I'm actually really excited about his bday tomorrow. It's one of my fav days to plan. I've baked him lemon cupcakes that he specifically requested, managed to score a free family size bag of his fav chips (which is an extremely rare treat for him), bought him an item that doesn't seem much on the surface but will actually come with three months of unlimited pool time that just so happens to coincide with the start day of the exact day of his bday, my hubby spent hours making a homemade piñata in the shape of his fav gaming character, I bought him cupcake toppers/bday decorations revolving around this same character, we've invited his friends over and their parents have confirmed they'll be there, and we're going to buy our kid the two games he was really really hoping to get (which is another rare occurrence since he never ever gets two at a time or even more than one every three months or so).
It's going to be a GREAT day. I am so excited!!

so for some reason I have kitchen and bedroom containers empty. no items at all, no matter how many containers I searched. I'm quite sure this is a mod issue, but I just don't know what mod could cause that. any help?
mods loaded:

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Part 33 on HFY
I saw the figure on the ridge line to our west. He stood there for just a moment before moving away, back down the other side of the hill. I'm not sure if I imagined what I saw, or if some aspect of my relationship with Sarisa or (more likely) Inanna has made my eyes sharper. I weighed the pros and cons of alerting the others.
Pros: possible warning about a potentially serious situation.
Cons: being embarrassed if I was wrong.
I've basically lived the last six years in a state of perpetual embarrassment anyways, so the cons were basically a wash. I walked back inside, acting as if I hadn't seen a damn thing until the door closed behind me, at which point I rushed down the stairs, past the two hard-looking bearded dudes who could have been Gary's adult kids, if he'd had any and into the bowels of the Agency safehouse.
"Guys, Astoram's here. Or at least, his little cult is. Maybe. I saw one of the greasers just now, watching the safehouse from the ridge west of us."
All eyes turned to me. Sarisa frowned and then added, "Sixteen cult members, at least. They're holed up in the women's high school in Paghman, hosted by a local Taliban commander."
Inanna turned to her in surprise. "That was easy. Have you broken his pall of ignorance?"
"No," Sarisa shook her head and started gathering up supplies and stuffing them into packs. "Local gossip?" I asked and she favored me with a smile, "They do tend to stick out around here, don't they?"
"Well, so do we," Gary added, grabbing an M2010 off the rack and tossing it to me, then slinging his own custom M4 over his shoulder before grabbing a couple of bags and stuffing magazines in them. "We're going after them?" I asked, checking that the weapon was safe and empty, then catching a magazine he tossed me.
"We're going on the roof," Gary responded, "And if we see another, you're taking him down. We can't leave until Sara figures out exactly where we're going, and that seems likely to take a while."
"Won't that let them know we're on to them?" I asked as I loaded the magazine, chambered a round and the re-safed it.
"No," Sarisa answered for Gary, "The locals are quite unhappy about the obvious Americans being here. Someone's already taken a pot-shot at a few of them. They think it's multiple shooters, but it's really one of the guards at the school, shooting at them during his downtime. Achmed is not happy about playing host to the great Satan."
"It wouldn't really matter, anyways," Inanna added, hunching over her hands and frowning in concentration. "They know we're coming, else they wouldn't be here at all. It's probably coincidence that they're this close to us, but I'm not surprised they'd be watching holdover safehouses for us. Astoram could have stuck to locals if he wanted to set up another cult here. The fact that the greasers are here means he's gunning for us."
Gary handed me a plate carrier which I quickly donned and began adjusting the side straps to my slight frame. It took a lot of adjusting. While I did it, I peered over Inanna's shoulder to see what she was doing, but couldn't make it out. After a moment, she beckoned Sarisa over and both of them hunched over her hands. I still couldn't see what they were doing.
I got the carrier cinched down tight. Which was, like, the first time ever. I wondered if this one was a smaller size, but I'd never seen a tag on one, so I didn't know how to check. Gary was already kitted up with his rifle, his own armor and a spotting scope on a tripod. I nodded and he jerked his head towards the door, "Let's go."
"Wait," Inanna said. I turned to her and saw she was holding a tiny little avatar of her own. Unlike Inanna's unbuttoned ACU top and tight jeans, the avatar was wearing some BDSM looking outfit that left nothing to the imagination and was holding a giant rifle that I thought was one of the big .50 caliber ones, but couldn't be sure. The avatar blew me a kiss, gestured at her crotch and then pumped her free fist while thrusting her hips back and forth.
"Uhh," I said, "So she's an avatar of sniping, right?"
"Yup," Inanna confirmed, "With Sarisa's help, of course. She's the one who knows how to make avatars that can pass on knowledge like that."
"So I just eat her, then and I'll be a master sniper?" I asked. The avatar had moved her rifle to between her legs and was grinding on it in a way that would be provocative for a life-sized woman, but looked a little ridiculous.
"Well..."
I met Inanna's eyes and saw a mischievous sparkle there. "Well what?" I asked, my voice full of trepidation.
"You don't eat my avatars, Jerry."
"So what do I do?"
"You fuck them."
I gawked at her. "But she's like five, six inches tall!" I objected, "My... Thing is bigger than that!"
Kathy snorted, "I've seen you naked, dude. Your 'thing' is bigger than my forearm."
"No it's..." I trailed off because, yeah, that was Inanna's latest kink; she'd been making it grow for a couple weeks now, and while a certain part of me really enjoyed using and -total transparency- looking at it, it was becoming a bother.
Look, it's really awkward, alright? It's always in the way, and I don't have any hair on my inner thighs left because I'd taken to taping the damned thing down to keep it out of the way. I could barely even lay on my stomach any more. It's not funny.
My instinctive denial notwithstanding, the point remained. I looked at Inanna with confusion plain on my features. In response, she sat the avatar down on the floor. She grew, but not by much, stopping when she reached about three feet tall.
"Well?" I said, "Why did it stop? Is there some other way?"
The avatar clapped her hands, then shook her head slowly, grinning. She slung the rifle onto her back and then rushed forward and began humping my leg like an excited dog.
"It'll fit," Inanna assured me.
"It'll kill her!" I objected. I shook my leg a bit, trying to get her to stop, but she just reached up and grabbed a hold of me through my pants. I squawked in surprise as the tiny hand clamped down.
"That's kind of the point, hun."
"What?!" I asked, confused.
"They're not really alive or aware, in the way you're imagining," Sarisa said, "They're like chatbots on the internet. They can engage in a handful of behaviors that they're pre-programmed with, but that's it. In this case, she's programmed to, well, get some."
"That's kinda what I figured, but..." I sighed in exasperation. "Fine, whatever, can I at least get a little privacy?" Inanna gestured towards other door in the room, which led to the two guards' bunks, and was currently unoccupied. The field agent who'd 'graciously' (read: under fictional orders from his boss, courtesy of Sarisa's influence on a CIA email server) hosted us here raised a hand. "Uh, after he's done, would you mind if I, uh..."
Inanna gave him a level look and both Kathy and Sarisa expressed their disgust at the request as I worked in vain to get the avatar off my leg. She was insistent and stubborn as hell. Eventually, Inanna said "Just pick her up and throw her over your shoulder, Jerry, she'll get the hint."
So I grabbed her under her arms and lifted up. I heard Kathy make a disgusted sound as I did, and I fully understood why. The avatar felt like a kid. She stopped fighting me almost immediately and clapped her hands in delight. I tossed her over my shoulder, feeling like a pedophile and we went into the other room.
Look, I'm not going to describe what happened because this was sketchy as hell and made me seriously uncomfortable. I mean, even by the standards of embarrassment and discomfort I'd gotten used to in the past few years. I was actually a little grateful for the ridiculous outfit and the even more ridiculously exaggerated proportions Inanna had given her, because anything else would have been too childlike for me to even consider it. Gross.
It wasn't anything worth describing, in any case. As soon as we started, she vanished in a burst of light and I felt that same odd sense of familiarity descend over me. I quickly got buttoned (and taped, sigh) back up and returned. The agent was sulking in the corner, his face a bright red. I ignored him.
"Inanna, I love you, but I swear upon all that's sacred, if you ever do that again and feel the need to make the avatar child sized, I will begin seriously questioning the morality of your libido." My face was a stone mask, and she balked for a second before her brow furrowed.
"I thought being smaller would be hot. Like, you know, making it tighter?"
"No. I feel disgusting, now. I prefer the life-size you, who reminds me in exactly zero ways of a little kid."
Kathy must have shared my feelings on the matter, because she was glaring daggers at Inanna. Sarisa looked shocked and Gary looked away, patiently examining the wall.
"Honestly, Jerry, the thought of the avatar looking like a child never really occurred to me. I... I'm sorry, babe. I promise, I'll never do that again." She moved to my side and laid her head on my shoulder, putting her arms around me. "I'm really sorry, I really never even considered that..."
I patted her back gently and kissed her on the top of her head, "I forgive you, but we gotta move," I said. "Are you coming along?"
She looked up, and I could actually see that her eyes were getting misty. Wow. I didn't think my recrimination would have this much effect on her; she was usually incorrigible. She nodded, "Yes, but you're the shooter and Gary's spotting. I'm just observing."
I nodded. I expected as much, because Gary had been making a point of having me do more shooting ever since Ethiopia. It was training, as much as it was getting me to actually pull some weight when shit hit the fan.
We headed up the stairs, me taking up the rear. Directly in front of me, Inanna swapped her ACU top for a plate carrier of her own (as opposed to simply adding a plate carrier on top) and swapped her tight jeans for assless chaps. Now there was the Inanna I knew. It might be a familiar butt, and one I've explored every nook and cranny of (or, nook and fanny as the case may be, heh heh, okay, fine, I'll stop now, yeesh. I was just cracking a joke. Get it? Cracking? Damn, tough crowd...), and I may have been a bit peeved at her at the moment, but I couldn't help but get lost in staring, until she abruptly stopped near the top step and I went face-first into it.
Oh crap, my tape came free.
I adjusted everything with a deep sigh while Inanna gave me a little smile that was equal parts apology and mischief over her shoulder. I was not amused. I wondered if forgiveness could be rescinded.
We made it the rest of the way without incident. I got set up on the roof facing the ridge line, Gary beside me. Inanna crouched down next to me, and I somehow knew that she would be invisible to anyone but us. Gary ranged the hill and whistled, "Nine hunnerd forty three yards. Damn, Jerry, those are some good eyes you've got, if you could make out that much from here." I shrugged slightly.
"My eyes have been getting better ever since I met these two," I gestured at Inanna. "That's mostly Sarisa, not me," she added, "Humans she's interacted with while manifesting have gotten better eyesight several times in the past. Something about perception and learning, I don't remember how she explained it. But humans I've interacted with get really good at registering threats, too. So it probably wasn't just her."
Regardless of who was responsible, I understood Gary's surprise. Right now, without a figure to focus on, the ridge line was so far off that I couldn't even explain how I'd spotted the figure, let alone recognized his outfit. But I was quite sure of what I'd seen, so I tried to just accept it.
We stayed on that roof for hours, spelling each other. Gary would spend thirty minutes scanning the ridge line with his variable-zoom spotter scope while Inanna took me inside to simultaneously express her remorse for her inadvertent blunder, let me reassure her that all was forgiven, and give me a little exercise to keep the blood flowing. Then, I'd take my turn, peering through my fixed-magnification scope on my rifle or just squinting with my 'mark one eyeballs', as Gary called them, while Gary strode around on the roof, swinging his arms and doing pushups and other manly things.
Though it came as a surprise, it was also a bit of a relief when, as the sun was getting low, one of the burly, bearded guards came up just as Gary was about to let me take my turn. It was Drake; and he and Gary had recognized each other when we first got here.
"Hey man, you busy?" Drake asked as Gary stood to greet him. "Not for another half hour, why?"
Drake looked at Gary for a moment, then at the roof beneath his feet, and then back. Something unsaid and probably very manly and operator-ly passed between them. Too manly for me to understand. Gary raised his eyebrows, muttered, "Thought you'd never ask," and both turned to head back down, leaving me in my confusion.
But then Inanna cleared things up. She sprung up and ran over to them. "Wait!"
They turned, and she whispered briefly in Drake's ear before giving him a kiss on the cheek. Gary then got the same treatment and she returned. I opened my mouth to ask for some clarity, and then it hit me. Why would Inanna kiss them on the cheek? It was a blessing, of course. Because they were about to do something in her portfolio. Not something war-like, if you catch my drift.
"Was that a moment?" Inanna grinned. "Like in that movie," I added, "With the guy from The Sopranos and Brad Pitt, when the hit man and Julia Roberts are in the diner?" She nodded, "Hell yeah, and it's about damn time, too. He's the only one of our little group who hasn't gotten any since all this shit started."
"Well, him and Ixy," I said, peering through the scope at the same suspiciously-shaped bush I'd checked out a thousand times already.
"Are you kidding me? Ixy has a harem in his little extra-planar den. At least half the time he's not visible, he's getting some."
"Huh," I said, "It never even occurred to me. So what are his harem, like, the souls of dead Australopithecus women?"
"Maybe the souls of dead female hentai fans would be into that," Inanna corrected, "But as far as I know, it's all ancient devas."
"Like angels?" I asked. This was new.
"Sort of, yeah. No 'wheels within wheels' though, most devas look like people, or sometimes animals or inanimate objects. I've got about two, three hundred of mine still moving about in the world."
"So are they like avatars?"
"No, not really. None of us really know where they come from. But they periodically appear or vanish. When they appear, they always attach themselves to one of the gods and take on aspects of them. Each one has a particular focus. For example, I've got a deva of motherly love currently living a quiet life in Belgium. She's got great-grandkids, and none of her family suspect she's anything but the world's greatest mother. I've got another deva of unarmed combat mastery, Han. He's a trip; very hip. Stays up-to-date on pop culture."
"Do you think any of your or Sarisa's devas could help us?"
"I can't command them, if that's what you're asking. The attach themselves to me, and will almost always respect my choices and fulfill requests if I ask them, but there's nothing forcing them to. And I've already asked a couple, but they're all busy with their own thing or uninterested." She shrugged and blew out a long breath. "It's always a little weird when they say 'no', but it happens. Especially when conflict with other gods is involved. I didn't really expect any to want to help us."
"Huh," I said again. "Do you think that any-" I stopped. I'd just caught a flash of movement on the hills. I glued my right eye to the scope and kept my left eye open to guide it to the right spot.
"Got him," I said as the tiny figure in the black leather jacket and white t-shirt came into focus. "Can you spot for me?"
"Hell yeah, I'm not interrupting Gary," she said as she laid down by his scope. She got it lined up on the figure. "Nine thirty nine yards, wind moving..." she licked a finger a held it up, "say, two and a half knots, directly on LOS."
I did the math in my head. The wind would reduce the bullet drop over this long a range. Using formulas I hadn't known that morning, I quickly calculated a solution and dialed it into my optics. They didn't quite go far enough, but there will mill dots running along the crosshairs. I settled the second dot down from where the hairs met over the man's torso as he moved. I watched for a moment, timing his speed, then rolled forward of him by five and a quarter mill dots. I noted some quirks in the ground and adjusted to five and a half, then lowered my aim just a bit.
I sucked in a deep breath and waited for him to cross a specific rock. As soon as he did, I let out half the breath, squeezed the trigger until the rifle bucked in my hands, and then let the rest out. I kept my right eye on my scope, and watched as the man crossed the point I'd fired at and then abruptly collapsed. I saw his body moving weakly for a few seconds, and then it went still.
"Nice!" Inanna said with a hearty smack on my butt. I winced. She tended to smack really hard.
"Think they'll send someone out to look for him?" I asked.
"Oh yeah, without a doubt. Get comfortable, we're gonna be here a while yet."
I sighed and settled in. After about an hour (I didn't begrudge Gary the extra time), Gary returned, looking cheerful and chipper and a bit more relaxed than usual.
"Inanna, whatever was in that kiss was better'n a fifty-fifty mix of molly and viagra," he announced as he took her spot. "I truly do appreciate it, darlin'."
Inanna smiled and gave him another kiss. "Have another for next time. I'll make sure Drake is ready the next time you're off."
Gary grinned at her, and then turned to me. "Well, I thought I heard a shot a while ago. Did you get one?"
"Yeah, we're waiting for the search party, now." Gary grinned wider, "You see, this kinda cold-blooded shit is why infantry grunts like me just fuckin' hate snipers."
He settled down and got his eye on the scope, then added, "'Cept when they're on our side, of course."
"Of course," I agreed. After the sun set, we added night-vision modules to our optics. It occurred to me that, considering the type of people Astoram tended to attract, the dead guy's companions might not be in much of a hurry to check on his well-being. In fact, they likely wouldn't even care where he was until they began to get worried that his absence might bode poorly for them.
It was going to be a long night.
----
As a reminder, this whole story is available at JerryandtheGoddesses.

