would go on to discuss and make plans for the rest of our life. Finally, when push came to shove though, I ran away from her. I ended The single greatest relationship out of fear of losing my daughters. Tiffany, did not take that well and then she moved on. rightfully so, especially with where I am now. I have never done anything remotely deserving of that woman. So, for my kids, I set out to make my marriage work, which it would not.
I left the army because, my ex-wife gave me an ultimatum. I could stay in the military, but she would take the kids back to our home state. I never met my biological father, and so doing that to my own was simply not an option. I sacrificed my career to try and save my marriage. The marriage would drag out for far too long. I think both of us were scared of starting over. she would finally ask me to leave. I would handle this poorly, to say the least. in 2019 the divorce finalized, and I spent the next year on my own getting my bearings. In 2020 I started a relationship with a wonderful woman that I am still seeing today. We live together in a house I purchased in 2020. she is good to my daughters and they love her very much.
All that being said, I am so fucking lost. None of my accomplishments in the military have translated into gainful employment, the way I had believed they would. I can not relate to anyone. even when I try, I just make people upset. I cry constantly, doesn't matter if its actually emotional or just really beautiful. I haven't ran or worked out in over a month. I can't get my older family to spend time with me, despite being super upfront about why I'd like to (grandfather passed last year). I live in my hometown, the place that I always wanted so desperately to leave. I call in to work, only to lay in bed for 90% of the day. i have a short fuse with my daughters, only to regret it and torture myself about it later. their mother coddles them to the point they are no where near as independent as they should be at 7 and 9, they still co-sleep with their mom?! I do not want to die, I just don't ever want to wake up again. I would much prefer to cease existing. I don't have the proper tools for this game and despite genuinely my best efforts, using what tools I do have, this has been to much. I am exhausted from existing on this rock, with these people. No matter how much good I know is out there, despite the love and moments of pure joy I can definitely admit to experiencing, all this greed and ignorance overshadows it. This, almost gleefully willful march into an absurdly dark future is terrifying. to the point I feel so much guilt for having born my children into it. I don't know how to fight it, I do not know how to prepare myself or my daughters for it. I am so utterly lost and confused as to what I am supposed to be doing that I'd rather just throw in the towel. I have read that a lot of eastern cultures, actually have an understanding stigma, when looking at suicide. Why on earth would you expect someone to play a losing game, when you can refuse to play altogether? I love the video you say "you are all in, this life is going to kill you. so, why not play the greatest game you can in the mean time." Its a paraphrase of course, but I am sure you know what you said .
I just do not have the tools Mr. Peterson. I came supremely ill prepared to play this game and I just have no better ideas on how fix that. Sorry for the length or disorganization of thought in this post. literally no idea what else to do, but reach out a hand.
I am sure this will go un-noticed, but genuinely, thank you.
Levi Laws
submitted by Suitable_Cap_9146 to JordanPeterson [link] [comments]
As the title may imply, I am supremely Confused. Not just with my mental health, but also with this. I don't use reddit and was forwarded here, understandably so. The VA can not get me in for a mental health appointment until the end of next month. So, in a futile attempt to reach for something, I found myself on Peterson's sight. I thought maybe I could find catharsis in writing a letter to Mr. Peterson, assuming it wouldn't ever reach anyone. That lead me here, typing to a larger audience for some reason. I guess someone writing some nice words on his website was enough to get me to this reddit. The following will be long winded, and may just look like rambling. So, for that I apologize.
I am 31, I served 8 years, honorably in the US Army. I have been divorced since 2019, and have two children with the same woman, my ex-wife. I believe that most of my problems, if not all, are of my own design. I left for the Military young and at a time where my friends were deploying to the middle east. That was precisely the reason I joined. I wanted good men protecting my friends, and I felt a responsibility to do that for other people's friends. Not to mention, I fell hook line and sinker for the "liberating Afghanistan" message that was peddled to us for decades. When I left home though, I had a gf. After a year of being in, just before I planned on ending our relationship, she revealed she was pregnant with my oldest. At this point, I had never even considered marrying this woman.
