So I had no idea until recently that bananas are bad luck on a boat. I went fishing with my brother on Sunday on his boat, and I packed a small cooler with snacks and drinks, one of those snacks was a banana. We have been going to this particular fishing spot for years and never not catch fish. Well this day we caught literally no fish, not a single one. After about an hour and a half of not even a bite I took out my banana and started eating it. My brother looked over at me and exclaimed “no wonder we aren’t catching fish!” Then proceeded to tell me about the superstition behind it. The next day my brother goes out to his boat to find all three of his (expensive) rods and reels were stolen out of the boat overnight. Obviously, he was pissed. The day after, he bought some cod at the grocery store and when he got home he discovered the fish was bad. He believes that the series of events is all because I brought a banana on his boat 🤣 so moral of the story, don’t bring bananas on a fishing boat or bad things will happen!

It really does kinda feel like I missed the boat on cod zombies. For years I’ve been a multiplayer guy. Whenever it came to zombies I ignored it. Now that I’ve started playing the maps and trying to learn this mode, I feel as if I really have missed out on all the discussions about the story, characters, ect. So I ask you this, can a newbie try and get into this mode so late into the game?
Side note: Also is it cool if I look up where shield parts are ect? There’s a lot to find in these maps and I feel like I gotta hold square on each pixel of the map lol

Original prompt: [WP]You were a powerful villain, wielding great power and caused great destruction. Then, you became a reformed anti-hero who saved the world 5 years ago from a greater evil. Now, you live quiet life of solitude away from society, with a part of you knowing that not everyone is so easy to forgive. (link)
I sprinted hard up the stony stairway, my two companions following closely behind. We had gotten enough headway that our pursuers were out of earshot, and it was dark enough that they might not spot us instantly if we hid, but we couldn't dally or they'd be on us before we could even catch our breath. Still, I could tell Annie was out of breath and Otto was still bleeding from his wounded leg.
We couldn't keep this up, but I spotted a potential salvation: a wooden shack on the side of the mountain, illuminated from within. I pulled slightly ahead and banged on the door, hoping for a fast response. My companions quickly caught up, but Otto stumbled and collapsed behind me and the moment Annie stopped she started gasping for air.
It took a moment longer than I would've liked, but finally a middle-aged man opened the door. His voice was low and gruff, like the crackle of a campfire, and the backlighting from his hut combined with his size and sneering gaze caused him to cut a dark and imposing figure.
"Yes? Ah, heroes, prosecuted vagabonds, miscreants... whatever, come in before the hail of stone gets you," he said.
I quickly ushered my companions inside, and the man closed the door behind me.
"Do you have healing magic? Those wounds will require treatment," he asked, gesturing at Otto.
"Yes," I said. "We didn't have time to heal because we're being pursued."
"Ah, unfortunate. I have a boat below the house, under that hatch," he said, gesturing at a wooden hatch in the floor. He glanced over my companions. "It's stocked for an escape, but it's down a flight of stairs. Do you think you can make it?"
"I need a minute..." Annie said, stopping to cough as she hunched over.
"Well, gravity will guarantee I get down there, but making it in one piece..." Otto said, stumbling into a chair as the adrenaline started to wear off.
"Right. Get down there as fast as you can, I'll hold them off," our host said, grabbing a quarterstaff that was leaning against the wall and walking to the front door. "Oh, and take Tabby with you, would you?"
I looked over and saw a cat sitting on the windowsill. As the man stepped outside, I picked up the cat and handed it to Annie, before casting a minor healing spell on Otto. He'd need better treatment, but it would probably be enough to get us out of here.
My companions pulled the hatch in the floor open, and began slowly climbing down. I watched them go for a moment, then stepped back to the front. Outside the front door, the man was standing, holding a small jug.
"Sir, there's no need to sacrifice yourself for us, I can still fight," I said, stepping outside and placing a hand on the hilt of my sword.
"Hm?" he asked, looking back at me. "Who said anything about sacrifice?"
It was at that point that the soldiers reached us, shouting for us to stop in the name of the king.
Our host merely whirled around and hucked the jug over their heads, blasting it with fire. The jug exploded, raining burning oil down on the soldiers, who immediately panicked and began attempting to pat out the flames. Some even dove from the cliffside, presumably attempting to douse themselves in the sea below. The rocky cliffside had other ideas, and many ended up bouncing once or twice before hitting the water. Those who weren't being baked in their armor simply pushed past their allies and continued charging at us.
"We can't win here! We need to run!" I said, grabbing our host's arm.
He simply raised his other arm, and shot a blast of magic that covered the top few steps in a layer of ice, before jerking his arm away. As the soldiers reached him, they began to slip on the ice. Some of them immediately fell off the side of the mountain, but those that reached him were "encouraged" off with a blow to the head. The soldiers at the back of the group quickly backed off and retreated back down the mountain.
"Come to my mountains with this half-assed assault force? They just don't make tyrants like they used to," he said, tapping his staff against his boots to knock off the teeth and blood that had gotten on them.
"Sir? Who are you?" I asked.
"Ah, right, the name's Wolfgang," he said.
"Sir Wolfgang? As in the knight who slew the mad king half a decade ago?" I asked.
"The one and only," he said, stepping back inside his hut. I followed him, watching as he collected a few bottles from his pantry and grabbed a framed picture off one of his shelves.
"Is there a reason you're grabbing everything? The soldiers are gone now..." I asked.
"Not for long, they'll be back in a matter of days. You picked up the cat, right?" he asked.
"Yes, my sister has it," I said.
"Good, she was Claus', so she can be a bit stubborn with me," Wolfgang said. He grabbed an open wine bottle and drank from it until it was empty.
"Uh, is this going to take long?" I asked.
"Just go ahead, I'll catch up," he said, opening the door and hurling the empty bottle onto the stairs. I could see a small group of the soldiers creeping back up the stairs toward the hut, but when the bottle shattered, the broken glass made them stop their advance again.
The soldier at the front of the group gave some quiet command to the others, and they began using their hands to carefully brush away the glass.
"What are you waiting for, boy? Get moving!" Sir Wolfgang shouted at me. I quickly ducked into the trapdoor, and began hurriedly climbing down the stairs.
Annie and Otto were just now getting into the small boat, which appeared to be an old fishing vessel large enough for four to five people. I quickly hopped into the boat, and helped the two of them in before I started untying it from the mooring.
"What about the old guy? Is he not coming?" Annie asked.
"He should be here soon, but the soldiers are still behind us," I said.
As I spoke, a rope lowered down from above holding the bag Wolfgang had been loading things into, which came down onto the deck. Wolfgang quickly slid down the rope after it, before hurling a fireball up at the shack above him. We quickly took the hint, and began pushing away from the dock, with the bag and Wolfgang landing on the deck as we began to part.
"Whoof, that almost got messy. Boy, when I tell you to get going, you need to get going!" he said.
"I couldn't just let you throw yourself away! That's not what heroes do!" I said.
"Not what heroes do? You're telling me that you were planning to fight them alongside a man you barely knew, out of some idiotic sense of honor?" he asked.
"Well... It would be preferable to just letting an innocent person die," I said.
"Honor is a lie made by the powerful to make the multitudes feel safer. You don't just jump into a fight you don't have to, and if you have to fight then you fight to win!" Wolfgang said.
"That doesn't sound very heroic, sir," I said.
"Bah, you remind me of Claus. All about truth, justice, and honor up until you get your fool head lopped off and leave it to the rest of us to finish the quest," he said.
"You don't sound like most of the knights I've met," I said.
"Knight? You mean this is-" Otto began to ask.
"Yes, but before I became a knight I was just known as the Night Wolf, terror of the western forest. But that's a long story," Wolfgang said.
I looked out over the open water, and up at the collapsing hut on the side of the coastal mountain ridge.
"I think we've got time," I said.
"Perhaps not as much as you think," Wolfgang said, pulling on a rope and snapping his fingers. The sail on the fishing boat unfurled, and a gust of wind kicked up, carrying the boat up the coast, away from the direction from which we'd come.
"So is this him?" Annie asked, holding up a framed photo. Her other hand was stuck in the bag Wolfgang had brought down with him, but I hadn't even noticed her digging through it. The photo depicted Wolfgang and another man, who even with just the one image could be identified as being leaner and far more cheerful than the man we'd been speaking with.
While I had assumed he would be angry with my sister, Wolfgang let out a raucous laugh and said, "Indeed, that's him. You seem like a sharper sort, girl."
"Thank you, sir," she said.
"So you said you wanted to know about my past?" he asked.
"I mean, we didn't say we wanted to know, just that your excuse for not telling us seemed flimsy," I said.
"So you don't want to know?" he asked.
"I'd like to know," Annie said.
"That's what I thought. It started back in that little mountain village, a lad living with his family herding sheep. Then one day raiders came, killed both his parents, before stealing all their valuables and the lad himself," he said.
"Aw, that's so sad..." Annie said.
"Yes, it is, but as the boy grew he learned to fight and to command respect. As leader after leader among the bandits died, he ended up in charge, and just like those before him looted and pillaged the countryside," Wolfgang said.
I could see a lighthouse in the distance, directly ahead of the bow of the boat.
"Then one day, his group assaulted a caravan, lead by a brave and dashing hero, who easily bested all but the most elite fighters among the bandits. As the others withdrew, the former village boy fell behind. There's no honor among thieves, so none of his comrades came to save him, nor did he expect them to. Instead, he made his prayers and turned to face the young man," Wolfgang said. "The hero got the upper hand, but after having sand thrown in his eyes, he got knocked over and run through..."
"Wait, but didn't you and Claus end up being friends?" Annie asked.
"Turns out he was a hero of legend, one of the gods' chosen, so he came back," Wolfgang said. "Caught me off guard when he came directly to our camp and assaulted it to liberate the people we'd kidnapped from the caravan. He was expecting the dirty tricks this time, so he managed to beat me. But instead of just killing me, he offered me an ultimatum: Give up my life as a bandit, or give up my life as a living person. Naturally, I chose the former, and joined him in his quest, and together we slew the Duke of the Shade."
"The Duke of Shade? But you're famous for slaying the mad king," I said.
"Indeed, Claus was a hero of legend, and his legend was done, but tyrants are forever," Wolfgang said. "When a new king ascended the throne, and turned out to be a monster, he took on another journey to stop him, and I came along. Long story short, he did the same he did with me, asked the king to change his ways, and the king betrayed his trust to put him in the ground... Turns out, the gods don't care what happens to a hero once their destined quest is done, so Claus was gone for good."
"So you moved to the mountains to... Wait for more adventurers?" I asked, looking at the small dock coming into view through the mist.
"No, I just didn't want to deal with people any more. Bastards, the lot of them, and the good ones tend to die young," he said. "Looks like we're here."
The boat pulled toward the dock, and Wolfgang threw a rope over the mooring before hopping out of the boat. A middle-aged woman was standing on the nearby shore, and approached us as we exited.
"Thought I'd heard a strange wind, turns out it's just an old wolf caught in the surf," she said. "Though this is the first I've seen of his cubs."
"They're just a loan, for the time being. Heroes, this is Sonia the Cyclops," he said. As Sonia got closer, it became clearer that she was blind in her left eye, though she lacked the eyepatch to make it fashionable.
"And this is the greeting I get after all we've been through together! Honestly, this guy," she said, with all the offense of someone responding to a joke from a long-time friend. "So what brings you lot here?"
"Well, we fought off some bandits, then a group of soldiers came by the orphanage to arrest us for no reason," I said, recalling the last few days events in as succinct a manner as I could.
"Ah, must be a prophecy," Sonia said. "Come on, I'll take you kids to the oracle so you can get a proper start on your journey. Care to come with, Wolf?"
"No thanks, Cy, I've got to get to a bathhouse. Might swing by later to give them some pointers on fighting, but I've seen enough oracles for one lifetime," Wolfgang said.
"I'm sure the goddess of destiny has... forgotten about all those things you called her after she said the gods wouldn't bring Claus back," Sonia said.
"All the same, I'm not going," Wolfgang said.
"Suit yourself. Come on, kids, we're burning moonlight," she said.
With that, Sonia led us off into the mist, toward a large building which claimed to hold the secrets of the future. Wolfgang took off in a different direction, heading for some other place I couldn't see due to the ever-thickening morning mist. We wouldn't end up seeing him again for the rest of our journey.

112 Operator
911 Operator
A Story About My Uncle
Action Henk
Age of Wonders II: The Wizard's Throne
Age of Wonders III
The Amazing American Circus
Amnesia: The Dark Descent + Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs
Antagonist
Archangel: Hellfire - Fully Loaded
Ashampoo Photo Optimizer 7
Aurion: Legacy of the Kori-Odan
Auto Age: Standoff
Awesomenauts Yogscast Pack - Coco Nebulon
Awesomenauts Yogscast Pack - Rocco
Awesomenauts Yogscast Pack - Skolldir
Awesomenauts Yogscast Pack - Ted McPain
The Bard's Tale
Battlerite DLC: YogYog Bear Mount
Bionic Commando
Blockstorm
Boundless
Breach & Clear
Broken Age
Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons
Car Mechanic Simulator 2018
Chime Sharp
Citizens of Earth
ClusterPuck 99
Cook, Serve, Delicious! 3?!
Corridor Z
Crashlands
Crusaders of the Lost Idols - Elite Starter Pack
Crying Suns
Cursed Castilla (Maldita Castilla EX)
Dagon: by H. P. Lovecraft - The Eldritch Box DLC
Dandara
Deadly Sin
Deadly Sin 2
Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
Defend Your Life: TD
Deponia: The Complete Journey
Draw Slasher
Drawful 2
Driftland: The Magic Revival
Dungeon of the Endless
Endless Space 2
Europa Universalis IV
Expeditions: Viking
Figment
Figment Soundtrack
The Final Station
FreeCell Quest
Fury Unleashed
Go Home Dinosaurs
Going Under
Golf With Your Friends - OST
GRIP: Combat Racing Artifex DLC
Guns of Icarus Alliance
Guns of Icarus Alliance Soundtrack
Guns of Icarus Alliance Yogscast 2017 Costume Pack
Gurgamoth
Headlander
Hector: Badge of Carnage
Hexologic
HIVESWAP: Act 1
Idle Champions of the Forgotten Realms -- Celeste Starter Pack
Inmost
The Interactive Adventures of Dog Mendonça and Pizza Boy
Iron Danger
Jurassic World Evolution - Deluxe Dinosaur Pack
Last Horizon
Last Word
Legacy of Dorn: Herald of Oblivion
Lion Quest
Love Letter
Lust for Darkness
Lust from Beyond: M Edition
Main Assembly
Max Payne 3
Mimic Arena
Ministry of Broadcast
Mirage: Arcane Warfare
Moon Hunters
Motorcycle Mechanic Simulator 2021
NASCAR Heat 2 - October Jumbo Expansion
NecroWorm
Neon Drive (Steam)
Neverout
Neverwinter Feywild Starter Pack
Nex Machina
No Time To Explain Remastered
Offensive Combat: Redux!
Old Man's Journey
OlliOlli2: Welcome to Olliwood
On Rusty Trails
Orbital Racer
Out of Reach: Treasure Royale
Out of the Park Baseball 18
Pale Echoes
Pandemic: Roles & Events
Pandemic: The Board Game
Pathway
Pikuniku
Post Void
Radio Commander
Rakuen
Raw Data
Remnants of Isolation
Renegade Ops Collection
Roarr! Jurassic Edition
RPG Maker 2000
RPG Maker VX
Rustler
Ryse: Son of Rome
Sanctum 2
Say No! More
Scanner Sombre
She Remembered Caterpillars
Shing!
Silence
Slinger VR
Space Gladiators: Escaping Tartarus
Spectrum
Steel Rats
Super Raft Boat
SUPERHOT
SuperLuminauts
Supraland
SYSTEM SHOCK: ENHANCED EDITION
Tales from Candlekeep: Tomb of Annihilation - Asharra’s Diplomat Pack
Tales from Candlekeep: Tomb of Annihilation - Birdsong’s Entertainer Pack
Tales from Candlekeep: Tomb of Annihilation - Dragonbait’s Dungeoneer Pack
Tales from Candlekeep: Tomb of Annihilation - Tales of Artus Cimber’s Explorer Pack
Tannenberg
Team Fortress 2 badges - Mandrew's Munificent Mug and Israphel's Eleemosynary Expression
Team Racing League
Telefrag VR
Telltale Texas Hold'em
Tesla Effect: A Tex Murphy Adventure
This War of Mine
Tiltagon
Tiny Echo
Tooth and Tail
Tormentor X Punisher
Toy Odyssey: The Lost and Found
Treasure Hunter Simulator
The USB Stick Found in the Grass
Uurnog Uurnlimited
Vagante
Wanderlust: Travel Stories
Wandersong
War for the Overworld - Yogscast Worker Skin
Wargroove
Warhammer® 40,000: Dawn of War® - Game of the Year Edition
Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II
Warhammer 40,000: Kill Team
Warhammer: End Times - Vermintide
WARSAW
We Are Alright
West of Dead
World to the West
X-Morph: Defense + European Assault, Survival of the Fittest, and Last Bastion DLC
Yoku's Island Express
Zeno Clash 2
Zombie Night Terror
I also have Humble Choice leftovers from the following that I haven't sorted through yet:
APRIL 2020 HUMBLE CHOICE (Driftland, Turok 2, Truberbrook, Shoppe Keep 2, Capitalism 2)
APRIL 2021 HUMBLE CHOICE ( Shenmue III, Main Assembly, Rock Of Ages 3, In Other Waters, Aven Colony, Simulcra I+II, Colt Canyon, Skully, Popup Dungeon)
AUGUST 2020 HUMBLE CHOICE (Hello Neighbor + Hide And Seek, Littlebig Workshop, American Fugitive, The Coma 2, A Case Of Distrust)
DECEMBER 2021 HUMBLE CHOICE (Beyond The Wire, The Survivalists, Lacuna, 8 Doors, Greak, Tohu, Voidigo)
FEBRUARY 2021 HUMBLE CHOICE (Moving Out, The Wild 8, Train Station Renovation, Werewolf The Apocalypse Heart Of The Forest, Lovecraft's Untold Stories, Iris And The Giant, Boomerang Fu)
JANUARY 2021 HUMBLE CHOICE (Total Tank Simulator, Song Of Horror, Vampire The Masquerade: Shadows Of New York, Tales Of The Neon Sea, Deleveled, The Ambassador)
JUNE 2020 HUMBLE CHOICE (Supraland, Grid, The Messenger, Felix The Reaper, Remnants Of Naezith, Overload, The Stillness Of The Wind, The King's Bird)
MARCH 2021 HUMBLE CHOICE (WWE 2k, Hotshot Racing, Peaky Blinders, Cyber Hook, Pesterquest, Boreal Blade, Ageless)
MAY 2020 HUMBLE CHOICE (Xcom 2, Niche, Swords Of Ditto, Neoverse, Horace)
NOVEMBER 2020 HUMBLE CHOICE (Imperator: Rome, Darksburg, Little Misfortune, Smile For Me, Tsioque, Rover Mechanic Simulator, Youropa, Townsmen)
OCTOBER 2020 HUMBLE CHOICE (Iron Danger, Autonauts, Shadows: Awakening, Fantasy Blacksmith, The Suicide Of Rachel Foster, Goat Of Duty, The Uncertain, Lightmatter)
SEPTEMBER 2020 HUMBLE CHOICE (Lethal League, Fun With Ragdolls, Evoland, Yooka-Laylee And The Impossible Lair, The Occupation, The Shapeshifting Detective)
SEPTEMBER 2021 HUMBLE CHOICE (Neon Abyss, Atomicrops, Heaven's Vault, Swag And Sorcery, Fort Triumph, Orwell: Ignorance Is Strength, Framed Collection)
My region is North America.