Welcome to Green Valley

Four Merry Jaunts Through the Bumpkin Quest Campaign

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide Spring Cleaning time! This includes a parade, a festival, and a temple ceremony. These events are haunted by and angry goose hating enchanted broom.
CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens Folks need to eat. And round here they like to eat massive angry chickens. Somebody's gotta deliver them, and that somebody is your players!
CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent Simple problems require convoluted solutions. Help Marvin enchant a plow that can pass through stones. What could go wrong?
CHAPTER 4: High Society After earning some respect the players get invited to a high falutin social dilly do. But not as guests. As the help. And this party is gonna need it! The entertainment is about to become a mesmerizing problem.
ADVENTURE MECHANICS - Target Character Level: Commoners or Level 1 - Target Party Size: Four Players - Average Adventure Playtime: 2ish Hours - Tone: Rural Mayhem and Foolishness
Grab the Free PDF Here. https://www.patreon.com/posts/adventure-to-83830560
I’ve also put these adventures into our *Bumpkin Quest: Campaign Guide https://www.patreon.com/posts/guide-bumpkin-to-80202231 The guide fills in the details of Green Valley pretty thoroughly. The quests are simple enough to be run in any setting you choose, but if you're interested in more the Guide has about two dozen Custom Maps, 70+ NPCs, Location Descriptions, 20+ Local Legends, and Scores of Adventure and Event Ideas. You can grab the PDF Free at the link above.

Hills Furrow

At the center of the Valley sits a patch of small grassy hills, through which the Slow Water meanders through. Built into these hills is the Village of Hills Furrow. Celebrated by everyone living in The Valley and boasting a whopping population of almost 150, Hills Furrow is the center of commerce and social importance. Well, at least as far as the locals are concerned. Realistically it would be less than a blip on the grand scale of things, a mere kernel of wheat in the silo of civilization, but to those who live here, there is nothing quite like living in the “city”.
The Village itself, like the Valley, is predominantly Halfling, and their fancy dwellings are burrowed into the hillsides as often as possible. These dwellings have been family owned for generations only becomeing available if there are no heirs to pass them along to. Other folk live in well kept two story shingled buildings, most of which house a business on the lower floor and house the Shopkeepers and their families above their workplaces, though a few live in nearby homes. There aren’t many “rental” spaces in town, as property is usually bought up quickly by the Halfling Families, but there are long term options at either of the Inns in town.
Hills Furrow: Locations 1) The Crocked Crow (Inn and Tavern) 2) The Dancing Lamb (Inn and Tavern) 3) The Moaning Toad (Tavern) 4) Granny's Groceries (General Market) 5) Get Nailed (Hardware and Distilery) 6) Gimdurh's Hammer (Smithy) 7) Brenra's Mechanicals (Tinker) 8) Hjoldren's Home Goods (Carpenter) 9) Standard Industries (Office) 10) Fit to be Dyed (Tailor) 11) The Last Loaf (Baker) 12) The Cloudy Cleaver (Butcher) 13) Nature's Medecine (Apothecary) 14) Sheriff's Office 15) Green Valley School House 16) The Waterwheel 17) The Windmill 18) The Undercloak Estate 19) Truefoot Burrow 20) The Meadows Family Hill
The locals are hospitable and friendly enough, but they do not really trust outsiders. Folks from foreign places are good for trade, news, and little else. Those that come through are treated well enough as long as they don’t wear out their welcome. Locals, well, that’s a bit of a different story. The city and area doesn’t operate under a written caste system or social structure, but there is clearly a pecking order, and family heritage matters a great deal to folks in Hills Furrow. Most locals, whether they’ve gotten an education or not, can easily be classified as simple. It isn’t that they are slow of mind or unintelligent, but more that they are unconcerned with matters the outside world considers important. This sentiment has created a general, but friendly, dislike between those that consider themselves Highfalutin and those that clearly are not.
Well now that I've given you the fifty cent tour. Shall we get on to adventure?

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide

We will open our journeys in the Green Valley at Green Tide, the annual celebration of Winter’s End. This adventure is designed to give a tour of Hills Furrow and introduce them to the locals. It will begin with some chores around their house to prepare for the festival and end with a battle involving an enchanted broom. If you did not do Session Zero, this chapter may take a bit longer as we get to know everyone and their characters.

ACT 1: Pre-Festival

The locals spend the week cleaning out their houses and farms. They gather old junk and unused items to be used later in the festival. They also begin preparing what food is left from winter to be used in a celebration and feasts.
Things to do! - Have the Players clean up junk around the house - Have them Find something strange (Perhaps used for a later mystery?) - Have them Decorate their Broom - Have them run a Household Errand (Meet an NPC)

ACT 2: Sweeping Day

A merry festival celebrating Spring cleaning and putting the past behind them. They form a parade, with one member from each house carrying a brightly decorated broom and using it to symbolically “Sweep Away Winter”. The rest of the family marches their winter’s trash and unused goods down to the Fairgrounds. The goods are often traded, while the trash is piled in the fire pit to await burning later. The entire day is filled with fun outdoor activities. Households also symbolically bring their problems to the bonfires to burn them later.
Things to do! - March in the Parade - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals
EVENT: I Love a Parade
The parade will march North from near the Cross Roads in the South up around the hill and back again to the South where it will head for the Fairgrounds. There isn’t anything particularly challenging about this event, but it would be a wonderful place to start leaning into or building local rivalries.
EVENT: Never Seen a Broom Do That… As they come into the home stretch of the Parade one of the local’s Brooms will animate and take off. It will chase folks around the parade. The players can attempt to stop it, but the broom will flee soon after being attacked. It will fly up into the air, attack a flock of geese, and chase them off until it can’t be seen anymore. They can go and collect a fallen goose if they wish. I highly recommend giving it a motorcycle type sound as it flies around hitting folks. Maybe even going as far as giving it a rough gravel angry voice and letting it insult people.

ACT 3: Winter’s End

Winter’s End is a Combination of Groundhog’s Day and Fasnacht, this day gets a little wild. The Festival kicks off at dawn with the Great Gopher Hunt. Gophers are well known spies for The Voice of Winter and thus need to be hunted before they can tell The Voice to delay Spring. Gophers themselves are quite tasty, and are notoriously bad for crops, so this works out economically all around. Throughout the rest of the day families continue to contribute to the Bonfire Pile which often gets quite large. At dusk a large effigy of The Voice of Winter is placed on top of the pile. Once the sun has fully set they light the fire and burn the Effigy. Folk usually dress darkly during the day and brightly at night. After the burning they feast on sweets and treats that were made from goods saved up from winter storage.
Things to do! - The Great Gopher Hunt - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals - The Fairground’s Activities
EVENT: The Great Gopher Hunt The Hunt begins at dawn and takes place all over the Valley. Locals race to collect as many Gophers as possible. It is easiest to kill the Gopher, but there are some that find that distasteful. Instead they live trap the critters. It is a bit tougher to do so, but an option should your players wish. This is most easily played out as a series of appropriate Skill Checks, in which the higher they score the more gophers they obtain.
EVENT: Trash Removal They may find some locals willing to pay them to help cart junk down to the bonfire pile. Not a lot of skill involved in this, but it is a great opportunity to meet locals, and you could throw a runaway cart at them.
Fair Activities They will probably want to take part in Fairground Activities. Players love these types of challenges. Here are a few ideas you can build on. - Axe Throwin: Basic attack rolls on a Round Target. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Bow Shootin: Basic attack rolls on Moving Targets. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Pig Chasin: Catch the greased Pig! Medium DC Challenge requiring three success before three Failures. - Mud Wrastlin: Nothing says bumpkin like a good Mud Wrastlin Pit. Contested Skill Challenges. - Sausage Eating Contest: Increasingly difficult DC Challenge. Eat till you puke! Can also be Pies or Ribs or Little Fish… you know whatever someone wants to stuff dozens of in their gullet. - Tug O’War: Team Strength Challenge. Three to Five Contested Rolls with opposing teams. - Gopher BBQ Cook Off: A Hard Culinary Challenge to see who can BBQ the best Gopher! - Races: Foot and Mount Races based on Three to Five Contested Rolls. I usually include a few odd mounts like a Giant Chicken or some such nonsense.

ACT 4: Day of Ashes

The Day of Ashes is a day of rest, recovery, and reflection. Locals take the ashes from the bonfires and rub their hands in them to symbolize the end of a hard year’s work and hardships of the past. The day ends with a large family feast, typically Pork. Activities this day are light, but many folks head to the Temple for the Calling of Spring Blessings. They put on their fancies and head down to ask forgiveness for over-indulging in the festival and for worship. Well sort of…
Unfortunately, a lot of folks take this as an opportunity to peacock about and practice their one-upmanship over other locals. If you’re looking for inspiration for their outfits look to older photos of the Kentucky Derby. Over the years this troubling practice has caused more than one fight to break out after the service.
*Things to do! * - Go to Temple and Meet More Locals - Pick a Local Patron!
EVENT: Temple Services The majority of the town comes to Temple on this day. The service is usually longer, and a bit more “Where have most of you been all year?” But otherwise it is a call for the Divine Blessings to touch their crops and protect their lives. It ends with a ceremony in which the locals put their hands into the ashes from yesterday’s bonfire. Once services end they will head outside, where the trouble will begin. Two of the wealthier families will get into it with each other. Starting with a couple of veiled insults, probably before service and continuing afterward. If one of your players is from a local Rich Folk family then they can be right in the middle of it all, otherwise they will have to pick a side. This choice will determine their house Patron moving forward. Tension will increase until folks start drawing up sides, and then someone will throw a rotten tomato at one of the House Matrons. That will blow the lid off the incident and a yokel brawl will break out. For comedy purposes I recommend the instant appearance of several food carts filled with expired products, and maybe a six year old hustler selling big sticks for wacking folks with. As the locals brawl call for perception checks. Who ever rolls highest begins to hear… The Broom returning!
ENCOUNTER: Stick In The Eye The broom returns ready to whoop some ash. It will be absolutely bent on cleaning anyone and everyone who is even the slightest bit dirty! If it successfully attacks a character they will have to make a Strength Saving throw or be knocked to the ground and swept clean by the broom. As this would be an awful omen for the year folks are terrified and will be running around screaming. Absolute mass hysteria. If the players were lucky enough to hear it coming they can avoid being surprised by the broom. Otherwise the broom will get a full round to attack before they have a chance to do anything. They’ll have to beat the broom into submission any way they can before it sweeps the whole town into chaos!

CLOSING

After defeating the broom things will settle back down again. Bumpkins are quick to return to normal when things go awry. However, they will have gotten the attention of one of the Wealthy Families in the area and be offered jobs. Which family is really, based on what will work best for them and you as the DM. For gags you might be tempted to have the Yokels pick them up, but that is a hard bit to sustain, and you may be better served keeping them on the side as a comic foil rather than up front. Completely up to you. The session should end with them being invited to meet their new patron tomorrow someplace important.

CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens

After successfully defeating the Enchanted Broom, our Bumpkins have gained the attention of a possible local Patron. This individual has summoned them to a nearby farm to discuss future work. That work includes proving themselves capable and not just lucky.

ACT 1: Meet the Boss

In this Act the players will meet with their new patron, one of the Family Heads, who that is entirely depends on their choices from the last game. This entire side branch is designed to flavor the background of the campaign, but if you’d rather just have them stay freelancing and independent that’s fine as well. There is also the possibility of “competing” offers should they have second thoughts for any reason. Once they arrive at the meeting spot their Patron will ask them some questions about their ambitions (Class Goals), they will then hand them off to their new “boss” who will assign them their task. They will take them to a nearby barn.
NPC: “Boss” Needs a fitting name for the Family they work for... Character wise, what we got here is a standard “Ranch Foreman” character. They’re tough, A little mean, and completely loyal to their employer. They almost certainly chew tobacco (by the handful), have a tattoo of the Ranch’s Brand, and know where all the bodies are buried. They also have a huge and obvious scar on the side of their head where a Giant Chicken pecked a hole in their skull, so they’re not as bright as they used to be, not at all truthfully. Nor are they actually the Foreman anymore, but no one has a heart to tell them. They’ve been quietly downgraded to Chicken Handler, which is something they seem to remember quite well, but the brain damage keeps them from realizing all that. They can be found wandering the Farm giving strange orders to other Hands. These Hands nod politely and then go back to what they are doing.
Things To Do! - Meet Their Patron - Discuss Their Future - Meet Their New “Boss”

ACT 2: Chicken Dance

Boss will lead them into the odd looking barn. This building is filled with Giant Chickens. These two-three foot fouls have extremely exaggerated features, spiky looking beaks with sharp tooth like edges, big darting eyes, bumpy cracked skin, long gnarled talons, and dirty mottled feathers. They’re more beast than bird. But, they’re good for eatin! These creatures should have a stat block similar to an Axe Beak. When the players enter into the Barn the Chickens will go nuts, obviously deeply bothered by the intrusion. Boss will throw in some deer haunches and the birds will tear them apart in a feeding frenzy. They will then put on a Chicken Suit and begin a flapping dance. (Google Magnificent Riflebird) It should be absolutely captivating and the chickens will become mesmerized, watching every move. Boss will then load two dozen chickens onto a large wagon and lock it. They will have the players push the wagon out while he keeps the Chickens calm. Once outside they’ll hang heavy tarps on the sides of the wagon, and remove the suit. He will then explain to them that they need to keep the tarps on the wagon, and keep the birds well fed, or the chickens will get restless and become violent. When they do need to interact with them someone will have to wear the suit and dance to keep them calm. The bigger the person in the suit the better. Boss will then give them a Map of Green Valley and instruct them to drop off two chickens at each of the outer settlements. They have two days to get this done.
Things To Do! - Head into the barn - Witness The Dance of The Chicken - Push the Wagon out - Get the Costume and Delivery Instructions

ACT 3: Bumpy Roads

They will be off to deliver the Chickens to various locations. There is no specific order to this delivery, they just need to pick a route and go. If they’re short on time they can take the country roads that lead between the outer settlements, but these aren’t as well kept as the main roads are. Whatever road they take and wherever they decide to stop for the night there are problems they will encounter along the way. You can make them random or pick the ones that best suit your players. Most of these should at some point require someone putting on the suit and dancing for the chickens to keep them calm. I would also increase the difficulty of each event. If they fail a dance the Chickens will become restless and start attacking the cart until they are calmed down. Too many failures and the wagon’s cage will break and the remaining chickens escape. They will then have to be rounded up and the cage repaired.
Things to Do! - Decide the delivery route - Deliver the chickens - Keep the Chickens calm
Possible Road Events 1) Rough roads cause problems 2) Yokels attempt to see what’s in the cart 3) Bad Weather swamps the road or scares the chickens 4) Pack of Coyotes causes trouble. 5) Chicken Rustlers! Protect the Flock! 6) Wagon breaks and needs repair 7) Cows in the road, someone’s herd is out. 8) Broken Bridge, not gone, just broken

ACT 4: Final Delivery

They’re now closing in on the final delivery. Something needs to happen here to cause them to put the suit on. Or maybe they never took it off! I love that idea, that one of your players just loves the suit and wants to be a chicken… lol… Anyway I’m a fan of having them need to get out of the suit for some reason, maybe a bathroom break, or they stand on a fire ant hill, or a snake slithers up their leg. You know something silly and fun. BUT the zipper is stuck! So they’ll have to try and unstick it and fast! Whatever happens they’re going to get shot at by some hunters looking for a big score who have mistaken the flailing caused by the stuck zipper to be the chicken attacking. After dealing with the Hunters they can go ahead and make the final drop. And head home.
Things to Do! - Head for the final delivery - Get shot at! - Deliver the last chickens
ENCOUNTER: That’s a BIG Chicken! Having two hunters in the field is more than enough to cause a problem for the players. The hunters will almost certainly surprise the players, but you can allow them a perception check, if they succeed they’ll see the hunters just before the muskets go off. It would be OK to down the Chicken Player here if the hunters successfully hit it. They’ll have healer’s kits on hand because, well, this seems to happen to them a lot out here. After the initial attack the players can decide to attack back or try and talk the hunters down. A basic Bandit or Scout stat block should do will for the hunters. If you’re looking for a bit more mayhem, if the hunters miss the players you could have them hit the cage, and you know, bust it open. This may be especially tempting if they
POSSIBLE ENCOUNTER: Big Ol' Frog So there is a giant frog hiding in the mud down in the creek. If a player takes cover behind the banks there is a good chance that the frog will attempt to nab the player as a snack. If it is successful in grabbing a player with its tongue it will immediately head down river, and they'll have to chase it to get their friend back.