My unit in Fort Knox KY, [possibly the Army at large] had a policy where you couldn't take any paternal leave for the birth of your child unless you were married. As luck would have it, I came down on deployment orders to Afghanistan. The deployment date being about two weeks before the due date of my first child. I personally, was not capable of going on a deployment I may possibly never return from, without holding my daughter in my own hands at least once. It is very safe to assume, I got married. In the span of about 3weeks, I became a father, a husband and set foot onto the world's theatre.
My deployment was largely uneventful in contrast with some of the men I would come to know. The detriment there, was seeing behind the curtain. I can remember traveling through a village and seeing a 10 yr old boy drop kick a 5 yr old girl for a pack of gum. I can remember seeing little kids tied up outside, or knowing that this young boy was going to be raped after we left because, "women are for bearing children and boys are for pleasure". I can remember listening to my officers and translators asking the local town or village how we could help and being met with the translator explaining that they don't want our help. That we make their lives difficult, that they want to help us so that we would go away. I was only in a handful of engagements, short ones at that. Those were tough sure, I wouldn't deny that, but by far, the most difficult thing for me, was that we weren't there to liberate, we were occupying their country against their will. We were imposing curfews and confiscating weapons, the same weapons we lose our minds at the prospect of losing here in our own home.
The rest of my career was simply being put into far higher positions than my pay grade would suggest. Thankfully, it also involved excelling at those positions. As a 13D (I don't think that's the nomenclature now) I sent over 3000 rounds down range as a fire direction chief, while being an E-4. I Have ran a handful of fire missions based on astronomy alone as well as being the first FDC in Fort Polk to run missions off of radar alone.
As you also may have guessed my marriage never went well at any point. it was built out of necessity, and not love and respect. About two years before I got out, my ex wife had a relative pass away. She traveled back home for the funeral. I even suggested she spend some extra time with friends and family before coming home. That time kept getting longer and longer before, I very ignorantly gave her a test. I just suggested maybe she stay there to have our second child, she was pregnant with. She immediately accepted... she was 3 months pregnant and had already been gone for two.
To make an already long story a bit shorter, before all this I had started drinking a bit to sleep. most of the guys I deployed with had punched their own ticket and I felt a lot of guilt over that. I was struggling with my own understanding of the world, the way things actually work, the depth of greed on our rock here in space. Along with my marital issues and own personal insecurities. Needless to say the drinking got worse, peaked at about a gallon and a half handle of sailor jerry's every couple of nights or so. This got bad enough to beg my ex wife to come home. she would refuse multiple times.
Somewhere along the way a woman from my past would end up contacting me and we would just talk for a couple of months before she revealed that we couldn't speak any longer. She had always been in love with me and that to continue to speak would simply be wrong. I had also loved this woman deeply since before I could have even told you that's what it was. After my ex wife refused to come home, I got blackout drunk, then woke up nude in my bathtub with my fire arm in hand. confused, i rush downstairs to find a mass of scribblings apologizing to everyone. I had quite literally, saved my own life by drinking so much, or just got too scared and chickened out before passing out. The latter is more likely. I would ask my ex wife to come home one more time and help me, she would refuse. Tiffany however, upon hearing my situation, would end up taking her own children to her parents, and fly 1200 miles to fort Polk in under twelve hours. There she would stay, fight me when I tried to leave to get something to drink. She'd hold me and wipe my head when the tremors and sweats got so bad. she stayed until I was ok and she went back home
From there an affair would continue for about 8 months. my leave would be used to see her mostly and visiting my daughter when I could get time with just the two of us. Tiffany and i would go on to discuss and make plans for the rest of our life. Finally, when push came to shove though, I ran away from her. I ended The single greatest relationship out of fear of losing my daughters. Tiffany, did not take that well and then she moved on. rightfully so, especially with where I am now. I have never done anything remotely deserving of that woman. So, for my kids, I set out to make my marriage work, which it would not.
I left the army because, my ex-wife gave me an ultimatum. I could stay in the military, but she would take the kids back to our home state. I never met my biological father, and so doing that to my own was simply not an option. I sacrificed my career to try and save my marriage. The marriage would drag out for far too long. I think both of us were scared of starting over. she would finally ask me to leave. I would handle this poorly, to say the least. in 2019 the divorce finalized, and I spent the next year on my own getting my bearings. In 2020 I started a relationship with a wonderful woman that I am still seeing today. We live together in a house I purchased in 2020. she is good to my daughters and they love her very much.