Girls: Izzy
Boys: Ezekiel, Mal
Episode 24: Hawaiian Style
A riff from an electric guitar opened the episode, the scene fading into a close-up of a spinning blue globe. As the camera moved up across Africa and Europe, the words 'TOTAL' and 'DRAMA' appeared in white block letters with a flash, moving up at an angle to make room for 'WORLD TOUR' in two additional rows of larger letters. One final word, 'AFTERMATH', appeared below it in a shower of stars, and as the theme music reached a tentative low the gleam from the words took over the whole screen.
XXX
Izzy, Sadie, Noah, and Mal grabbed a swan boat, and moments later, the boats splashed down into a river running through a hilly forest.
XXX
The music entered a low point as the title screen was shown again, the words flaring up once more to transition to the next clip.
XXX
Ezekiel Clone sniffed the air. He perked up and the camera cut briefly to the still berry-covered Owen washing up then back to him. The clone took the opportunity and launched himself at the fun guy and attacked him.
XXX
A few laughs were heard and the Aftermath theme renewed itself, the title screen flaring up for a third time.
XXX
Mal, Topher, and Sadie raced down the Wall as the camera panned down to show them moving faster. Sadie unknowingly skated towards the mine, causing her to be blown off the wall with a yell.
XXX
The title screen showed up for the final time.
XXX
Topher slipped on the puddle of oil, forcing him to land on his back while the cake splattered on the floor candle first.
The camera quickly panned rightward to the door at the side of the plane; it slammed open and countless animals ran out – a sasquatch, a bear, a horse, a seal, a duck, a bunch of rats and chipmunks, and Ezekiel Clone at the front of it.
The resulting explosion was shown from about a mile away, and the light completely enveloped the once-peaceful nighttime scene.
XXXXX
The Aftermath's title sequence played once more, earning another round of applause from the unseen audience as the episode began.
"Hello, everyone!" the voice of Josh spoke out, walking in to a close-up shot of what looked like the host's couch in an outdoor set. "Welcome, to Total Drama Aftermath! We are coming to you guys live from the beautiful tropical shores of Hawaii!" The camera zoomed out. As he'd said the main parts of the Aftermath set had been transplanted to a beautiful white-sand beach, a smoking volcano off in the background. Two-tiered couches had been set up on either side like usual, but unlike usual, both held members of the Peanut Gallery: the left had Brick, Courtney, Cody, and Heather on the top row, Lightning, Jo, Amy, and Rodney on the bottom; the right-hand couches had Lindsay, Sky, and Shawn on the top, Beth, Harold, Duncan, and Ella on the bottom. Luna and Ron were also seated next to Ella.
"After traveling all around the world this season," Josh continued, "we had to wrap it up with a big shot of paradise. And I'm not relaxing on this beach by myself. Let's give a big welcome to our Peanut Gallery!" The audience cheered, the camera cutting from one half of the gallery to the other as the former contestants there smiled and waved to varying degrees.
"We've two episodes left before we declare this season's million dollar winner!" Josh said enthusiastically. "And it's going to happen right here."
He paused for a few seconds for the applause to die down, then continued. "First things first, we have to say hello to a few people who were boot off the show. Please welcome," he motioned to the side, "Noah, Sadie, Owen, and Eva!"
The crowd cheered again as the four were shoved into view by an unseen intern. "Why are we all being introduced at the same time?" Sadie asked.
"We're doing things differently today," Josh answered.
"Tell me we don't have to sing," Eva said. "I'm tired of raising my voice."
"We'll get to that soon enough," Josh told him. "But first, I want to ask you guys something." He cleared his throat. "Are any of you wondering why I'm here today instead of Blaineley as usual?"
"To be honest, yes," Shawn answered. "You haven't been in the past aftermath episodes."
"Did Blaineley get her job back or what?" Duncan asked impatiently.
"She definitely did, but that's not why she's absent today," Josh said. "She's out sick today, so I'm here to fill in for her."
"I do hope she gets better soon," Ella said with sympathy as she nurtured Ron and Luna.
"So do I," Sadie agreed as she sat down next to Ella, who frowned harder at her. "Are you not going to talk to me?"
"We'll talk after this episode is done. As for now, don't bother me," Ella said sternly.
Sadie sighed miserably, and even when Luna and Ron glared at her, her expression didn't change.
"I deserved that," she mumbled to herself.
"Hey Josh, don't forget to talk about Dawn and how she's stuck in Siberia," Harold reminded the man.
"I was getting to that," Josh continued. "Last episode, Dawn was nursing a wounded bear in Siberia. Thankfully, the bear's all better now!" he said brightly before frowning. "Sadly, the airport officials wouldn't let her fly home since she only had Blaineley's passport."
"Me and Shawn rented a helicopter to locate and find Dawn," Jo told the host.
"Thanks for that," Josh said as a quick aside. "The wait is over!" he said brightly, pointing dramatically off into the distance.
The crowd cheered as a green helicopter was shown approaching high over the set. Dawn leaned out the side door and waved at the camera, then called out "Hello! I'm so happy to see all of you!"
The bear from Siberia poked its head out as well, and the crowd gasped. "Behind you!" Harold cried in warning.
Dawn looked at the bear, then back at the crowd. "Don't worry about Bruno!" She and the bear quickly ducked back into the helicopter as it descended. A ladder was thrown out, and Dawn used it to climb down and land on the sand.
"Are you ready to return to co-hosting?" Josh asked Dawn. "Blaineley's sick in bed, so I'm taking over for her."
"Okay," Dawn agreed and was going to shake hands with Josh, only for heavy plodding footsteps to herald a strong right hook at Josh from the bear, who had apparently landed on the beach without issue.
The audience and gallery gasped and shrieked in shock. "Bad Bruno!" Dawn scolded the bear. "We don't hurt people, remember?" The bear hung his head in shame.
"He's gotten possessive of me ever since I fixed his paw," Dawn explained as Josh rubbed his face. "But he's really sweet and protective... as long as no one gets within three feet of me."
"How are we supposed to host if that bear is in our way?" Josh asked.
"We'll figure something out, don't worry," Dawn told him. "But right now, let's get back to hosting."
"The Peanut Gallery will soon have a say in who's gonna get the million bucks," Josh said as the crowd clapped.
"That's good," Eva spoke up, the shot cut to the left half of the gallery and revealed that she was in the top row while Owen was at the top. "I have some things I'd like to say about the Final Three."
"Mal can't win the finale," Owen added. "He's the only evil player left!"
"That's if they can live long enough to compete," Shawn said with Noah in the top row. "How are they going to get out of Drumheller?"
"The number one cause of death in Drumheller is being stranded there!" Duncan claimed.
"Are we sure they'll be here for the finale?" Dawn asked her cohost.
"These guys are survivors," Josh said. "Look at Izzy. She's like a Total Drama cockroach."
"I thought that was Mal," Jo remarked.
"Maybe Izzy is Total Drama lichen," Shawn theorized. "The stuff that survives forever."
"My point is," Josh went on, "they'll find a way here one way or another, and it'll be exciting however it goes down!"
"So who does the Peanut Gallery think will win?" Dawn jovially asked the camera.
///\
[A stereotypically Hawaiian tune began to play as the camera zoomed in on the monitor set up over the hosts' couch, which was now showing an image of peanuts dancing on two sets of tiered couches with a question mark between them. The question mark enlarged as the lyrics began, transitioning the screen to something else.]
"Who you gonna root for? Who's it gonna be?"
[Dawn sang over an image of three slot machine windows amongst a field of question marks. The windows started on question marks as well, before they started spinning rapidly.]
"Is it Mal, Ezekiel, or will you pick Izzy?"
[As Dawn sang, the reels stopped from left to right as each contestant was called in turn, showing stock images of Mike, Ezekiel, and Izzy all smiling.]
"There's Izzy, she's the new girl, and she's been playing hard!"
[Dawn sang, appearing on screen and doing a hula dance wearing a grass skirt, a lei around her waist, and flowers in her hair. Behind her, the scene changed to black-and-white clips of Izzy, showing her diving into the water to swim to the flag in Sweden, then her talking to a lobster in Newfoundland.]
"But she is too bizarre! She'd have! To pay! A bodyguard!"
[Dawn added. The clips continued behind her, showing Izzy jumping from ice floe to ice floe in the Yukon, then finding her barrel of oil in Drumheller.]
"Who you gonna root for? Who's it gonna be?"
[Dawn dropped back out of the scene as another few short clips played: Mal fulling exposing himself in China, Ezekiel being knocked to the floor in Greece, and Izzy talking about game shows in Japan.]
"Is it Mal, Ezekiel, or will you pick Izzy?"
[Another trio of clips accompanied the next line, this time showing Mal smirking down while climbing the Statue of Liberty in New York, Ezekiel singing in the cargo hold in Egypt, and Izzy being stretched in London before the beat dropped.]
"Ricki-tick-ity, you're gonna hear it from me!"
[Harold popped up on the screen wearing a dark baggy sweatshirt and beanie over his normal attire, and a gold chain and sunglasses. The music became a smooth hip-hop beat as he rapped. The black-and-white montage naturally became Ezekiel specific: him watching his clone be created in Area 51, then him being thrown off the plane by Chris.]
"The only one winning this is our man, Zeke!"
[Both he and the montage continued: showing Ezekiel playing his harmonica in Australia, then climbing up to the condor in Rapa Nui.]
"Pimpin' like a king, sippin' lemonade in the shade!"
[The montage continued: showing him crossing the finish line with Ace in China, being stuck in quicksand in Africa, and pulling out the pieces of his gold bling in Germany.]
"Kickin' it Hawaiian style! Gonna take home the cheddar!"
[Harold stuck a flower in his hair as Ezekiel was shown almost admitting that he likes Sadie to Jo in Paris, then taping up the broken pieces of his bling in the Amazon.]
"We're gonna be all smiles!"
[He rapped over a clip of Sadie carrying Ezekiel across the tightrope in Niagara Falls.]
"Partay!"
[Harold said to the camera as the next clip consisted of Ezekiel and Sadie kissing.]
"Why does he get to sing?"
"He doesn't. Harold!"
[Ella, then Dawn were heard saying over a clip of Ezekiel thanking Ella for helping him in the Yukon.]
"Ricki-ticki-ticki-todelle, give it up for Ezekiel!"
[Harold rapped over clips of Ezekiel panicking over the plane turbulence in Jamaica and he and Sadie getting captured by the Ripper in London.]
"Harold's in the house spittin' rhymes that are viral, a-viral!"
[He rapped over a clip of Ezekiel holding on to the camel's butt in Egypt.]
"Give me the microphone! The song is over!"
[Dawn said as she snatched the microphone from the dweeb's hands, the montage was frozen on the camel scene.]
///
"Your rapping is good, but you can't hijack a song like that," Dawn scolded as the music ended and the shot cut back to the host couch, Harold walking back to his seat.
"Your singing voice is nice to hear though," Josh complimented.
"My father did say I have a gift!" Dawn said sweetly and shook his hand.
Bruno rose up from behind the couch, swiped down with his paw to separate the two, then smacked Josh all the way into the ocean.
The audience and gallery gasped in shock, and Dawn cried out "Josh!" in fear. She quickly turned a glare towards the bear, saying "Bruno! I told you, don't hurt innocent people!"
Bruno hung his head in shame under her glare, and he trudged over to the right half of the gallery. Most of the contestants that had been sitting there screamed and ran away, leaving only Beth paralyzed in fear in the bottom-left corner. Bruno took the seat behind her, and leaned over to sniff her.
"Maybe we can calm the bear down with something?" Sadie asked
"We can use kava tea," Shawn suggested as Bruno began to lick Beth's head. "Kava is a root the native Polynesians used to calm minds."
"Is it also an appetite suppressant?" Beth asked in terror as the bear continued to lick her.
"Before the Peanut Gallery hold up their flags to show who they're supporting," Dawn said as she resumed hosting and Josh rejoined her dripping wet, "let's see how our finalists stack up!"
She motioned back up to the widescreen as trading-card-like pictures of Mal, Ezekiel, and Izzy appeared on screen against a yellow starburst pattern, then rapidly spun around in a circle.
"Who has the best chance of taking home the cash?" Josh asked, smirking in anticipation before he and Dawn looked back at the camera. "Let's see who earned it the hard way, with some...!"
XXX
A bout of static cut the scene to an image of a white man in a full-body cast lying on a stretcher with his left arm in a sling. He was suddenly sent flying as an ambulance crashed into him, a deep voice announcing "Total Trauma!" over the blare of the siren, the shot pulling back to show Chef sitting on top of the ambulance in a male nurse's outfit.
XXX
"Ezekiel took a bit of a beating this season," Dawn began over a montage of clips showing Ezekiel getting knocked off the condor's nest by the mother condor then sucking his finger after touching an artificial in Area 51. "Most of it physical."
"He formed a relationship with Sadie and overcame most of his insensitivity," Josh continued over a clip of Sadie hugging Ezekiel in Paris. "But with Sadie out of the game," Sadie was shown catching her own parachute and Ezekiel was shown digging holes with Topher in Drumheller, "Ezekiel had to work with Topher."
"Ezekiel also has skills to fall back on," Dawn said, the montage cutting away briefly to show the moonchild nodding. The widescreen showed a stock photo of the young man. "Although he's the physically weakest of the finalists," the montage continued, showing Ezekiel getting covered in bandages in Egypt, "and ignorant about some things," the next clip was of Ezekiel believing Mal's lie in Jamaica, "he's easily the smartest of the Final Three," Dawn finished over a clip of him figuring out his team's saying in Newfoundland.
"All and all," Josh said as the camera cut back to the hosts, "I'd say he's got a chance. And he's definitely saner than our next competitor."
"Izzy also managed to avoid serious injury all season," Dawn said as the stock image of the psycho was shown. "What can we say? She's unstable," clips were shown of her falling into pudding in Niagara Falls, then hitting a pole and sliding down in New York.
The camera briefly returned to Josh as he said "Despite being new to the game, Izzy made a name for herself with his high IQ, friendships, and happiness." Halfway through the sentence the clips resumed, showing her taking charge in Sweden, forming Team E-Scope with Noah and Eva in London, and being dressed like a mummy in Egypt.
"Despite all we've mentioned, she isn't without her flaws," Dawn said. "Her attitude has gotten people annoyed with her on more than a few occasions," a clip was shown of her pressing buttons while Chef tried to stop her, "and she took this year's biggest makeover in Area 51." The clip reel changed to a long-distance shot of Area 51, and Dawn asked "Could we see that clip again?"
The feed cut to static, and Izzy was shown stepping out the chamber with her face looking like a clown.
"I remember that moment!" Cody said. "It took her all night to wash the makeup off."
"Even with her clown appearance, she's still more rational than Mal could ever be," Jo replied.
"Speaking of Mal," Dawn said, looking back up at the widescreen as it cut to another round of clips.
"No one really knew much about Mal when he first showed up," Josh continued as the clip of Mal's first appearance in the Yukon was shown, "but he quickly established himself as a ruthless competitor willing to do anything to make people suffer. Whether it's by throwing someone out of a plane," he was shown letting Owen fall from the plane, "throwing animals at someone," Mal was shown hurling a dingo at Cody, "or just being intimidating in general," he was shown threatening Ezekiel to be in first class, "Mal has been the vilest villain this whole game," the clips finished with Mal shoving Lindsay into a pole.
"Also," Dawn added as the shot cut back to the hosts, "raise your hand if he's the reason you're here now!" The camera cut around the Peanut Gallery, showing Duncan, Ella, Lindsay, Sadie, and Sky raising their hands on the right couch and Cody and Owen raising their hands on the left one.
"He's got all of the abilities of Mike's other personalities," Josh added over clips of Mal finding easter eggs in Rapa Nui, "and has avoided a few eliminations of his own," he finished over a clip of him surviving being eliminated in Africa.
"He's in the Final Three because of luck," Duncan scoffed.
"And if Topher didn't blow up the plane and get disqualified, he wouldn't even be there," Shawn added.
"Nothing seems to stop him," Josh claimed as the widescreen was shown in static, "even if he did get a swollen eye or get hoofed in the nuts." Clips of those instances happening in Rapa Nui and Greece played.
"But anyone can still win. It's too close to call," Dawn chimed. "Let's take a look at what could stop our finalists in their tracks." She motioned back up to the widescreen, which cut to another series of clips.
XXX
"Izzy's biggest weakness, aside from his insanity getting in the way, is her style of thinking," Josh said over a clip of Izzy going through the lasers in Paris.
"If she doesn't become fully aware of herself," Dawn added as clips of Izzy glowing from being inside a radioactive box in the Yukon were presented, "then she could wind up losing her pride and effectiveness."
XXX
"As for Mal," Dawn said as the clip montage moved to Mal talking to Topher in the Amazon and him giving away chowder in Newfoundland, "he is one of Mike's personalities, not the main one."
"If the final challenge triggers any of Mike's other alters," Josh added over Mal eating cake in China, "that could spell the end for Mal."
XXX
"And Ezekiel?" Dawn continued as the recap footage shifted to Ezekiel running with a panda in Japan. "I'd say his biggest weakness is his emotions."
"Agreed," Josh chimed in. "He's been working on his social skills," the montage continued on to show Ezekiel checking up on a tarred Topher in Drumheller. "But if he lets Sadie being eliminated get to him, he could very well do something drastic towards Mal," he finished over Ezekiel being faux complimented by Mal in Sweden.
XXX
"And here's where it gets interesting," Dawn continued as the static cut away back to her. "It's time for the Peanut Gallery to vote for their favorite finalists!"
\
The footage flashed ahead to a close-up of small flags bearing Izzy's face, the camera zooming out as the audience applauded to reveal them to be in the hands of Amy, Duncan, Eva, Lindsay, Noah, Owen, and Sky; they were now the only ex-contestants sitting on the left-side couches.
Cutting to the right-side couches revealed most of the rest of the cast sitting there holding Ezekiel flags: Beth, Brick, Cody, Courtney, Ella, Harold, Heather, Jo, Lightning, Luna, Rodney, Ron, Sadie, and Shawn.
"Figures nobody's a Mal fan," Duncan smiled, hurling all the Mal flags away.
"I don't see how Ezekiel can beat Izzy," Eva admitted. "He'd lose immediately in a fight against me while Izzy can fend me off for thirty seconds."
"But Ezekiel's the only finalist that hasn't gotten arrested or did something questionable," Shawn replied. "That has to count for something!"
The camera cut to Bruno as he walked up towards a nervous Beth with a red checkered bib around his neck. "Uh, is the tea ready yet?" she asked before Bruno roared.
The black male intern promptly arrived with a tea kettle and cup on a tray. "I'll take care of it," Shawn volunteered, grabbing the kettle off the tray. "I have some experience dealing with bears last season, especially hungry ones." He cleared his throat, then turned to face Bruno.
The bear roared again, but rather than flee, Shawn just shoved the kettle into his mouth, which immediately closed around the spout. Bruno blinked in confusion, then began to drink; he finished after a few seconds, took the kettle out of his mouth, and yawned contentedly.
"I still don't know how blessed I am to have you as my boyfriend," Jo said.
"After 44 days of traveling, Bruno can use some rest," Dawn talked to Josh.
"And he got it," Josh said, only to be interrupted by a roaring Bruno once again. The bear promptly fell asleep and dropped over onto Josh, pinning him to the ground as the audience gasped.
"Josh!" Dawn shrieked before noticing the camera still on her. "Err, coming up next, a few lucky members of the Peanut Gallery will face-off in an exciting surf challenge," she said quickly, "for a chance to win an advantage for their favorite finalist!" She nervously looked down at Josh.
"All that and more," Josh said, muffled by Bruno's sleeping head, "when we return on Total! Drama! Aftermath!"
"Can someone assist me here?!" Dawn asked as she tried to push Bruno off Josh herself and the audience applauded.
The show's title screen was shown again, the flaring letters leading in to the break.
\
(Commercial Break)
\

Super Monkey Ball Banana Blitz was the first Super Monkey Ball game I ever played, and it holds a special place in my heart. Many consider Banana Blitz HD to be the better version of the game, due to it axing the motion controls, but I believe that Banana Blitz HD is inferior to the original for a few reasons, which I will explain below:

The physics

The updated controls are generally touted as the main improvement made by Banana Blitz HD, however a lot of people don't realize that this came at a cost. The physics in Banana Blitz worked really well with the level designs, however in HD, there are numerous gameplay issues. The physics are generally much more bumpy and bouncy than they were in the original. The monkey will often bounce off the ground going over tiny cracks and bumps that were mostly absorbed in the original game. Platforms that move up and down, such as the segmented ring platforms in Jumble Jungle 8, which are extremely frustrating to navigate in HD due to the bouncier physics. The points where the rotating tiles meet in Cobalt Caverns 4 are another example of the bouncy physics messing up the gameplay, but there are many other instances of this happening.
In addition to the generally increased bounciness of HD, the physics also feel a lot less tight. It feels like you have a less precision in narrow sections than you did in the Wii version, and the controls feel kind of loose in general. Thankfully Banana Mania is a significant improvement over Banana Blitz HD in this regard. Another dumb change to the physics was the addition of a hard-coded speed cap. While it doesn't come up super often, it really shouldn't be there at all, and the original game got on just fine without it. This problem is also removed in Banana Mania. One last problem is that characters generally seem lighter than they were in the Wii version, getting knocked around by enemies, bumpers and bosses a lot more than they used to, but more on that later.

The visuals

The best way to test whether a HD remake of a Wii game does a good job at remastering it is to compare it against running the Wii game on Dolphin with the resolution upscaled. BBHD fails this test. A lot of the textures and colour palettes feel a lot more oversaturated and contrasted than they were in the Wii version, and in my opinion they are generally worse overall.
Additionally, some of the world designs look worse as well. Smooth Sherbet's skies are less varied in colour compared to the colourful auroras of the Wii version, and lacks the purplish hue it had in the original. Detritus Desert now lacks the dustiness that the original version had. Pirates Ocean is now bathed in a bright and warm yellow light, making the stage feel much more inviting, which flies in the face of what Pirates Ocean is supposed to be. Cobalt Caverns' colour palette is less varied, now being mostly blue instead of a mix of blue and purple, and the water is now dark and opaque, instead of the more aesthetically pleasing translucent appearance it has in the Wii version. Ultra Heaven's lighting is much worse, having less of a twilight feel to it and being more evenly lit instead of the varied lighting it had before, and the clouds also look worse now.
On the bright side, Sinking Swamp definitely looks better, no longer having that sickly green colour to it that it had in the original, and I also prefer Space Case without the purple hue that the Wii version had, but on the whole, I prefer the way the original looked. Another visual change I don't like is the coloured side of the balls being slightly more opaque. Finally, I generally prefer the original UI design of the Wii version, than the generic modern design.

The level design

Banana Mania was not the first remake to change the design of levels, but while Banana Mania generally tried to make excessively difficult levels easier, Banana Blitz HD tries to make levels harder. The problem is it did this in a stupid way. They made a blanket change to all levels that use parallel rails. Parallel rails were a recurring stage element in Banana Blitz, that you could ride along. They were pretty interesting and generally a fun mechanic. In HD, they are all replaced with generic balancing beams. Not only does this generally make the game less interesting and unique, but also while this certainly makes the affected levels more difficult, the other levels were mostly untouched, and this results in HD having noticeable difficulty spikes and drops within worlds. I think the worst offender for this is Cobalt Caverns 5, which is quite a bit more difficult than the other levels in that world. This maybe wouldn't be so bad were it not for the aforementioned different physics, which make balancing sections generally more difficult.
One other notable level that was made more difficult is Volcanic Pools 5, which is a really weird stage to single out to make more difficult, as it was actually already one of the most difficult stages in that world. To make it even more difficult, the width of the non-rotating tiles was almost halved. This results in this level being a very noticeable difficulty spike for no real reason.
Overall I think the original designs were not only more interesting, but made the game's difficulty more balanced overall.

The bosses

The bosses were the worst part of the original game, so it would be pretty difficult to make them any worse in this game, but they found a way. In this version of the game, bosses now do significantly more knockback to the player through attacks, missiles, and contact with the player in general. This makes the bosses more obnoxious to fight, making this already bad aspect of the game even worse. In addition to this, some bosses also got specific changes. You can no longer skip the boring and tedious whack-a-mole and cannon sections of the world 4 boss, as the energy barrier now appears on the outer edge instead of the inner edge. In addition, the missiles fired in this boss now move much faster and turn in much tighter arcs with generally more aggressive targeting. This makes them way harder to avoid and makes the last section of the boss more frustrating. The world 6 boss now spawns far more falling meteors, making the fight more RNG dependant. You also can no longer run between the legs of the world 8 boss with smaller characters, forcing you to have to go around him.
One other change to the bosses which doesn't affect gameplay is that the world 7 boss is now less expressive during the opening cutscene to that boss for some reason. Kinda lame imo.

The music

You knew this one was coming! Apparently due to licensing issues, most of the music from the original game was replaced in this game. Some of the new songs were original compositions, but most were recycled from older games, Super Monkey Ball Adventure style. The new compositions are ok. World 1 and 8 are decent and world 4 is pretty good, though I generally prefer the originals, and world 9 and 10's new music is not very good. The rest of the worlds, and most of the boss themes were given recycled music, with the sole exception being world 3, which thankfully got to keep its funky music. The original music in Banana Blitz was really good, some of the best in the entire series. Most of them, except again world 3, were remixes of the already great songs from Super Monkey Ball Touch & Roll, and they were given a ton of love by the composers for Banana Blitz, re-imagining them into amazing compositions that were super catchy and fit their respective worlds well.
The recycled songs aren't bad, per se, but they generally don't fit the worlds they were put in as well as the originals did, which is not surprising seeing as how those songs were specifically designed for their respective worlds. The biggest downgrade is Cobalt Caverns, which went from having an amazing theme and complete re-imagining of Studio One's theme to using a boring song from Monkey Boat.
But the biggest crime was the changing of the boss music. The originals all had a really unique feel to them, while their replacements were...subpar. Their process for selecting which songs to recycle seemed almost random for the bosses, like world 1's boss getting the credits theme as its music for some bizarre reason. The replacement music doesn't even come close to matching the energy and uniqueness of the boss music from the original game, with the exception of world 5's boss, the only one to receive an original composition which is actually pretty damn good.
The party game music is also recycled, and generally not as good in my opinion.

The lives exploit

With the changes to the design of some levels, you might expect Banana Blitz HD to be more difficult than its predecessor, but on that you would be dead wrong. Banana Blitz HD is actually much, much easier to beat without continues now than it was on the Wii, because of 2 unusual changes made to the game which allow for a ridiculous exploit that lets you attempt harder worlds like Sinking Swamp and Ultra Heaven with a huge stockpile of lives. In the original game, whenever you started a new world, you would be set to 3 lives, and would have those 3 lives, and any additional lives you could pick up within the world, to beat that world's 9 challenge stages without using a continue. However, in BBHD, this is no longer the case. Now, when entering a new world, you get to KEEP all of the lives you have already accumulated in that play session. This means if you start at world 1, and keep gaining lives overall during your playthrough, by the time you reach world 9, you will most likely have a pretty large stockpile of lives. Alternatively, you can keep replaying the early worlds over and over again, and build up as many lives as you want (the in-stage counter caps at 99, but the game actually lets you store over 1000 lives). Yes, that's right, if you want to, and have enough patience, you can enter world 10 Ultra Heaven with hundreds, or even thousands of lives, and completely obliterate it. As long as you don't restart a world or exit the game, you will keep your lives.
This gets even more ridiculous with the new ability to instantly re-play levels you have already beaten in a world without having to restart that world. This was most likely implemented to compensate for the removed practice mode (more on that later), but it allows you to pick one level, play it over and over and over again, and grind for more and more lives, as the bananas respawn every time you beat the level.
Now for the exploit: struggling with world 10? Do the following steps:

1. Restart world 10
2. Immediately exit the world
3. Go to Jumble Jungle
4. Pick stage 5
5. Repeatedly go down the narrow path with the 6 banana bunches, and then jump into the goal
6. This will net you 3 lives. Now simply hit "retry" on the level clear menu
7. Repeat until you have as many lives as you desire
8. Destroy Ultra Heaven!