CLOSE

When they return, Boss will reward them. How much will depend on how successful they were delivering the birds. If they did a descent job, they will be paid two day’s wages each. If they were completely successful they can have a bonus. However, if the wagon is in bad shape they might have some money deducted. After they’re paid out, they will be dismissed, and told to expect a new assignment next week.

CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent

After successfully delivering chickens Boss is going to trust them with a more important task. Their employer has requested an item to be created by Marvin the Magnificent. This is a farming community so having enchanted Farming Equipment is extremely desirable. Marvin has done a lot of basic enchantments over the years, but this new one, an The Stone Skipper, a plough whose blade goes ethereal while in contact with stones too large to push away, has really put him to the test. He needs some help with the final enchantments. The players will have to travel to the Ethereal Plane and hit the Blade of the plow with large rocks. But there’s a problem, they’re going to have mischievous Ethereal Sprites attempting to stop them! If they’re successful, which they should be, they get to take the plough for a test drive, and deal with the strange side effects of the enchantment. Angry goats that blink in and out of existence.

ACT 1: To the Tower

They’ll be summoned out to the Ranch where they’ll meet with Boss again. Once there they will notice a large pile of bent and dinged up plows. Boss will explain to them that a recent land acquisition has become problematic. The Fields are filled with large stones just under the topsoil and they’ve damaged a lot of Plow Blades. The Smithing costs are getting out of hand and so their Patron is looking for an alternate solution to the problem. He is sending them to help Marvin the Magnificent, who has taken the job, but run into some complications and needs some help. They may ask about Marvin. Or perhaps the fields that were purchased, so be ready to answer these types of questions. Once they’re done here they can head to Marvin’s Tower, which is just north of town.
Things to Do! - Meet Boss again - Ask some Informational Questions - Head for the Tower
NPC: Marvin the Magnificent Marvin Boudenbaum, AKA Marvin the Magnificent, has lived in town a good number of years, he wasn’t born here but is considered local by most folk. He is a mage of some skill, having mastered spells up to level 3 spells, and is frequently hired by locals to use his magic for anything and everything that their bumpkin brains can cook up. Thing is… Marvin has extraordinary bad luck, so bad in fact that his spellwork has a tendency to go wrong. Typically, it doesn’t go wrong in a dangerous fashion, but there was that time little Timmy Proudfoot was flung into the Astral Sea. Marvin was about to be sentenced for Negligent Magic Murdering when Timmy was suddenly returned by Captain Jinny Steampipe of the Atomic Dustbin (An Astral Spell Ship). Timmy was ok and Jinny and crew spent a few weeks spending some money and telling everyone in town amazing stories of the Astral Sea, so all was forgiven. Marvin, has since taken to having anyone who hires him sign liability waivers, you know just in case. He lives in a small tower just outside of town to the North.

ACT 2: Marvin the Magnificent

As they approach the tower they should see an explosion at the peak of the structure. It should look similar to a fireworks mishap. When it clears there will be no visible damage to the tower, But Marvin will plummet to the earth just off to the side of them, landing in a small pond. He will then come charging out of the pond, laughing hysterically, and riding on a large turtle. Once he gets a few feet away from the pond the turtle will disappear and he will tumble to the ground right in front of the players. He will leap up quickly and turn toward the players. “Behold Travelers, You stand in the presence of Marvin the Magnificent! And everything you have witness was mostly intended!” He will then strike a cool pose with his wand pointed to the sky! “Now why do you approach my tower!?”
Once Marvin finds out they’ve been sent about the plow he will become more nervous looking. “I see, well follow me. We have work to do.” He will then start walking toward the tower… his boots squishing out water. This should give them a little time to ask a few questions. Marvin will be a little subversive about what they need to do. He will attempt to frame it very mysteriously, saying things like “All will be revealed soon.” and “Save your questions! All Answers await us… in the future!” If they ask him about what they witnessed outside, he will tell them he was working on a mount summoning spell designed for lakes and rivers.
Things to Do! - Head toward the Tower - Meet Marvin - Ask Questions

ACT 3: The Cabinet of Mysteries

The inside of the Wizard’s Tower will be far more mundane than they likely expect. At least on the first floor. It will have a sitting room, dining room, and kitchen, as well as a few odds and ends about. Nothing special at all. The second floor, are Marvin’s personal quarters and some room for study, but it is the third floor, where Marvin will lead them, and it will be more of what one would expect in a Wizard’s tower. There will be books shelves, arcane equipment, and storage for components. In the middle of the room will be a tall cabinet.
Marvin will explain to them that the Cabinet is a transportation device, and that he will need them to enter into it with a plow that he has recently enchanted. They will be taken to the Ethereal Plane, and once there they’ll need to take the plow outside and begin hitting it with large field stones. There is a large pile of stones just on the north edge of the tower. They’ll have to do this quickly, before the “others” show up. Who are the others? Hard to say, but there are things that live in the Ethereal Plane that don’t like intruders. The idea is to imbue the Plow with Ethereal Powers so it can pass through large stones while plowing fields. Once they return with the Enchanted Plow, Marvin will have them load it on a cart, pulled by a very smart Donkey, and send them on their way.
Skill Challenge: Enchant the Plow This skill challenge will require five successes before they’re incapacitated by the others. However they decide to do it, they’ll have to successfully hit the plow with five large stones. Failures will result in strange indiscernible entities attacking them. They do minimal damage but could knock people out if there are enough failures.
Things to Do! - Move Through Marvin’s Tower - Enter the Cabinet - Enchant the Plow

ACT 4: Blinking Goats

Upon returning to Boss with the Plow they will be happily greet and paid. Their Patron will be there and will be very pleased with their success. He will ask them to demonstrate the plow’s abilities. Once they get set up out in the field and begin plowing something weird will happen. Every time they hit a stone and the plow’s power activates an Ethereal Goat will manifest and kick or ram the plow, and then disappear. It will feel very similar to what they encountered in the Ethereal Plane. They’ll have to find a way to deal with the manifestations.
ENCOUNTER: Ethereal Goats These goats should function very similarly to Blink Dogs, but I would trim the HP and AC a little to put them in line with the party’s. They will be intent on breaking the Plow not the party, although they will attack the party if they can’t get to the Plow.
Things to Do! - Deliver the Plow - Drive the Plow - Defeat the Ethereal Goats

CLOSE

Once defeated the Boss will come over to yell at them, but the Patron will find the entire thing amusing and more importantly, another impressive demonstration of the player’s skills. He will invite them to the “House” for an important party next week.

CHAPTER 4: High Society

They've definitely been noticed now and have impressed with their ability, unconventional as it may be. They are invited to their patron's home, but not as guests. Though, they might think they were actually invited as guests! They have been brought in to help work the event held out at the Party Field. They will have to gather party supplies, help put up the tent, and then serve the actual guests. During the evening’s entertainment a hypnotist “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will mesmerize the crowd and attempt to rob them all. Hopefully the players don’t fall victim to her schemes. And if they do oh well, they’ll be entertained all the same.

ACT 1: Special Delivery

The players arrive at the Patron’s very nice property. They will be greeted by a properly dressed servant with a clipboard, the Party Planner. The Planner will be rigid and direct. They will immediately begin tasking them about. If they mention that they were invited to the party the servant will laugh “You didn’t think you were a guest? Oh dear, how embarrassing. You’re the help! It is still a great honor to be tasked to help at the Party, but you’re not guests. Now as for your current task. Head into town and gather these supplies. Bring them to the field by noon.” After the instructions are given the servant will go back to their tasks and expect the players to do the same. They will have three stops; The Crocked Crow for Food and Beer, Get Nailed for the Tent and Spirits, and Shalana Proud-Breed’s Tailor Shop to pick up the Dry Cleaning. Feel free to make any and all of these go sideways! Its a good place to toss in some shenanigans as well! They should also be introduced to Dr Hypnotika and her associates.
Things To do! - Go to their Patron’s Home - Meet the Party Planner and Dr Hypnotika - Run their Errands
NPC: Dr Hypnotika Dr Hypnotika and her group will perform for the party. Hypnotica is a Tiefling Mezmerist and illusionist. She has an obnoxiously high charisma and some pretty serious skills to back up her claims. However, she uses those skills to beguile her guests, robbing them blind while they are under her spells. She wears a fine robe with a bedazzled headwrap. She has dark upward spiraling horns, light purple skin, and matching eyes. She wears a monocle and walks with a ceremonially carved staff depicting the "Struggles of the Universe". She is extremely persuasive and even more deceptive. Even if someone were to grow suspicious she can easily talk her way out of trouble.
NPCs: Clapper and Bob Hypnotika brings with her two assistants. Clapper the suit wearing Kenku who will perform wondrous displays of mimicry and slight of hand, and her strongman Bob the Kobold. Bob wears a leopard print strongman's outfit and is amazingly swole, particularly for a kobold, and capable of lifting upwards of 400lbs. Bob doesn't do much else other than get hit with things. in the act.

ACT 2: Put up the Tent

After they finish running their errands they will be tasked with putting up a large party tent. This Act is an ongoing Skill Challenge and should have a constantly distracted feel to it. First they have to unpack the tent. Then they have to realize some pieces are missing, they’ll have to form a solution to that problem. After that wind should cause some problems as the tent is at least being pulled up. This is a great moment for some wondrous tom-foolery.
Things To do! - Unpack the tent - Deal with missing parts - Secure the tent during the wind gusts

ACT 3: Put These On

After they finish putting up the tent they’ll be sent to the Servant’s Quarters to bathe and change. They’ll get a little time to explore and snoop if they wish. Afterward they’ll be tasked with helping in the kitchen, but unfortunately the cooks are going to have been playing a drinking game all afternoon and are no longer fully capable of doing their jobs. This would make a great moment for some sort of mini-game where the players have to determine whether or not the cooks are doing the right things. Once the dinner has been completed they will have to serve the guests. This is a good place to insert gossip and help them meet a few other folks.
Things To do! - Get changed for the party - Deal with the drunk cooks - Serve the guests drinks and food

ACT 4: An Evening to Remember

At some point in the evening things are going to start sliding downhill. Some of the locals will have become extremely inebriated and will need to be encouraged to leave, or just moved off to the side as they’ve already passed out, before the show begins. Once the show begins the locals will become fixated on the goings on. “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will have put an additive in the drinks for the that will make everyone more susceptible to her powers of persuasion. Once the show starts she will have them all doing silly things, those who drank have disadvantage on saves against her powers. She will end the show asking the guests to display their most valuable treasure, a with a hypnotic pattern and then send her assistants out to collect those treasures. The players will have to “do something” about the thieves.
Things To do! - Deal with Drunks - Watch the Show - Stop the Criminals
ENCOUNTER: Hypnotika's Gang This encounter doesn't have to be a fight. If Hypnotika is caught she may claim it was all part of the act and simple return the valuables with a "no harm, no foul" type attitude. This will be he go to in an attempt to avoid a fight, but if the character persist in some kind of retribution or punishment the situation will devolve into a combat. Hypnotica herself is an Illusionist Wizard but is low on spells after the show. Clapper is a low level rogue and Bob a Barbarian, and should play out as such. Even with Skills they are combat adverse and will be looking for an opportunity to flee rather than fight. They do have a getaway wagon out front that they'll be headed for if things go south.

CLOSE

We’re assuming the Bumpkins at least attempted to stop the robbery. This will draw a lot of attention to them. Their Patron will be well pleased with them, and let them know they will be getting much more important jobs in the future. The guests will also take note and will begin treating them all a bit better. They’re all essentially Folk Heroes at this point for secondary backgrounds. Their Patron should reward them with something very nice as the party kicks back in. They will need to finish out the nights work of course.

QUEST-LINE CLOSING

Congratulations! Your Players have completed their first Quest-line! Hopefully it was a delightful experience. But now that they've finished what comes next? Well, here are some ideas.
Reward Them! They've been doing some rather Adventurous things lately, and therefore should now have a Class Level under their belt, so the real D&D world now opens to them! Maybe it is time for some real adventuring gear. No more sticks, stones, and burlap sack armor.
Folk Heroes? There's a good chance that the Valley is Speaking the News about them and their exploits while drinking in the taverns. They may have even earned the actual Folk Hero Feat! Maybe someone would be interested in giving them a task!
Simply Go Exploring! There are a lot of places in Green Valley that we only dipped our toes into. You could have them head down to Stinkmarsh, or maybe climb up the cliffs of Longridge. The world (Well, the Valley) is wholly open to them.
Explore Local Legends There are lots of local legends they can look into! Hopefully they search out something that isn't too far over their heads!
Continue Working for their Patron It would be an easy DM go to simply to have them continue working for their current Patron. They've probably been impressive enough fo a family to be interested in keeping them on.
Establish Themselves as Adventurers! Maybe they want to set up a Adventurers for Hire business? This "Heroes Guild" approach is really appealing to a lot of players and absolutely plays into Bumpkin Quest. Just remember, this is a place of low key problems that locals make really big deals out of. So the idea of slaying dragons shouldn't really be on the table... that is until an actual dragon shows up! Which one day absolutely should.

Welcome to Green Valley

Four Merry Jaunts Through the Bumpkin Quest Campaign

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide Spring Cleaning time! This includes a parade, a festival, and a temple ceremony. These events are haunted by and angry goose hating enchanted broom.
CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens Folks need to eat. And round here they like to eat massive angry chickens. Somebody's gotta deliver them, and that somebody is your players!
CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent Simple problems require convoluted solutions. Help Marvin enchant a plow that can pass through stones. What could go wrong?
CHAPTER 4: High Society After earning some respect the players get invited to a high falutin social dilly do. But not as guests. As the help. And this party is gonna need it! The entertainment is about to become a mesmerizing problem.
ADVENTURE MECHANICS - Target Character Level: Commoners or Level 1 - Target Party Size: Four Players - Average Adventure Playtime: 2ish Hours - Tone: Rural Mayhem and Foolishness
Grab the Free PDF Here. https://www.patreon.com/posts/adventure-to-83830560
I’ve also put these adventures into our *Bumpkin Quest: Campaign Guide https://www.patreon.com/posts/guide-bumpkin-to-80202231 The guide fills in the details of Green Valley pretty thoroughly. The quests are simple enough to be run in any setting you choose, but if you're interested in more the Guide has about two dozen Custom Maps, 70+ NPCs, Location Descriptions, 20+ Local Legends, and Scores of Adventure and Event Ideas. You can grab the PDF Free at the link above.

Hills Furrow

At the center of the Valley sits a patch of small grassy hills, through which the Slow Water meanders through. Built into these hills is the Village of Hills Furrow. Celebrated by everyone living in The Valley and boasting a whopping population of almost 150, Hills Furrow is the center of commerce and social importance. Well, at least as far as the locals are concerned. Realistically it would be less than a blip on the grand scale of things, a mere kernel of wheat in the silo of civilization, but to those who live here, there is nothing quite like living in the “city”.
The Village itself, like the Valley, is predominantly Halfling, and their fancy dwellings are burrowed into the hillsides as often as possible. These dwellings have been family owned for generations only becomeing available if there are no heirs to pass them along to. Other folk live in well kept two story shingled buildings, most of which house a business on the lower floor and house the Shopkeepers and their families above their workplaces, though a few live in nearby homes. There aren’t many “rental” spaces in town, as property is usually bought up quickly by the Halfling Families, but there are long term options at either of the Inns in town.
Hills Furrow: Locations 1) The Crocked Crow (Inn and Tavern) 2) The Dancing Lamb (Inn and Tavern) 3) The Moaning Toad (Tavern) 4) Granny's Groceries (General Market) 5) Get Nailed (Hardware and Distilery) 6) Gimdurh's Hammer (Smithy) 7) Brenra's Mechanicals (Tinker) 8) Hjoldren's Home Goods (Carpenter) 9) Standard Industries (Office) 10) Fit to be Dyed (Tailor) 11) The Last Loaf (Baker) 12) The Cloudy Cleaver (Butcher) 13) Nature's Medecine (Apothecary) 14) Sheriff's Office 15) Green Valley School House 16) The Waterwheel 17) The Windmill 18) The Undercloak Estate 19) Truefoot Burrow 20) The Meadows Family Hill
The locals are hospitable and friendly enough, but they do not really trust outsiders. Folks from foreign places are good for trade, news, and little else. Those that come through are treated well enough as long as they don’t wear out their welcome. Locals, well, that’s a bit of a different story. The city and area doesn’t operate under a written caste system or social structure, but there is clearly a pecking order, and family heritage matters a great deal to folks in Hills Furrow. Most locals, whether they’ve gotten an education or not, can easily be classified as simple. It isn’t that they are slow of mind or unintelligent, but more that they are unconcerned with matters the outside world considers important. This sentiment has created a general, but friendly, dislike between those that consider themselves Highfalutin and those that clearly are not.
Well now that I've given you the fifty cent tour. Shall we get on to adventure?