All that being said, I am so fucking lost. None of my accomplishments in the military have translated into gainful employment, the way I had believed they would. I can not relate to anyone. even when I try, I just make people upset. I cry constantly, doesn't matter if its actually emotional or just really beautiful. I haven't ran or worked out in over a month. I can't get my older family to spend time with me, despite being super upfront about why I'd like to (grandfather passed last year). I live in my hometown, the place that I always wanted so desperately to leave. I call in to work, only to lay in bed for 90% of the day. i have a short fuse with my daughters, only to regret it and torture myself about it later. their mother coddles them to the point they are no where near as independent as they should be at 7 and 9, they still co-sleep with their mom?! I do not want to die, I just don't ever want to wake up again. I would much prefer to cease existing. I don't have the proper tools for this game and despite genuinely my best efforts, using what tools I do have, this has been to much. I am exhausted from existing on this rock, with these people. No matter how much good I know is out there, despite the love and moments of pure joy I can definitely admit to experiencing, all this greed and ignorance overshadows it. This, almost gleefully willful march into an absurdly dark future is terrifying. to the point I feel so much guilt for having born my children into it. I don't know how to fight it, I do not know how to prepare myself or my daughters for it. I am so utterly lost and confused as to what I am supposed to be doing that I'd rather just throw in the towel. I have read that a lot of eastern cultures, actually have an understanding stigma, when looking at suicide. Why on earth would you expect someone to play a losing game, when you can refuse to play altogether? I love the video you say "you are all in, this life is going to kill you. so, why not play the greatest game you can in the mean time." Its a paraphrase of course, but I am sure you know what you said .
I just do not have the tools Mr. Peterson. I came supremely ill prepared to play this game and I just have no better ideas on how fix that. Sorry for the length or disorganization of thought in this post. literally no idea what else to do, but reach out a hand.
I am sure this will go un-noticed, but genuinely, thank you.
Levi Laws
2023.04.07 16:29 No_Breadfruit_8324 Correcting a death certificate
This is a long one…so bare with me
BLUF: We’re trying to correct the death certificate of my grandfather from “Divorced” to “Married”
A couple years ago, my grandfather (step) was diagnosed with early onset dementia. He began having episodes more frequently and wasn’t always in a sound state of mind. He lived with my grandmother and every now and again his son would come to the house and take him out to do things. However, Christmas in 2019 was the last time we saw him as his son never brought him back.
A few weeks later my grandmother was served divorce papers and the court proceedings began. The divorce was never granted and the case was dismissed (in 2020)
Seeing that my grandmother needing financial assistance, we filed for divorce in 2021 seeking alimony and other means of financial support. Since 2019 we had been unable to locate my grandfather and this was no different once the divorce was filed in 2021. Seeing as though we couldn’t not get in contact with my grandfather or his son the judge denied the divorce and closed the case.
Fast forward to 2023, my grandmother receives a letter from the VA giving their condolences and that the retirement checks would stop due to the death of my grandfather. We had to call around throughout the DMV to try and pinpoint where he passed, where the death certificate was, etc.
My grandmother was able to obtain the death certificate in DC where we can see he passed in DC and the funeral home that handled everything was in VA.
Once we got the death certificate we saw that it read the marital status read “divorced” and the surviving spouse box read “not applicable”. We are trying to figure out how to get the death certificate changed since the funeral home was given false information. If there is a better or additional group I can post this in, please let me know.
If it helps- the VA and Social Security Administration still recognizes her as his living spouse as the divorce was never granted and we have proof from the court it was never granted. TIA!!
ETA: Is there anything we need to do with the funeral home? Do they verify marital status or just take the word of the family?
submitted by No_Breadfruit_8324 to legaladvice [link] [comments]
BLUF: We’re trying to correct the death certificate of my grandfather from “Divorced” to “Married”
A couple years ago, my grandfather (step) was diagnosed with early onset dementia. He began having episodes more frequently and wasn’t always in a sound state of mind. He lived with my grandmother and every now and again his son would come to the house and take him out to do things. However, Christmas in 2019 was the last time we saw him as his son never brought him back.