Beating Ultra Heaven without continues in the Wii version, where you had to start the world with 3 lives, was a real accomplishment. In this game, it's a complete joke, thanks to this ridiculous exploit.

The missing content and lack of new content

Generally, when you remake a game, you want to add more features that weren't in the original game, to make the re-release worth getting. Banana Blitz HD does the OPPOSITE and removes several features from the original, while only really adding a time trial mode and a crappy mini game rush mode.
The first missing feature is a practice mode. The practice mode has been a staple in the Super Monkey Ball series since the first game on the Gamecube. It lets you pick any level you have unlocked, and play it over and over again with infinite lives to practice it to your heart's content. Banana Blitz was no exception to this, allowing you to practice levels on the level select screen by holding B, which would even let you practice bonus stages and bosses. You simply can't do this in Banana Blitz HD, for reasons I do not understand. This means you can only replay levels with lives enabled, and it also means there is no way to practice the bonus stages, as you only get 1 attempt at them after beating 4 levels upon restarting a world. Since some of the later bonus stages can be quite difficult to get a perfect on if you're not familiar with them, it really sucks that you can't practice them at all. Practice mode is such a basic feature of Super Monkey Ball that it is honestly kind of absurd that this game does not have one.
Another missing feature is the banana count. Banana Blitz introduced a banana count on the level select menu, telling you how many of the bananas in the level you have collected at least once throughout your playthroughs of it. Additionally, collecting all of the bananas, AND all of the hidden bananas in a level got you a complete message on the level select. This added a ton of replayability to Banana Blitz, and it is completely absent in Banana Blitz HD for some reason.
Replays are also missing. Another staple of the Super Monkey Ball series, the ability to save replays is completely absent from Banana Blitz HD, despite being present in the original. Not only that, but the instant replay has also been removed, which really sucks.
The total number of mini games has been reduced from 50 to 10, a massive reduction. I wasn't expecting all 50 to return, and frankly not all 50 of them should return, but now the game has fewer mini games than Super Monkey Ball 2. And they made some terrible decisions about which mini games to keep and which to remove.
Masao Shirosaki basically admitted that Banana Blitz was chosen to be remade as it was the most realistic for their limited budget and time, and this attitude definitely shows with regards to the content present in the final product. There is also version exclusive content, such as achievements that aren't present in the Nintendo Switch version, and the ability to play in different shaped balls being exclusive to the Steam version, and needless to say this is a really crappy practice that needs to die, especially since all the games share the same price tag.

The minigame selection and minigame changes

Since they were only going to put 10 mini games into Banana Blitz HD, you would think they would pick only the best mini games to bring back. Unfortunately they did not. A bunch of great games got cut, including Asteroid Crash, Disk Golf and Monkey Golf, Monkey Bowling, Monkey Race, Monkey Squash, Spaceship Landing, Treasure Submarine, and the best mini game from Banana Blitz: Monkey Wars. Meanwhile, they decided to keep several crappy mini games, like Hovercraft Race, Seesaw Ball, Slingshot and Whack-a-mole, as well as mediocre ones like Hurdle Race and Banana Blitz's rendition of Monkey Target.
In addition to this, several of the returning mini games are now noticeably worse than they were in the original. Dangerous Route's controls are now much worse, as you now no longer control the monkey directly, but control its acceleration in a frictionless environment, making precision movement extremely difficult. They also made it so that you have to be constantly collecting bananas to stand a chance at beating the levels. Hammer Throw and Hurdle Race are both victims of the game no longer supporting motion controls, as Hammer Throw is now controlled by twirling the control stick, which is a surefire way to wear down the notches on your controller if you use a notched controller like I do, and Hurdle Race is now an awkward button masher, which not only again damages your controller, but is also more awkward to play, as you have to mash buttons to move forward, and press a different button to jump, as opposed to there only being one button you use. In Monkey Snowboard, your monkey now takes FOREVER to get back up after falling down, and your hitbox in general seems to be a lot larger, making it harder to not hit obstacles or crash into other players. Though I do appreciate the fact that jumping off the ends of ramps now gives you a speed boost, as it is no longer better to just bypass the ramps entirely, which ruined the fun of the ramps in the original.
​
And that about covers it. There other minor nitpicks I could make about the game, but overall I think these are the important points about why I think it is a bad remake, and why I prefer the original game over it, despite the motion controls.

First Previous Next
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
— Langston Hughes
Catalogue Description:
Self-Monitoring Behavioural Management Report: Casimir Szymański, Scazim Institute of Science and Technology - English Translation
Date:
15 Summer-2 3429 (Standard Parimthian Calendar)
November 23rd, 2162 (Gregorian Calendar)
Held by:
The UK National Archives, Kew
Legal status:
Public Record(s)
My father worshipped a fabricated, pagan prophet.
The Senghavi of the Parimthian Empire are principally joined under the ditheistic religion called Siedi, which I do not subscribe to. Of course, the Senghavi's literature, art, and faith flooded the whole of Earth upon their arrival a century ago. From this ocean of civilised culture, my degenerate species drew a sample, claimed it as our own, and polluted it with a distorted, appropriated, dumbed-down doctrine.
The central figure in this corrupt sample of Siedi was a man whom my father called Jesus Christ. He was said to have offered himself as a sacrifice that could be made to a single God. It was a final sacrifice, one beyond lambs or cattle or people. One that would atone for humanity's sins, so that we could have the free choice between the eternal presence of God and the eternal absence of "Him."
My father dressed himself in black, with a standing collar whose white fabric was exposed at the centre. That much, I could recall. He preached to hopeful humans in what was called a church, though I did not know what he was preaching. At the very least, my childhood is fuzzy in that regard.
The pain that throbbed through my skull, after the blonde savage had slammed my head against the ridges of the airlock, faded into the background. I could not focus; perhaps, I thought, one of their improvised explosives had gone off by accident. There was blue Senghavi blood staining my dress shirt. The rush of air escaping into vacuum pierced my ears.
Perhaps it was thirst of water, which binds most sapient beings—the Sons of Liberty had reached an agreement with the Colonial Defence Force to allow spacecraft delivering food, water, and medical aid, only to unleash the anti-collision lasers of this cursed spaceliner upon those very ships.
Or perhaps it was the explosion, as I initially thought, an inadvertent complication which had wrought injury and death over my countrymen, and which had forced the terrorist savages to attempt to patch up the many hull breaches left by debris.
Or perhaps it was simply the stress of betraying, in my desperate efforts to save everyone from this senseless violence, the greatest secret of the Senghavi Terrans: our antimatter research. Word of it had likely been forwarded already, hundreds of light-years away, to that pink-hued marble which was Parimth itself.
Or perhaps it was all three; thirst, explosion, and stress. In any case, my mind shut it all out, and something lost from my childhood flashed before me:
We're standing on the cracked street of the Vennec Human Reservation. In the distance, the Senghavi's white, glassy spires reach above the clouds, their accents of luminescence dim in the broad daylight.
I hold a ball in my palm. It's wrapped in white leather held together with red stitching. I toss it to Dad.
Instead of his clerical uniform, he wears the normal "T-shirt" and "cargo shorts." Along with the clerical getup, they are just two of the many sorts of clothing which the Senghavi have invented for humanity. I toss the ball to Dad, and he swings a primitive wooden bat.
The ball goes soaring, further than he meant to. He jogs down the road to retrieve it, then gives me the wooden bat. The breeze ruffles his hair just as he ruffles mine with his hand.
"Now, you try," he says. "It's just practice, that's all."
For some reason, he lifts one leg in the air, then pitches the ball to me. I swing. The impact of the ball shakes through the wood, and it goes careening off to the left.
"I did it!" I yell. "But it went out of bounds."
"Heyyyy, that's not bad," Dad says with a reassuring voice. "Good job, just try to go a little more right next time."
Mom comes out onto the front porch, the breeze ruffling her dress as she waves to Dad. "Dinner's ready, and Mom's pie is... almost ready."
I stare blankly at her until I realise that she is talking about her Mom, Grandma, who is the best at making pumpkin pie.
"The pie!" I shout, running and jumping to the front door. "I totally forgot about that!"
I am ready to speed my way through dinner just so I can get to dessert, but Dad stops me before my first bite.
Of course, I think. We need to say grace. Me, Mom, Dad, Grandma, and Grandpa all hold hands, thanking God for our food, and then dig in. But Mom and Dad just talk about work, and I am too focused on finishing my food quickly to pitch in.
Finally—Grandma's pie!
When you bite into the soft, smooth filling, you can instantly tell it's been made with fresh pumpkins, not the boring canned ones. The taste of cinnamon and spice is balanced out perfectly with the coolness of the whipped cream.
The flavour spreads through my tongue and nostrils, filling my entire brain with a feeling of amazing-ness. If I wrote the Simple-Speak Dictionary for Senghavi Terrans, I'd put Grandma's pie next to the translation of "perfection."
I should save a slice, I think, for the Senghavi kid.
Even though it's only been a week since I met him through the playground fence, we already told each other where we live, and I want to get to know him more. He doesn't live on the Vennec Human Reservation, but his house is just a bike-ride away in Fellye Neighborhood.
I wonder if anyone's ever given pumpkin pie to an alien before. Even though humans only invented it fifty years ago, it makes me feel proud of my species!
When Mom tucks me into bed, kissing my forehead, I tell her what I'm going to do.
"Oh, you wild thing," she coos. "You're so much like your father. And you have his eyes, you know? Just stay safe."
"Don't worry, I'll do my best."
>! "Good night. I love you." !<
>! "I love you, too, Mom," I say. I hug her tightly from my bed, and a warm, fuzzy feeling blossoms within me. I can hardly fall asleep in my excitement. !<
Luckily, Fellye Neighborhood doesn't take apartheid that seriously, and I don't think anybody cares about an eight year-old human riding his bicycle around the gates.
Next evening, I do just that, peddling out of the Reservation's entrance into the violet dusk. When I get to Mensim's address, I ring the hi-tech front doorbell, and a really tall Senghavi shows up.
"Oh, dear," she says in Parimthian. "A barbarian hatchling—by what name do you go?"
"I'm Casimir," I say nervously. I don't pay that much attention in school, but I know just enough Parimthian to talk to the Senghavi woman. "Are you Mrs. Munghazi? Is Mensim fe Munghazi here? I got two slices of pie. You can have one, too!"
She looks at me suspiciously, antennae twitching. "That would be Teacher Munghazi to you; I know not why you natives invented these odd 'Mister' and 'Missis' honorifics. Hold on—Ghanvati! A native hatchling stands at our doorstep!"
Ghanvati must be Mensim's dad. I wonder where his other moms are; only one has shown up to the door. Ghanvati shows up with two of them—they are both shorter and daintier than Teacher Munghazi, their raptorial forelimbs folded shyly against their bodies. In front of the group of three is Mensim, and I involuntarily gasped with excitement.
"Mensim!"
"This is your new companion?" Ghanvati asks Mensim.
Mensim's papery forewings flicker with affirmation. "I met him at school."
"What, pray tell, is the point of apartheid if it does not actually keep natives away from Senghavi?" whines one of Ghanvati's wives.
Ghanvati's antennae droop as if to say "I don't know," while Mensim lifts my arms, inspecting me like I am a test animal in a mad scientist's laboratory.
"How do you guys not get cut all the time?" he asks, tracing his tarsal hairs over my bare skin. "You're so fleshy!"
"I do get cut all the time," I giggled. "We just use band-aids. Oh, do you wanna eat a pumpkin pie?"
It turned out that pumpkin pie is bad for alien stomachs. Mensim had to go to the bathroom for a long time, and three of his moms got mad at me.
When I got back, Dad and Mom were arguing. I snuck close to the back porch, making sure they couldn't hear me.
"Yes, they leave some people alone," Dad said. "Obviously, they can't spy on every single human who believes in human religions. But Katarzyna, they still need people to make an example out of, and I don't want to be that person!"
"Casimir is a responsible kid," Mom retorts. "I told him he can't tell anyone what you do, and he listens to me."
"He's eight years old. You can't just let him wander around aliens with a secret that could have me killed! Or have you killed!"
Mom cups Dad's cheek and looks him in the eye. She's a lot shorter than him. "Look, love. You're a great father, and I think it's amazing that you spend time with him. But you're the only person he talks to. You know just as well as I do that he needs to talk to other kids! It's not healthy; even Teacher Perevvoxath agreed. And now he finally has a friend."
Dad sighs, running his hands through his black hair. My hair. "You really think aliens are a substitute for human interaction?"
>! "I think every human needs a person they can talk to, and Casimir found one. If you really care about him, stop preaching for a while! Your church isn't gonna die without you. It'll be okay." !<
The next day, I visit Mensim's house after school again. And the next day after that, and the next after that. His dad Ghanvati is formally named Engineer Munghazi. I am to call his moms Teacher Munghazi, Teacher Munghazi, Teacher Munghazi, Accountant Munghazi, Priestess Munghazi, Doctor Munghazi, and Maidservant Munghazi.
A couple weeks later, Mensim and I are lounging together on his couch, watching a Parimthian war movie. The main characters are fighting against the evil forces of the Imperium of Orion. Under his head capsule, Mensim is munching something called Synth-Fruit, which is imported from a faraway planet called Mryi. I eat Pop-Tarts, which I'm pretty sure are toxic to him.
"Come on, just give me one," Mensim exclaims, reaching over to steal the sweet snacks from me. "It can't be that bad!"
I lift the Pop-Tarts away from him, laughing. "Stoppit, you're attacking me! Pay attention to the movie, or I'm gonna shoot you!"
"But I just want one..."
"It's gonna poison you, and you're gonna get your weird alien throw-up all over me!"
Priestess Munghazi, the oldest of his moms, bursts into the living room, her jewellery clinking over her clerical cape.
"Your sister conveyed to me quite the disturbing piece of news, Mensim," Priestess Munghazi cries. "The father of Casimir is a priest of a most barbarous and evil perversion of the Siedi faith. Ghanvati and I spoke, and we agreed that you are not to consort with this primitive, pagan savage any longer."
I drop my crumbly Pop-Tart on the couch, confused at the sudden order.
"But Priestess Munghazi, I'm not dangerous or evil. I'm just a kid."
"Nonsense! You are dangerous; your father is a barbarian worshipper of this evil, primate paganism that is called Christianity, and a most woeful effect is begot that even self-respecting Senghavi have 'gone native,' as they say. Mensim, if you continue to consort with this native spawn, I will be impelled to inform the Siedi Court, and they may by chance see to it that he is executed!"
"W-Wait!" Mensim says, holding up the remote to pause our movie. He gets off of me, suddenly losing interest in my Pop-Tart, his vestigial forewings rising with concern. "Please, Mother. I promise he won't be any trouble."
My blood runs cold. Dad, executed? Just because what he believes in isn't "civilised" enough? Actually, I thought that Mom told him to stop preaching for a while.
Mensim scrambles to *his father's sleeping quarters, and I trail frantically after him.*
"Father," Mensim says. "Is Casimir's father's job so ghastly that he should be executed by the Siedi Court?"
"We can't just let the natives spread the same barbarous religions that they used to kill each other," Ghanvati replies, his secondary arms clasped together. "It's a threat to safe, moral society. Priestess Munghazi told me his father spreads evil and paganism. I have no reason not to trust the oldest of your mothers."
"But Casimir's my best friend! If you tell the Siedi Court about his father, I'll... I'll run away! I'll hate you!"
Distressed vibrations emanate through the floor beneath my feet; Mensim's antennae and papery forewings and hindwings go limp. Something like lilies and the earthy scent of rain fills the air.
"My dearest Mensim," Ghanvati says softly, dipping his head capsule with compassion. "I will hold off, just this once. It would be apt of you not to cause me to reconsider."
"T-thank you, Engineer Munghazi," I say, wiping my own tears. "My dad's not a bad person, I promise."
After confronting his dad, Mensim and I keep on watching movies and playing digital games. He always wins when we wrestle, but I still haven't given up (even though Priestess Munghazi always tells us to stop roughhousing).
I even bring my Lego pieces to his house. He doesn't know what Legos are, but later, in his sleeping quarters, we build together. He makes a cool-looking spaceship that he calls a "negative energy generator."
"Hey, you took all the cool black and grey pieces," I complain. "Now I can't finish my army base!"
"This is cooler than your army base," Mensim says proudly. "Father used to work in one. It uses the superposition of squeezed vacuum states to produce a field of negative energy density."
"I have no idea what that means, but that sounds really smart."
"No kidding! It's how people make wormholes and fly all the way to other stars."
"Well, my army guys could beat your negative energy-thingy. They have machine guns."
"My guys could just fly a [~million billion trillion kilometres] away, and yours can't do anything about it!"
"Then your guys are wimps. But my guys aren't. Because they're the Army!"
>! We also explore the pine forest in his backyard. Within just two more weeks, we have uncovered all sorts of interesting things, like a piece of a real human skull. One time, we found a human foot sculpted and smoothed out of stone—who would make such a thing?—and a dead metal device with the icon of a bitten-out-of apple printed on it. !<
There were also other human body parts made out of ancient stone, too: the cracked half of a man's face buried a foot deep, a muscly arm sticking out of the soil. Even a private part, which I snickered at, though Mensim seemed unfazed.
There is something else we start to do. My parents have given me "the talk," and Mensim told me that his parents gave him the Senghavi version of it. And so even as we talk and play in the woods, we experiment—because we are curious, and why should we not be?
A fragment of a memory in the forest; Mensim's raptorial forelimbs are set on my shoulders as his compound eyes look into my primate eyes, and he says, "You cannot tell anyone about this. Anyone. Absolutely no one."
I don't know how, but Priestess Munghazi learned of what we were doing, and now she expresses anger and disgust alike, her wings and antennae wild and rigid. Ghanvati is the same. Mensim and I... We're actually making them reconsider their decision not to tell the Siedi Court about my dad.
A fragment of a memory... I feel like I am in space, stranded aboard a spaceliner that has been hijacked by terrorists, its atmosphere venting amid a backdrop of violence... But I am not, I am in the forest that Mensim and I talked and played in; I am in Mensim's home, terrified as I am yelled at by Ghanvati, whose compassion no longer shines through, accompanied by Priestess Munghazi.
"By the names of the Gods, it's those false, pagan corruptions which humans have named as their religions, that are spouted by your father," Priestess Munghazi spits. I am teary-eyed and snot-nosed from guilt and embarrassment. "How horrid is the link between the state of barbarism and a most revolting and shameful propensity for bizarre and perverted behaviour!"
Then I am in my own family's living room, and the mom I love so dearly yells at me, too, but my father is quieter and only seems disappointed. This must be the first time in my life that I have felt true shame, I think; the kind that leaves you with an emptiness inside. Like the whole point of existing just vanished inside of me.
The worst part is that I cannot even lean on Mom's shoulder, because she is distressed—because she knows what will happen—
"This is all on you, Casimir!" she screeches, tears in her eyes. "All on you!"
I remember telling Priestess Munghazi that 'I'm not dangerous or evil; I'm just a kid,' but now I can't be sure anymore. I can tell I am different in the eyes of my family. They are disgusted by me.
It is my fault, after all, that Priestess Munghazi tells the Siedi Court of my father's evil, barbaric Christian teachings.
The Parimthian soldiers bring my father to the gallows. Their snow-white exoskeletons gleam under a burning sun. They have dressed him in his clerical uniform, and the camera is close enough that I can see his cross necklace.
I have been grounded in my room; still, I have a television to see the live broadcast.
Hanging works for primates and mantids alike. It happens in the Forum of Movvaeti, the venue for public events in our area, where my father is a lesser criminal compared to the native leaders and Senghavi malcontents who have dissented from Colonial Governor Nieve fe Skellth.
He is joined with seven other convicts, three humans and four Senghavi, and their crimes are read to the crowd—blasphemy, paganism, monogamy, witchcraft, seditious libel, insulting the Parimthian Crown, treason against the Parimthian Crown, and refusal to quarter Parimthian soldiers.
Why? None of this feels right. Why should my father be killed because of what he says and believes? Why can't these people be judged with fairness, rather than at the whim of some distant space emperor?
Not only have I been grounded, but I grow cold without my mother's touch. I want to hold someone's hand while watching Dad lose his life, but nobody is there. Mom brings me food, but she doesn't even look at me. Why can't she look at me? Why can't she speak to me? I just want things to be the way they used to be, when Dad would help me practise hitting a ball with a bat on the street.
I watch him turn down a caped, bejewelled priestess of the Siedi faith, who thought she could make my dad accept their Gods before his death. Before a modest crowd of humans and Senghavi alike, all eight of the convicts have their arms and legs bound with rope.
I am begging myself to turn the TV off, but I can't bring myself to. The Senghavi executioner uses some kind of hi-tech display to remove the supports from beneath the convicts' feet. My stomach flips over inside of me, a nausea of shame filling my body.
I can't deny it any longer. This is my fault—this is why my family avoids me—this is why they are disgusted by me—and Dad falls and his head jerks when the noose goes taut.
As he hangs there, I cannot tell for how long he remains alive. My insides are cold. After the broadcast ends, after night falls and I sit in the moonlight spilling faintly through my windows, that is when it all comes out. I sob alone. I scream for Mom to help me and be there for me, but she does not come. Her harsh voice resonates through my memory; this is all on me. I am a disgrace to everyone I love, and that is why they have left me here. Why they avoid me as if I am a disease.
The only thing I want is to see Dad again, but he is gone forever. I curl up on my room floor. What is this? What is this loneliness? This stinging hatred I feel against myself?
No one, human or mantid, will be there for me. I cry until my throat cannot ache any more harshly, until my eyes cannot sting any more painfully, and then I go cold inside, my body shivering in the moonlight. I retreat into my happy memories with Dad until it is too painful to bear.
I wish so dearly I could end it all, to take my own life and join Dad in the heaven that he believed in. There is a belt in my closet that I can use on myself in the way the Siedi Court killed Dad.
But beneath the sickly well of shame, the nausea and crushing humiliation at the stupid antics of Mensim and I, with which Mom's brief gaze pierces me—beneath the weight of knowing that I will never fill the torturous vacuum Dad left, knowing that I am a foul and disgusting son to the mother I so desperately need, that I see no end to the infinite river of anxiety and guilt pouring through the hole left in my heart—beneath my isolation and my longing for human touch—something breaks inside of me.
An emptiness of purpose. There is no point in going on, and I feel nothing, not even the desire to stop living. There is one exception: A hatred of myself, and of the humans I loved as family.
One day, Mom appears in my doorway, and she just stands there. Before, I would've welcomed being offered interaction with her beyond just receiving food, but now I am numb, my eyes all out of tears to cry.
"Pack your things," she says, her voice flat. She still doesn't look at me; the eyes she once said I inherited from Dad, she now shuns. "You're going to a residential school."
Indigenous Residential Schools; that is what Colonial Governor Nieve fe Skellth calls them, I think. They're for human kids who have trouble letting go of their "savage" roots; kids that the normal schools aren't enough to civilise. Schools that show you how to act Senghavi, to think Senghavi, to... be Senghavi.
There was a human kid in normal school whose sister went there, but they said that something had happened to her there; something in that residential school had changed her before she finally returned.
But I feel no fear as I pack my clothes into my bags. Every time I look in my bedroom mirror, a violent feeling rushes to my chest, only to dissipate into the hatred-tinged numbness I have grown so used to.
Finally, the time comes to depart. In the early morning, I am already aboard the autonomous public transport. It pulls out of the cracked street I once played with Dad in, passing by the entrance of Fellye Neighborhood, driving off into the fiery, violet Terran dawn. I see my faded reflection in the window, and my chest jumps with revulsion.
So I look down, fidgeting with my touchpad—then the numbness abruptly leaves, and my tears fall once again.
Forgive me for all the redaction, Doctor Morgthax. While I will not disclose what I wrote, you are correct, as always, about the act of writing. There is some semblance of psychological relief in typing one's sullen inner thoughts onto a touchpad. As if one can be heard without being heard.
By the time I drifted back to reality, my mouth and lips dry from dehydration, the hijackers had patched up the holes punched through the hull by the accidental explosion. Plenty of Senghavi passengers were spilling cerulean blood from beneath their exoskeletal coverings; though they were all alive, they needed medical attention.
Two hundred-something Senghavi civilians aboard this luxury spaceliner, and none had yet died. That stroke of luck offered me a glimmer of hope.
Pavok, the child, was emitting vibrations through the floor in his despair, the smell of rain and lilies becoming evident to me. It is starkly fascinating, the evolutionary dissimilarity between how native Terrans and Senghavi Terrans cry.
Those ships were delivering medical aid and critical provisions to the passengers, Commander Lokprel barked, the neutrino signals that encoded his gruff voice coming out from the intercom. Why did you laser them?
"Stop playing games," Jake snapped wearily into his radio. I recalled that his full name was Jacob Weaver, as Commander Lokprel had mentioned. A drop of blood streaked down his face. "We know what you're up to."
Paranoia will get you nowhere, Jacob. If we don't work with each other, you won't survive. We have detected an explosion aboard the spaceliner. Is anyone dead?
"Not yet," Jake growled. "But Fenni Svim will be if your forces keep approaching!"
Fenni Svim—the Senghavi from the Vellir Veneti Physics Lab, against whose skull Jake had pressed his pistol to halt the CDF's initial approach, hours ago—stiffened in her seat. I had never known the nuclear researcher very well before this barbarous event, but I prayed to the Gods of Siedi (whom I do not really believe in) that she would be okay.
Many of the passengers were still being kept by the windows to deter snipers. They included Pavok, behind whom Khadija stood guard.
"Sorry for attacking you," Jake suddenly said to me, his voice worn-out. "It's like Khadija said. The bugs know that humans are strong when they're united. It's why they try to play us against ourselves, to ally with just some of us, to try to make us hate each other; to hate ourselves. It's how they tore the United States apart. Everything they do... It's to make us ashamed of our species, our own culture, to lose hope in the future. If we were united, Casimir... they'd be terrified of us. And make no mistake—we're uniting again."
"E-even if what you say about mankind is true," I croaked, "Our species would not have settled anywhere but Earth. Our culture and history would still have been negligible and primitive, the richness and complexity of the Senghavi, still greater by many orders of magnitude."
"Casimir, did you go to one of the Indigenous Residential Schools?" Khadija asked.
"Y-yes," I managed, dusting off my formal wear and cleaning my glasses. "I was sent to one as a child. They are for those of us savage natives which conventional education could not sufficiently civilise."
Khadija's eyes softened with compassion, and she gestured to my wrist. "I asked because of that code on your wrist. I've heard about some of the things that happen in those places. The cruelty; the abuse."
I glanced at the abstract identification code tattooed onto my skin, faded with time. I hadn't thought about it in ages; it was but a remnant of my childhood, and I never paid it any attention.
"Residential schooling is necessary and proper," I tell her. "It is similar to human-mantid apartheid in its purpose; it keeps the public safe from savagery. "
"If we get out of this alive, I'm gonna take you with me to Russia," she said, wiping sweat from her brow. "Specifically, Moscow. It's where I lived after the fall of Türkiye. Man controls it, not the Senghavi."
I was already aware that a vast, untamed region named Zvorriu-Sai, located in Earth's northeastern quarter-sphere, is called Russia in simple-speak. A decade ago, Nieve fe Skellth had tried to civilise the hunter-gatherers who lived there, but his troops starved and froze in the snow.
It was with the multitude of planetary habitat fabricators that his army had been using that the native primates of Zvorriu-Sai constructed such cities as Moscow or Saint Petersburg.
"Russian civilization goes back over a millennium," Khadija explained. "I don't give a fuck about what the Senghavi have built on this planet; Russian architecture is my favourite, hands down. Anyway, it's the most stable and self-sufficient of the ten countries we've got left. Hard to invade, you know? It's seen better days, but the cities are nice, the economy is good. I think you'll find it's a hell of a lot less 'savage' than whatever the fuck the Parimthian Empire is doing."
To corroborate her claims, she showed me a photo from the gallery of her cracked, dusty touchpad. Before a busy canal, the waters tinted orange by a rising sun, a more relaxed version of her smiled into the camera alongside some human of the phenotype I had seen in the video of Tokyo. Looming over them was an intricate, palatial structure topped with colourful, onion-shaped domes.
"How... quaint," I replied, unsure of what to say, though it ignited dry laughter in Khadija.
"Looks like we got a communiqué from the UN," another hijacker announced, his mask still covering his face. I couldn't place his accent at all. He held up his own touchpad, displaying photos of the Colonial Governor herself—Perellanth fe Sumur—flanked by armed UN military personnel. They were clad in urban camouflage that was marred with blood. The black, plant-like extraterrestrial gazed defeatedly in the sterile lighting.
The UN had captured her! The Crown's decision to appoint a Vire as the leader of a Senghavi colony had been no small event. I was certain that after all the talk of Senghavi Terran independence, then followed by the Colonial Governor's capture, His Imperial Majesty regretted his progressivist decision.
"We... We did it!" Jake exclaimed, his voice disbelieving. "We took down Perellanth!"
You achieved nothing, Commander Lokprel retorted over the intercom. Not beyond the promotion of Benghoviu fe Prim to Acting Colonial Governor. If you kill Governor Sumur, Governor Benghoviu will become the permanent Colonial Governor as per the chain of command, and he will carry on the fine work of his predecessor.
Jake seemed to consider that situation a fair one, and he nodded to himself subtly. "Okay, sure. But if you do nothing, we'll still kill our first hostage."
What I can promise you is that Delegate Essintsya fe Baryn will submit an Act to the Forum of Delegates to recognize the sovereignty of the UN. It will be deliberated over for months, but it is your only realistic option. In return, we demand that you allow the passengers injured by one of your explosives to board CDF medical ships.
I recalled that the Forum of Delegates had voted Benghoviu fe Prim as Vice Colonial Governor just a year ago. And before even that, the Senghavi who lived on Vennec—my home continent on Earth—had popularly elected the ever-prudent Essintsya fe Baryn to the Forum. She was quite the economic liberal, as her sort was called.
Delegate Baryn's statements on the social contract between a people and their government, as well as her rejection that the Parimthian Crown ruled by divine right, had resonated deeply with me.
Jake's eyes hardened, and he turned his radio back on. "I said no games!"
There are no games here, Jacob! We only aim to preserve as much sapient life as possible. And you are out of options.
The hijacker who had shown Colonial Governor Sumur's prison photo gave Jake a withering look. "We're dragging this on, man. I don't want anyone to die."
"Don't talk to me about death, Ramiro. Not after what happened in the US."
The so-called United States of America... called Gholo Vieda in Parimthian. That region was Nieve fe Skellth's last successful conquest before he attempted to take on the vast, snowy expanses of Zvorriu-Sai. I wondered if, like Khadija's experience in Türkiye in the Niethvahi region, Jake had witnessed firsthand the cultural assimilation and political integration of Gholo Vieda into the rest of Parimthian Earth.
The conquest of Gholo Vieda and Niethvahi were the great accomplishments of Perellanth's predecessor, of course; but, in my opinion, the devotion of the (now captured) Perellanth to the causes of liberty, reason, equality, and sapientism far outshadowed anything that Nieve had done. I am certain, however, that the Parimthian Crown disagrees.
In any case, my faith in CDF Commander Lokprel loth Fonvie had not risen. Perhaps that was a good thing; otherwise, I might have regretted betraying the knowledge of antimatter research in order to elicit a more competent Parimthian intervention.
More security forces took up positions around the spaceliner, each ship split sharply into sunlight and shadow amid the black of space. The hijacker called Ramiro pointed to a series of smaller craft, which seemed to be pulling away from the luxury spaceliner. Escape pods!
"Hostages are falling through our fingers," Ramiro said. "We need to do something."
"Go to the rear," Khadija ordered. "Stop anyone else from sneaking out!"
Jake's radio crackled with the voice of someone in the cockpit. We've intercepted a neutrino transmission from the new guy, Benghoviu fe Prim. He's calling for some kind of emergency council at the highest levels in the Parimthian Empire.
I scoffed internally. The Crown would intervene for the sake of investigating all this talk of antimatter, whose alluring utility had hitherto been confined to theory and fiction. But it was doubtful that His Imperial Majesty would agree to an emergency council for the sake of his colonists' security and well-being. As (relatively) progressivist as he was in policy, he was still very much a punitive emperor, not a rewarding one.
"I told the commander to stop advancing—dammit!" Jake spat. "We're only letting medical craft get any closer. Fire at the corvettes!"
Affirmative, his radio crackled. Targets in sight.
The spaceliner's anti-collision lasers flashed against several faraway spacecraft. A succession of oxygen-fueled fires, each lasting for a [~split-second] against the vacuum of space, flared in the distance. Even so, the growing array of naval craft began to close in upon us again, surrounding the spaceliner in every dimension.
Switching again to the neutrino-connected channel, Jake gave a disgusted scowl. "Are you deaf, Commander? If your people keep getting closer, the deal is off!"
The more you fire, the closer we will get, Lokprel said. We are just making sure it is safe for the medical craft. As long as you refrain from harming them, we will not hurt you.
The hijacker in the cockpit radioed to Jake again, her voice sounding more alarmed.
We're picking up a massive object on our scanners. It's headed our way.
"How massive are we talking?" Jake asked.
It's... some kind of warship, I think. Over a hundred times our size.
"You're joking, right?"
"A Parimthian spacecraft carrier," murmured a soft, whimpery voice.
It was Fenni Svim again, her praying raptorial forelimbs tucked close in fear.
"The Imperial Parimthian Navy?" I asked. "They're really here?"
"Y-you shouldn't act surprised," Fenni said. "I know you were speaking to someone on the P-Parimthian side. You leaked our greatest secret, Casimir."
"R-right."
"What's she talking about, dude?" Khadija asked. Suspicion of betrayal lingered in her dark eyes. She had believed the lie that I was only calling a loved one when I contacted Mensim, >! who is at present an agent of Parimth!<; she had trusted me, and defended me against Jake's wrath.
I didn't answer. The very reason we needed antimatter was that the colonists' outerspace spanned but a meagre few millionths of the Parimthian Empire's total volume. I did not know what exactly a spacecraft carrier one hundred times the size of our spaceliner could do for the hostages, but it would be far more competent than the comparatively flimsy Colonial Defence Force.
Finally, after so many years of strategic modesty in the administration of the Crown's distant colony, of his Earth, as His Imperial Majesty suffered expense upon expense in countering the Imperium of Orion... Parimth had sent a warship of the Imperial Parimthian Navy, here in full force!
There was no need to inquire as to its distance; I could see it through my window. It was far enough that I could view the whole of its great form. Senghavi architecture, of course, is usually round, white, and glassy, traced with glowing accents; however, the imperial warship was boxy and shadowy black, visible only by the silhouette that it carved into the beaming sun.
Already, dozens of smaller craft—operated by some of the finest Senghavi pilots in the Milky Way—began spilling out from the spacecraft carrier, moving in the shadow of their gargantuan mothership. As even the hostage passengers became aware of its presence, the muted chatter and whimpering, which had been ambient across the aisles of the spaceliner, finally ceased.
Because of me, all of us—colonists and savages alike—were, for the first time in a decade, going to face a military intervention by Parimth itself.