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide

We will open our journeys in the Green Valley at Green Tide, the annual celebration of Winter’s End. This adventure is designed to give a tour of Hills Furrow and introduce them to the locals. It will begin with some chores around their house to prepare for the festival and end with a battle involving an enchanted broom. If you did not do Session Zero, this chapter may take a bit longer as we get to know everyone and their characters.

ACT 1: Pre-Festival

The locals spend the week cleaning out their houses and farms. They gather old junk and unused items to be used later in the festival. They also begin preparing what food is left from winter to be used in a celebration and feasts.
Things to do! - Have the Players clean up junk around the house - Have them Find something strange (Perhaps used for a later mystery?) - Have them Decorate their Broom - Have them run a Household Errand (Meet an NPC)

ACT 2: Sweeping Day

A merry festival celebrating Spring cleaning and putting the past behind them. They form a parade, with one member from each house carrying a brightly decorated broom and using it to symbolically “Sweep Away Winter”. The rest of the family marches their winter’s trash and unused goods down to the Fairgrounds. The goods are often traded, while the trash is piled in the fire pit to await burning later. The entire day is filled with fun outdoor activities. Households also symbolically bring their problems to the bonfires to burn them later.
Things to do! - March in the Parade - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals
EVENT: I Love a Parade
The parade will march North from near the Cross Roads in the South up around the hill and back again to the South where it will head for the Fairgrounds. There isn’t anything particularly challenging about this event, but it would be a wonderful place to start leaning into or building local rivalries.
EVENT: Never Seen a Broom Do That… As they come into the home stretch of the Parade one of the local’s Brooms will animate and take off. It will chase folks around the parade. The players can attempt to stop it, but the broom will flee soon after being attacked. It will fly up into the air, attack a flock of geese, and chase them off until it can’t be seen anymore. They can go and collect a fallen goose if they wish. I highly recommend giving it a motorcycle type sound as it flies around hitting folks. Maybe even going as far as giving it a rough gravel angry voice and letting it insult people.

ACT 3: Winter’s End

Winter’s End is a Combination of Groundhog’s Day and Fasnacht, this day gets a little wild. The Festival kicks off at dawn with the Great Gopher Hunt. Gophers are well known spies for The Voice of Winter and thus need to be hunted before they can tell The Voice to delay Spring. Gophers themselves are quite tasty, and are notoriously bad for crops, so this works out economically all around. Throughout the rest of the day families continue to contribute to the Bonfire Pile which often gets quite large. At dusk a large effigy of The Voice of Winter is placed on top of the pile. Once the sun has fully set they light the fire and burn the Effigy. Folk usually dress darkly during the day and brightly at night. After the burning they feast on sweets and treats that were made from goods saved up from winter storage.
Things to do! - The Great Gopher Hunt - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals - The Fairground’s Activities
EVENT: The Great Gopher Hunt The Hunt begins at dawn and takes place all over the Valley. Locals race to collect as many Gophers as possible. It is easiest to kill the Gopher, but there are some that find that distasteful. Instead they live trap the critters. It is a bit tougher to do so, but an option should your players wish. This is most easily played out as a series of appropriate Skill Checks, in which the higher they score the more gophers they obtain.
EVENT: Trash Removal They may find some locals willing to pay them to help cart junk down to the bonfire pile. Not a lot of skill involved in this, but it is a great opportunity to meet locals, and you could throw a runaway cart at them.
Fair Activities They will probably want to take part in Fairground Activities. Players love these types of challenges. Here are a few ideas you can build on. - Axe Throwin: Basic attack rolls on a Round Target. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Bow Shootin: Basic attack rolls on Moving Targets. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Pig Chasin: Catch the greased Pig! Medium DC Challenge requiring three success before three Failures. - Mud Wrastlin: Nothing says bumpkin like a good Mud Wrastlin Pit. Contested Skill Challenges. - Sausage Eating Contest: Increasingly difficult DC Challenge. Eat till you puke! Can also be Pies or Ribs or Little Fish… you know whatever someone wants to stuff dozens of in their gullet. - Tug O’War: Team Strength Challenge. Three to Five Contested Rolls with opposing teams. - Gopher BBQ Cook Off: A Hard Culinary Challenge to see who can BBQ the best Gopher! - Races: Foot and Mount Races based on Three to Five Contested Rolls. I usually include a few odd mounts like a Giant Chicken or some such nonsense.

ACT 4: Day of Ashes

The Day of Ashes is a day of rest, recovery, and reflection. Locals take the ashes from the bonfires and rub their hands in them to symbolize the end of a hard year’s work and hardships of the past. The day ends with a large family feast, typically Pork. Activities this day are light, but many folks head to the Temple for the Calling of Spring Blessings. They put on their fancies and head down to ask forgiveness for over-indulging in the festival and for worship. Well sort of…
Unfortunately, a lot of folks take this as an opportunity to peacock about and practice their one-upmanship over other locals. If you’re looking for inspiration for their outfits look to older photos of the Kentucky Derby. Over the years this troubling practice has caused more than one fight to break out after the service.
*Things to do! * - Go to Temple and Meet More Locals - Pick a Local Patron!
EVENT: Temple Services The majority of the town comes to Temple on this day. The service is usually longer, and a bit more “Where have most of you been all year?” But otherwise it is a call for the Divine Blessings to touch their crops and protect their lives. It ends with a ceremony in which the locals put their hands into the ashes from yesterday’s bonfire. Once services end they will head outside, where the trouble will begin. Two of the wealthier families will get into it with each other. Starting with a couple of veiled insults, probably before service and continuing afterward. If one of your players is from a local Rich Folk family then they can be right in the middle of it all, otherwise they will have to pick a side. This choice will determine their house Patron moving forward. Tension will increase until folks start drawing up sides, and then someone will throw a rotten tomato at one of the House Matrons. That will blow the lid off the incident and a yokel brawl will break out. For comedy purposes I recommend the instant appearance of several food carts filled with expired products, and maybe a six year old hustler selling big sticks for wacking folks with. As the locals brawl call for perception checks. Who ever rolls highest begins to hear… The Broom returning!
ENCOUNTER: Stick In The Eye The broom returns ready to whoop some ash. It will be absolutely bent on cleaning anyone and everyone who is even the slightest bit dirty! If it successfully attacks a character they will have to make a Strength Saving throw or be knocked to the ground and swept clean by the broom. As this would be an awful omen for the year folks are terrified and will be running around screaming. Absolute mass hysteria. If the players were lucky enough to hear it coming they can avoid being surprised by the broom. Otherwise the broom will get a full round to attack before they have a chance to do anything. They’ll have to beat the broom into submission any way they can before it sweeps the whole town into chaos!

CLOSING

After defeating the broom things will settle back down again. Bumpkins are quick to return to normal when things go awry. However, they will have gotten the attention of one of the Wealthy Families in the area and be offered jobs. Which family is really, based on what will work best for them and you as the DM. For gags you might be tempted to have the Yokels pick them up, but that is a hard bit to sustain, and you may be better served keeping them on the side as a comic foil rather than up front. Completely up to you. The session should end with them being invited to meet their new patron tomorrow someplace important.

CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens

After successfully defeating the Enchanted Broom, our Bumpkins have gained the attention of a possible local Patron. This individual has summoned them to a nearby farm to discuss future work. That work includes proving themselves capable and not just lucky.

ACT 1: Meet the Boss

In this Act the players will meet with their new patron, one of the Family Heads, who that is entirely depends on their choices from the last game. This entire side branch is designed to flavor the background of the campaign, but if you’d rather just have them stay freelancing and independent that’s fine as well. There is also the possibility of “competing” offers should they have second thoughts for any reason. Once they arrive at the meeting spot their Patron will ask them some questions about their ambitions (Class Goals), they will then hand them off to their new “boss” who will assign them their task. They will take them to a nearby barn.
NPC: “Boss” Needs a fitting name for the Family they work for... Character wise, what we got here is a standard “Ranch Foreman” character. They’re tough, A little mean, and completely loyal to their employer. They almost certainly chew tobacco (by the handful), have a tattoo of the Ranch’s Brand, and know where all the bodies are buried. They also have a huge and obvious scar on the side of their head where a Giant Chicken pecked a hole in their skull, so they’re not as bright as they used to be, not at all truthfully. Nor are they actually the Foreman anymore, but no one has a heart to tell them. They’ve been quietly downgraded to Chicken Handler, which is something they seem to remember quite well, but the brain damage keeps them from realizing all that. They can be found wandering the Farm giving strange orders to other Hands. These Hands nod politely and then go back to what they are doing.
Things To Do! - Meet Their Patron - Discuss Their Future - Meet Their New “Boss”

ACT 2: Chicken Dance

Boss will lead them into the odd looking barn. This building is filled with Giant Chickens. These two-three foot fouls have extremely exaggerated features, spiky looking beaks with sharp tooth like edges, big darting eyes, bumpy cracked skin, long gnarled talons, and dirty mottled feathers. They’re more beast than bird. But, they’re good for eatin! These creatures should have a stat block similar to an Axe Beak. When the players enter into the Barn the Chickens will go nuts, obviously deeply bothered by the intrusion. Boss will throw in some deer haunches and the birds will tear them apart in a feeding frenzy. They will then put on a Chicken Suit and begin a flapping dance. (Google Magnificent Riflebird) It should be absolutely captivating and the chickens will become mesmerized, watching every move. Boss will then load two dozen chickens onto a large wagon and lock it. They will have the players push the wagon out while he keeps the Chickens calm. Once outside they’ll hang heavy tarps on the sides of the wagon, and remove the suit. He will then explain to them that they need to keep the tarps on the wagon, and keep the birds well fed, or the chickens will get restless and become violent. When they do need to interact with them someone will have to wear the suit and dance to keep them calm. The bigger the person in the suit the better. Boss will then give them a Map of Green Valley and instruct them to drop off two chickens at each of the outer settlements. They have two days to get this done.
Things To Do! - Head into the barn - Witness The Dance of The Chicken - Push the Wagon out - Get the Costume and Delivery Instructions

ACT 3: Bumpy Roads

They will be off to deliver the Chickens to various locations. There is no specific order to this delivery, they just need to pick a route and go. If they’re short on time they can take the country roads that lead between the outer settlements, but these aren’t as well kept as the main roads are. Whatever road they take and wherever they decide to stop for the night there are problems they will encounter along the way. You can make them random or pick the ones that best suit your players. Most of these should at some point require someone putting on the suit and dancing for the chickens to keep them calm. I would also increase the difficulty of each event. If they fail a dance the Chickens will become restless and start attacking the cart until they are calmed down. Too many failures and the wagon’s cage will break and the remaining chickens escape. They will then have to be rounded up and the cage repaired.
Things to Do! - Decide the delivery route - Deliver the chickens - Keep the Chickens calm
Possible Road Events 1) Rough roads cause problems 2) Yokels attempt to see what’s in the cart 3) Bad Weather swamps the road or scares the chickens 4) Pack of Coyotes causes trouble. 5) Chicken Rustlers! Protect the Flock! 6) Wagon breaks and needs repair 7) Cows in the road, someone’s herd is out. 8) Broken Bridge, not gone, just broken

ACT 4: Final Delivery

They’re now closing in on the final delivery. Something needs to happen here to cause them to put the suit on. Or maybe they never took it off! I love that idea, that one of your players just loves the suit and wants to be a chicken… lol… Anyway I’m a fan of having them need to get out of the suit for some reason, maybe a bathroom break, or they stand on a fire ant hill, or a snake slithers up their leg. You know something silly and fun. BUT the zipper is stuck! So they’ll have to try and unstick it and fast! Whatever happens they’re going to get shot at by some hunters looking for a big score who have mistaken the flailing caused by the stuck zipper to be the chicken attacking. After dealing with the Hunters they can go ahead and make the final drop. And head home.
Things to Do! - Head for the final delivery - Get shot at! - Deliver the last chickens
ENCOUNTER: That’s a BIG Chicken! Having two hunters in the field is more than enough to cause a problem for the players. The hunters will almost certainly surprise the players, but you can allow them a perception check, if they succeed they’ll see the hunters just before the muskets go off. It would be OK to down the Chicken Player here if the hunters successfully hit it. They’ll have healer’s kits on hand because, well, this seems to happen to them a lot out here. After the initial attack the players can decide to attack back or try and talk the hunters down. A basic Bandit or Scout stat block should do will for the hunters. If you’re looking for a bit more mayhem, if the hunters miss the players you could have them hit the cage, and you know, bust it open. This may be especially tempting if they
POSSIBLE ENCOUNTER: Big Ol' Frog So there is a giant frog hiding in the mud down in the creek. If a player takes cover behind the banks there is a good chance that the frog will attempt to nab the player as a snack. If it is successful in grabbing a player with its tongue it will immediately head down river, and they'll have to chase it to get their friend back.

CLOSE

When they return, Boss will reward them. How much will depend on how successful they were delivering the birds. If they did a descent job, they will be paid two day’s wages each. If they were completely successful they can have a bonus. However, if the wagon is in bad shape they might have some money deducted. After they’re paid out, they will be dismissed, and told to expect a new assignment next week.

CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent

After successfully delivering chickens Boss is going to trust them with a more important task. Their employer has requested an item to be created by Marvin the Magnificent. This is a farming community so having enchanted Farming Equipment is extremely desirable. Marvin has done a lot of basic enchantments over the years, but this new one, an The Stone Skipper, a plough whose blade goes ethereal while in contact with stones too large to push away, has really put him to the test. He needs some help with the final enchantments. The players will have to travel to the Ethereal Plane and hit the Blade of the plow with large rocks. But there’s a problem, they’re going to have mischievous Ethereal Sprites attempting to stop them! If they’re successful, which they should be, they get to take the plough for a test drive, and deal with the strange side effects of the enchantment. Angry goats that blink in and out of existence.

ACT 1: To the Tower

They’ll be summoned out to the Ranch where they’ll meet with Boss again. Once there they will notice a large pile of bent and dinged up plows. Boss will explain to them that a recent land acquisition has become problematic. The Fields are filled with large stones just under the topsoil and they’ve damaged a lot of Plow Blades. The Smithing costs are getting out of hand and so their Patron is looking for an alternate solution to the problem. He is sending them to help Marvin the Magnificent, who has taken the job, but run into some complications and needs some help. They may ask about Marvin. Or perhaps the fields that were purchased, so be ready to answer these types of questions. Once they’re done here they can head to Marvin’s Tower, which is just north of town.
Things to Do! - Meet Boss again - Ask some Informational Questions - Head for the Tower
NPC: Marvin the Magnificent Marvin Boudenbaum, AKA Marvin the Magnificent, has lived in town a good number of years, he wasn’t born here but is considered local by most folk. He is a mage of some skill, having mastered spells up to level 3 spells, and is frequently hired by locals to use his magic for anything and everything that their bumpkin brains can cook up. Thing is… Marvin has extraordinary bad luck, so bad in fact that his spellwork has a tendency to go wrong. Typically, it doesn’t go wrong in a dangerous fashion, but there was that time little Timmy Proudfoot was flung into the Astral Sea. Marvin was about to be sentenced for Negligent Magic Murdering when Timmy was suddenly returned by Captain Jinny Steampipe of the Atomic Dustbin (An Astral Spell Ship). Timmy was ok and Jinny and crew spent a few weeks spending some money and telling everyone in town amazing stories of the Astral Sea, so all was forgiven. Marvin, has since taken to having anyone who hires him sign liability waivers, you know just in case. He lives in a small tower just outside of town to the North.