A few weeks later my grandmother was served divorce papers and the court proceedings began. The divorce was never granted and the case was dismissed (in 2020)
Seeing that my grandmother needing financial assistance, we filed for divorce in 2021 seeking alimony and other means of financial support. Since 2019 we had been unable to locate my grandfather and this was no different once the divorce was filed in 2021. Seeing as though we couldn’t not get in contact with my grandfather or his son the judge denied the divorce and closed the case.
Fast forward to 2023, my grandmother receives a letter from the VA giving their condolences and that the retirement checks would stop due to the death of my grandfather. We had to call around throughout the DMV to try and pinpoint where he passed, where the death certificate was, etc.
My grandmother was able to obtain the death certificate in DC where we can see he passed in DC and the funeral home that handled everything was in VA.
Once we got the death certificate we saw that it read the marital status read “divorced” and the surviving spouse box read “not applicable”. We are trying to figure out how to get the death certificate changed since the funeral home was given false information. If there is a better or additional group I can post this in, please let me know.
If it helps- the VA and Social Security Administration still recognizes her as his living spouse as the divorce was never granted and we have proof from the court it was never granted. TIA!!
ETA: Is there anything we need to do with the funeral home? Do they verify marital status or just take the word of the family?
2023.03.31 23:25 DragonBorn76 Should I be concerned about this?
So my father passed away in 2021 from COVID and a 15 years of health issues. My mother is from Taiwan and though her brother is here and his son ( her nephew / my cousin ) she primarily has only me as family.
We ( she and I ) do not have a good relationship because of childhood abuse and her toxic behavior as an adult. I as a result have cut contact with her multiple times and never learn my lesson obviously. I am TRYING to be cautious about having a relationship with her presently.
So after my father passed away in 2021 I tried to be everything she supposedly wanted in a daughter. I figured I give it one shot and if it doesnt' work then hey .. I tried right? She of course can try to say I didn't but I know otherwise. She was toxic then too and played games.
But AFTER my father passed away I took on the responsibility of funeral arragements, is VA paperwork , and other stuff then I was taking on his 401k account management end of October, 2021 when my mom flipped her lid on me at a resturant because she didn't like my tone of voice.
So anyways I stopped contact with her from then until maybe end of Nov 2022. I'm still not in a hurry to be the good daughter like she wants but trying to be somewhat reasonable.
Here is the issue. During this time , in 2022 she let her friend's son come and take nearly everything out of my father's garage. My dad had a LOT Of expensive tools from mechanic , airconditioning ( home and car ), to building tools. I'm not happy about that but I'm not .. OMG they took my inheritance or whatever. Honestly I wouldn't know what to do with all that but it would have been nice if my husband had a chance to have first dibs since .. I am his daughter.
Since then my mother has felt bad that she didn't stop them but whatever however now the same people including the guy's sister has been all up in my mother's business and she's been telling me how she's uncomfortable with it all.
These people have their own mother ( my mother's friend ) who isn't doing well herself and yet they want to visit their own mom on Sunday, take her to breakfast for an hour and then leave. With MY mother they are insisting to visiting her every Wednesday which she's said multiple times she doesn't want .
So my mother is telling me she feels they are trying to get something from her . Their mother already gave them all her savings , her lands and her houses.
This guy works and only has Sunday and Wednesday off so why is he insisting on spending his one day off with her?
My mother's concern is making me question it too. But .. Then there is my Aunt. My Dad's sister who suddenly wants to be "SISTERS" with my mom after having nothing to do with her while my dad is alive and that too is making my mom paranoid.
Granted my aunt DID ask for money from my mother twice now.
Opinions ? I don't UNDERSTAND people who supposedly are trying to be friends with people to supposedly GET something from them. Do they really or maybe he's just a super nice guy ? My mom says I'm ignorant .
submitted by DragonBorn76 to JUSTNOFAMILY [link] [comments]
We ( she and I ) do not have a good relationship because of childhood abuse and her toxic behavior as an adult. I as a result have cut contact with her multiple times and never learn my lesson obviously. I am TRYING to be cautious about having a relationship with her presently.
So after my father passed away in 2021 I tried to be everything she supposedly wanted in a daughter. I figured I give it one shot and if it doesnt' work then hey .. I tried right? She of course can try to say I didn't but I know otherwise. She was toxic then too and played games.
But AFTER my father passed away I took on the responsibility of funeral arragements, is VA paperwork , and other stuff then I was taking on his 401k account management end of October, 2021 when my mom flipped her lid on me at a resturant because she didn't like my tone of voice.