Hello BAHSton folk, (my gosh what a shitty joke).
Is there any good recommendations for a pontoon boat rental for 7/8 people or so on or near the cape ? Like a lake or bay? Sorry been to the cape quite a few times but never thought about a lake day

Period: 39.89 days

	Submissions	Comments
Total	947	16869
Rate (per day)	23.74	412.74
Unique Redditors	342	1783
Combined Score	23580	103359

Top Submitters' Top Submissions

1. 1030 points, 50 submissions: InstructionHot9577
   
   1. KR$NA - NO CAP (79 points, 117 comments)
   2. Young Stunners ft KR$NA - QUARANTINE (64 points, 33 comments)
   3. Rapper who made a huge comeback and everyone heart (56 points, 40 comments)
   4. EMIWAY x KR$NA - MUMBAI SE DELHI TAK (54 points, 62 comments)
   5. Why audience sleeping on JJ47 ? (50 points, 39 comments)
   6. Seedhe Maut - Gandi Aulaad (46 points, 25 comments)
   7. Seedhe Maut - Gehraiyaan (44 points, 16 comments)
   8. WU Tang Clan references (39 points, 56 comments)
   9. Which artist has best chemistry ( not duo ) (35 points, 58 comments)
   10. Hi-Rez ft Tech N9ne, KR$NA, Joell Ortiz, Twista, Bizzy Bone, A-F-R-O - Overdrive (32 points, 34 comments)
2. 876 points, 30 submissions: adolf-dumblewhore
   
   1. Iconic photos of Desi hip-hop. (451 points, 124 comments)
   2. Artist Introduction - Ahmer (88 points, 32 comments)
   3. Foosie Gang - Bandi Crack (55 points, 23 comments)
   4. Indianhiphopheads now has 90k members (52 points, 40 comments)
   5. Prabh Deep - Thappad (21 points, 13 comments)
   6. Chaar Diwaari, Yashraj - MITTI (19 points, 4 comments)
   7. Emiway Bantai - Chusamba (16 points, 31 comments)
   8. Hasan Raheem, Abdullah Kasumbi - Aisay Kaisay (15 points, 3 comments)
   9. Mc Square, Paradox - Chhore Ncr Aale (14 points, 21 comments)
   10. The Making of Golden by Meba Ofilia (14 points, 4 comments)
3. 803 points, 57 submissions: theAppleboy
   
   1. [FRESH VIDEO] Yungsta, Sez - Hona Hi Tha (ft. Raga, Encore ABJ, Dilliboy) (104 points, 24 comments)
   2. Karun announces EP featuring Chaar Diwaari, Yashraj, Arpit Bala, Nanku, Natiq (81 points, 26 comments)
   3. Prabh Deep, Seedhe Maut, Sez on the Beat - Class-Sikh Maut Vol. II (64 points, 21 comments)
   4. Chaar Diwaari is Indian Hip-Hop’s Favorite Worst Nightmare Right Now (43 points, 9 comments)
   5. [FRESH ALBUM] Gravity & Outfly - SUPERVILLAIN (39 points, 24 comments)
   6. Yungsta & Sez on the Beat - Savera (ft. Yashraj) (26 points, 11 comments)
   7. New BAGI MUNDA EP 'BETAJ BADSHAH' releasing on 25/5 (23 points, 5 comments)
   8. [FRESH] The Siege, YKSDOG, Circle Tone - Rent is Due (22 points, 12 comments)
   9. BAGI MUNDA, JASKARAN - Skinny Model (20 points, 4 comments)
   10. Chaar Diwaari talks about his music-making process, 'TMKG' with Red FM India (20 points, 5 comments)
4. 675 points, 30 submissions: Adventurous-Guava981
   
   1. Krsna Is Going To Drop A New Song (152 points, 30 comments)
   2. Brodha V - Azhage (Fallin) (46 points, 17 comments)
   3. DIVINE - SACH BOL PATTA (45 points, 39 comments)
   4. Emiway x Young Galib - Kya Bolti Public (41 points, 101 comments)
   5. Karma - Google Pay (35 points, 2 comments)
   6. Young Galib - Kulfa-Kar-Ma (34 points, 377 comments)
   7. Biggest Lie You Ever Heard in a Song? (33 points, 102 comments)
   8. KR$NA ALL SONGS FEATURES (29 points, 13 comments)
   9. MC STAN X MC THC - Trippin (26 points, 4 comments)
   10. Naezy - Aafat! (Introductory Verses) (26 points, 8 comments)
5. 611 points, 11 submissions: ___sohammmm
   
   1. Haath Varti - Kshmr X Mc Stan Out this Friday (354 points, 76 comments)
   2. Ammy Virk X Divine - 27th April (75 points, 14 comments)
   3. MC Stan’s IG Story !!! Hinting collab with Bpraak (75 points, 33 comments)
   4. Farhan Khan ft. GRAVITY ( Prod.by Mr. Doss ) - LOOTERA Music Video (26 points, 12 comments)
   5. King performing at GQ 35 Most Influntial Young Indians . (21 points, 12 comments)
   6. THE YOUNG GALIB on Instagram: "Public Ko Malum Hai Lete Hum Break Nahi Aake Bajaenge Har Hafte 🥱" (19 points, 91 comments)
   7. Ammy Virk x DIVINE - Busy Getting Paid (Music Video) (16 points, 21 comments)
   8. Who is Shubham Jadhav, the ‘rockSun’ rapper at the centre of Pune university controversy? (12 points, 3 comments)
   9. DeeKing - Anjaan (11 points, 2 comments)
   10. Pratik LastKing - Mera Bhai Don INDIA Ka ( Music Video) (2 points, 0 comments)
6. 594 points, 4 submissions: No_Raspberry_9514
   
   1. DIVINE performs at IPL Final 2023 (180 points, 87 comments)
   2. Ikka announces the release of “RAPMAN” in collaboration with Raj Comics. (164 points, 33 comments)
   3. Seedhe Maut’s Stadium Show Lineup (126 points, 42 comments)
   4. Emiway Bantai crosses 20M subscribers on YouTube. (124 points, 61 comments)
7. 524 points, 10 submissions: MrKayPavlov
   
   1. Yungsta Has Revealed Meen's Artwork (215 points, 35 comments)
   2. Join Us For An AMA With Poetik Justis, a veteran of the scene on 19th May (108 points, 36 comments)
   3. AMA Happening Tomorrow Evening (68 points, 28 comments)
   4. AMA Happening Tomorrow (9th of May, 2023) (33 points, 27 comments)
   5. [Re-visit/Discussion] MC Stan - Tadipaar (2 Years Later) (29 points, 24 comments)
   6. [Re-visit/Discussion] DIVINE - Punya Paap (2+ Years later) (20 points, 11 comments)
   7. [Meta] Whose AMA did you enjoy the most? (19 points, 57 comments)
   8. [EP] Vasudev - Aqualine (15 points, 4 comments)
   9. Do you use Twitter for discussing DHH? If yes how often? (11 points, 13 comments)
   10. Mega Thread: 1 Min Rap challenge Entries (6 points, 21 comments)
8. 488 points, 10 submissions: M_A_G_M_A
   
   1. KARMA - YOUNG GALEECH (302 points, 274 comments)
   2. Kr$na x Raftaar coming soon? (81 points, 20 comments)
   3. Rawal x Bharg - Baat Bangayi (27 points, 25 comments)
   4. Raftaar x Deep Kalsi feat. Straight Bank & Bandzo3rd - Gangnum Remix (21 points, 3 comments)
   5. KR$NA - Desi Wrap Up 2016 (20 points, 8 comments)
   6. LEGEND - PILING UP MY SINS TAKEOFF THURSDAYS S2 KALAMKAAR (12 points, 4 comments)
   7. Deep Kalsi, Sireesha Bhagavatula, Jokhay - Meri Soulmate (Drill Version) (8 points, 2 comments)
   8. GUD KID - SCHIZO TAKEOFF THURSDAYS S2 (8 points, 5 comments)
   9. Naezy - Haq Hai (Prod. By Sez) (6 points, 2 comments)
   10. Sample in Plush by Divine. (3 points, 0 comments)
9. 448 points, 6 submissions: GodKodse
   
   1. 101% THE BIGGEST!! (323 points, 72 comments)
   2. MC STAN - Kahan Par Hai (34 points, 16 comments)
   3. DIVINE - Kohinoor (32 points, 15 comments)
   4. MC STAN - LOWKEY (32 points, 12 comments)
   5. Yo Yo Honey Singh’s podcast with Ranveer Allahbadia (20 points, 43 comments)
   6. DIVINE - Walking Miracle ft. Nas, Cocoa Sarai (7 points, 7 comments)
10. 436 points, 17 submissions: PuzzleheadedCan4466
    
    1. bruh (118 points, 14 comments)
    2. KARMA - I DONT KNOW FREESTYLE (76 points, 54 comments)
    3. byg bird story : sab paisai ka chakar hai babu bhaiya (71 points, 80 comments)
    4. kalamkar signs augus .Thoughts? (66 points, 62 comments)
    5. EMIWAY - KAHA PAR HU (20 points, 6 comments)
    6. FLOWBO X MEMAX - Psyched Up (16 points, 15 comments)
    7. J Trix X SubSpace- Khayaal (13 points, 1 comment)
    8. EMIWAY - BHAROSA (12 points, 2 comments)
    9. How BEEF Manipulated EMIWAY'S ALBUM (9 points, 7 comments)
    10. EMIWAY - MAALIK (7 points, 0 comments)
11. 405 points, 2 submissions: Puzzleheaded-Act-10
    
    1. Two Tone extended version coming soon ft. Talhah Yunus (290 points, 27 comments)
    2. Two Tone Extended Version coming tonight (115 points, 14 comments)
12. 390 points, 10 submissions: GantaiREAPER
    
    1. Deep Kalsi collabing with Umer Anjum and Panther on his next track (184 points, 36 comments)
    2. EPR is dropping a new single called Fibonacci on 30/5/2023 (Source: His IG) (85 points, 36 comments)
    3. Found this cypher on ig & it sounds fire (Artist: Vamp Credits: @mewadicypher) (34 points, 11 comments)
    4. KR$NA - THE SHIT I'M ON ft. MANDEEP SETHI (19 points, 2 comments)
    5. Want to explore more of Pakistani Hip Hop and need suggestions (17 points, 39 comments)
    6. MC Square - Duniya (14 points, 16 comments)
    7. Taimour Baig - Dear God (14 points, 10 comments)
    8. Young Stunners - Rooh (Remix) (11 points, 6 comments)
    9. Gaush - I Made A Rap Song In Marathi! (7 points, 8 comments)
    10. Talha Anjum - Anokha Laadla ft. Kamran Gulzar (5 points, 2 comments)
13. 368 points, 3 submissions: lovi_sh
    
    1. Hip-Hop scene in rajasthan!! (170 points, 23 comments)
    2. Gravity's Sueprvillain (Album) dropping on 25 may 2023 (102 points, 22 comments)
    3. Gravity revealed Supervillain (Album) tracks and features. (96 points, 35 comments)
14. 349 points, 3 submissions: tangrikebab
    
    1. Prabh Deep has left Azadi Records. (206 points, 105 comments)
    2. Prabh Deep hinting at a possible financial feud with Azadi Records? (81 points, 26 comments)
    3. Subah subah Divine bhai kispe shot le rahe? (62 points, 45 comments)
15. 319 points, 7 submissions: suckurmoda
    
    1. Yungsta breaks down "Meen" Album Cover! (143 points, 23 comments)
    2. Lafda Theory: Raftaar vs Ikka (48 points, 47 comments)
    3. What are some legendary/iconic/unusual/unexpected DHH Collabs and linkups? (35 points, 28 comments)
    4. Why does Emiway get little to no credit for his achievements? (35 points, 124 comments)
    5. Blues in India Sikander Kahlon (26 points, 3 comments)
    6. Vasudev's Discography (20 points, 9 comments)
    7. Is the 24 Hr deadline valid in beefs? (12 points, 33 comments)
16. 285 points, 2 submissions: lolxdmekaisemaanlu
    
    1. youngest Indian to feature on Billboard (256 points, 47 comments)
    2. $NOT commented on MC STAN's latest post. International Collab incoming?? (29 points, 15 comments)
17. 278 points, 12 submissions: Rg_638
    