ACT 2: Marvin the Magnificent

As they approach the tower they should see an explosion at the peak of the structure. It should look similar to a fireworks mishap. When it clears there will be no visible damage to the tower, But Marvin will plummet to the earth just off to the side of them, landing in a small pond. He will then come charging out of the pond, laughing hysterically, and riding on a large turtle. Once he gets a few feet away from the pond the turtle will disappear and he will tumble to the ground right in front of the players. He will leap up quickly and turn toward the players. “Behold Travelers, You stand in the presence of Marvin the Magnificent! And everything you have witness was mostly intended!” He will then strike a cool pose with his wand pointed to the sky! “Now why do you approach my tower!?”
Once Marvin finds out they’ve been sent about the plow he will become more nervous looking. “I see, well follow me. We have work to do.” He will then start walking toward the tower… his boots squishing out water. This should give them a little time to ask a few questions. Marvin will be a little subversive about what they need to do. He will attempt to frame it very mysteriously, saying things like “All will be revealed soon.” and “Save your questions! All Answers await us… in the future!” If they ask him about what they witnessed outside, he will tell them he was working on a mount summoning spell designed for lakes and rivers.
Things to Do! - Head toward the Tower - Meet Marvin - Ask Questions

ACT 3: The Cabinet of Mysteries

The inside of the Wizard’s Tower will be far more mundane than they likely expect. At least on the first floor. It will have a sitting room, dining room, and kitchen, as well as a few odds and ends about. Nothing special at all. The second floor, are Marvin’s personal quarters and some room for study, but it is the third floor, where Marvin will lead them, and it will be more of what one would expect in a Wizard’s tower. There will be books shelves, arcane equipment, and storage for components. In the middle of the room will be a tall cabinet.
Marvin will explain to them that the Cabinet is a transportation device, and that he will need them to enter into it with a plow that he has recently enchanted. They will be taken to the Ethereal Plane, and once there they’ll need to take the plow outside and begin hitting it with large field stones. There is a large pile of stones just on the north edge of the tower. They’ll have to do this quickly, before the “others” show up. Who are the others? Hard to say, but there are things that live in the Ethereal Plane that don’t like intruders. The idea is to imbue the Plow with Ethereal Powers so it can pass through large stones while plowing fields. Once they return with the Enchanted Plow, Marvin will have them load it on a cart, pulled by a very smart Donkey, and send them on their way.
Skill Challenge: Enchant the Plow This skill challenge will require five successes before they’re incapacitated by the others. However they decide to do it, they’ll have to successfully hit the plow with five large stones. Failures will result in strange indiscernible entities attacking them. They do minimal damage but could knock people out if there are enough failures.
Things to Do! - Move Through Marvin’s Tower - Enter the Cabinet - Enchant the Plow

ACT 4: Blinking Goats

Upon returning to Boss with the Plow they will be happily greet and paid. Their Patron will be there and will be very pleased with their success. He will ask them to demonstrate the plow’s abilities. Once they get set up out in the field and begin plowing something weird will happen. Every time they hit a stone and the plow’s power activates an Ethereal Goat will manifest and kick or ram the plow, and then disappear. It will feel very similar to what they encountered in the Ethereal Plane. They’ll have to find a way to deal with the manifestations.
ENCOUNTER: Ethereal Goats These goats should function very similarly to Blink Dogs, but I would trim the HP and AC a little to put them in line with the party’s. They will be intent on breaking the Plow not the party, although they will attack the party if they can’t get to the Plow.
Things to Do! - Deliver the Plow - Drive the Plow - Defeat the Ethereal Goats

CLOSE

Once defeated the Boss will come over to yell at them, but the Patron will find the entire thing amusing and more importantly, another impressive demonstration of the player’s skills. He will invite them to the “House” for an important party next week.

CHAPTER 4: High Society

They've definitely been noticed now and have impressed with their ability, unconventional as it may be. They are invited to their patron's home, but not as guests. Though, they might think they were actually invited as guests! They have been brought in to help work the event held out at the Party Field. They will have to gather party supplies, help put up the tent, and then serve the actual guests. During the evening’s entertainment a hypnotist “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will mesmerize the crowd and attempt to rob them all. Hopefully the players don’t fall victim to her schemes. And if they do oh well, they’ll be entertained all the same.

ACT 1: Special Delivery

The players arrive at the Patron’s very nice property. They will be greeted by a properly dressed servant with a clipboard, the Party Planner. The Planner will be rigid and direct. They will immediately begin tasking them about. If they mention that they were invited to the party the servant will laugh “You didn’t think you were a guest? Oh dear, how embarrassing. You’re the help! It is still a great honor to be tasked to help at the Party, but you’re not guests. Now as for your current task. Head into town and gather these supplies. Bring them to the field by noon.” After the instructions are given the servant will go back to their tasks and expect the players to do the same. They will have three stops; The Crocked Crow for Food and Beer, Get Nailed for the Tent and Spirits, and Shalana Proud-Breed’s Tailor Shop to pick up the Dry Cleaning. Feel free to make any and all of these go sideways! Its a good place to toss in some shenanigans as well! They should also be introduced to Dr Hypnotika and her associates.
Things To do! - Go to their Patron’s Home - Meet the Party Planner and Dr Hypnotika - Run their Errands
NPC: Dr Hypnotika Dr Hypnotika and her group will perform for the party. Hypnotica is a Tiefling Mezmerist and illusionist. She has an obnoxiously high charisma and some pretty serious skills to back up her claims. However, she uses those skills to beguile her guests, robbing them blind while they are under her spells. She wears a fine robe with a bedazzled headwrap. She has dark upward spiraling horns, light purple skin, and matching eyes. She wears a monocle and walks with a ceremonially carved staff depicting the "Struggles of the Universe". She is extremely persuasive and even more deceptive. Even if someone were to grow suspicious she can easily talk her way out of trouble.
NPCs: Clapper and Bob Hypnotika brings with her two assistants. Clapper the suit wearing Kenku who will perform wondrous displays of mimicry and slight of hand, and her strongman Bob the Kobold. Bob wears a leopard print strongman's outfit and is amazingly swole, particularly for a kobold, and capable of lifting upwards of 400lbs. Bob doesn't do much else other than get hit with things. in the act.

ACT 2: Put up the Tent

After they finish running their errands they will be tasked with putting up a large party tent. This Act is an ongoing Skill Challenge and should have a constantly distracted feel to it. First they have to unpack the tent. Then they have to realize some pieces are missing, they’ll have to form a solution to that problem. After that wind should cause some problems as the tent is at least being pulled up. This is a great moment for some wondrous tom-foolery.
Things To do! - Unpack the tent - Deal with missing parts - Secure the tent during the wind gusts

ACT 3: Put These On

After they finish putting up the tent they’ll be sent to the Servant’s Quarters to bathe and change. They’ll get a little time to explore and snoop if they wish. Afterward they’ll be tasked with helping in the kitchen, but unfortunately the cooks are going to have been playing a drinking game all afternoon and are no longer fully capable of doing their jobs. This would make a great moment for some sort of mini-game where the players have to determine whether or not the cooks are doing the right things. Once the dinner has been completed they will have to serve the guests. This is a good place to insert gossip and help them meet a few other folks.
Things To do! - Get changed for the party - Deal with the drunk cooks - Serve the guests drinks and food

ACT 4: An Evening to Remember

At some point in the evening things are going to start sliding downhill. Some of the locals will have become extremely inebriated and will need to be encouraged to leave, or just moved off to the side as they’ve already passed out, before the show begins. Once the show begins the locals will become fixated on the goings on. “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will have put an additive in the drinks for the that will make everyone more susceptible to her powers of persuasion. Once the show starts she will have them all doing silly things, those who drank have disadvantage on saves against her powers. She will end the show asking the guests to display their most valuable treasure, a with a hypnotic pattern and then send her assistants out to collect those treasures. The players will have to “do something” about the thieves.
Things To do! - Deal with Drunks - Watch the Show - Stop the Criminals
ENCOUNTER: Hypnotika's Gang This encounter doesn't have to be a fight. If Hypnotika is caught she may claim it was all part of the act and simple return the valuables with a "no harm, no foul" type attitude. This will be he go to in an attempt to avoid a fight, but if the character persist in some kind of retribution or punishment the situation will devolve into a combat. Hypnotica herself is an Illusionist Wizard but is low on spells after the show. Clapper is a low level rogue and Bob a Barbarian, and should play out as such. Even with Skills they are combat adverse and will be looking for an opportunity to flee rather than fight. They do have a getaway wagon out front that they'll be headed for if things go south.

CLOSE

We’re assuming the Bumpkins at least attempted to stop the robbery. This will draw a lot of attention to them. Their Patron will be well pleased with them, and let them know they will be getting much more important jobs in the future. The guests will also take note and will begin treating them all a bit better. They’re all essentially Folk Heroes at this point for secondary backgrounds. Their Patron should reward them with something very nice as the party kicks back in. They will need to finish out the nights work of course.

QUEST-LINE CLOSING

Congratulations! Your Players have completed their first Quest-line! Hopefully it was a delightful experience. But now that they've finished what comes next? Well, here are some ideas.
Reward Them! They've been doing some rather Adventurous things lately, and therefore should now have a Class Level under their belt, so the real D&D world now opens to them! Maybe it is time for some real adventuring gear. No more sticks, stones, and burlap sack armor.
Folk Heroes? There's a good chance that the Valley is Speaking the News about them and their exploits while drinking in the taverns. They may have even earned the actual Folk Hero Feat! Maybe someone would be interested in giving them a task!
Simply Go Exploring! There are a lot of places in Green Valley that we only dipped our toes into. You could have them head down to Stinkmarsh, or maybe climb up the cliffs of Longridge. The world (Well, the Valley) is wholly open to them.
Explore Local Legends There are lots of local legends they can look into! Hopefully they search out something that isn't too far over their heads!
Continue Working for their Patron It would be an easy DM go to simply to have them continue working for their current Patron. They've probably been impressive enough for a family to be interested in keeping them on.
Establish Themselves as Adventurers! Maybe they want to set up a Adventurers for Hire business? This "Heroes Guild" approach is really appealing to a lot of players and absolutely plays into Bumpkin Quest. Just remember, this is a place of low key problems that locals make really big deals out of. So the idea of slaying dragons shouldn't really be on the table... that is until an actual dragon shows up! Which one day absolutely should.

Welcome to Green Valley

Four Merry Jaunts Through the Bumpkin Quest Campaign

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide Spring Cleaning time! This includes a parade, a festival, and a temple ceremony. These events are haunted by and angry goose hating enchanted broom.
CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens Folks need to eat. And round here they like to eat massive angry chickens. Somebody's gotta deliver them, and that somebody is your players!
CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent Simple problems require convoluted solutions. Help Marvin enchant a plow that can pass through stones. What could go wrong?
CHAPTER 4: High Society After earning some respect the players get invited to a high falutin social dilly do. But not as guests. As the help. And this party is gonna need it! The entertainment is about to become a mesmerizing problem.
ADVENTURE MECHANICS - Target Character Level: Commoners or Level 1 - Target Party Size: Four Players - Average Adventure Playtime: 2ish Hours - Tone: Rural Mayhem and Foolishness
Grab the Free PDF Here. https://www.patreon.com/posts/adventure-to-83830560
I’ve also put these adventures into our *Bumpkin Quest: Campaign Guide https://www.patreon.com/posts/guide-bumpkin-to-80202231 The guide fills in the details of Green Valley pretty thoroughly. The quests are simple enough to be run in any setting you choose, but if you're interested in more the Guide has about two dozen Custom Maps, 70+ NPCs, Location Descriptions, 20+ Local Legends, and Scores of Adventure and Event Ideas. You can grab the PDF Free at the link above.

Hills Furrow

At the center of the Valley sits a patch of small grassy hills, through which the Slow Water meanders through. Built into these hills is the Village of Hills Furrow. Celebrated by everyone living in The Valley and boasting a whopping population of almost 150, Hills Furrow is the center of commerce and social importance. Well, at least as far as the locals are concerned. Realistically it would be less than a blip on the grand scale of things, a mere kernel of wheat in the silo of civilization, but to those who live here, there is nothing quite like living in the “city”.
The Village itself, like the Valley, is predominantly Halfling, and their fancy dwellings are burrowed into the hillsides as often as possible. These dwellings have been family owned for generations only becomeing available if there are no heirs to pass them along to. Other folk live in well kept two story shingled buildings, most of which house a business on the lower floor and house the Shopkeepers and their families above their workplaces, though a few live in nearby homes. There aren’t many “rental” spaces in town, as property is usually bought up quickly by the Halfling Families, but there are long term options at either of the Inns in town.
Hills Furrow: Locations 1) The Crocked Crow (Inn and Tavern) 2) The Dancing Lamb (Inn and Tavern) 3) The Moaning Toad (Tavern) 4) Granny's Groceries (General Market) 5) Get Nailed (Hardware and Distilery) 6) Gimdurh's Hammer (Smithy) 7) Brenra's Mechanicals (Tinker) 8) Hjoldren's Home Goods (Carpenter) 9) Standard Industries (Office) 10) Fit to be Dyed (Tailor) 11) The Last Loaf (Baker) 12) The Cloudy Cleaver (Butcher) 13) Nature's Medecine (Apothecary) 14) Sheriff's Office 15) Green Valley School House 16) The Waterwheel 17) The Windmill 18) The Undercloak Estate 19) Truefoot Burrow 20) The Meadows Family Hill
The locals are hospitable and friendly enough, but they do not really trust outsiders. Folks from foreign places are good for trade, news, and little else. Those that come through are treated well enough as long as they don’t wear out their welcome. Locals, well, that’s a bit of a different story. The city and area doesn’t operate under a written caste system or social structure, but there is clearly a pecking order, and family heritage matters a great deal to folks in Hills Furrow. Most locals, whether they’ve gotten an education or not, can easily be classified as simple. It isn’t that they are slow of mind or unintelligent, but more that they are unconcerned with matters the outside world considers important. This sentiment has created a general, but friendly, dislike between those that consider themselves Highfalutin and those that clearly are not.
Well now that I've given you the fifty cent tour. Shall we get on to adventure?

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide

We will open our journeys in the Green Valley at Green Tide, the annual celebration of Winter’s End. This adventure is designed to give a tour of Hills Furrow and introduce them to the locals. It will begin with some chores around their house to prepare for the festival and end with a battle involving an enchanted broom. If you did not do Session Zero, this chapter may take a bit longer as we get to know everyone and their characters.

ACT 1: Pre-Festival

The locals spend the week cleaning out their houses and farms. They gather old junk and unused items to be used later in the festival. They also begin preparing what food is left from winter to be used in a celebration and feasts.
Things to do! - Have the Players clean up junk around the house - Have them Find something strange (Perhaps used for a later mystery?) - Have them Decorate their Broom - Have them run a Household Errand (Meet an NPC)

ACT 2: Sweeping Day

A merry festival celebrating Spring cleaning and putting the past behind them. They form a parade, with one member from each house carrying a brightly decorated broom and using it to symbolically “Sweep Away Winter”. The rest of the family marches their winter’s trash and unused goods down to the Fairgrounds. The goods are often traded, while the trash is piled in the fire pit to await burning later. The entire day is filled with fun outdoor activities. Households also symbolically bring their problems to the bonfires to burn them later.
Things to do! - March in the Parade - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals
EVENT: I Love a Parade
The parade will march North from near the Cross Roads in the South up around the hill and back again to the South where it will head for the Fairgrounds. There isn’t anything particularly challenging about this event, but it would be a wonderful place to start leaning into or building local rivalries.
EVENT: Never Seen a Broom Do That… As they come into the home stretch of the Parade one of the local’s Brooms will animate and take off. It will chase folks around the parade. The players can attempt to stop it, but the broom will flee soon after being attacked. It will fly up into the air, attack a flock of geese, and chase them off until it can’t be seen anymore. They can go and collect a fallen goose if they wish. I highly recommend giving it a motorcycle type sound as it flies around hitting folks. Maybe even going as far as giving it a rough gravel angry voice and letting it insult people.