So anyways I stopped contact with her from then until maybe end of Nov 2022. I'm still not in a hurry to be the good daughter like she wants but trying to be somewhat reasonable.
Here is the issue. During this time , in 2022 she let her friend's son come and take nearly everything out of my father's garage. My dad had a LOT Of expensive tools from mechanic , airconditioning ( home and car ), to building tools. I'm not happy about that but I'm not .. OMG they took my inheritance or whatever. Honestly I wouldn't know what to do with all that but it would have been nice if my husband had a chance to have first dibs since .. I am his daughter.
Since then my mother has felt bad that she didn't stop them but whatever however now the same people including the guy's sister has been all up in my mother's business and she's been telling me how she's uncomfortable with it all.
These people have their own mother ( my mother's friend ) who isn't doing well herself and yet they want to visit their own mom on Sunday, take her to breakfast for an hour and then leave. With MY mother they are insisting to visiting her every Wednesday which she's said multiple times she doesn't want .
So my mother is telling me she feels they are trying to get something from her . Their mother already gave them all her savings , her lands and her houses.
This guy works and only has Sunday and Wednesday off so why is he insisting on spending his one day off with her?
My mother's concern is making me question it too. But .. Then there is my Aunt. My Dad's sister who suddenly wants to be "SISTERS" with my mom after having nothing to do with her while my dad is alive and that too is making my mom paranoid.
Granted my aunt DID ask for money from my mother twice now.
Opinions ? I don't UNDERSTAND people who supposedly are trying to be friends with people to supposedly GET something from them. Do they really or maybe he's just a super nice guy ? My mom says I'm ignorant .
2023.03.30 17:20 RudyBega1 Bored? Need a challenge? Transcribe this!
Update! Thanks to the help I got, I think all blanks have been filled in! Thank you again!!
I have most of it, but if you want to take a shot at it, feel free!
I found an obituary for Margaret (Byrne) Green here (5th column, midway down) headlined MRS. NATHAN GREEN. I have transcribed what I could. I also have an advantage as I am familiar with the family. Notes/hints are scattered throughout and listed below. I've put what I have (or think I have) below.
submitted by RudyBega1 to Genealogy [link] [comments]
I have most of it, but if you want to take a shot at it, feel free!
I found an obituary for Margaret (Byrne) Green here (5th column, midway down) headlined MRS. NATHAN GREEN. I have transcribed what I could. I also have an advantage as I am familiar with the family. Notes/hints are scattered throughout and listed below. I've put what I have (or think I have) below.
From The Old Town Enterprise - 11 Feb 1932Notes/Hints
MRS. NATHAN GREEN1The death of Mrs. Margaret Green widow of the late N_____2 Green took place Saturday3 ___4 February 6th,5 1932 at the age of 726 years. She has been a well known resident of this city for many years and her many friends and relatives will be sorry to learn of her decease7. She was a faithful wife, mother and home maker and was held in the highest respect by all who knew her.She is survived by the sons and daughters, George Green of Old Town8, Miss Loretta Grennier of Woonsocket, R. I.9, Mrs. George Theriault, Flint, Mich.10, Miss Irene Green of Old Town11, Mrs. Roland Henderson, Flint, Mich.12, one sister, Mrs. Nellie McGregor of Franklin, Mich.13, and one brother, Joseph Byrnes of Detroit, Mich14.
The funeral took place from St. Mary's church Tuesday morning at 815 o'clock, Rev. Father Carroll officiating. The bearers were James ?????, Freeman M?????, Adelard Goodine, David G?????16. Interment was at Forest Hill Cemetery17.
- Right off the bat, I know there will be errors. She was married to NELSON Green. They've lived in this city for 30+ years.
- Any attempt to draw this out with image manipulation failed me. I'm assuming they got this wrong (Nathan) as well, but I have seen wrong headlines and then correct names before.
- #3-#5 are all kind of connected. Saturday? Naturally? The 6th (note 5) is a Saturday and why would Naturally be capitalized? I went with Saturday. But that 2nd "a"....
- No combinations of 3-5 helped me with this. I want to say "on" as in, "Saturday, on February 6th" but that doesn't look like an "o".