    1. KSHMR on Haath Varthi and STAN (119 points, 24 comments)
    2. Deep Kalsi, Umer Anjum, Panther - Clout (53 points, 23 comments)
    3. Yungsta X Afaik - The All Stars 'MEEN' Podcast (20 points, 2 comments)
    4. Encore ABJ x Calm (Prod. Prabh Deep) - Savage (17 points, 2 comments)
    5. Hasan Raheem - You Don't Know (14 points, 1 comment)
    6. Shamoon Ismail ft Talha Anjum - 051021 (13 points, 5 comments)
    7. Hardbone - Deeपक फिरीverse (11 points, 0 comments)
    8. KSHMR x DIVINE x LIT killah – Lion Heart (11 points, 6 comments)
    9. Raftaar, AKASA - Phone Mila Ke (6 points, 9 comments)
    10. Srushti Tawade - Dahi Shakkar (6 points, 10 comments)
18. 269 points, 3 submissions: Amriteshgautam
    
    1. Snippet of Upcoming track from Emiway`s KOTS Album !!! (114 points, 37 comments)
    2. Clearing the POV of Emi milking Company !!! (80 points, 22 comments)
    3. SEIGE giving massive Shoutout to Emiway !!! (75 points, 41 comments)
19. 252 points, 3 submissions: bucck2929
    
    1. Encore abj freestyling on his live today (01/05/2023) (233 points, 54 comments)
    2. MOB D - PAISA BRO (10 points, 3 comments)
    3. Nabeel Akbar - Sharpshooter (9 points, 0 comments)
20. 247 points, 11 submissions: Few_Satisfaction8170
    
    1. Young Stunners - TWO TONE (175 points, 64 comments)
    2. DRV, Boyblanck - Zameen Se (11 points, 1 comment)
    3. Shauharty, ARSLAN - 88 Farookhs in Devnagiris (11 points, 2 comments)
    4. Talha Anjum - LAAM SE LOMRI (10 points, 4 comments)
    5. Sultan, Zas, 2Ace, JANI, Shareh, Savage - Taangein chat se (7 points, 7 comments)
    6. Talha Anjum - Raftaar (7 points, 2 comments)
    7. ASHIR, Talal Qureshi - YAMA (6 points, 1 comment)
    8. Rap Demon,Talha Anjum - Rapper Tabaah (6 points, 3 comments)
    9. Seedhe Maut - That Part Remix (6 points, 0 comments)
    10. Sammad, Quest - Gasolina Interlude (5 points, 0 comments)
21. 243 points, 3 submissions: Ok_Proposal_9149
    
    1. pls remove mat karna (132 points, 56 comments)
    2. how Ankit Khanna was able to sign deal with bohemia? (61 points, 49 comments)
    3. Raftaar x Nawazuddin Siddiqui - MANTOIYAT (50 points, 20 comments)
22. 238 points, 1 submission: Every_Cauliflower_98
    
    1. Chaar Diwari Moshpit at Pune (238 points, 30 comments)
23. 236 points, 6 submissions: Agent47_hitman-43
    
    1. Emiway bantai - Chhod dala (131 points, 133 comments)
    2. Ikka - RAP MAN (47 points, 14 comments)
    3. 1 MINUTE RAP CHALLENGE SEASON 3 ANNOUNCEMENT - Rohan cariapppa (32 points, 3 comments)
    4. Suggest some underrated DHH projects (19 points, 90 comments)
    5. Faris shafi - Dou step by CAT (6 points, 1 comment)
    6. Ansh4sure - LEG4CY (1 point, 0 comments)
24. 227 points, 4 submissions: opisunlovable
    
    1. MC STAN, KSHMR, Phenom - Haath Varthi (165 points, 113 comments)
    2. [EP] MC Kode - Zeher (32 points, 17 comments)
    3. Armaan Malik, Yashraj, Lost Stories, Kimera - HIIR (16 points, 8 comments)
    4. Dakait, Aniket Raturi, Sez on the Beat - Ghor Illegal (14 points, 8 comments)
25. 227 points, 1 submission: Tusharr7
    
    1. Using AI to make Eminem sing KR$NA's verse in Overdrive (227 points, 41 comments)
26. 214 points, 1 submission: Salt_Instruction_555
    
    1. Karma - How To Tame Your Beast (214 points, 176 comments)
27. 208 points, 9 submissions: Bhutiya_Memer
    
    1. Raftaar - Never Back Down (Review) (91 points, 27 comments)
    2. Sunny Khan Durrani - Mera Koe Gher Nahi (30 points, 30 comments)
    3. SOS x Ahmer x Xplicit - Evil Eye (announcement) (25 points, 4 comments)
    4. Chen K - Shehar (24 points, 14 comments)
    5. Rap Demon x Umair - Mukhlis (17 points, 6 comments)
    6. Arslan Nizami x Ahmer - Tu Dhoor (7 points, 1 comment)
    7. Koshur Nizam - Koshur Side (Westside Story Remix) (7 points, 6 comments)
    8. SOS x Ahmer x Xplicit - Evil Eye (4 points, 1 comment)
    9. Qafilah x 30Key! - The Last Leaf (3 points, 1 comment)
28. 207 points, 12 submissions: anujmaral12
    
    1. Raftaar - Sheikh Chilli (34 points, 27 comments)
    2. MC STAN - Shana Bann (28 points, 19 comments)
    3. Talha Anjum - Karachi Mera (28 points, 16 comments)
    4. Tell me L taken by your fav artist (26 points, 169 comments)
    5. Jokhay, Talha Anjum, Hashim Nawaz - Raabta (20 points, 5 comments)
    6. KR$NA, French the kid - 10 Pe 10 (15 points, 14 comments)
    7. Production review karo guys (15 points, 7 comments)
    8. Aavrutti - Naya Zamana (14 points, 1 comment)
    9. MC Stan - Insaan (10 points, 14 comments)
    10. Raftaar, Salim merchant, karma - Tu Phir Se Aana (8 points, 2 comments)
29. 202 points, 13 submissions: stg_676
    
    1. Karun, Arpit Bala, Lambo Driver, ReVo LEKHAK - Maharani (41 points, 14 comments)
    2. Sez on the beat, Enkore, Yungsta, The Siege, Rebel 7, Smoke - Goonj (38 points, 11 comments)
    3. Frappe Ash - Dumb Ladke (29 points, 11 comments)
    4. Yashraj, Karan Kanchan, Dropped Out - Raakh (25 points, 8 comments)
    5. DRV, Boyblanck - Desktop (21 points, 5 comments)
    6. DRV, Loka, Aakash - Empty (10 points, 7 comments)
    7. DRV, Darcy - Khoj (8 points, 3 comments)
    8. Big Scratch - Akela (7 points, 3 comments)
    9. Goa trap culture, Tsumyoki, 2jaym - I've Had Enough (6 points, 2 comments)
    10. Yoshi, Tarun - Pehlu (6 points, 0 comments)

Top Commenters

1. adolf-dumblewhore (2961 points, 209 comments)
2. GantaiREAPER (2417 points, 204 comments)
3. theAppleboy (2019 points, 302 comments)
4. M_A_G_M_A (1612 points, 201 comments)
5. TheKingAlchemist (1364 points, 174 comments)
6. Noeljino (1333 points, 155 comments)
7. GaneshRasal (1315 points, 468 comments)
8. px1618 (1262 points, 137 comments)
9. Adventurous-Guava981 (1203 points, 172 comments)
10. Loan-Fast (1179 points, 221 comments)
11. NH_hostel (1135 points, 143 comments)
12. Electrical-Spare-973 (1125 points, 92 comments)
13. InstructionHot9577 (1060 points, 172 comments)
14. Even_Positive_756 (1035 points, 78 comments)
15. stg_676 (1032 points, 126 comments)
16. Gandi_Aulaad (1017 points, 235 comments)
17. Yungstahiphop (941 points, 76 comments)
18. Final-Sample- (885 points, 71 comments)
19. SAYmyNAME041 (866 points, 59 comments)
20. anujmaral12 (864 points, 59 comments)
21. MrKayPavlov (852 points, 150 comments)
22. DankKid2410 (803 points, 54 comments)
23. moit12345 (786 points, 93 comments)
24. Bhel- (762 points, 49 comments)
25. noob_coder696969 (734 points, 132 comments)
26. Interesting-Force347 (719 points, 43 comments)
27. TawaChicken (717 points, 108 comments)
28. Ok_Editor4792 (698 points, 75 comments)
29. bucck2929 (684 points, 113 comments)
30. Darknight_hell (681 points, 126 comments)
31. Famous_Amphibian2385 (647 points, 102 comments)
32. Big_a_zoid11 (593 points, 73 comments)
33. GodKodse (563 points, 46 comments)
34. insignificantt (550 points, 82 comments)
35. theRealMadridGuy (548 points, 48 comments)
36. Gaurang1976 (529 points, 90 comments)
37. WADE_- (515 points, 50 comments)
38. Anxious-Progress3480 (512 points, 47 comments)
39. JODDUNMOIST (503 points, 74 comments)
40. Accomplished-Ad-6007 (496 points, 65 comments)
41. poetikjustis23 (495 points, 51 comments)
42. No_Leopard_7000 (488 points, 94 comments)
43. Weeblyweird (480 points, 94 comments)
44. DocDiffer (479 points, 90 comments)
45. realviivek (471 points, 78 comments)
46. yourdaddyaditya (448 points, 99 comments)
47. ahmerkmr (440 points, 39 comments)
48. MasalaBoi (434 points, 80 comments)
49. pundisher2711 (432 points, 65 comments)
50. AgsyWorld (417 points, 20 comments)
51. lovi_sh (413 points, 52 comments)
52. ankubhagat (409 points, 11 comments)
53. abhaykhetan07 (408 points, 28 comments)
54. MilkImpossible7022 (407 points, 15 comments)
55. PARTH-BHARDWAJ (404 points, 57 comments)
56. garvit786 (403 points, 71 comments)
57. Agent47_hitman-43 (403 points, 69 comments)
58. Adorable_Set7546 (399 points, 31 comments)
59. PuzzleheadedCan4466 (392 points, 27 comments)
60. anotherKM7124 (380 points, 51 comments)
61. Exotic_Phone2651 (377 points, 13 comments)
62. coconutanna (376 points, 50 comments)
63. jim-jam-biscuit (368 points, 28 comments)
64. PrettyIntrovertMe (366 points, 44 comments)
65. Ok_Rice4694 (365 points, 125 comments)
66. Ok_Proposal_9149 (349 points, 13 comments)
67. ADITYA290804 (343 points, 60 comments)
68. sezonthebeat (340 points, 7 comments)
69. ken_kaneki07 (334 points, 40 comments)
70. Avinash_Paryani (329 points, 33 comments)
71. aryaannnn (325 points, 35 comments)
72. lujolka (322 points, 59 comments)
73. kshmrmusic (319 points, 3 comments)
74. No_Raspberry_9514 (316 points, 15 comments)
75. Tanish1308 (315 points, 18 comments)
76. Usual_Release_6134 (314 points, 19 comments)
77. itzSKIT (312 points, 44 comments)
78. Grizzlyrang (303 points, 78 comments)
79. Archiet_Tanwar (299 points, 58 comments)
80. Puneet_7164 (295 points, 18 comments)
81. Weak_Comfortable1844 (284 points, 14 comments)
82. Parkour_daredevil (283 points, 28 comments)
83. rewanshh (282 points, 35 comments)
84. Zealousideal-Ask-538 (281 points, 19 comments)
85. Lit_Extreme05 (277 points, 28 comments)
86. Harsha_Bhosde (275 points, 11 comments)
87. Fuzzy-Woodpecker-673 (273 points, 15 comments)
88. suckurmoda (272 points, 65 comments)
89. en1_gma (266 points, 62 comments)
90. CoolnamePanda (266 points, 46 comments)
91. Andhainsaan (256 points, 34 comments)
92. No_Boat_3622 (252 points, 48 comments)
93. Y0han_liebert (248 points, 29 comments)
94. slashinghunter45 (245 points, 15 comments)
95. ___sohammmm (240 points, 17 comments)
96. Actual-Honeydew-4109 (239 points, 32 comments)
97. pratap_10 (232 points, 28 comments)
98. Accomplished_Path233 (228 points, 16 comments)
99. Impressive_Camera173 (228 points, 8 comments)
100. venix124 (227 points, 56 comments)
101. dexter2503 (227 points, 30 comments)
102. v1ntag33 (222 points, 10 comments)
103. Sure_Good_3807 (221 points, 18 comments)
104. 9ighteye (220 points, 26 comments)
105. Lamb_Shiftquantum (217 points, 35 comments)
106. vp1593 (216 points, 42 comments)
107. XXTALKSICK (212 points, 87 comments)
108. YakLost2632 (202 points, 14 comments)
109. okk_123 (197 points, 17 comments)
110. Affectionate-Bad3670 (195 points, 31 comments)
111. shoot-a-lot (194 points, 11 comments)
112. killerscradle (191 points, 44 comments)
113. dam2o (191 points, 21 comments)
114. Cyranizzyyy (189 points, 41 comments)
115. Otherwise_Pace_1133 (189 points, 32 comments)
116. Industry-Beautiful (188 points, 30 comments)
117. youngboypain (188 points, 9 comments)
118. Known_Assumption_383 (186 points, 26 comments)
119. Iyushy00 (185 points, 41 comments)
120. Bhutiya_Memer (185 points, 27 comments)
121. TraditionalArticle88 (185 points, 19 comments)
122. Careless_Landscape45 (183 points, 53 comments)
123. Solid_Phase9878 (183 points, 6 comments)
124. oichu (182 points, 12 comments)
125. obscure-reality (181 points, 39 comments)
126. Hungry-Grocery-2646 (181 points, 11 comments)
127. pawan270319999 (178 points, 14 comments)
128. whatever_his_name_is (177 points, 21 comments)
129. BluEsCREwer (175 points, 32 comments)
130. BIG_P0PPA_ (172 points, 57 comments)
131. Big-Thanks7910 (172 points, 44 comments)
132. Ill_BLOGGER_633 (172 points, 30 comments)
133. Affectionate_Tune203 (170 points, 19 comments)
134. Fit_Neighborhood6332 (170 points, 15 comments)
135. Xomet (169 points, 8 comments)
136. MysteriousCup1836 (163 points, 14 comments)
137. belikepac (163 points, 11 comments)
138. Additional-Peak-1755 (162 points, 60 comments)
139. Glum-Highway-7403 (161 points, 43 comments)
140. Guilty_Surprise5534 (161 points, 28 comments)
141. shutupmatsuda (159 points, 29 comments)
142. I_Am_Useless_1 (158 points, 39 comments)
143. rittesh1234 (156 points, 16 comments)
144. Scary_Career_6081 (153 points, 31 comments)
145. N-o-va (152 points, 38 comments)
146. Every_Cauliflower_98 (152 points, 31 comments)
147. ChutiyaChutney420 (150 points, 19 comments)
148. MysteriousBicycle577 (149 points, 26 comments)
149. Few_Satisfaction8170 (149 points, 15 comments)
150. Appropriate-Bird6642 (148 points, 12 comments)
151. spacemonkey___ (147 points, 12 comments)
152. BhargavK_18 (146 points, 19 comments)
153. enough_cheesE (145 points, 16 comments)
154. 2ded4u (145 points, 12 comments)
155. organic_mineral (144 points, 10 comments)
156. io866 (143 points, 21 comments)
157. tangrikebab (142 points, 5 comments)
158. AN-Rexxx (141 points, 20 comments)
159. lying_hips (140 points, 8 comments)
160. ZealousidealChange11 (139 points, 23 comments)
161. Low_Apartment_3911 (137 points, 36 comments)
162. tatakaealways (135 points, 36 comments)
163. WarmRelationship8483 (135 points, 17 comments)
164. Shivy0999 (134 points, 42 comments)
165. r0cks33n9915 (134 points, 36 comments)
166. JaiJai011 (134 points, 8 comments)
167. an0nym0us_buddy (134 points, 3 comments)
168. nuanshed (133 points, 10 comments)
169. EconomyAd4071 (131 points, 8 comments)
170. Vast-Professional-82 (131 points, 6 comments)
171. dedlife18 (130 points, 45 comments)
172. Ok-Tonight-8723 (129 points, 17 comments)
173. fuddhu (129 points, 9 comments)
174. LordJ92 (128 points, 17 comments)
175. REALISMONPEAK (126 points, 35 comments)
176. imdumb_sike (126 points, 17 comments)
177. The-Volumee (125 points, 23 comments)
178. Beginning-Kick1946 (125 points, 17 comments)
179. Substantial_Spare345 (125 points, 4 comments)
180. Aarav_Parmar (123 points, 31 comments)
181. rnt7520 (123 points, 29 comments)
182. paranoidnotandroid14 (123 points, 12 comments)
183. GreenCucumber1677 (122 points, 24 comments)
184. Amriteshgautam (121 points, 5 comments)
185. Easy-Repair-3614 (120 points, 18 comments)
186. Actual_Employment_89 (120 points, 12 comments)
187. sirtansejuda (117 points, 14 comments)
188. aryan_gami (116 points, 41 comments)
189. frikuser (116 points, 22 comments)
190. padh_le_beta (116 points, 18 comments)
191. Gusion- (116 points, 15 comments)
192. Ancient_Scientist_04 (116 points, 7 comments)
193. fatherless_milf (115 points, 20 comments)
194. MIHIR1112 (115 points, 9 comments)
195. Agitated-Detail1466 (115 points, 5 comments)
196. NightAxeblad3 (114 points, 23 comments)
197. abhinavred123 (114 points, 11 comments)
198. dark_king_2002 (113 points, 23 comments)
199. Mammoth_Attention_73 (112 points, 14 comments)
200. relevant_juniper (111 points, 22 comments)

Top Submissions

1. Iconic photos of Desi hip-hop. by adolf-dumblewhore (451 points, 124 comments)
2. Haath Varti - Kshmr X Mc Stan Out this Friday by ___sohammmm (354 points, 76 comments)
3. 101% THE BIGGEST!! by GodKodse (323 points, 72 comments)
4. KARMA - YOUNG GALEECH by M_A_G_M_A (302 points, 274 comments)
5. Two Tone extended version coming soon ft. Talhah Yunus by Puzzleheaded-Act-10 (290 points, 27 comments)
6. youngest Indian to feature on Billboard by lolxdmekaisemaanlu (256 points, 47 comments)
7. Chaar Diwari Moshpit at Pune by Every_Cauliflower_98 (238 points, 30 comments)
8. Encore abj freestyling on his live today (01/05/2023) by bucck2929 (233 points, 54 comments)
9. Using AI to make Eminem sing KR$NA's verse in Overdrive by Tusharr7 (227 points, 41 comments)
10. Yungsta Has Revealed Meen's Artwork by MrKayPavlov (215 points, 35 comments)

Top Comments

1. 250 points: Harsha_Bhosde's comment in I'm convinced
2. 233 points: ankubhagat's comment in KARMA - YOUNG GALEECH
3. 210 points: kshmrmusic's comment in MC STAN, KSHMR, Phenom - Haath Varthi
4. 184 points: Exotic_Phone2651's comment in Karma - How To Tame Your Beast
5. 177 points: GantaiREAPER's comment in KARMA - YOUNG GALEECH
6. 169 points: anujmaral12's comment in Young Stunners - TWO TONE
7. 166 points: Anxious-Progress3480's comment in Young Galib - Kulfa-Kar-Ma
8. 163 points: PuzzleheadedCan4466's comment in Why is no one talking about this?
9. 145 points: slashinghunter45's comment in Ikka announces the release of “RAPMAN” in collaboration with Raj Comics.
10. 144 points: Final-Sample-'s comment in KARMA - YOUNG GALEECH

Generated with BBoe's Subreddit Stats

(See the Known Issues post for 0.21.5 here.)
Shared by TGC on all major communication. Check out their tweet here:

Good news, Sky kids! 📣
We have a new patch update for Sky:
🌈 Days of Color
🎵 Days of Music
✨ Other improvements
See the patch notes for more 📬 bit.ly/SkyPatch0215

Patch notes transcript:
Greetings, Adventurers! In our latest update, prepare to head into the remaining Season of Passage quests, plus two colorful and musical events. We also introduce a feature to make it easier to get new in-game currency items during events, a new way to create music, plus another round of bug fixes.

The Final Lessons of Season of Passage Lie Ahead

The second half of Season of Passage is here! The final Seasonal Quests approach, with new lessons awaiting. As you progress through the quests, don’t forget to check in with the Passage Guide in Isle of Dawn. Not only will you be able to receive hearts and unlock masks, you may even find a prop you can use to share a game of footbag with other players.
The lesson of each Seasonal Quest is best experienced when completed with groups of other players, but all of these passages can be completed independently if desired. Except for the first quest, all quests are held at set intervals every 15 minutes.
Be sure to unlock expressions and exchange Seasonal Candles for any cosmetics you want from the Seasonal Spirits before the Season ends at 23:59 on June 25th (all times PDT, UTC -7). Content can be enjoyed by all players who have progressed to at least Hidden Forest.
Players with a Season Pass will also have the opportunity to unlock all items from the Seasonal Spirits and the Ultimate Gifts available through the Season of Passage Guide.

Introducing Event Currency

As you may have read in our recent blog post, in this update we’re introducing event currencies, a new category of currency to make it easier to get new in-game currency (IGC) event cosmetics. The aim is to make it easier to unlock new IGC event items simply by playing most of an event, without feeling pressure to save up Candles or Hearts in advance.
Event currencies can be exchanged for new IGC cosmetics or event-related spells. They can be found in the main area where the event is played, or in some cases, alongside the event’s themed daily quests, so you won’t need to go out of your way to add this currency to your inventory. In the levels, event currencies vary in appearance to fit the theme of their event. In your inventory, they'll appear as a ticket icon with a symbol on it that will be related to its specific event.
The basics:

• The currency for a specific event is available only while that event is being held.
• Currencies won’t carry over from one event to another, but enough are available during an event to unlock this year’s new IGC cosmetics.
• You won’t need to get all the event currency available every single day to unlock new event items.
• Currencies are placed in set locations each day, and their location in an event will rotate.

Event currencies have some similarities to Seasonal Candles. However, they have some key differences, like:

• At the end of an event, unused event currencies do not convert to Candles or anything else.
• From one event to another, there may be a different total number of event currency available each day.

Please note that there’s a limited amount of event currency available for each event, so if there’s a new IGC cosmetic you want, take note of how much event currency you’ll need to unlock it before deciding whether to spend a lot of that currency on event spells.
Be sure to check out our blog post and FAQ page for more info!

Rainbows Return in Days of Color

The most colorful time of Sky’s year is about to begin. From 00:00 June 1st until 23:59 June 14th, join in a celebration of the diversity that makes our shared world so vibrant. This year’s update further builds on the core themes that have been the focus of the event since its debut in 2020 as Days of Rainbow, celebrating diversity, hope, and above all making the world inside and outside of Sky more inclusive for everyone.
Two event guide Spirits greet a double rainbow in Home that offers Light to collect. Talk to them for the option of teleporting to where the main festivities will be held: an area high above Daylight Prairie, expanded specially for the occasion.
During the first eight days of the event, colorful platforms will gradually become available one-by-one. Charge them with the aid of other players, and once enough people have gathered to charge each platform, receive a reward of Light—or, once all eight platforms are charged, something even more lofty and brilliant. A nearby closet and magical spell-lending geyser can help if you need to make a quick cape change.
As you explore the event area and complete themed Daily Quests, keep an eye out for small iridescent, bubble-like spheres. These are the special event-themed currency you can use to unlock this year’s new IGC Days of Color cosmetic. Players can collect 8 every day during the event—and on days with themed Daily Quests, up to 12 each day! Explore a bit more on the weekends and you might find an extra bubble or two…
Note: The total number of event currency intended to be available during the event is affected by a bug. To offset that bug, we’ll add 8 event currency to the inventory of all players who log in during Days of Color. The only thing you need to do to receive this is to log into the game.
This year we’re proud to share that we’ll once again be supporting The Trevor Project, the world’s largest suicide prevention and mental health organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning (LGBTQ) young people. The Trevor Project’s programs include crisis services, education, peer support for people around the world, and other efforts to ensure young people can have the chance to thrive no matter who they are. You can read about our 2022 campaign with the Trevor Project here.
2023 Days of Color Campaign Items

• Dark Rainbow Pack $9.99 (all prices USD)
  • As a token of gratitude in return, 40 regular Candles are included with the purchase of this campaign pack
  • $5.00: Days of Color 2023 campaign
  • $3.00: platform fees
  • $1.99: development
• Rainbow Pack flower hair accessory: $19.99 (returning item)
  • As a token of gratitude in return, 75 regular Candles are included with the purchase of this campaign pack
  • $10.00: Days of Color 2023 campaign
  • $6.00: platform fees
  • $3.99: development
• Double Rainbow Pack flower hair accessory: $9.99 (returning item)
  • As a token of gratitude in return, 40 regular Candles are included with the purchase of this campaign pack
  • $5.00: Days of Color 2023 campaign
  • $3.00: platform fees
  • $1.99: development

Other Days of Color Items
The cosmetics below will be offered for sale or in exchange for in-game currency. They can be found from the event guide Spirits, or from the in-game shop. (Please note that these are not campaign items.)