ACT 3: Winter’s End

Winter’s End is a Combination of Groundhog’s Day and Fasnacht, this day gets a little wild. The Festival kicks off at dawn with the Great Gopher Hunt. Gophers are well known spies for The Voice of Winter and thus need to be hunted before they can tell The Voice to delay Spring. Gophers themselves are quite tasty, and are notoriously bad for crops, so this works out economically all around. Throughout the rest of the day families continue to contribute to the Bonfire Pile which often gets quite large. At dusk a large effigy of The Voice of Winter is placed on top of the pile. Once the sun has fully set they light the fire and burn the Effigy. Folk usually dress darkly during the day and brightly at night. After the burning they feast on sweets and treats that were made from goods saved up from winter storage.
Things to do! - The Great Gopher Hunt - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals - The Fairground’s Activities
EVENT: The Great Gopher Hunt The Hunt begins at dawn and takes place all over the Valley. Locals race to collect as many Gophers as possible. It is easiest to kill the Gopher, but there are some that find that distasteful. Instead they live trap the critters. It is a bit tougher to do so, but an option should your players wish. This is most easily played out as a series of appropriate Skill Checks, in which the higher they score the more gophers they obtain.
EVENT: Trash Removal They may find some locals willing to pay them to help cart junk down to the bonfire pile. Not a lot of skill involved in this, but it is a great opportunity to meet locals, and you could throw a runaway cart at them.
Fair Activities They will probably want to take part in Fairground Activities. Players love these types of challenges. Here are a few ideas you can build on. - Axe Throwin: Basic attack rolls on a Round Target. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Bow Shootin: Basic attack rolls on Moving Targets. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Pig Chasin: Catch the greased Pig! Medium DC Challenge requiring three success before three Failures. - Mud Wrastlin: Nothing says bumpkin like a good Mud Wrastlin Pit. Contested Skill Challenges. - Sausage Eating Contest: Increasingly difficult DC Challenge. Eat till you puke! Can also be Pies or Ribs or Little Fish… you know whatever someone wants to stuff dozens of in their gullet. - Tug O’War: Team Strength Challenge. Three to Five Contested Rolls with opposing teams. - Gopher BBQ Cook Off: A Hard Culinary Challenge to see who can BBQ the best Gopher! - Races: Foot and Mount Races based on Three to Five Contested Rolls. I usually include a few odd mounts like a Giant Chicken or some such nonsense.

ACT 4: Day of Ashes

The Day of Ashes is a day of rest, recovery, and reflection. Locals take the ashes from the bonfires and rub their hands in them to symbolize the end of a hard year’s work and hardships of the past. The day ends with a large family feast, typically Pork. Activities this day are light, but many folks head to the Temple for the Calling of Spring Blessings. They put on their fancies and head down to ask forgiveness for over-indulging in the festival and for worship. Well sort of…
Unfortunately, a lot of folks take this as an opportunity to peacock about and practice their one-upmanship over other locals. If you’re looking for inspiration for their outfits look to older photos of the Kentucky Derby. Over the years this troubling practice has caused more than one fight to break out after the service.
*Things to do! * - Go to Temple and Meet More Locals - Pick a Local Patron!
EVENT: Temple Services The majority of the town comes to Temple on this day. The service is usually longer, and a bit more “Where have most of you been all year?” But otherwise it is a call for the Divine Blessings to touch their crops and protect their lives. It ends with a ceremony in which the locals put their hands into the ashes from yesterday’s bonfire. Once services end they will head outside, where the trouble will begin. Two of the wealthier families will get into it with each other. Starting with a couple of veiled insults, probably before service and continuing afterward. If one of your players is from a local Rich Folk family then they can be right in the middle of it all, otherwise they will have to pick a side. This choice will determine their house Patron moving forward. Tension will increase until folks start drawing up sides, and then someone will throw a rotten tomato at one of the House Matrons. That will blow the lid off the incident and a yokel brawl will break out. For comedy purposes I recommend the instant appearance of several food carts filled with expired products, and maybe a six year old hustler selling big sticks for wacking folks with. As the locals brawl call for perception checks. Who ever rolls highest begins to hear… The Broom returning!
ENCOUNTER: Stick In The Eye The broom returns ready to whoop some ash. It will be absolutely bent on cleaning anyone and everyone who is even the slightest bit dirty! If it successfully attacks a character they will have to make a Strength Saving throw or be knocked to the ground and swept clean by the broom. As this would be an awful omen for the year folks are terrified and will be running around screaming. Absolute mass hysteria. If the players were lucky enough to hear it coming they can avoid being surprised by the broom. Otherwise the broom will get a full round to attack before they have a chance to do anything. They’ll have to beat the broom into submission any way they can before it sweeps the whole town into chaos!

CLOSING

After defeating the broom things will settle back down again. Bumpkins are quick to return to normal when things go awry. However, they will have gotten the attention of one of the Wealthy Families in the area and be offered jobs. Which family is really, based on what will work best for them and you as the DM. For gags you might be tempted to have the Yokels pick them up, but that is a hard bit to sustain, and you may be better served keeping them on the side as a comic foil rather than up front. Completely up to you. The session should end with them being invited to meet their new patron tomorrow someplace important.

CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens

After successfully defeating the Enchanted Broom, our Bumpkins have gained the attention of a possible local Patron. This individual has summoned them to a nearby farm to discuss future work. That work includes proving themselves capable and not just lucky.

ACT 1: Meet the Boss

In this Act the players will meet with their new patron, one of the Family Heads, who that is entirely depends on their choices from the last game. This entire side branch is designed to flavor the background of the campaign, but if you’d rather just have them stay freelancing and independent that’s fine as well. There is also the possibility of “competing” offers should they have second thoughts for any reason. Once they arrive at the meeting spot their Patron will ask them some questions about their ambitions (Class Goals), they will then hand them off to their new “boss” who will assign them their task. They will take them to a nearby barn.
NPC: “Boss” Needs a fitting name for the Family they work for... Character wise, what we got here is a standard “Ranch Foreman” character. They’re tough, A little mean, and completely loyal to their employer. They almost certainly chew tobacco (by the handful), have a tattoo of the Ranch’s Brand, and know where all the bodies are buried. They also have a huge and obvious scar on the side of their head where a Giant Chicken pecked a hole in their skull, so they’re not as bright as they used to be, not at all truthfully. Nor are they actually the Foreman anymore, but no one has a heart to tell them. They’ve been quietly downgraded to Chicken Handler, which is something they seem to remember quite well, but the brain damage keeps them from realizing all that. They can be found wandering the Farm giving strange orders to other Hands. These Hands nod politely and then go back to what they are doing.
Things To Do! - Meet Their Patron - Discuss Their Future - Meet Their New “Boss”

ACT 2: Chicken Dance

Boss will lead them into the odd looking barn. This building is filled with Giant Chickens. These two-three foot fouls have extremely exaggerated features, spiky looking beaks with sharp tooth like edges, big darting eyes, bumpy cracked skin, long gnarled talons, and dirty mottled feathers. They’re more beast than bird. But, they’re good for eatin! These creatures should have a stat block similar to an Axe Beak. When the players enter into the Barn the Chickens will go nuts, obviously deeply bothered by the intrusion. Boss will throw in some deer haunches and the birds will tear them apart in a feeding frenzy. They will then put on a Chicken Suit and begin a flapping dance. (Google Magnificent Riflebird) It should be absolutely captivating and the chickens will become mesmerized, watching every move. Boss will then load two dozen chickens onto a large wagon and lock it. They will have the players push the wagon out while he keeps the Chickens calm. Once outside they’ll hang heavy tarps on the sides of the wagon, and remove the suit. He will then explain to them that they need to keep the tarps on the wagon, and keep the birds well fed, or the chickens will get restless and become violent. When they do need to interact with them someone will have to wear the suit and dance to keep them calm. The bigger the person in the suit the better. Boss will then give them a Map of Green Valley and instruct them to drop off two chickens at each of the outer settlements. They have two days to get this done.
Things To Do! - Head into the barn - Witness The Dance of The Chicken - Push the Wagon out - Get the Costume and Delivery Instructions

ACT 3: Bumpy Roads

They will be off to deliver the Chickens to various locations. There is no specific order to this delivery, they just need to pick a route and go. If they’re short on time they can take the country roads that lead between the outer settlements, but these aren’t as well kept as the main roads are. Whatever road they take and wherever they decide to stop for the night there are problems they will encounter along the way. You can make them random or pick the ones that best suit your players. Most of these should at some point require someone putting on the suit and dancing for the chickens to keep them calm. I would also increase the difficulty of each event. If they fail a dance the Chickens will become restless and start attacking the cart until they are calmed down. Too many failures and the wagon’s cage will break and the remaining chickens escape. They will then have to be rounded up and the cage repaired.
Things to Do! - Decide the delivery route - Deliver the chickens - Keep the Chickens calm
Possible Road Events 1) Rough roads cause problems 2) Yokels attempt to see what’s in the cart 3) Bad Weather swamps the road or scares the chickens 4) Pack of Coyotes causes trouble. 5) Chicken Rustlers! Protect the Flock! 6) Wagon breaks and needs repair 7) Cows in the road, someone’s herd is out. 8) Broken Bridge, not gone, just broken

ACT 4: Final Delivery

They’re now closing in on the final delivery. Something needs to happen here to cause them to put the suit on. Or maybe they never took it off! I love that idea, that one of your players just loves the suit and wants to be a chicken… lol… Anyway I’m a fan of having them need to get out of the suit for some reason, maybe a bathroom break, or they stand on a fire ant hill, or a snake slithers up their leg. You know something silly and fun. BUT the zipper is stuck! So they’ll have to try and unstick it and fast! Whatever happens they’re going to get shot at by some hunters looking for a big score who have mistaken the flailing caused by the stuck zipper to be the chicken attacking. After dealing with the Hunters they can go ahead and make the final drop. And head home.
Things to Do! - Head for the final delivery - Get shot at! - Deliver the last chickens
ENCOUNTER: That’s a BIG Chicken! Having two hunters in the field is more than enough to cause a problem for the players. The hunters will almost certainly surprise the players, but you can allow them a perception check, if they succeed they’ll see the hunters just before the muskets go off. It would be OK to down the Chicken Player here if the hunters successfully hit it. They’ll have healer’s kits on hand because, well, this seems to happen to them a lot out here. After the initial attack the players can decide to attack back or try and talk the hunters down. A basic Bandit or Scout stat block should do will for the hunters. If you’re looking for a bit more mayhem, if the hunters miss the players you could have them hit the cage, and you know, bust it open. This may be especially tempting if they
POSSIBLE ENCOUNTER: Big Ol' Frog So there is a giant frog hiding in the mud down in the creek. If a player takes cover behind the banks there is a good chance that the frog will attempt to nab the player as a snack. If it is successful in grabbing a player with its tongue it will immediately head down river, and they'll have to chase it to get their friend back.

CLOSE

When they return, Boss will reward them. How much will depend on how successful they were delivering the birds. If they did a descent job, they will be paid two day’s wages each. If they were completely successful they can have a bonus. However, if the wagon is in bad shape they might have some money deducted. After they’re paid out, they will be dismissed, and told to expect a new assignment next week.

CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent

After successfully delivering chickens Boss is going to trust them with a more important task. Their employer has requested an item to be created by Marvin the Magnificent. This is a farming community so having enchanted Farming Equipment is extremely desirable. Marvin has done a lot of basic enchantments over the years, but this new one, an The Stone Skipper, a plough whose blade goes ethereal while in contact with stones too large to push away, has really put him to the test. He needs some help with the final enchantments. The players will have to travel to the Ethereal Plane and hit the Blade of the plow with large rocks. But there’s a problem, they’re going to have mischievous Ethereal Sprites attempting to stop them! If they’re successful, which they should be, they get to take the plough for a test drive, and deal with the strange side effects of the enchantment. Angry goats that blink in and out of existence.

ACT 1: To the Tower

They’ll be summoned out to the Ranch where they’ll meet with Boss again. Once there they will notice a large pile of bent and dinged up plows. Boss will explain to them that a recent land acquisition has become problematic. The Fields are filled with large stones just under the topsoil and they’ve damaged a lot of Plow Blades. The Smithing costs are getting out of hand and so their Patron is looking for an alternate solution to the problem. He is sending them to help Marvin the Magnificent, who has taken the job, but run into some complications and needs some help. They may ask about Marvin. Or perhaps the fields that were purchased, so be ready to answer these types of questions. Once they’re done here they can head to Marvin’s Tower, which is just north of town.
Things to Do! - Meet Boss again - Ask some Informational Questions - Head for the Tower
NPC: Marvin the Magnificent Marvin Boudenbaum, AKA Marvin the Magnificent, has lived in town a good number of years, he wasn’t born here but is considered local by most folk. He is a mage of some skill, having mastered spells up to level 3 spells, and is frequently hired by locals to use his magic for anything and everything that their bumpkin brains can cook up. Thing is… Marvin has extraordinary bad luck, so bad in fact that his spellwork has a tendency to go wrong. Typically, it doesn’t go wrong in a dangerous fashion, but there was that time little Timmy Proudfoot was flung into the Astral Sea. Marvin was about to be sentenced for Negligent Magic Murdering when Timmy was suddenly returned by Captain Jinny Steampipe of the Atomic Dustbin (An Astral Spell Ship). Timmy was ok and Jinny and crew spent a few weeks spending some money and telling everyone in town amazing stories of the Astral Sea, so all was forgiven. Marvin, has since taken to having anyone who hires him sign liability waivers, you know just in case. He lives in a small tower just outside of town to the North.

ACT 2: Marvin the Magnificent

As they approach the tower they should see an explosion at the peak of the structure. It should look similar to a fireworks mishap. When it clears there will be no visible damage to the tower, But Marvin will plummet to the earth just off to the side of them, landing in a small pond. He will then come charging out of the pond, laughing hysterically, and riding on a large turtle. Once he gets a few feet away from the pond the turtle will disappear and he will tumble to the ground right in front of the players. He will leap up quickly and turn toward the players. “Behold Travelers, You stand in the presence of Marvin the Magnificent! And everything you have witness was mostly intended!” He will then strike a cool pose with his wand pointed to the sky! “Now why do you approach my tower!?”
Once Marvin finds out they’ve been sent about the plow he will become more nervous looking. “I see, well follow me. We have work to do.” He will then start walking toward the tower… his boots squishing out water. This should give them a little time to ask a few questions. Marvin will be a little subversive about what they need to do. He will attempt to frame it very mysteriously, saying things like “All will be revealed soon.” and “Save your questions! All Answers await us… in the future!” If they ask him about what they witnessed outside, he will tell them he was working on a mount summoning spell designed for lakes and rivers.
Things to Do! - Head toward the Tower - Meet Marvin - Ask Questions

ACT 3: The Cabinet of Mysteries

The inside of the Wizard’s Tower will be far more mundane than they likely expect. At least on the first floor. It will have a sitting room, dining room, and kitchen, as well as a few odds and ends about. Nothing special at all. The second floor, are Marvin’s personal quarters and some room for study, but it is the third floor, where Marvin will lead them, and it will be more of what one would expect in a Wizard’s tower. There will be books shelves, arcane equipment, and storage for components. In the middle of the room will be a tall cabinet.
Marvin will explain to them that the Cabinet is a transportation device, and that he will need them to enter into it with a plow that he has recently enchanted. They will be taken to the Ethereal Plane, and once there they’ll need to take the plow outside and begin hitting it with large field stones. There is a large pile of stones just on the north edge of the tower. They’ll have to do this quickly, before the “others” show up. Who are the others? Hard to say, but there are things that live in the Ethereal Plane that don’t like intruders. The idea is to imbue the Plow with Ethereal Powers so it can pass through large stones while plowing fields. Once they return with the Enchanted Plow, Marvin will have them load it on a cart, pulled by a very smart Donkey, and send them on their way.
Skill Challenge: Enchant the Plow This skill challenge will require five successes before they’re incapacitated by the others. However they decide to do it, they’ll have to successfully hit the plow with five large stones. Failures will result in strange indiscernible entities attacking them. They do minimal damage but could knock people out if there are enough failures.
Things to Do! - Move Through Marvin’s Tower - Enter the Cabinet - Enchant the Plow

ACT 4: Blinking Goats

Upon returning to Boss with the Plow they will be happily greet and paid. Their Patron will be there and will be very pleased with their success. He will ask them to demonstrate the plow’s abilities. Once they get set up out in the field and begin plowing something weird will happen. Every time they hit a stone and the plow’s power activates an Ethereal Goat will manifest and kick or ram the plow, and then disappear. It will feel very similar to what they encountered in the Ethereal Plane. They’ll have to find a way to deal with the manifestations.
ENCOUNTER: Ethereal Goats These goats should function very similarly to Blink Dogs, but I would trim the HP and AC a little to put them in line with the party’s. They will be intent on breaking the Plow not the party, although they will attack the party if they can’t get to the Plow.
Things to Do! - Deliver the Plow - Drive the Plow - Defeat the Ethereal Goats

CLOSE

Once defeated the Boss will come over to yell at them, but the Patron will find the entire thing amusing and more importantly, another impressive demonstration of the player’s skills. He will invite them to the “House” for an important party next week.