- This one took awhile. But then it hit me as February 6th.
- She was 75, but had been cheating on her census records for some time. I'm guessing 72 as 2 is the only digit that fits that straight line across the bottom.
- The word "demise" would fit nicely here, but it really does look more like "decease". Would you say, "...sorry to learn of her decease"? Hmm.
- Starting the children... "George Green of Old Town" is likely what it says albeit incorrect. George and Loretta9 are from a previous marriage to Patrick Greenan. His name is George Greenan. The paper knows this and he is listed correctly many times in other years.
- "Miss Loretta Grennier of Woonsocket, R. I." Again, she is Loretta Greenan. But I have seen wild variations of the name so...?
- "Mrs. George Theriault, Flint, Mich." is what it should say, but what does it actually say? Umm...
- "Miss Irene Green of Old Town" is all good.
- "Mrs. Roland Henderson, Flint, Mich." Technically a step-daughter and it's Anderson. But I think this is what it says.
- "Mrs. Nellie McGregor of Franklin, Mich." Ok. "Nellie" is a guess. Her name is Ellen Mary. She's married to Robert. So...Nellie is the one that looked mostly correct. As for Franklin? Well, Franklin is a small village suburb of Detroit, but she's in Frankfort, MI in her 1930 census. I think is says Franklin, but supposed to be Frankfort.
- "Joseph Byrnes of Detroit, Mich." is all good.
- 8? 9? Those are really the only ones that fit I think. I think it looks more like an 8.
- I recognize none of those names of the bearers. Rev. Father Carroll was easy to find in other obits from the time. The others? Not so much.
- Forest Hill Cemetery is probably spot on. Husband and other family are buried there.
2023.03.29 22:25 Shadsea [Other][EST][Online] LUST - A game of "They Came From Beyond The Grave" that is a satire of 80s and 90s Vampiric Goth Trash as it's actually a shitty TV Show. (Ran on Sundays at 6pm EST to 9pm EST)
“Vampires pretending to be humans, pretending to be vampires. How avant-garde.” — Interview with the Vampire (1995)
The Setup:
In 1992 a strange show became serialized on Chicago Public Access. A strange mess of a show known only as “LUST” that was started by the local Vampire LARP as a way to take some of their stories and turn it into a proper TV series. Or as proper as a late night public access show could. With what budget they could scrounge up the kids did their best to make their own Lost Boys within their home of Chicago. At its peak they had quite the fanbase that watched it for the schlock and they even got to cameo in a few episodes of the chicago based horror host “Svengoolie”. The show lasted throughout the 90s but ended by the beginning of the new millenia. Much of the cast growing out of their old phases. Most of the plots of the old LUST TV Show were simple political, personal, or investigative plots. Sometimes doing monster of the week stuff but overall it would be the average stuff you’d see in an episode of Breaking Bad or Sopranos. These leather clad pretty boys trying to juggle their Vampiric Curse with their Mortal Life. Trying to juggle the politics given to them by the Prince and Elders along with their humanity. It was GARBARGE but people liked it... Now in the modern day a group of internet reviewers on Youtube have begun poking fun of it for a collab. Stick with them as they watch with vampire garbage. Poking fun at the cheap sets and hokey acting in this loving satire of Vampire the Masquerade and early 90s goth trash.
The Plot of the First Episode was that: Long ago within Chicago there used to be a Coven of Vampires. An old friend of the PCs Coven has been found dead within Navy Pier. Signs of a struggle being shown as he had done his best to fight off the intruder but now he’s dead as someone had drained him. Assembling at his funeral, the old coven has reformed with advice from the Vampiric Prince “Lambert” as they now must figure out who has been killing and draining all these vampires.
What is this?