• New This Year—Dark Rainbow Cape: 104 Days of Color currency
  • This is earned through our brand new event currency
• Rainbow Cape: 175 Candles
• Rainbow Trousers: 95 Candles
• Rainbow Braid Accessory: 20 Hearts
  
• New This Year—Dark Rainbow Tunic: $14.99
  
• Rainbow Earring: $2.99
  
• Rainbow Headphones: $9.99
  
• Rainbow Hat: $9.99
  

Free trial spells for all items are available from the Sleepy Traveling Merchant’s Boat in Home. For more details about this year’s Days of Color, check out our recent blog post!

Melodies and Harmonies in Days of Music

New songs are about to ring out to introduce a cozy event! From 00:00 June 26th until 23:59 July 9, Harmony Hall in the Valley of Triumph is hosting Days of Music, a laid back gathering for players of any (or even no) music experience.
A Jam Station in Harmony Hall allows you to easily create music of your own. This new feature lets you dabble out tunes for solos, duets, or even four-part ensembles with an interface that makes it simple to loop them together and adjust as you go along.
A group of four Spirits from the Seasons of Gratitude and Rhythm will also arrive for the occasion, each one offering an instrument to unlock. New music sheets have been added to the music sheet challenges, which will also give each Sky kid an extra boost of Light if they sit down to try their hand at one, no minimum skill level needed!
Two new instruments will be added to Harmony Hall's lineup: a saxophone for event currency, and a violin as an IAP added during the second half of Days of Music.
With the brand new event currency feature, we’re still working to make sure the final balance for everything will be in order—we’ll share those details on our News page closer to the start of the event, so stay tuned!
These event items can be found at the counter (or Spirit standing nearby it) in Harmony Hall:

• Music sheet: 5 Candles
• Harmony Hairpin: 50 Candles (returning item)
• Event currency items: stay tuned for details when the event approaches!
  • Marching Band Hat
  • Saxophone
• Planned to be available from July 7—Triumph Violin: $19.99
  • Please note that our recent development server accident may cause a delay in the violin’s release.
  • The violin will continue to be available after the event as well.

Apart from the music sheet, free trial spells for these items (and the violin, once available) can be found at the counter. Days of Music content is available to all players who have progressed to at least Valley of Triumph.

More Updates

• A lot of features that have been added to Sky are directly based on player feedback—expanding the Friendship Constellation, in-game translation, even being able to interact with Spirits with hugs and high fives (as just a few examples). The latest addition based on player requests: Huggable plushie props. Go forth and show love to your stuffed crab anywhere you go!

Developer Note: Many players love taking their plushie friends around Sky, so we added new ways to play with them! Plushies can now be picked up, hugged, and more. This is our first crack at the plushies and we plan on tinkering with them some more as we see players interact with them. Keep an eye out for more plushie updates in the future!

• A monument has been added to the Starlight Desert area of Vault of Knowledge in honor of a late beloved coworker, and others to whom we’ve had to say goodbye. “In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so, it will be as if all the stars will be laughing when you look at the sky at night.”

Improvements and Bug Fixes in this update include:

Highlights:

• Various improvements to reduce players being separate from their friends when meditating to go to the seasonal area of Isle of Dawn or to join the Seasonal Quests.
• Changes to make it easier for friends to teleport to a player in Festival Tech mode.
• In Festival Tech mode, a player's own avatar will not be obscured from view by avatars from the crowd.
• When standing near a player using the Do Not Disturb spell, the spell's icon appears above their head.
• Updated music sheet rotations in Harmony Hall.

Want to know more about some other fixes in this patch? Find further details below!

Season

• The Overactive Overachiever's hair no longer has a gap when worn with the chibi mask.
• Adjusted the alignment of the Tumbling Troublemaker's earrings.
• Fixed Isle of Dawn Temple music playing instead of seasonal music in that level's seasonal area.
• Update for timer text visibility in second Seasonal Quest.
• Adjustments to ultimate mask to reduce clipping with various hairstyles.

General Fixes and Improvements:

• [PlayStation] Savior achievement reliably granted.
• [iOS, Android, Huawei] Added the option for players on mobile devices to link their Sky account to a Steam account.
• Honking is very important, but not so important that it should interrupt Sky kids’ movement. So now, Sky kids no longer stop rolling, skipping, and doing any other traversal emote to stand up straight when they honk.
• Friends and others should correctly see the stance a player is using, and that stance should no longer reset to default when going between areas or restarting the game.
• Trial of Water opening cutscene is skippable.
• Friendship should raise you up, not pull you down, so we fixed the bug causing a player to sink underground if they accepted a friendship request or unlocked a friendship interaction while being carried by piggyback.
• Similarly, a player leading a friend by handhold won’t sink below the terrain when the person they're holding hands with dives deep underwater.
• When two Spirits are standing close to each other and a player opens one of their Friendship Trees and then selects the other Spirit, the display correctly switches to the Friendship Tree of the selected Spirit.
• Player will not leave edit mode if they tap outside of the keyboard when naming a Shared Space.
• When recording Shared Memories, chatting will pause the recording while the avatar is standing still. Chat is disabled during a recording when swimming, flying, or otherwise moving.
• Music sheets stop playing when you equip a new prop.
• Spirits in Harmony Hall now use their instruments properly during a jam session.
• Removed the mysterious invisible lead boots bug that made players walk underwater in one of the waterfall ponds in Sanctuary.
• Friendship menu now closes automatically when two friends swim away from each other.
• Duration of Kizuna AI STAR Pin effect updated from three seconds to 1 minute.
• Fixed a bug causing avatars that were sitting or lying down to stand up when using an emote.
• When a group of players is handholding or using piggyback, the players following in the chain will automatically attempt to join the Shared Space the group's leader is in.
• Even though red notification dots that never ever ever ever go away are surely the most beloved thing that could appear in a menu, we have ultimately decided that the red dot for new inbox messages should not wear out its welcome. Thus, that red dot now disappears after reading the message.

Audio & Appearance

• Fix to reduce flickering lighting on capes in bright environments.
• Reduced the sound effects radius of instruments being played by other players.
• Fixed a bug causing pillars and other objects in front of the first gate in Forest to be unusually dark or oddly lit.
• Fixed clipping issues with Nature sunglasses and Sanctuary sunglasses masks.
• Instrument no longer misplaced during the Hairtousle Teen's Spirit memory sequence, better suited to entertain us.
• When two friends follow each other in the AURORA concert, doing so no longer leads to visual corruptions in cutscenes or transitions.
• Fixed some missing and discolored polygons here and there, like behind the stage in the Village of Dreams Theater area and the Daylight Prairie Village area.
• Fixed some gaps and pits that could trap players in Eden, plus some other clipping issues with the terrain.
• Small fixes for visual effects affecting capes, with small changes such as gold diamonds on the Thoughtful Director's cape appearing metallic, and improvements to the visual recharge effect on the Season of Shattering Ultimate Light Cape.

Please refer to this page for known issues ongoing or introduced with this patch: Known Issues Patch 0.21.5
As always, we look forward to hearing your feedback, and encourage you to join the community discussion on our official Discord server at discord.gg/thatskygame!
^{Reminder I’m not TGC staff, just reposting their announcements :D}

I was reading through this section of Mason & Dixon and I realized that it would make an absolutely bonkers beginning to a movie. I decided to write it up for fun. I moved things around and retouched certain things as you might with a movie script. I realize this post is thorough proof of my insanity.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
page 132 near bottom beginning "after all, what's being confin'd upon the Summit of a living Volcano" continuing to 134 "an instance of extra-terrestrial Plantation"
Scene 1 St. Helena circa 1730s: The camera races across a dark ocean at some point past sunset as this section of the text is narrated, ahead a dark shape looms (the island). There is no sound from the wind since the camera is utterly given over to it. Maskelyne and Mason are standing on a ridge outside the astronomy hut, though we cannot see them yet, we can hear their conversation as the camera approaches on the wind from afar. The moment the mysterious void envelopes them "till at length rolling overhead" the camera reaches overhead of Mason and Maskelyne. With Maskelyne looking past the camera in rapture, a terrific rainstorm begins. The scene continues on as they race around the hut shuttering open windows until they both sit down to drink. They discuss St. Helena as essentially an alien planet itself, and St. Helena is portrayed as like so many colonized planets in scifi, a property to be exploited and possessed in a desperate escape from the center..
​
page 134 beginning "One cloudless afternoon.." continuing to 135 "How soon is this that we are talking about?"
Scene 2 Mason and Maskelyne at the dying Orange Grove On St. Helena: Maskelyne ruminates about the end of the world. Visually the shot conveys this imagery "Houses with red Tile roofs preside over small Valleys, the Pasture lying soft as Sheep, -- all, with the volcanic Meadow where the two stand, circl'd by the hellish Cusps of Peaks unnatural, -- frozen in mid-thrust, jagged at every scale". This serves to further clarify that the location is St. Helena. Maskelyne portrays St. Helena as alive and cursed.
​
--- Some segway of Mason wondering how Dixon is doing brings us to Cape Town ---
​
page 154 beginning "I am done with that. I am a Farmer now." continuing to 154 "then enlarg'd the Hole myself"
Scene 3 Cape Town Dixon in the brothel with a former cop: An unhinged former police officer of the dutch slave colony talks about "escaping" what he perceives as colonialism to Dixon as they get drunk. This scene is connected to Scene 4 by slightly compressing things so that Dixon sees Vroom stumble out just as the cop finishes his narrative with "then enlarg'd the hole myself". Dixon drags Vroom out into the early morning.
​
page 155 beginning "Dixon returns to the Vroom residence" continuing to 155 "as likely as the next to hold a chance of ruin"
Scene 4 Cape Town returning to the Vroom residence: Dixon stumbles back into the Vroom house early morning, both disheveled, Vroom clearly very drunk and barely able to stand. Some of the daughters are awake in the house and give them side eye without addressing anything directly, the weight of the atrocity and sin at capetown permeates everything. The camera raises up to the window of one of the girls who is still asleep (maybe Greet?) and enters her dream.
​
page 155 beginning "In their Dreams they ever return to Prisons of Stone" continuing on to 155 "the traditional name, here, for an elder Brother"
Scene 5 The Dream and The Clock: "In their Dreams they ever return to Prisons of Stone, to Gates with Seals 'tis Death to break, the odor of soap and Slops, the Stillness of certain Corridors, the unchallengeable Love of a Tyrant, Yellow Light from unseen Watch-Fires flickering upon the Wall, and unexpectedly, rounding a particular Croner, to the tall Clock from Home, ringing the Quarter-Hour." There is a sequence of shots that roughly conveys the above imagery and ends with the girl rounding a corner to see the Vroom Clock (like a grandfather clock). The girl approaches the clock in rapture as the camera zooms slowly in, the clock "stands deep in the House, in a passageway between the Front and the Back,--- the two Worlds". The ticking becomes louder. The shot ends with her reflection in the glass panel of the clock, the next scene begins with a similar profile shot of her face.
​
page 155 "When Mason and Dixon arriv'd with the Elliot Clock" continuing on to 156 "Go carefully"
Scene 6 Greet Warns Dixon About Clocks: Scene involves Greet and Mason alone in a side room in the Vroom house, this scene could be connected to Scene 5 by suggesting it is a further extension of the dream. Greet warns Mason for his own safety to keep the state secret of his accurate clock from the Dutch and its use to find a method of determining latitude a secret. She may be trying to seduce him but she might also just be using the cover of trying to seduce to genuinely warn him of a danger to his life.
​
page 156 "Down in the Castle" continuing on to end of chapter
Scene 7 Zoom Out On The Ticking Time Bomb Of Cape Town: Narration here is accompanied by scenes that might involve showing interrogations, perhaps a montage showing multiple brutalities all with the camera focused on a clock in the corner, steadily dividing reality into a European colonialism... Scene 6 and Scene 7 could involve visual motifs on clock faces. A file by Dutch police on Mason is maybe shown.
​
--- Some segway of Dixon wondering how Mason is doing brings us back to St. Helena ---
​
page 160 beginning "I was out upon the Cliffs today" continuing to 162 "with all finer Motions lost in that Simplicity"
Scene 8 Back To St. Helena, The Ghost Of Dieter: The ghost story of Dieter is described here, the scene cuts between Maskelyne trying to talk Dieter back from jumping off the sheer cliff and Maskelyne describing it later to Mason. The wind is blowing extremely hard but there is no sound of wind in the shot with Maskelyne and Dieter. The shot begins with Maskelyne seeing Dieter alone facing the sea about to jump, as the scene ends with Maskelyne telling Mason "'We may sail with the Wind... at the same speed, working all its nuances, -- or we may stand still, and feel its full true Course and Speed upon us, with all finer Motions lost in that Simplicity." a shot of Dieter stepping off the cliff before Maskelyne even begins talking to him is shown.
​
page 164 beginning "Once, long before dawn..." continuing to 165 "She nods, her smile not, so far, terrible"
Scene 9 Mason Wakes Up: Scene 8 is framed as a dream/memory Mason just woke up from. Pitchblack, howling wind, absolutely incessant loud banshee wailing that begins to drift almost back from a dissonant tone into "entire orchestral Performances, of musick dstinctly not British,---Viennese, perhaps, Hungarian, even Moorish" (perhaps some Steve Reich style music?). Mason comes awake to this mix of howling and orchestra, the hut practically rattling to pieces from it, his colleague passed out drunk on the other side of the hut underneath a pile of books and telescopes or something. At this point it might be explained by introduced dialogue that Maskelyne will be the future head Royal Astronomer. Propelled by some unknown force Mason wanders out of the hut into the wind. This is on the windward side of an extremely remote rocky, volcanic island with dramatic lava flow cliffs.
Scene 10 Mason walks out into the night: Mason "enters the Wind, picks his way 'cross Boot-slashing Rock up over the ridgeline and down unto the floor of a ruin'd ebony forest, where among fog-wisps and ancient black logging debris polish'd by the Wind, [his dead wife Rebecca] accosts him shiv'ring in his Cloak. The Ocean beats past the tiny accidental island" Mason sees his dead wife, this is made evident in the trailer through context. This scene might also include a flashback as Mason makes eye contact with his dead wife's ghost to the first time Mason sees her, allegedly, during the Octuple Cheese incident... Perhaps the sequence is 1. Mason looks up to see a gap in the clouds where for one moment the full moon passes through, this is a zoomed in telephoto with the moon occupying almost the entire shot 2. we flashback to the Octuple Cheese rolling by in an echo visual of the moon (not really understood by the audience now as anything but an abstract visual shot). 3. THEN mason sees her ghost as he looks down from the sky.
page 172 beginning "He tries teasing her with his earth-bound Despair" to end of chapter
Scene 10 Rebecca's ghost continued: Mason tries to figure out if it is really her by asking her annoying question about the stars that she would hate. She laughs at him for needing a reason for life and though a ghost laughing doesn't translate that well... this is the emotional beat Mason goes from being terrified this is some devilish creature imitating his wife to "knowing" it is really her somehow. Mason and Rebecca reminisce about how she believed the stars were aliens visitors in the sky when Rebecca was alive... Rebecca tells Mason to live life and move on. Rebecca's ghost disappears into the wind.
Scene 11 Next Day: Mason can't sleep the rest of the night, Maskelyne is passed out til basically noon the next day. Time is shown to pass. When Maskelyne wakes he asks if Mason came in at a very early hour in the morning. Mason, not really trusting the slightly insane Maskelyne and shaken from seeing the ghost of his dead wife denies it. Maskelyne says it must have been his soldier friend Dieter in an unhinged way. Perhaps Maskelyne is sitting with the two dueling pistols looking at Mason with a murderous intent, perhaps Maskelyne actually aims a pistol at Mason here. It is clear there is NOBODY else around and that Maskelyne could straight up murder Mason with no real repercussions.
*dissonant orchestral music and wind swell back*
​
page 173 beginning "He runs without delay down to the shingle and begins assembling a Signal-Fire"
Scene 12 Drone Shot Of Mason Careening Down Slope To Shore: orchestral music plays here simultaneously dissonant with a voice singing one of Mason & Dixon's songs, perhaps the song on page 130 "Well Sailor ahoy". Perhaps Mason careening down the slope is mirrored by cuts to the Octuple Cheese careening down a slope, with the moment Mason reaches the shore and lights the signal fire cutting back on the strike of a match to the Octuple Cheese looming about to flatten Mason who is then shoved by an arm (Rebecca's) intruding from outside the frame at the last moment. When the dhow sees the fire and comes into shore the music and wind reaches a crescendo of silence for the moment that the disembodied voice whispers "Break-neck". Maskelyne is seen from the ridge as a sort of alien. The scene ends with the dhow leaving the shore.
​
page 175 beginning of chapter
Scene 13 Zoomed Telephoto Shot Of Castle Rock: This is a short shot, it is mainly there to serve as the gateway between two worlds. The dhow crosses the zoomed telephoto shot, centered right at the moment it passes from the windward side to the leeward side with the volcanic cliffs filling the frame on one side and the sky and sea the other, the music ends here abruptly as the ship crosses back to the land of the living. Mason is shown in a closeup shot on the ship to be oblivious to the approach of this transition and is only made aware of it when a bit of cloth or rope whipping in the wind he was fixating on in a sort of distracted trance suddenly loses its animation and becomes motionless. Mason looks up, the boats crew presently sets lines out to fish and Mason briefly seems to come back to reality.
​
page 175 beginning of chapter
Scene 14 Mason is left at Break-neck: Mason wades from the dow onto the beach, oddly at ease and continues in a "Road-Trance". A series of short shots convey a walk of some distance. Finally Mason finds himself walking along the wall to a building, nobody is around, the sunlight is harsh and austere. He sees the ear museum. Perhaps a shot along the wall of the building that closely suggests a side profile of a head.
​
beginning page 176 "Mason is chargin'd to find set in a low Wall" and page 177 beginning "Naive Mason. First he must endure the [show]", the text of page 175 and 177 explaining the origin of the ear is conveyed in Nick Mournival's "show" (Nick Mournival cast as Danny Devito)
Scene 15 The Entrance To The Ear: A silent physical comedy scene is portrayed here where Mason sees the sign, has some expression on his face of "seriously, shit isn't weird enough today right?" (think Doc in the Inherent Vice movie). The camera shows a shot of the wall centered on the gnomelike entrance to the museum. You see Mason's legs walk into the frame, stop, shift, then Mason stoops down into the shot to look at the door. Mason then gets up and tries to hop up and peek over the wall. An overgrown garden is shown. While this is happening Nick Mournival begins his "show" as a voice over to the scene. This conveys the origin of the ear on (page 175 and page 177) to the audience as an audio over the (technically preceding in the text) physical comedy scene with Mason. Mason is strangely compelled to climb through the gnomedoor down the rabbit hole into the cave. The last shot of Mason from outside perhaps portrays the building as a head protruding from the island, the tunnel then the ear canal (or...?).
Nick Mournival ends his explanation of Jenkin's Ear with the description of Jenkin's governship of St. Helena. Mason through the darkness of the tunnel sees the portrait of Jenkin's revealed by a lit candle (on the bottom of page 177) . A slight re-arrangement of dialogue is done here so this sequence ends with Nick Mournival saying "Think of it as the closest thing you're apt to see to Helen's Face, and for one Pistole 'tis a Bargain" (page 176). Mason replies "Bit steep, isn't it? Where, ehm, are you, by the way... the Echo in here, --"
*Nick Mournival is revealed in a quasi-jumpscare*
​
page 177 beginning "in the straight and increasingly malodorous space where they crouch" continuing to 180 "may you fare better in the life you resume, than ever did I in the one I abandon'd"
Scene 16 The Ear: the scene continues pretty much as it is written from here with the slight change that Nick Mournival directly prompts/threatens Mason to use the Chronoscope. Nick Mournival is established from being dressed extremely finely as some kind of rich CEO (that basically owns this island thousands of miles from any exterior help) that for some terrifying reason is now banished? to live under the earth caretaking for a supernatural ear... This scene is trippy and terrifying with the ear portrayed like a campy horror movie radioactive specimen. Nick Mournival is shown, like Maskelyne to be unhinged and ready to kill Mason.
​
page 180 beginning "Having squirm'd past the last obstacle" continuing to "then Rain, salt from the Leagues of Vacant Ocean"
Scene 17 Mason Stumbles Into The Overgrown Courtyard: Mason stumbles out, Nick Mournival's song shut to silence as the door closes behind him. The camera hangs overhead looking down at the courtyard, Mason stumbles into the center of it, voices from all over the island can be heard as the camera rotates parallel with Mason as he begins "like a Dog, to explore the Walls, proceeding about the stone Perimeter. Bright green Vines with red trumpet-shap'd Flowers brighter indeed than the Day really allows". If the camera did not rotate with Mason, Mason would be proceeding like the hand of a clock from the camera's perspective above. The camera begins to rise over Mason, still looking straight down, the walls of the courtyard impossibly elongating like the tube of a telescope in a Dolly Zoom effect as another rainstorm breaks out echoing the one in the beginning of this movie.
​
page 181 beginning "Are you suggesting there's some other reason for his long Sojurn there" continuing to end of chapter
Scene 18 On The Ship Home To England: It is established that time has passed and that Mason & Dixon are together on a ship back to England. During their conversation Mason stares down into his beer, the camera adopts his point of view looking down into a square beer glass (in a compositional echo of the courtyard shot in Scene 17). The shot shifts to Maskelyne to doing the same thing in his astronomy hut while the dialogue continues on between Mason & Dixon. Maskelyne is again drunk and looks up at the stars seeing double (from being drunk). Here is interjected Mason or Dixon quoting James Bradley's paper to the Royal Society that announced the Abberation Of Light Bradley discovered years earlier on St. Helena (that Maskelyne is in the shadow of) in a fashion like a famous quote not recited to inform but to repeat a well-worn mantra. The scene the continues on to the end of the chapter as written with the promise that Mason & Dixon will go on to survey the U.S. (the rest of the movie :P).
​
​
​
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Description Of James Bradley's discovery of the aberration of light
> While sailing the Thames, he noticed how a vane atop the mast changed direction as the boat turned, despite the fact that the wind remained blowing in the same direction. Bradley suggested that analogously, the apparent shift in the position observed in the stars was a result of of a combination of the transmission of light at a finite speed from the star and the annual movement of the Earth around the Sun. This is what is known as the aberration of light. The letter from Bradley to Halley referencing this phenomenon was read to the Royal Society in January 1729.
https://adsabs.harvard.edu/full/2010JAHH...13..149B