CHAPTER 4: High Society

They've definitely been noticed now and have impressed with their ability, unconventional as it may be. They are invited to their patron's home, but not as guests. Though, they might think they were actually invited as guests! They have been brought in to help work the event held out at the Party Field. They will have to gather party supplies, help put up the tent, and then serve the actual guests. During the evening’s entertainment a hypnotist “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will mesmerize the crowd and attempt to rob them all. Hopefully the players don’t fall victim to her schemes. And if they do oh well, they’ll be entertained all the same.

ACT 1: Special Delivery

The players arrive at the Patron’s very nice property. They will be greeted by a properly dressed servant with a clipboard, the Party Planner. The Planner will be rigid and direct. They will immediately begin tasking them about. If they mention that they were invited to the party the servant will laugh “You didn’t think you were a guest? Oh dear, how embarrassing. You’re the help! It is still a great honor to be tasked to help at the Party, but you’re not guests. Now as for your current task. Head into town and gather these supplies. Bring them to the field by noon.” After the instructions are given the servant will go back to their tasks and expect the players to do the same. They will have three stops; The Crocked Crow for Food and Beer, Get Nailed for the Tent and Spirits, and Shalana Proud-Breed’s Tailor Shop to pick up the Dry Cleaning. Feel free to make any and all of these go sideways! Its a good place to toss in some shenanigans as well! They should also be introduced to Dr Hypnotika and her associates.
Things To do! - Go to their Patron’s Home - Meet the Party Planner and Dr Hypnotika - Run their Errands
NPC: Dr Hypnotika Dr Hypnotika and her group will perform for the party. Hypnotica is a Tiefling Mezmerist and illusionist. She has an obnoxiously high charisma and some pretty serious skills to back up her claims. However, she uses those skills to beguile her guests, robbing them blind while they are under her spells. She wears a fine robe with a bedazzled headwrap. She has dark upward spiraling horns, light purple skin, and matching eyes. She wears a monocle and walks with a ceremonially carved staff depicting the "Struggles of the Universe". She is extremely persuasive and even more deceptive. Even if someone were to grow suspicious she can easily talk her way out of trouble.
NPCs: Clapper and Bob Hypnotika brings with her two assistants. Clapper the suit wearing Kenku who will perform wondrous displays of mimicry and slight of hand, and her strongman Bob the Kobold. Bob wears a leopard print strongman's outfit and is amazingly swole, particularly for a kobold, and capable of lifting upwards of 400lbs. Bob doesn't do much else other than get hit with things. in the act.

ACT 2: Put up the Tent

After they finish running their errands they will be tasked with putting up a large party tent. This Act is an ongoing Skill Challenge and should have a constantly distracted feel to it. First they have to unpack the tent. Then they have to realize some pieces are missing, they’ll have to form a solution to that problem. After that wind should cause some problems as the tent is at least being pulled up. This is a great moment for some wondrous tom-foolery.
Things To do! - Unpack the tent - Deal with missing parts - Secure the tent during the wind gusts

ACT 3: Put These On

After they finish putting up the tent they’ll be sent to the Servant’s Quarters to bathe and change. They’ll get a little time to explore and snoop if they wish. Afterward they’ll be tasked with helping in the kitchen, but unfortunately the cooks are going to have been playing a drinking game all afternoon and are no longer fully capable of doing their jobs. This would make a great moment for some sort of mini-game where the players have to determine whether or not the cooks are doing the right things. Once the dinner has been completed they will have to serve the guests. This is a good place to insert gossip and help them meet a few other folks.
Things To do! - Get changed for the party - Deal with the drunk cooks - Serve the guests drinks and food

ACT 4: An Evening to Remember

At some point in the evening things are going to start sliding downhill. Some of the locals will have become extremely inebriated and will need to be encouraged to leave, or just moved off to the side as they’ve already passed out, before the show begins. Once the show begins the locals will become fixated on the goings on. “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will have put an additive in the drinks for the that will make everyone more susceptible to her powers of persuasion. Once the show starts she will have them all doing silly things, those who drank have disadvantage on saves against her powers. She will end the show asking the guests to display their most valuable treasure, a with a hypnotic pattern and then send her assistants out to collect those treasures. The players will have to “do something” about the thieves.
Things To do! - Deal with Drunks - Watch the Show - Stop the Criminals
ENCOUNTER: Hypnotika's Gang This encounter doesn't have to be a fight. If Hypnotika is caught she may claim it was all part of the act and simple return the valuables with a "no harm, no foul" type attitude. This will be he go to in an attempt to avoid a fight, but if the character persist in some kind of retribution or punishment the situation will devolve into a combat. Hypnotica herself is an Illusionist Wizard but is low on spells after the show. Clapper is a low level rogue and Bob a Barbarian, and should play out as such. Even with Skills they are combat adverse and will be looking for an opportunity to flee rather than fight. They do have a getaway wagon out front that they'll be headed for if things go south.

CLOSE

We’re assuming the Bumpkins at least attempted to stop the robbery. This will draw a lot of attention to them. Their Patron will be well pleased with them, and let them know they will be getting much more important jobs in the future. The guests will also take note and will begin treating them all a bit better. They’re all essentially Folk Heroes at this point for secondary backgrounds. Their Patron should reward them with something very nice as the party kicks back in. They will need to finish out the nights work of course.

QUEST-LINE CLOSING

Congratulations! Your Players have completed their first Quest-line! Hopefully it was a delightful experience. But now that they've finished what comes next? Well, here are some ideas.
Reward Them! They've been doing some rather Adventurous things lately, and therefore should now have a Class Level under their belt, so the real D&D world now opens to them! Maybe it is time for some real adventuring gear. No more sticks, stones, and burlap sack armor.
Folk Heroes? There's a good chance that the Valley is Speaking the News about them and their exploits while drinking in the taverns. They may have even earned the actual Folk Hero Feat! Maybe someone would be interested in giving them a task!
Simply Go Exploring! There are a lot of places in Green Valley that we only dipped our toes into. You could have them head down to Stinkmarsh, or maybe climb up the cliffs of Longridge. The world (Well, the Valley) is wholly open to them.
Explore Local Legends There are lots of local legends they can look into! Hopefully they search out something that isn't too far over their heads!
Continue Working for their Patron It would be an easy DM go to simply to have them continue working for their current Patron. They've probably been impressive enough fo a family to be interested in keeping them on.
Establish Themselves as Adventurers! Maybe they want to set up a Adventurers for Hire business? This "Heroes Guild" approach is really appealing to a lot of players and absolutely plays into Bumpkin Quest. Just remember, this is a place of low key problems that locals make really big deals out of. So the idea of slaying dragons shouldn't really be on the table... that is until an actual dragon shows up! Which one day absolutely should.

We loved what was sent and the thought out into it

LPI (LP Information)' newest research report, the “Mass Spectrometry Diagnostic Kit Industry Forecast” looks at past sales and reviews total world Mass Spectrometry Diagnostic Kit sales in 2022, providing a comprehensive analysis by region and market sector of projected Mass Spectrometry Diagnostic Kit sales for 2023 through 2029. With Mass Spectrometry Diagnostic Kit sales broken down by region, market sector and sub-sector, this report provides a detailed analysis in US$ millions of the world Mass Spectrometry Diagnostic Kit industry.
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The main participants
Perkinelmer
Danaher
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Thermo Fisher Scientific
Merck
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BIOCRATES
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Segmentation by type
Vitamin D Detection Kit
Homocysteine Detection Kit
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Good Afternoon,
I am new to reddit and also new to writing with intention of other people reading it. I would like to share some of my short stories and am open to constructive input. I write because I enjoy it and I interested if anyone else does. The intention of these stories is to be include in a sort of memoi cookbook.
thank you.
Sugar High
They say that once you quit drinking your body craves sugar, I know this is very true. Before I went to rehab I really did not like sweets very much, except ice cream I always loved ice cream. Recovering addicts rely on sugar like Milli Vanilli relies on vocal tracks. Every “meal” provided the minimal amount of nutrients a person needs to stay alive. Up to this point in my life I was naively unaware of the many food types that come in powder form. There was a week that we had salt, it was amazing! For every meal there was a buffet of day old pastries laid out on each table. If you saw something you liked while waiting in line you had better grab it. Rehab cafeterias have some of the same rules as high school- it definitely matters where you sit, and a fight erupting over a cupcake was not unheard of. These self anointed kings of the streets, tough guys turn into little bitches, over the last Unicorn sprinkle cupcake at snack time. The only thing different between a group of 70 grown men and a group of 70 teenage girls, is the amount of body hair, and the maturity levels are identical.
For the better part of a year and half just being awake was enough of a reason to be drinking. There was always a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I wouldn't have enough booze, so I carried my own everywhere I went. The thought process that decided the size of bottle I would bring depended on whether this would be my only source of booze or it was a companion bottle to accompany the cocktails I was having publicly. I would hate for people to think I was drunk and order a Vodka martini with a Jack Daniel’s chaser, I am a lady so I did my shot in the powder room. Grocery shopping was a half Pint, even though I was also buying two 1.75mL bottles for the next couple days but I couldn't wait till I got home. Work was usually a pint and half, a pint from the strip club liquor store and a couple of shots at the bar across the street when that was gone. The word addiction never crossed my mind; I was a fabulously highly functional alcoholic.
When I admitted to myself and a room full of strangers the extent and severity of my addiction, I could finally see myself, in the faces of my peers in that room and what I saw was terrifying. For the first time in my life I did not like myself, definitely did not love myself. Up to this point in my life I had an unwavering belief that I was amazing at everything I did. I knew that I succeeded because I was so confident and I was so confident because I succeeded. I felt like I had just been punched in the gut, and I lost my entire self worth in that one minute. Alcohol had taken away from me the very essence of who I am. Those early days were hard. I had to rediscover myself, I am still discovering myself. I did find my confidence again.
Geno I got sober together and it has been so great, there was a part of both of us that had been lying dormant for a little while and when it came out it came out in force. In the first month of sobriety we got to see our new niece Raelynn for the first time, around four months we had started a cookie business, restructured our lives, and by month six we had started making our 2 year plan to grow our cookie business into a national brand, and I started writing a book, yes this one.
Geno has always been the baker in the family. I started dabbling in baking right after I got out of rehab, I could not believe how much extra time I had now that I was not drinking. Geno had made an Oreo Cheesecake and it looked like so much fun. A few days passed and I wanted to make a cheesecake, so I started with a simple cheesecake, a few days later there was an apple crisp, then a couple dozen mini cheesecakes, 1-2-3-4 cake with buttercream frosting, not as easy as the name may suggest, then a couple dozen chocolate chip cookies, most of these recipes were straight forward and required no creativity and I was starting to get bored… Ooh something shiny… then Mini Lava Brownies with Chocolate Ganache Drizzle happened. *mic drop* You are welcome!
(LAVA BROWNIES WITH GANACHE DRIZZLE)
Sunset Sandwiches:
The year prior to checking myself into rehab was one self- created dumpster fire after another. One does not usually end up in rehab after a wonderfully stable year. I spent most the year running away from the people who loved me most, especially my husband, Geno. Geno and I have been through some tough times in our relationship but this year was especially awful. I believe Queen Elizebeth II called it an “Annus Horribilis”, very fitting since this was the year Windsor caught fire and I spent the entire year trying to burn my life to the ground. I was in such a dark place and didn't even realize it, it was very scary and lonely inside myself and my outward side was the complete opposite. This duality in my life caused me to create a villain and sadly that villain was Geno. At one point in May I attempted suicide and almost succeded, Geno found me on the couch and called an ambulance, I woke up 2 day later in a mental hospital on suicide watch. The scariest part about that was I had no recollection of wanting to hurt myself or even thinking it through, all I remember is seeing darkness. I came home after seven days and I really thought I would slow down on the drinking and maybe I did for a little while but not long enough to remember. I remember thinking that I was loved becaused all my friends and family were so devastated at the thought of losing me, that feeling was lost again to the booze soon after.
That summer was a rollercoaster of huge fights, extended time away from each other, terrible things were said, and in October it all reached a climax and I threatened to leave Geno and went to stay with my cousin Mandi in Wisconsin with the rest of my family. My aunt Kristy and Grandma were exactly what I knew deep down they would be, honest as fuck! My grandma told me that I was “difficult, had lived a very charmed life and I should suck it up, go home and be happy with my husband”. My Aunt Kristy was brutally honest. She sat me down and asked me “What was going on?” when I started to tell her in my sugar coated everything will be fine, she called bullshit on me. She called out my drinking and told me I didnt even “resemble her nephew.” She also told me it was time to get my shit together. Kristy fought a long hard battle with addiction and has been happily sober for many years now. She said “Honey, I missed a lot of years of my life due to addiction.” She has now forced me to feel real emotions and I am open-mouth sobbing, she goes on, “You are going to lose them too or worse you will lose everything.”
It was the first time I was forced to see myself and the disaster I had become. A week later I flew home and checked myself into rehab. It was difficult to remember how to be happy with Geno, I had to retrain myself to love him the way he deserved to be loved and to see how much he loves me. In those first weeks we spent all day everyday together, it was amazing, for the first time in a long time we were not yelling and screaming at each other. One beautiful day we decided to go to the beach for a sunset picnic, it was the first time we had gone to see the sunset since we had quit drinking. The sunset was the most beautiful orange and glorious sunset, I was finally seeing my Geno, and he was all the light I needed. That sunset I fell madly in love with my husband again, oh and we had some sandwiches!