LUST is a game of They Came From Beyond The Grave based heavily on Goth Trash media and vampire stuff. To start slow They Came From Beyond The Grave is a meta game that is supposed to mimic shitty b horror films. Think the old Hammer Dracula movies, old exploitation, and slasher movies. In a normal game of They Came From Beyond The Grave you are Shaggy, you are Van Helsing, you are Ash Williams, and you are Peter Venkman. You are all members of a cheap horror movie. If you are familiar with World of Darkness, Trinity, Chronicles of Darkness then things should be very familiar to you. All rolls are made with d10 pools but you have special mechanics as you get Rewrite Points, Trademarks, and other stuff to sell the vibes this is a shitty cheap movie. Specifically Rewrite Points which are basically Hero Points/Bennies/Fate Points but flavored to it being funny meta stuff. You spend rewrite points to envoke a Cheap Set that will either add a +2 or -2 to a roll or you can save yourself by going "Scene Missing!" to completely lose a scene. It's very light hearted and meta... But we are doing something different with it. By different I mean using the expansion "They Came from Draculas Tomb" to do a game of Vampire. The PCs are vampires within a shitty vampire TV show from the late 80s and early 90s. Think Vampire the Masquerade, Lost Boys, Forever Knight, Near Dark, Interview with the Vampire, The Crow and shit like that. A loving satire to that era of schlock through the lens of a god awful Public Access show. Is it weird? Yeah it is.
The Info:
submitted by Shadsea to lfg [link] [comments]
The Setup:
In 1992 a strange show became serialized on Chicago Public Access. A strange mess of a show known only as “LUST” that was started by the local Vampire LARP as a way to take some of their stories and turn it into a proper TV series. Or as proper as a late night public access show could. With what budget they could scrounge up the kids did their best to make their own Lost Boys within their home of Chicago. At its peak they had quite the fanbase that watched it for the schlock and they even got to cameo in a few episodes of the chicago based horror host “Svengoolie”. The show lasted throughout the 90s but ended by the beginning of the new millenia. Much of the cast growing out of their old phases. Most of the plots of the old LUST TV Show were simple political, personal, or investigative plots. Sometimes doing monster of the week stuff but overall it would be the average stuff you’d see in an episode of Breaking Bad or Sopranos. These leather clad pretty boys trying to juggle their Vampiric Curse with their Mortal Life. Trying to juggle the politics given to them by the Prince and Elders along with their humanity. It was GARBARGE but people liked it... Now in the modern day a group of internet reviewers on Youtube have begun poking fun of it for a collab. Stick with them as they watch with vampire garbage. Poking fun at the cheap sets and hokey acting in this loving satire of Vampire the Masquerade and early 90s goth trash.
The Plot of the First Episode was that: Long ago within Chicago there used to be a Coven of Vampires. An old friend of the PCs Coven has been found dead within Navy Pier. Signs of a struggle being shown as he had done his best to fight off the intruder but now he’s dead as someone had drained him. Assembling at his funeral, the old coven has reformed with advice from the Vampiric Prince “Lambert” as they now must figure out who has been killing and draining all these vampires.
What is this?
LUST is a game of They Came From Beyond The Grave based heavily on Goth Trash media and vampire stuff. To start slow They Came From Beyond The Grave is a meta game that is supposed to mimic shitty b horror films. Think the old Hammer Dracula movies, old exploitation, and slasher movies. In a normal game of They Came From Beyond The Grave you are Shaggy, you are Van Helsing, you are Ash Williams, and you are Peter Venkman. You are all members of a cheap horror movie. If you are familiar with World of Darkness, Trinity, Chronicles of Darkness then things should be very familiar to you. All rolls are made with d10 pools but you have special mechanics as you get Rewrite Points, Trademarks, and other stuff to sell the vibes this is a shitty cheap movie. Specifically Rewrite Points which are basically Hero Points/Bennies/Fate Points but flavored to it being funny meta stuff. You spend rewrite points to envoke a Cheap Set that will either add a +2 or -2 to a roll or you can save yourself by going "Scene Missing!" to completely lose a scene. It's very light hearted and meta... But we are doing something different with it. By different I mean using the expansion "They Came from Draculas Tomb" to do a game of Vampire. The PCs are vampires within a shitty vampire TV show from the late 80s and early 90s. Think Vampire the Masquerade, Lost Boys, Forever Knight, Near Dark, Interview with the Vampire, The Crow and shit like that. A loving satire to that era of schlock through the lens of a god awful Public Access show. Is it weird? Yeah it is.
The Info:
- The game is ran on Sundays at 6pm EST over voice chat on Discord.
- We will be using Roll20 but only for the dice and the sheets
- Anyways I am new to TCFBTG so new players are welcome to join but please for the love of god don't be afraid to ask me for help! I am new to
- Session 0 is on 4/16/23 and Session 1 is on 4/23/23