(You can also find this story, along with the previous parts here and here. I've decided I would release this part early as I didn't want you fellas to wait until next week to read it when it was already complete and ready to go. I am also changing my release time from midnight to noon, as midnight releases have been reeking havoc on my sleep, and I feel noon releases are more sustainable for me.)
A week later, The couple was on a boat that was heading to the Sakura Empire. Fritz smiled and giggled.
“To think, this will be our first time in the Sakura Empire.”
Tirpitz smiled. They were lying down together on a chair on the deck. Fritz placed a hand on Tirpitz’s belly.
Tirpitz giggled. “Fritz, you know you won’t feel anything for a couple of months from now.”
Fritz smiled. “It's just amazing to think our child is in there. What do you think it will be, a boy or a girl?”
Tirpitz smiled. “I have a feeling it will be a boy.”
Fritz nodded. “What makes you think that?”
“Something in me just knows.”
Soon, the boat docked in the Sakura Empire. Fritz and Tirpitz got off the boat. A woman with brown fox ears and tails was waiting for them.
“Welcome to the Sakura Empire you two!”
She hugged Tirpitz as Fritz raised an eyebrow.
“Hello. And who are you?”
The woman with brown fox ears and tails shook Fritz’s hand.
“I’m Akagi. I figured I would greet you guys once you arrived in port.”
Fritz nodded. “A pleasure to meet you, Akagi.”
“Come on, follow me!”
Akagi was gesturing to them to follow her. There was a car waiting for the couple.
The group entered the backseat of the car. Akagi smiled at the couple from the front seat.
“So, I heard about the news from Bismarck. She told everyone the incredible news once you guys left for your honeymoon. It surprised me she wasn’t the first one to have a child, as she got married sooner.”
Tirpitz nodded as Fritz giggled. “Well, I guess life has a way of subverting your expectations.”
Akagi’s laugh sent a chill down Fritz’s spine. Tirpitz looked at Akagi.
“So Akagi, do you have any children?”
Akagi smiled. “I have Akagi-chan if that counts.”
Soon, they were at the hotel. Akagi got out of the car.
“I’ll help you with your bags.”
She reached into the trunk and grabbed Fritz’s suitcase.
They all went to the hotel room where Fritz and Tirpitz would be staying. Fritz noticed the room was small, but cozy.
“It reminds me of a U-boat, but much cleaner.” He thought to himself.
Akagi placed their bags on the floor. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
Fritz and Tirpitz nodded. She looked at her husband.
“She seems like a kind fellow.”
Fritz nodded. “Yeah. But her laugh kinda scares me.”
Tirpitz smiled and held Fritz’s hand. “Don’t worry, I doubt she will be a threat to us.”
Fritz saw Tirpitz go pale. She gagged.
“Excuse me.”
Tirpitz let go of Fritz’s hand and ran to the toilet. Fritz followed close behind her. He saw Tirpitz vomiting into the toilet. He went behind her and rubbed her back.
Tirpitz spat into the toilet and flushed it. She giggled softly as she rubbed her belly.
“I guess that's what I get for doing a honeymoon while pregnant.”
Fritz smiled as he helped his wife off the floor. “Can you think of anything you want to do?”
Tirpitz shrugged. “Fritz, this is our first time being here. I suppose you can call Akagi to see what she would recommend.”
Fritz nodded and got on his phone. Akagi picked up on the other end.
“Hey Fritz, what do you need?”
“Akagi, Listen. Tirpitz and I are looking for things to do in the Sakura Empire. Can you give us any ideas?”
Akagi giggled. “Of course. You can visit the parks and shrines, and go to the beach. There is also a restaurant I'm a regular at.”
Fritz smiled and nodded. “Thank you, Akagi.”
Fritz hung up the phone and walked to the living room. Tirpitz was sitting on the couch, still recovering from her spell of morning sickness.
“Akagi told me there is a beach nearby we can go to.”
Tirpitz nodded. “Good. I brought my bikini with me, and I got you a pair of swim trunks, as I wasn’t sure if you had any. They are in the green suitcase.”
Fritz nodded and opened the green suitcase. Inside was a red and black pair of swim trunks. He smiled.
“Thanks, honey.”
Tirpitz smiled and grabbed her bikini. “I’ll be in the bathroom. Once we change, we’ll go to the beach together.”
The couple made their way to the beach. Fritz carried a beach chair. He placed it down and soon he and Tirpitz slept in each other's arms.
Fritz leaned into Tirpitz’s ear.
“I love you, you know that?”
Tirpitz smiled. “I know. I love you too, mein kleiner Kolibri.”
Fritz kissed her on the back of the head. The two fell asleep.
A camera shutter interrupted this sleep. Fritz’s eyes went wide. He saw Akagi holding a camera, wearing a red and black bikini. She giggled.
“Hello, again lovebirds!”
Fritz rolled his eyes. “Akagi, are you following us?”
Akagi laughed.
“Hehe. No. I also wanted to go to the beach after you asked me what to do around here. Besides, I was planning on visiting Nagato and Mutsu at their shrine later. Do you and Tirpitz want to come with me?”
Fritz blew some air out of his nostrils, which woke up Tirpitz. Her eyes opened as she looked at Akagi. Fritz leaned into her ear.
“Hey, honey. You feel like getting dressed and visiting Nagato and Mutsu’s shrine together with Akagi?”
Tirpitz rubbed her eyes and yawned. She sighed as she rubbed her belly.
“I’m kinda hungry. I want to eat first.”
Akagi nodded.
“Of course. You are expecting, after all. Very well. We’ll stop in the restaurant that I told Fritz about and eat before we visit Nagato and Mustu.”
Fritz nodded and let Tirpitz get off the beach chair. He picked up the beach chair and put it back. Soon, the group was heading back to the hotel for Fritz and Tirpitz to get changed.
The couple made it to the hotel room. Fritz changed into his formal Ironblood officer’s uniform. While Tirpitz changed into a white dress. Once they got dressed, they made their way to the car.
While they were driving, Fritz looked at Akagi.
“So, what’s the name of this restaurant?”
“The Scared Sakura. It is close to the Scared Sakura, so the owners named it after the tree. The other shipgirls are regulars there as well.”
Fritz nodded. “So they serve food that only shipgirls can eat?”
Akagi giggled. “No. They serve food you can eat as well, Fritz. I heard their sushi is to die for.”
Fritz nodded. “I’ve never had sushi before. I wonder if I will like it.”
Akagi giggled. “It’s raw fish. If you don’t like it, give it to me. I love sushi.”
Soon, the car stopped in front of the restaurant. The group entered the restaurant and got a table.
A waitress walked up to the group.
“So what do you want to drink?”
Fritz smiled. “Can I have a Schnapps?”
Akagi giggled. “I’ll have some Saki.”
Tirpitz sighed. “I’m pregnant, so I’ll get a lemonade.”
The waitress nodded as she wrote down the order.
“Got it. Once I come back with your drinks, I’ll ask you what you want to order.”
The group nodded as the waitress left.
After some time, the waitress came back with the group’s drinks.
“Have you decided what you want to eat?”
Akagi smiled. “I’ll have the torpedo tempura.”
Fritz chuckled. “I’ll have the sushi.”
Tirpitz smiled. “Can I get two full-course meals?”
The waitress nodded.
“Sure thing. I’ll be right back.”
The waitress left as Fritz chuckled.
“That’s a lot of food, Tirpitz. You sure you're going to eat all that?”
Tirpitz looked at her husband. “You do know I am eating for two, Fritz.”
Fritz looked at the plate of sushi. He looked at the chopsticks as Akagi giggled.
“Fritz, I take it you need me to show you how to use chopsticks?”
Fritz nodded. Akagi giggled as Fritz awkwardly handled them.
“This is reminding me of when I had to teach Akagi-chan how to use chopsticks.”
Fritz’s eyes went wide as he looked at Tirpitz. Both of her plates were empty. She was wiping her lips with a napkin as she looked at Akagi and Fritz's empty plates.
“You ate both those entire full-course meals? I was barely able to finish my sushi.”
Tirpitz giggled. “I suppose the baby is making me hungrier than usual.”
The group left the restaurant. They walked to Nagato and Mustu’s shrine. Before the couple could walk up the stairs, Akagi stopped them.
“Just letting you two know now, you walk on the left or right side, but never the middle.”
Fritz and Tirpitz nodded as they followed Akagi’s advice. Once they reach the top of the stairs, Fritz saw Tirpitz turn around and take a photo of the view with her phone. She smiled at Akagi.
“Hey, Akagi, do you mind holding my phone so I can get a photo with Fritz?”
Akagi nodded and held Tirpitz's phone. Fritz put his arm around Tirpitz’s waist. The mountain covered in snow provided the perfect background. Akagi giggled.
“Smile you two!”
Akagi took the photo. The couple smiled and turned around, this time taking a photo of the couple with the red pagoda in the background. Akagi smiled as she looked at the photos.
“These will look great as your honeymoon photos on your wall!”
Fritz and Tirpitz smiled. Akagi gestured to them.
"Nagato and Mutsu are just up ahead. I've already told them about our arrival."
Fritz and Tirpitz followed Akagi to where Nagato and Mustu were.
Fritz's eyes went wide at the sight of Nagato and Mustu. He leaned into Tirpitz’s ear.
“I was expecting the flagship of the Sakura Empire to be a lot bigger. Those two look like they are only twelve and eight years old respectively.”
Tirpitz giggled. "Do not underestimated them by their size. They're both a lot more powerful than they look.
Nagato smiled as she walked up to the couple.
“It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Decke.”
Fritz’s eyes went wide.
“Nagato, why are you being so formal? It’s only Tirpitz and I’s honeymoon, not an official diplomatic visit.”
Nagato nodded.
“As a member of the Ironblood navy, and your wife being a KANSEN of the Ironblood. I must make sure that no diplomatic incidents occur while you and your wife are visiting the Sakura Empire.”
Nagato turned to look at Tirpitz.
“I have also heard the news from Bismarck about your pregnancy, Mrs. Decke. Congratulations.”
Tirpitz blushed and covered her mouth with her fist. She leaned into Fritz's ear.
“I’m going to have to get used to being called Frau or Mrs. Decke.”
Mustu giggled as she ran up to Fritz and grabbed his hand.
“So you're Fritz Decke? I’m glad to meet you!”
She shook his hand wildly.
Fritz’s eyes went wide as she shook his hand. Mutsu smiled at Tirpitz.
“Excuse me, Tirpitz? You mind if I listen to your belly?”
Tirpitz nodded and Mutsu placed her ear to Tirpitz’s belly.
“I can’t hear much of anything.”
Tirpitz giggled.
“That's because I’m not that pregnant yet. I’m only around four months along. In a few months, you’ll be able to hear him.”
Mutsu took her head off Tirpitz's belly. She nodded.
"Him? It's a boy? How do you know?
Tirpitz smiled as she rubbed Mutsu's head. "I told my husband the same thing. A mother just knows."
Mutsu giggled as Tirpitz rubbed her head.
“I’m excited for your baby, Tirpitz. Congratulations.”
Tirpitz smiled and nodded. Akagi came back to the group.
“Well lovebirds, you want to head back to your hotel room?”
Fritz and Tirpitz nodded. The couple went back to the hotel.
“Well, goodnight you two.”
Fritz and Tirpitz waved her off as they went into the hotel. They went to the room they were staying in and stripped down to their underwear.
In the middle of the night, the phone rang. Fritz woke up and picked it up.
“Hello?”
“Mr. Decke? An officer from BdU is in the lobby. He asked to see you.”
Fritz sighed as he hung up the phone. He quickly got dressed into his formal uniform and made his way to the lobby. He saw an Ironblood naval officer. He had two letters in his hand.
“Leutnant zur See Fritz Decke. I am truly sorry.”
The officer placed the letters in Fritz’s hands.
Fritz raised an eyebrow, but before he could ask the officer more questions, he was gone. Fritz went back to his room.
Fritz opened the first letter, and his heart sank.
“TO: Leutnant zur See Fritz Decke”
“FROM: BdU”
“Dear Leutnant zur See Fritz Decke.”
“The situation in the Indian Ocean for the Monsun Gruppe is dire. You and your U-boat, U-847, are to be stationed to Penang as part of the 10th flotilla. You are to be there at once.”
“BdU.”
Fritz sighed. “Can’t believe my honeymoon is being cut short.”
As Fritz opened the second letter, his eyes went wide. A single tear went down his face.
“Dear Fritz.”
“I’m sorry I have to write this letter.”
“While you were on your honeymoon, a siren air raid attacked Berlin.”
“I regret to inform you that your mother, Magda Decke was amongst the dead.”
“Bismarck.”
Fritz wept into his hands. he sat on the bed and wept.
Tirpitz awoke to the sound of her husband sitting near her, sobbing. She wrapped her arms around him.
“What’s wrong mein kleiner Kolibri?”
Fritz stopped crying momentarily.
“It’s my mother. She’s dead.”
Tirpitz's eyes went wide.
“A siren air raid hit Berlin while we were gone. She was amongst the dead.”
Tirpitz placed Fritz’s head on her lap. He was still crying.
“That’s not all. Our honeymoon is ending much earlier than intended. I am being stationed in Penang, and due to the high casualties the Monsun Gruppe has been suffering, there is a high chance I will not make it back.”
Tirpitz felt tears go down her face.
“But we only just got married, and even have a child on the way, and now you’ll potentially die?”
Fritz sighed. “Want to hear what I fear most?”
Tirpitz nodded. Fritz closed his eyes.
“I’m afraid of dying out there. In the cold sea.”
Tirpitz stroked Fritz’s hair.
“Do you want to know what I fear the most?”
Fritz nodded
“I’m afraid of dying alone. In the Fjords.”
Fritz smiled slightly. “You don’t have to worry about that. Aren’t you relieved from combat duty due to your condition?”
Tirpitz gave a small smile. “You’re right. Bismarck has been making sure nothing happens to me.”
Fritz sighed.
“You know what? I never had a father growing up. He was killed in action before I was born.”
Tirpitz nodded. “I know. I read your file the Ironblood has about you.”
Fritz got up and got a piece of paper. He grabbed and pen and wrote something on it.
“If something were to happen to me, Give this to our child when they turn six years old. Make sure Bismarck, Heinz, and the others take care of you, you got it?”
Tirpitz felt a tear go down her eye. She got up out of bed and hugged Fritz.
The couple hugged for a full minute. They wept in each other’s arms.
The next day, Tirpitz was standing on a dock, getting ready to board a ship bound for the Ironblood. She turned to embrace her husband and kissed him on the lips.
“Please come back safe. For the three of us.”
Fritz nodded.
“I will.”

Hello everyone. I recently patinummed every Spider-Man game on the PSVITA and would like to review the experience.
Lets start with the first game of this post: The Amazing Spider-Man 2012.
Overall, this game was pretty straightforward and fun to platinum. The main story is on the shorter side at around 8 hours and you can 100% it in around 15-20 hours. There's not much padding and the game relies more on spectacle. There are also no missable trophies so you can do everything in one playthrough which is nice.
The game has around 4 groups of Trophies.
The first group are related to the main story. This includes the usual unmissable ones for completing certain missions or defeating the bosses or completing the game. There are also 3 trophies for beating the main story on the harder difficulties and I believe they stack. The game however, is pretty easy regardless of the difficulty so hard isn't that much harder and you have the ability to instantly "web retreat" when your health is low so it's rare to die.
The second group of trophies are for the side missions in the open world. These are all marked on your map and generally straightforward and fun to complete. I especially liked the races and events that ask you to go fast in the open world. But was rather meh on the combat and stealth ones. They do sometimes involve bosses which was cool.
The third group are for the game's collectibles. I'd divide these into groups: the open world collectibles in the form of Comic Books scattered all over Manhattan, and the interior collectibles you can only collect during missions. Fortunately the game does have a mission replay feature so no collectible is missable. The game even tells you which collectibles you have and haven't collected in missions and gives you a % completion for them. I recently platinummed TLOU2 and one of my biggest criticisms there was that the game would “forget” your progression when you replayed past levels. So props to TASM1 for doing this aspect well.
In addition, another nice consideration is that even though you can't highlight or mark collectibles, the different collectibles emit a different coloured bright light and emit a distinct sound when you are near them. Magazines for example, emit a bright yellow glow that can light up a bit of the surrounding area. So even if the magazine is behind some boxes, you can still see some of the glow. Audio Logs have a white glow. Tech Pieces have a blue-ish glow. Photo Ops have a giant Yellow "Oscorp" Sign planted next to them. So if the game tells you you have found all the magazines and tech pieces in a mission but still need to find some audio logs, you just have to keep an eye out for bright white light sources. Most collectibles are generally placed in plain sight. Only a couple are hidden in a random vent or corner that is a bit out of the way. I don't recall any collectibles that required some long puzzle or massive amount of backtracking to find. So not the most unfair set of collectibles to find.
However, this is only true in the PS3 version. In the VITA version, the graphics and lighting have been heavily downgraded in order to fit the game. So the collectibles are barely illuminated or emit much light. Add in the smaller screen, muddier resolution and textures and worse speakers on the VITA and there were times on my first playthrough of the game where I was moving through linear hallways with nothing else in them but a collectible and I still missed it. I could have walked slightly more to the left and would have picked it up without even realizing there was one there. It was really embarrassing 😭.
When I was looking up where the collectibles were on my iPhone, I could see them more clearly. For example, in one of the later Oscorp levels, there's a brief cutscene where the camera flys over an area. On my iPhone, I could see the blue glow of a Tech Piece. But on the VITA, even when I was looking exactly at the Tech Piece, it didn't even look distinct.
This even extends to the Photo Ops. On the PS3, these are usually pretty easy to find since you're looking for a bright yellow Oscorp sign next to the thing you need to photograph. But on VITA, these signs blend into their respective walls and even the words can be hard to read.
One really surreal experience that happened to me was in one of the final Oscorp Bio-Generator levels. In this area, there is a central generator that requires you destroy 4 consoles in the surrounding rooms to activate it. The rooms are labelled with a sign that says stuff like "Room 204: Biotechnology" or "Room 206: Recycling" so you know where you are and where you haven't been. One of the guides I was looking up told me there was 1 collectible in room 204, 2 in room 205 and 1 in room 206's vent. Simple enough. But when I was playing through it, I found 2 collectibles in room 204 and couldn't find room 205 or 206. I was really confused. It was only after watching some other guides that I realized that the VITA version reuses or simplifies textures more than I thought. Every room in the level had the same sign that said "Room 204: Biotechnology" even if their layout was different. I had already collected the collectible from the actual room 204 in my first playthrough, just found the 2 from Room 5 and just needed to get the one from the vent in 206.
Just for the fun of it, I decided to then replay some of the missions where I already knew where the collectibles were and compared what the rooms looked like between the 2 versions. And it showed that some of the collectibles on the PS3 version sometimes had additional detail or clutter near them to try drawing your eye to them. For example in the Beltoit Psychiatric Hospital mission, many of the collectibles had graffiti or posters near or above them. These were either absent or so low res as to be indistinguishable on the VITA version.
Now, it's debatable how much I can really criticize the VITA version for this. It's very likely these collectibles were designed to be more easily findable because of how lit up they normally were on the main PS3 version that Beenox probably didn't realize they'd be much harder to find on the VITA version. And I doubt Beenox would have had enough time or resources to somehow redo or significantly change the VITA version to fix something most players probably wouldn't even care about.
But then again, part of the issue, I feel, is due to the artstyle and locations of the game. TASM1 uses a much more "grounded" and muted colour palette. A lot of the interior areas are sewers, warehouses, generator rooms, underground tunnels and Oscorp facilities and they do start somewhat blending together even on the PS3. Compare this with say Insomniac's Spider-Man 2018 game and that game almost never used standard sewer areas for its interiors. Or even as a VITA example, Borderlands 2 was also ported to VITA and it too was heavily downgraded in order to fit. With many areas looking muddy and hard to make out. But the game's cell shaded look and more distinct locations were able to still preserve some variety and clarity. TASM1's visuals may have been able to get by on PS3 thanks to the console's power but as a result, hurts the VITA version way more than if it had more interesting visuals or colourful artstyle.
I’ll leave it to the readers to decide if this is an aspect worth criticizing.
Still, I do think it would have been better if, at the very least, there was some optional upgrade or tool you could get as an endgame unlock to highlight you of nearby collectibles. I find that generally benefits many games regardless of their artstyle or setup (certainly helpful in the Arkham games and their collectibles were bright green glowing question marks).
Anyway, there are also collectibles in the open world Manhattan in the form of comic books. You can't read these but I personally find them pretty fun and relaxing to collect with Spidey's web swinging. They remind me of the Animus Fragments in Assassin's Creed Revelations where they were all over the map and pretty fun to collect with your parkouring skills. There's only a few issues. The first is that there are 700 comics scattered all over Manhattan. Some are static and don't move. Others fly around the map. You need to Web Rush/Zip into them to collect them. They aren't marked on your map. So yeah, it would be quite rough to find them all. The game does offer some help. The comics emit a faint yellow glow and a certain sound as you get close to them. So it's advised to try finding them at night with the voice and music turned lower. Obviously it isn't as helpful on the VITA for the aforementioned reasons but the faint yellow glow at night is at least more noticeable than many of the interior collectibles.
Once you find 500/700 comics, it marks the remaining 200 on your minimap as you get near them. On paper, I'd actually really enjoy this. You have to find 500 sure, but it's fun swinging around as Spidey and looking out for them. There is some leeway and you can start seeing the patterns of where some are likely to be (many are often placed around skyscrapers, behind fire escapes and billboards etc). So it is reasonable to find 500/700 without the aid of a map. But the final 50 or so are more annoying. For one, they are only marked on your minimap and not your world map. And on top of that, they only show up on your minimap if you aren't too far from them, both on the x and y axis. Meaning it is possible for some comics not be highlighted on your minimap if you are too far above or below them. The final 10 were quite annoying as I had to thoroughly criss-cross sections of Manhattan at different altitudes. The last one I only found when I climbed to the top of Oscorp Tower and saw a really small faint glow in the night sky. This comic was quite far and really high up which is why it wasn't showing up on the minimap.
Again, I did enjoy finding these comic books. I just feel it would have been better if they were either always on your minimap once you find 500 regardless of your height and/or show up on the regular map as well.
The fourth group of trophies are for miscellaneous challenges. These include things like: "Sky Captain - Chain 10 Web-Rushes in the city", "Clean Victory - Defeat a Hunter without using your Web-Shooters".
I will highlight 3 notable ones:
"Heavyweight Champion - Defeat 1000 enemies". There aren't 1000 enemies in the main campaign or in the side missions. So you would have to replay some of the missions to get them. I got this naturally when I was replaying missions when looking for collectibles.
"Keep It Together - Immobilize 6 enemies simultaneously with web". I missed this one during my first playthrough because there's no real reason to do it. It's not like Insomniac's Spider-Man 2018 where you have a web ability to cover an entire area in web so you have to manually run around and web enemies up with your infinite webbing. But the combat is so easy that it's much faster to just KO enemies directly rather than incapacitate or stun them.
"The Sky Is the Limit - Defeat the S-01 without touching the ground". TASM1 really wants to be a spectacle. The second mission of the game showcases this with a bossfight against this giant Kaiju sized robot called the S-01. It's certainly a visual spectacle but not much of a gameplay one since you can easily move to dodge its attacks, perch to web its weak points and the game does much of the damage against the boss as you often just need to swing around to its weak points and press L and let the game go into autopilot for a few moments.
This trophy, funnily, actually helps the game on both the gameplay and visual front. And is one of the better examples of how a good challenge trophy can elevate a section of a game. It requires you defeat this boss without touching the ground. This also includes perching on lamp posts or the sides of building. Which means you have to keep swinging and are always on the move. The end result is this much more hectic and higher stakes encounter as you're swinging around dodging lasers, knowing any mistake could set you back. Sections that were more trivial before like webbing up fans near its feet/knees are more tense since you need to then web them while free falling and either swing or Web Rush away before you hit the ground. It's not the most challenging and I was able to get it in one try but it certainly made the fight feel more climactic and fun. Like I was actually playing this section of Spidey fighting this giant kaiju robot more than before (granted, the automated sections do hurt that feeling). Hell, even on the VITA version where the framerate was tanking, it even added to the feel. Like this boss was so epic that the poor hardware can't keep up lol. The section is also short enough to be impactful without losing or diluting the experience.
This is something Insomniac's Game does more of. It has bosses like Vulture and Electro you have to take on while web swinging. But there's something much cooler and enjoyable about the way TASM1 does it. Maybe it's the fact you're fighting this giant kaiju robot in a small-ish park and you have to move around way more vertically.
I will point out the trophy completion stats of this game a bit. Only around 78% of players managed to beat the first boss (i.e complete the second mission) of the game. Around 31% of players managed to beat the game on easy. That drops down to nearly 19% for medium and 9.9% beat it on hard. More people got all 700 comics in the open world (8.5%) than got the around 190-ish interior collectibles (7.5%) and only around 7% of players got the platinum.
So yeah, this was mostly a fun game to platinum. If the collectibles were marked a bit more (especially helpful on VITA), I'd have no complaints.
As for the game itself, by VITA standards, it's pretty good as there aren't many games like it on the platform. Gravity Rush is probably the only one that's comparable. I am very nostalgic for this game so I'm probably praising it more than others would. I can see some people dismissing it or disliking it more. Especially for the game's performance on the VITA.
But ignoring the fact its on the VITA and comparing it with everything else, I feel it's.....decent at best. TASM1, I feel, is an awkward spot where very little it does is truly amazing or worth playing over other games for even if the experience itself is quite enjoyable and worth seeing at least.
For those who haven't played the game, the best way I can describe the game is that it's "the child of Batman Arkham City and Insomniac's Spider-Man 2018 (even though that game wouldn't come out for another 6 years)". From Insomniac's Spider-Man, you might recognize that TASM1 has more of a focus on Spidey zipping around in both combat and traversal, using multiple web blasts to immobilize enemies, a stealth system that involves getting above or close to enemies and pressing a single button instantly eliminate them with a web takedown. On top of that, the game has a faux twitter-like social media that you can see as the game's loading screen that updates and comments on the events of the game. The plot also involves a deadly pandemic that spreads across New York requiring Spidey to act (so I guess Insomniac plagiarized this game). It's actually really fascinating seeing how this game has ideas and concepts that would show up in Insomniac's game.
And from the Batman Arkham side, the game copies the exact same freeflow combat from Arkham. Right down to the same commands and moves. There's even a shielded enemy you cannot attack directly and need to jump over and attack from behind. The main issue here is that while TASM1 copied the surface level ideas of Arkham's combat, it didn't copy all the things that make it great. Batman Arkham's combat is fun because of 2 main factors. The first is that Batman has a wide array of moves that can be combo-ed and you must do so in order to get a high score from both the number of hits, the kind of move and the variation bonus. And the second is that the game introduces new kinds of enemies that can't be hit with your basic strike but either have a "designated weakness" and/or are vulnerable to any other kind of move. For example, stun baton enemies cannot be punched directly. Their "designated weakness" is that you can jump over them and then hit from behind. But that's not the only way to damage them. You can use a special combo takedown move on them, or temporarily down them with a baterang or other gadget, you can throw another enemy onto them etc. There are other kinds of different enemy types and later fights will start mixing groups so in order to get that high combo score, you need to juggle all your different moves and how best to use them to both manage all these different enemies and have enough variation. Arkham's combat is a lot closer to something like Devil May Cry (Arkham Origins even used an "S, A, B, C grading system that I wish was in all the Arkham games).
TASM1 doesn't really do any of this. Spidey only has basic strikes, a basic counter, jump attacks, automatic takedowns on weakened enemies, Rush attacks and the ability to stun enemies by webbing them and throwing them. There's no need to get good at countering or mix up your attacks. There's not even a scoring system. But on top of that, the game doesn't really have varied groups of enemies. The majority of human enemies you fight can be dealt with using basic strikes and counters. Some robot enemies need to be webbed up first to disable their shields but that's rather trivial and not something you need to plan doing or execute under much pressure. Mutated enemies can only be finished off with combo takedowns but you already get those automatically from just attacking enemies so they don't play much differently. Some late game mutated bosses have the ability to charge at Spidey and perform multiple claw swipes which you have press triangle multiple times to dodge (kinda like knife enemies from Arkham City) but that's really it.
If we compare this to Batman Arkham Asylum, released in 2009, 3 years before TASM1, Batman had basic strikes, basic counter, the cape stun, special combo takedowns, special combo throw, combo baterings, combo batclaw, jumping over enemies and the ground takedown. The game doesn't take long to introduce knife, baton, gun and titan enemies that mix up the experience and make you start working for those high scores. TASM1's combat, at its best, kinda feels like very early Arkham Asylum and doesn't evolve much from there. As a result, it starts getting repetitive quickly. At least the animations and moves from Spidey are pretty cool.
By the way, I am not criticizing the game for copying aspects from Arkham. But I'm of the opinion if you are going to copy from Arkham, copy more so you have a more fun combat system. Don't just take some aspects and leave it at that. Look at the Shadow of Mordor games. Those games copied way more from Arkham than TASM1 and the end result is a pretty fun combat system. TASM1's combat is in the awkward position where it doesn't copy enough to be good just by having all the good pieces, but doesn't add enough in its place to be different and good.
I already mentioned the stealth gameplay. But the one aspect I do feel the game actually has a really cool and original idea for and does quite well is the web swinging. Web Swinging in TASM1 operates in a somewhat similar way to Insomniac's Spider-Man where holding R allows Spidey to automatically shoot out lines and swing and pressing X allows you to jump while swinging. Though, webs don't have to stick to buildings which does somewhat limit the need to consider your environment. The animations are still really cool and the game does this thing where the camera zooms close to Spidey giving the swinging a more "cinematic flair". But the biggest new feature is the "Web Rush". By holding L, you enter a first person view of Spidey (complete with seeing through the lenses of his mask) in slow motion. You can point the camera and the game will highlight if you can get there. Releasing L will then have Spidey automatically go to that highlighted point. This can also be used in combat to give you some more breathing room and doing a web rush punch, and in stealth to move to points and perform stealth takedowns.
On the surface, this doesn't sound that impressive. I've even heard some people dismiss it by saying "it's just the web zip from every other Spider-Man game only more automated". But I would argue there is more to it. One issue I had with Web Zipping in Insomniac's game was that it was a bit more situational. You generally used it more to zip to specific points, or onto perches and lights to jump and carry your current momentum. It wasn't as useful in quickly changing direction while still conserving some momentum. Especially when trying to gain altitude
But in TASM1, there's a lot more utility and flair here. You can typically Web Rush anywhere around you and the game is pretty good at picking up on where you want to go and getting you there. On top of that, depending on where you Web Rush from, Spidey will do a lot of cool animations. If you're standing on street level and Web Rush straight up, Spidey will usually automatically bounce up nearby buildings quickly gaining height. If you Web Rush while swinging close to street level, Spidey will sometimes run along buses and cars and bounce of buildings. If you Web Rush when higher up and near buildings, Spidey will sometimes Web Zip and Bounce along buildings. This sounds like its completely automated and wouldn't be fun. And if you use it like that, that can be the case. But I feel there are 2 things that elevate Web Rushing. The first is that you don't need to use the Slow Mo feature. You can Tap L when looking in certain directions to have Spidey Web Rush there. Using this while swinging means there's a lot more of a need to time and improvise which both looks cool and allows you to go really fast. The second is "cancelling" Web Rush. You can press X during a Web Rush for Spidey to cancel the rest of the Web Rush. Or Look at a different direction and press L to chain addition Web Rushes. This can lead to some interesting cases when swinging. For example, suppose you want to get over a building and you're approaching it while swinging. Instead of wall crawling/running over it, you can Web Rush up to have Spidey seamlessly bounce off the building and jump up and then quickly look to another direction and Web Rush again to zip of the building. If you need to swing around a building, you can Web Rush to the side to change direction while keeping momentum before transitioning back into a swing. Combine these features and you have a Web Swinging system that both looks really cool with all kinds of fancy animations, requires you to make a lot of quick decisions and gives you a lot of control and speed. Even on the poor VITA whose hardware struggles to keep up, I often felt like I was moving around faster and had more agency than Insomniac's Spider-Man game.
Though, the game doesn't really make you really take advantage of the depth here. Most of the races and side missions are pretty easy and generous. So you can often get by with basic swinging and Web Rushing. I can't remember if TASM2 made the races harder. I do remember the web swinging being more engaging because webs would stick to buildings and you could control which hand Spidey would swing from using the triggers.
As for the story and missions, I kinda like what TASM1 is going for here. It feels like it's more of a "The Amazing Spider-Man 1.5" as the story takes place after the events of the movie and features its own plot of how a breakout of a Cross Species infection from Oscorp infects all of New York. Resulting in rising case/infected numbers as you play the game, people needing to be quarantined and the race to develop a vaccine to try saving people. Alistair Smythe of Oscorp tries to fix the infection issue by releasing robots designed to hunt down and kill cross species. Which include Spider-Man himself since he was bitten by a cross species spider as opposed to a radioactive one, as well as any innocent civilians that are infected. Spidey also has to tank his reputation here by breaking Connors out of Beltoit's Psychiatric institute and working with him to develop a cure.
The story isn't the deepest or has much of an arc. It's also not even the most original as Web of Shadows already had a similar premise but with Symbiotes instead of Cross Species. But I still feel TASM1 makes it entertaining. The spectacle in seeing New York get progressively more wrecked, or Spidey needing to fight giant sized Kaiju Oscorp robots, or fighting many typical Spider-Man villains in the form of these mutated monstrosities like Scorpion and Rhino. That's really cool.
I also liked some of the twists, comedy and drama the story does. Stuff like the first cure failing so Gwen further distrusts Connors. Or Spidey's powers being suppressed by nanobots so the robots don't notice Peter as a Cross Species anymore. Which forces Connors to become the Lizard since Spider-Man can't be Spider-Man anymore. The sequence of powerless Spidey running through New York's streets while all the robot fighting is going around him and his apartment gets blown up in the process was really memorable. Especially because in the lore, that apartment was Stan Lee's who is renting it to Peter. He even calls Peter during this segment to ask him if the apartment is clean.
I also like how there's even a bit of foreshadowing and connection to the TASM2 game. Connors tells Peter about how this will affect his reputation and will come back to haunt him (i.e the main gimmick of TASM2). And the TASM2 game even has sections that relate to the cross species incident of the first game as well as the plot of the movie (TASM2 game really is its own alternate universe).
In closing, The Amazing Spider-Man 1 VITA was a fun time. I enjoyed platinumming it. And, as someone used to the VITA's rather poor performance, I wasn't bothered too much by the poor graphics and framerate. The game wants to be a spectacle and I enjoyed its more wacky elements. The combat and stealth got repetitive but the web swinging was really fun. Though sadly, there is very little reason to revisit this game specifically. Other Spider-Man games like Web of Shadows and Insomniac's Spider-Man do the combat and open world gameplay better. The game copies from Batman Arkham but not enough to even match it. Supposedly, the game was only made in 1 year and coincided with the movie's release. TASM1 was able to be decent despite the deadlines. TASM2 sadly, wasn't so lucky.
Still, I do have a fondness for this game and universe. Part of me wishes we got more TASM movies and the games got more time. Perhaps TASM3 game would have been really cool.
Next up for me is platinumming every Batman Arkham game on VITA. See you then.

Chat here with your friends about whatever is on your mind! Don't forget to set your user flair if you haven't already.
Join the December 2023 Bumper Discord HERE!
We will be going private June 20th, please get verified HERE to stay part of this sub.
Helpful Links:

• Introduce yourself HERE
• Beta hCG/Pregnancy Tests Photo and Progression HERE
• NIPT Results Megathread HERE
• Sneak Peek Results Megathread HERE
• Doubling time calculator (betas)
• Due Date Calculator
• Miscarriage Odds Reassurer
• Rules
• Common Acronyms
• Please check out our Weekly Schedule, here's the links to each of our themed days:

Munchie Monday, TMI Tuesday, Wellness Wednesday, Weekly Photo Thread, Pregnancy after Infertility and Loss Weekly Chat, Second Plus Timers, Weekly Mental Health Check In, Shopping Saturday, Symptom Sunday

​
Hey there nerds and weirdos, here's my Beth May is a superhero, dungeons and daddies is the best, and hooooo boy did i realize i have a lot of baggage i need to deal with, appreciation post. Two weeks prior to thanksgiving 2022, an old high school friend of mine jumped into a rented ford MachE mustang, pointed it south and began the long trip to a cabin on Mount Hood, Oregon for a DnD weekend. We were both excited to continue our campaign we started earlier in the year. I’d get to reprise the roll of Snu Snu, half orc Barbarian, who is a dumb but smashy chap. I like my Dnd Characters to have a delusion, like the orc barbarian that was convinced he was a “blood wizard”, or the halfling rogue who was trying to convince everyone he was a brave warrior when in fact he was a coward. It’s fun playing flawed characters in Dnd, i think it sorta breaks the mold of playing heroes on an important quest. I like flawed characters in film, tv, literature, probably because I am a flawed character. Person. I’m a flawed person. I’m real, despite sometimes not wanting to be so some of the time. We started our journey in Seattle Washington, our GPS said it would be a four hour trip at two hundred and fifteen miles, the mache e was advertised to have a range of 110 miles…. I immediately realized I had made a critically failed my intelligence roll. 215 miles was greater than 110 miles. After two hours of bumper to bumper traffic, I needed to charge the car to get to our destination and despite my undeserved confidence, charging an electric car is more difficult and slower than I had expected. You have to find a fast charger, the right fast charger, and download the app associated with it, fill out a bunch of personal info, then start the charging process, which I remind you was referred to as “fast” but in fact takes over an hour. I’d fucked up. Our friends were already at the cabin we had rented, they had their character sheets in one hand, beers in the other and they were just waiting for us. I thought i’d already ruined the trip and we hadn’t made it out of the state. I asked my friend what he’d want to listen to while we sat and waited for the car to gain enough range to make it to our cabin on the edge of the forgotten realms. Ok, i didn’t say that, that was me trying to sound impressive and like i’m a good writer. You get it, or at least i hope you get it. My friend knew that i love podcasts, so he suggested we listen to a DND themed podcast to get in the mood, i asked which one, and he suggested Dungeons and Daddies. He said it was really funny, and he thought i’d like it. So, i found it in my podcatcher, went to season one episode one and started listening. We listened for the entire ride to the cabin, and then back again. I immediately loved the show. There’s something about podcasts, I'm not sure exactly what it is, but to me it feels like I really get to know the hosts/characters on the show. I think podcasts create a false sense of intimacy between the listener and the hosts. I think it’s because I mainly listen to podcasts alone and and it feels like the hosts/characters are talking to me. Or that I'm a fly on the wall of a really fun place, and I get to quietly observe these hilarious people. Is it because I listen in headphones or in my car? Maybe. Anyway, I know I get a false sense of intimacy, but sometimes I like to pretend it isn’t, or maybe I forget that it isn’t. I’m not sure, but these people don’t know me, and I don't know them, not really. So, after our weekend of DND, we drove back to Seattle, and by the time I was back at my house, I was ten episodes into Dungeons and Daddies. Over the last three weeks It had become my new audio obsession. I was hooked and I listened to it in the gym, on dog walks, while I cooked for my family, while I drove, every moment of silence I had was filled with the dads in the forgotten realm. I LOVE this show like I imagine many of you do because it’s funny, smart and dumb at the same time, it has great improvisation, an interesting story, fun characters who are out of place, and is honestly very touching and more emotionally impactful than I'd ever have imagined. As I got further down the season one rabbit hole, I began finding myself gravitating to Ron Stampler as my favorite daddy storyline. Beth’s performance is just fantastic, and even before episode 61,, where Ron has to give his dog away, Ron’s story and Beth’s performance was bringing me to tears.
I’m a dad, I have a son who is eight. In my life, there are only two Dads in my immediate family, see my wife’s father passed away when she was eight, there’s me and my dad. Well.. oh boy. My dad is kinda a nightmare. Not like Willy is a nightmare, my Dad is more like a crumpled and faded poster of a black and white monster movie, it’s sometimes more sad than scary. My dad was gone a lot when I was a kid. He was on business trips for pretty much eighty percent of my childhood. At one point he was American airlines third most flown person in the world, no joke. He’d fly to Germany on Monday, Japan on Wednesday, and then back to Oregon on friday. The good thing was we were able to fly back to my parents home country in the summer and at christmas, and the whole family usually flew for free because of his frequent flier miles. Those trips were GREAT times, I’d see my cool cousins, we’d eat awesome candy, visit castles, see the sleeping giants and all other manner of family fun. But, in normal life, I'd see him Friday night where he’d crash out, then when he woke up on Saturday he’d be grumpy, groggy and easy to anger. Those were the really good times I remember with my Dad when I was growing up, but I also remember him being angry, depressed, mean and sometimes he’d hurt me. I’m not saying that he hit me or my brother or mom on a regular occasion, that he was a drunk or anything, but there were times where he’d take things too far and I'd get hurt. For example, i must have been ten or eleven when my Dad, Brother and I went to a christian rock festival.We had to kill some time in the parking lot before the doors opened to rock n roll jesus. So my dad had the idea to teach us the spoons game. It’s like the game where you put your hands out palm up, and the other player places their hands on your hands palm down. You try to slap the other player’s hands while they try to evade your slaps. Got it? There’s gotta be a name for that game, slappies or something…
Well, for some reason we had some cutlery in the back of the car, maybe we had a picnic before the show, i don’t remember why, but we had shiny metal spoons for some reason. He taught us “the spoon game” by instructing me to make fists, and put them out in front of myself. He held spoons, one in each hand, and placed the bottom of the spoon on the top of my knuckles. My goal was to move my hands out of the way of the spoons as he tried to hit my knuckles with them. We played for what seemed like 15 minutes and he hit me every-time and with each successful hit he grew happier, and laughed harder. At first it stung, then it ached, then it was like this bubbling cauldron of pain and frustration was exploding inside me. When I could hardly hold my hands still because I was so angry, hurt and embarrassed, I burst into tears when my hands were red and beginning to bruise. I ran away from him, I just took off up the improvised road in the parking lot. He came after me, apologized to me and gave me a hug. We never played that game again. That’s just the kind of guy he was, and as I got older I realized some of the myriad of reasons he was that way. Firstly, he was an orphan, he and his brother were dropped off at an orphanage when he was three and his brother was five. I can only assume catholic orphanages in the 1950’s were not a great place to have some of your first memories. Although he’s never talked about it to me, I’m sure they’ve affected him. About a year later he and his brother were adopted by my grandparents, who in their 40’s decided to adopt two brothers aged four and six. I adored my grandparents, they were amazing people. They were blue-collar folks, my grandfather was a coal miner, with amazing stories and two sheds full of treasures which my grandmother called junk my brother and I got to paw through. Sure, he picked it up off the side of the road, but they were treasures, not junk in my or my brothers eyes. My grandfather walked from Wales to Scotland with his brother when he was nine years old to get work in the coal mines of Scotland. His sister, she was a boat captain and smuggler during the Spanish civil war who ran guns, food and medical supplies to the anti fascists. My Grandmother learned sign language so she could communicate and help THE deaf family in the village when the mother of that family fell gravely ill. But, it was the 1950’s and 1960’s so no matter how great their lives stories were, hitting kids was super normal, or at least that’s what my father and mother experienced. I’m sure he had a lot of trauma he never dealt with when he became a father in his late twenties. When we were kids, he was the sole breadwinner, his job was probably really taxing and took a lot out of him, he was away from his family a lot, and you know, traveling for work and living in hotels sucks. That’s not to excuse his behavior, I just try to, you know, put him in context of the stress he was under that I was too young to know about. It’s easier for me to believe that he’s not inherently bad, but shaped by his environment, it’s just easier for me that way. Judge away. It’s complicated. When I was twelve he lost his job, his brother committed suicide, and his funeral he found out he had 4 half sisters in Scotland who his brother had known about, and not told him about for almost a decade. It was a bad year with a silver lining. I watched him retreat into depression, longing, and joy of finding his new sisters. When i got out of college, he had his fourth back surgery. He had ruptured another disc in his lower back, and required another Discectomy . However, during the healing process he got an infection, one that raised his fever to a dangerous level that resulted in brain damage. From that point on, he wasn’t mean. He wasn’t cruel. He was confused, stubborn, repetitive, annoying and a shadow of his former intellectual self. So, I pity my father. Over this thanksgiving he decided to drive us back to my house from our extended families thanksgiving celebration. He drove into oncoming traffic because we had told him to take the next left, which he interpreted as take a left right now. No one was hurt. My son was in the car and was very scared.
And all I could think about was Ron Stampler. Listening to the end of season one gave me a lot of feelings. Listening to how Willy treated Ron wasn’t like my life with my father, not beat for beat, but a lot of the emotional beats seemed similar. Suddenly my father being absent for most of my early childhood was similar to the emotional abandonment Willy treated Ron. I saw how Willy was dismissive and cruel to Ron, and it brought back a bunch of memories I hadn’t contextualized. The spoons game for example, I had just blocked that off, not thought about it for decades, and when Willy was being so cruel to Ron, it just reminded me of that afternoon in a parking lot outside of a Jesus festival. So, my dad never made me give my dog away, but he did lose my dog once. Like, his story is that he took him to the groomer and the dog just bolted and we never saw Mocha again. Holy shit. I… I just remembered that. I want to break the cycle. I don’t want to pass on the bullshit my Dad did to me, I don’t want my the way I feel less than, incomplete, wrong and not god damn good enough onto my sweet boy. He doesn’t deserve any of that, I mean no kid does, but I’m NOT going to do that to him. I struggle with being a father a lot. I’m always second guessing myself, always worried that i’ll slip into a casual cruelty that will forever leave deep emotional scars in my sweet son the way my dad did to me. My son is an emotional kid, like I was. My son has the biggest heart you’ll ever see in a child his age. He loves everyone he meets, treats them as dear friends, and is always the first to lend a hand, a shoulder to cry on, a hug, or the shirt off his back. For christ's sake, this halloween he gave a bunch of his candy to his friends brother on the night of halloween. The younger brother was too tired to do the second round of trick or treating, it was past his bedtime. We were having a little party for halloween because we go crazy for halloween. Decorations, lights, family costume themes, full sized cady bars for trick or treaters, the whole nine yards. My son’s friends parents were attending the party, So I took my son and his friend on 2nd round of trick or treating. It was awesome, we were the last group of trick or treaters to be seen and our neighborhood was just dumping candy into the kids bags. DUMPING. When we got home, with our heavy haul the brother was upset that he didn’t go back out and get candy, so my kid just gave him all he wanted. If you’re not a parent of a young kid, let me be clear- candy is the hard drugs of childhood. Kids can be junkies for that sweet sweet candy.
That’s the kind of selfless eight year old I have, just handing over his own kiddy crack to someone he cares about without a second thought. Just today I realized he put a board game on his list to Santa, because it’s my wife’s favorite board game. He wants HER to have it, so he’s asking the all mighty and powerful Santa to bring something for him, so he can make his mom happy. What a kid. Listening to the Dungeons and Daddies made me think a lot about my dad, my baggage, what Dad I wanted to be. I have committed myself to not passing on generational trauma to my sweet, sweet boy. Listening to Beth May craft such a beautiful arch for Ron opened up a pandora's box of emotion including hope, anger, sadness and love. Ron was able to take the first steps of breaking the cycle of abuse that Willy passed on to him, and I’m ready to do the same. I hope to be as smart, brave, insightful and cool as Ron frickin’ Stampler. Thank you Daddies, thank you Anthony, Thank you Beth. I did not expect that this horny and violent podcast would be so therapeutic and eye opening to me.