Good Afternoon,
I am new to reddit and also a new to writing with intention of other people reading it. I would like to share some of my short stories and am open to constructive input. Please do not be negative or judgemental. I write because I enjoy it and I interested if anyone else does. The intention of these stories is to be include in a sort of memoi cookbook
thank you
Sugar High
They say that once you quit drinking your body craves sugar, I know this is very true. Before I went to rehab I really did not like sweets very much, except ice cream I always loved ice cream. Recovering addicts rely on sugar like Milli Vanilli relies on vocal tracks. Every “meal” provided the minimal amount of nutrients a person needs to stay alive. Up to this point in my life I was naively unaware of the many food types that come in powder form. There was a week that we had salt, it was amazing! For every meal there was a buffet of day old pastries laid out on each table. If you saw something you liked while waiting in line you had better grab it. Rehab cafeterias have some of the same rules as high school- it definitely matters where you sit, and a fight erupting over a cupcake was not unheard of. These self anointed kings of the streets, tough guys turn into little bitches, over the last Unicorn sprinkle cupcake at snack time. The only thing different between a group of 70 grown men and a group of 70 teenage girls, is the amount of body hair, and the maturity levels are identical.
For the better part of a year and half just being awake was enough of a reason to be drinking. There was always a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I wouldn't have enough booze, so I carried my own everywhere I went. The thought process that decided the size of bottle I would bring depended on whether this would be my only source of booze or it was a companion bottle to accompany the cocktails I was having publicly. I would hate for people to think I was drunk and order a Vodka martini with a Jack Daniel’s chaser, I am a lady so I did my shot in the powder room. Grocery shopping was a half Pint, even though I was also buying two 1.75mL bottles for the next couple days but I couldn't wait till I got home. Work was usually a pint and half, a pint from the strip club liquor store and a couple of shots at the bar across the street when that was gone. The word addiction never crossed my mind; I was a fabulously highly functional alcoholic.
When I admitted to myself and a room full of strangers the extent and severity of my addiction, I could finally see myself, in the faces of my peers in that room and what I saw was terrifying. For the first time in my life I did not like myself, definitely did not love myself. Up to this point in my life I had an unwavering belief that I was amazing at everything I did. I knew that I succeeded because I was so confident and I was so confident because I succeeded. I felt like I had just been punched in the gut, and I lost my entire self worth in that one minute. Alcohol had taken away from me the very essence of who I am. Those early days were hard. I had to rediscover myself, I am still discovering myself. I did find my confidence again.
Geno I got sober together and it has been so great, there was a part of both of us that had been lying dormant for a little while and when it came out it came out in force. In the first month of sobriety we got to see our new niece Raelynn for the first time, around four months we had started a cookie business, restructured our lives, and by month six we had started making our 2 year plan to grow our cookie business into a national brand, and I started writing a book, yes this one.
Geno has always been the baker in the family. I started dabbling in baking right after I got out of rehab, I could not believe how much extra time I had now that I was not drinking. Geno had made an Oreo Cheesecake and it looked like so much fun. A few days passed and I wanted to make a cheesecake, so I started with a simple cheesecake, a few days later there was an apple crisp, then a couple dozen mini cheesecakes, 1-2-3-4 cake with buttercream frosting, not as easy as the name may suggest, then a couple dozen chocolate chip cookies, most of these recipes were straight forward and required no creativity and I was starting to get bored… Ooh something shiny… then Mini Lava Brownies with Chocolate Ganache Drizzle happened. *mic drop* You are welcome!
(LAVA BROWNIES WITH GANACHE DRIZZLE)

Sunset Sandwiches:

The year prior to checking myself into rehab was one self- created dumpster fire after another. One does not usually end up in rehab after a wonderfully stable year. I spent most the year running away from the people who loved me most, especially my husband, Geno. Geno and I have been through some tough times in our relationship but this year was especially awful. I believe Queen Elizebeth II called it an “Annus Horribilis”, very fitting since this was the year Windsor caught fire and I spent the entire year trying to burn my life to the ground. I was in such a dark place and didn't even realize it, it was very scary and lonely inside myself and my outward side was the complete opposite. This duality in my life caused me to create a villain and sadly that villain was Geno. At one point in May I attempted suicide and almost succeded, Geno found me on the couch and called an ambulance, I woke up 2 day later in a mental hospital on suicide watch. The scariest part about that was I had no recollection of wanting to hurt myself or even thinking it through, all I remember is seeing darkness. I came home after seven days and I really thought I would slow down on the drinking and maybe I did for a little while but not long enough to remember. I remember thinking that I was loved becaused all my friends and family were so devastated at the thought of losing me, that feeling was lost again to the booze soon after.
That summer was a rollercoaster of huge fights, extended time away from each other, terrible things were said, and in October it all reached a climax and I threatened to leave Geno and went to stay with my cousin Mandi in Wisconsin with the rest of my family. My aunt Kristy and Grandma were exactly what I knew deep down they would be, honest as fuck! My grandma told me that I was “difficult, had lived a very charmed life and I should suck it up, go home and be happy with my husband”. My Aunt Kristy was brutally honest. She sat me down and asked me “What was going on?” when I started to tell her in my sugar coated everything will be fine, she called bullshit on me. She called out my drinking and told me I didnt even “resemble her nephew.” She also told me it was time to get my shit together. Kristy fought a long hard battle with addiction and has been happily sober for many years now. She said “Honey, I missed a lot of years of my life due to addiction.” She has now forced me to feel real emotions and I am open-mouth sobbing, she goes on, “You are going to lose them too or worse you will lose everything.”
It was the first time I was forced to see myself and the disaster I had become. A week later I flew home and checked myself into rehab. It was difficult to remember how to be happy with Geno, I had to retrain myself to love him the way he deserved to be loved and to see how much he loves me. In those first weeks we spent all day everyday together, it was amazing, for the first time in a long time we were not yelling and screaming at each other. One beautiful day we decided to go to the beach for a sunset picnic, it was the first time we had gone to see the sunset since we had quit drinking. The sunset was the most beautiful orange and glorious sunset, I was finally seeing my Geno, and he was all the light I needed. That sunset I fell madly in love with my husband again, oh and we had some sandwiches!

Welcome to Green Valley

Four Merry Jaunts Through the Bumpkin Quest Campaign

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide Spring Cleaning time! This includes a parade, a festival, and a temple ceremony. These events are haunted by and angry goose hating enchanted broom.
CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens Folks need to eat. And round here they like to eat massive angry chickens. Somebody's gotta deliver them, and that somebody is your players!
CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent Simple problems require convoluted solutions. Help Marvin enchant a plow that can pass through stones. What could go wrong?
CHAPTER 4: High Society After earning some respect the players get invited to a high falutin social dilly do. But not as guests. As the help. And this party is gonna need it! The entertainment is about to become a mesmerizing problem.
ADVENTURE MECHANICS - Target Character Level: Commoners or Level 1 - Target Party Size: Four Players - Average Adventure Playtime: 2ish Hours - Tone: Rural Mayhem and Foolishness
Grab the Free PDF Here. https://www.patreon.com/posts/adventure-to-83830560
I’ve also put these adventures into our *Bumpkin Quest: Campaign Guide https://www.patreon.com/posts/guide-bumpkin-to-80202231 The guide fills in the details of Green Valley pretty thoroughly. The quests are simple enough to be run in any setting you choose, but if you're interested in more the Guide has about two dozen Custom Maps, 70+ NPCs, Location Descriptions, 20+ Local Legends, and Scores of Adventure and Event Ideas. You can grab the PDF Free at the link above.

Hills Furrow

At the center of the Valley sits a patch of small grassy hills, through which the Slow Water meanders through. Built into these hills is the Village of Hills Furrow. Celebrated by everyone living in The Valley and boasting a whopping population of almost 150, Hills Furrow is the center of commerce and social importance. Well, at least as far as the locals are concerned. Realistically it would be less than a blip on the grand scale of things, a mere kernel of wheat in the silo of civilization, but to those who live here, there is nothing quite like living in the “city”.
The Village itself, like the Valley, is predominantly Halfling, and their fancy dwellings are burrowed into the hillsides as often as possible. These dwellings have been family owned for generations only becomeing available if there are no heirs to pass them along to. Other folk live in well kept two story shingled buildings, most of which house a business on the lower floor and house the Shopkeepers and their families above their workplaces, though a few live in nearby homes. There aren’t many “rental” spaces in town, as property is usually bought up quickly by the Halfling Families, but there are long term options at either of the Inns in town.
Hills Furrow: Locations 1) The Crocked Crow (Inn and Tavern) 2) The Dancing Lamb (Inn and Tavern) 3) The Moaning Toad (Tavern) 4) Granny's Groceries (General Market) 5) Get Nailed (Hardware and Distilery) 6) Gimdurh's Hammer (Smithy) 7) Brenra's Mechanicals (Tinker) 8) Hjoldren's Home Goods (Carpenter) 9) Standard Industries (Office) 10) Fit to be Dyed (Tailor) 11) The Last Loaf (Baker) 12) The Cloudy Cleaver (Butcher) 13) Nature's Medecine (Apothecary) 14) Sheriff's Office 15) Green Valley School House 16) The Waterwheel 17) The Windmill 18) The Undercloak Estate 19) Truefoot Burrow 20) The Meadows Family Hill
The locals are hospitable and friendly enough, but they do not really trust outsiders. Folks from foreign places are good for trade, news, and little else. Those that come through are treated well enough as long as they don’t wear out their welcome. Locals, well, that’s a bit of a different story. The city and area doesn’t operate under a written caste system or social structure, but there is clearly a pecking order, and family heritage matters a great deal to folks in Hills Furrow. Most locals, whether they’ve gotten an education or not, can easily be classified as simple. It isn’t that they are slow of mind or unintelligent, but more that they are unconcerned with matters the outside world considers important. This sentiment has created a general, but friendly, dislike between those that consider themselves Highfalutin and those that clearly are not.
Well now that I've given you the fifty cent tour. Shall we get on to adventure?

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide

We will open our journeys in the Green Valley at Green Tide, the annual celebration of Winter’s End. This adventure is designed to give a tour of Hills Furrow and introduce them to the locals. It will begin with some chores around their house to prepare for the festival and end with a battle involving an enchanted broom. If you did not do Session Zero, this chapter may take a bit longer as we get to know everyone and their characters.

ACT 1: Pre-Festival

The locals spend the week cleaning out their houses and farms. They gather old junk and unused items to be used later in the festival. They also begin preparing what food is left from winter to be used in a celebration and feasts.
Things to do! - Have the Players clean up junk around the house - Have them Find something strange (Perhaps used for a later mystery?) - Have them Decorate their Broom - Have them run a Household Errand (Meet an NPC)

ACT 2: Sweeping Day

A merry festival celebrating Spring cleaning and putting the past behind them. They form a parade, with one member from each house carrying a brightly decorated broom and using it to symbolically “Sweep Away Winter”. The rest of the family marches their winter’s trash and unused goods down to the Fairgrounds. The goods are often traded, while the trash is piled in the fire pit to await burning later. The entire day is filled with fun outdoor activities. Households also symbolically bring their problems to the bonfires to burn them later.
Things to do! - March in the Parade - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals
EVENT: I Love a Parade
The parade will march North from near the Cross Roads in the South up around the hill and back again to the South where it will head for the Fairgrounds. There isn’t anything particularly challenging about this event, but it would be a wonderful place to start leaning into or building local rivalries.
EVENT: Never Seen a Broom Do That… As they come into the home stretch of the Parade one of the local’s Brooms will animate and take off. It will chase folks around the parade. The players can attempt to stop it, but the broom will flee soon after being attacked. It will fly up into the air, attack a flock of geese, and chase them off until it can’t be seen anymore. They can go and collect a fallen goose if they wish. I highly recommend giving it a motorcycle type sound as it flies around hitting folks. Maybe even going as far as giving it a rough gravel angry voice and letting it insult people.

ACT 3: Winter’s End

Winter’s End is a Combination of Groundhog’s Day and Fasnacht, this day gets a little wild. The Festival kicks off at dawn with the Great Gopher Hunt. Gophers are well known spies for The Voice of Winter and thus need to be hunted before they can tell The Voice to delay Spring. Gophers themselves are quite tasty, and are notoriously bad for crops, so this works out economically all around. Throughout the rest of the day families continue to contribute to the Bonfire Pile which often gets quite large. At dusk a large effigy of The Voice of Winter is placed on top of the pile. Once the sun has fully set they light the fire and burn the Effigy. Folk usually dress darkly during the day and brightly at night. After the burning they feast on sweets and treats that were made from goods saved up from winter storage.
Things to do! - The Great Gopher Hunt - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals - The Fairground’s Activities
EVENT: The Great Gopher Hunt The Hunt begins at dawn and takes place all over the Valley. Locals race to collect as many Gophers as possible. It is easiest to kill the Gopher, but there are some that find that distasteful. Instead they live trap the critters. It is a bit tougher to do so, but an option should your players wish. This is most easily played out as a series of appropriate Skill Checks, in which the higher they score the more gophers they obtain.
EVENT: Trash Removal They may find some locals willing to pay them to help cart junk down to the bonfire pile. Not a lot of skill involved in this, but it is a great opportunity to meet locals, and you could throw a runaway cart at them.
Fair Activities They will probably want to take part in Fairground Activities. Players love these types of challenges. Here are a few ideas you can build on. - Axe Throwin: Basic attack rolls on a Round Target. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Bow Shootin: Basic attack rolls on Moving Targets. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Pig Chasin: Catch the greased Pig! Medium DC Challenge requiring three success before three Failures. - Mud Wrastlin: Nothing says bumpkin like a good Mud Wrastlin Pit. Contested Skill Challenges. - Sausage Eating Contest: Increasingly difficult DC Challenge. Eat till you puke! Can also be Pies or Ribs or Little Fish… you know whatever someone wants to stuff dozens of in their gullet. - Tug O’War: Team Strength Challenge. Three to Five Contested Rolls with opposing teams. - Gopher BBQ Cook Off: A Hard Culinary Challenge to see who can BBQ the best Gopher! - Races: Foot and Mount Races based on Three to Five Contested Rolls. I usually include a few odd mounts like a Giant Chicken or some such nonsense.

ACT 4: Day of Ashes

The Day of Ashes is a day of rest, recovery, and reflection. Locals take the ashes from the bonfires and rub their hands in them to symbolize the end of a hard year’s work and hardships of the past. The day ends with a large family feast, typically Pork. Activities this day are light, but many folks head to the Temple for the Calling of Spring Blessings. They put on their fancies and head down to ask forgiveness for over-indulging in the festival and for worship. Well sort of…
Unfortunately, a lot of folks take this as an opportunity to peacock about and practice their one-upmanship over other locals. If you’re looking for inspiration for their outfits look to older photos of the Kentucky Derby. Over the years this troubling practice has caused more than one fight to break out after the service.
*Things to do! * - Go to Temple and Meet More Locals - Pick a Local Patron!
EVENT: Temple Services The majority of the town comes to Temple on this day. The service is usually longer, and a bit more “Where have most of you been all year?” But otherwise it is a call for the Divine Blessings to touch their crops and protect their lives. It ends with a ceremony in which the locals put their hands into the ashes from yesterday’s bonfire. Once services end they will head outside, where the trouble will begin. Two of the wealthier families will get into it with each other. Starting with a couple of veiled insults, probably before service and continuing afterward. If one of your players is from a local Rich Folk family then they can be right in the middle of it all, otherwise they will have to pick a side. This choice will determine their house Patron moving forward. Tension will increase until folks start drawing up sides, and then someone will throw a rotten tomato at one of the House Matrons. That will blow the lid off the incident and a yokel brawl will break out. For comedy purposes I recommend the instant appearance of several food carts filled with expired products, and maybe a six year old hustler selling big sticks for wacking folks with. As the locals brawl call for perception checks. Who ever rolls highest begins to hear… The Broom returning!
ENCOUNTER: Stick In The Eye The broom returns ready to whoop some ash. It will be absolutely bent on cleaning anyone and everyone who is even the slightest bit dirty! If it successfully attacks a character they will have to make a Strength Saving throw or be knocked to the ground and swept clean by the broom. As this would be an awful omen for the year folks are terrified and will be running around screaming. Absolute mass hysteria. If the players were lucky enough to hear it coming they can avoid being surprised by the broom. Otherwise the broom will get a full round to attack before they have a chance to do anything. They’ll have to beat the broom into submission any way they can before it sweeps the whole town into chaos!

CLOSING

After defeating the broom things will settle back down again. Bumpkins are quick to return to normal when things go awry. However, they will have gotten the attention of one of the Wealthy Families in the area and be offered jobs. Which family is really, based on what will work best for them and you as the DM. For gags you might be tempted to have the Yokels pick them up, but that is a hard bit to sustain, and you may be better served keeping them on the side as a comic foil rather than up front. Completely up to you. The session should end with them being invited to meet their new patron tomorrow someplace important.

CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens

After successfully defeating the Enchanted Broom, our Bumpkins have gained the attention of a possible local Patron. This individual has summoned them to a nearby farm to discuss future work. That work includes proving themselves capable and not just lucky.

ACT 1: Meet the Boss

In this Act the players will meet with their new patron, one of the Family Heads, who that is entirely depends on their choices from the last game. This entire side branch is designed to flavor the background of the campaign, but if you’d rather just have them stay freelancing and independent that’s fine as well. There is also the possibility of “competing” offers should they have second thoughts for any reason. Once they arrive at the meeting spot their Patron will ask them some questions about their ambitions (Class Goals), they will then hand them off to their new “boss” who will assign them their task. They will take them to a nearby barn.
NPC: “Boss” Needs a fitting name for the Family they work for... Character wise, what we got here is a standard “Ranch Foreman” character. They’re tough, A little mean, and completely loyal to their employer. They almost certainly chew tobacco (by the handful), have a tattoo of the Ranch’s Brand, and know where all the bodies are buried. They also have a huge and obvious scar on the side of their head where a Giant Chicken pecked a hole in their skull, so they’re not as bright as they used to be, not at all truthfully. Nor are they actually the Foreman anymore, but no one has a heart to tell them. They’ve been quietly downgraded to Chicken Handler, which is something they seem to remember quite well, but the brain damage keeps them from realizing all that. They can be found wandering the Farm giving strange orders to other Hands. These Hands nod politely and then go back to what they are doing.
Things To Do! - Meet Their Patron - Discuss Their Future - Meet Their New “Boss”

ACT 2: Chicken Dance

Boss will lead them into the odd looking barn. This building is filled with Giant Chickens. These two-three foot fouls have extremely exaggerated features, spiky looking beaks with sharp tooth like edges, big darting eyes, bumpy cracked skin, long gnarled talons, and dirty mottled feathers. They’re more beast than bird. But, they’re good for eatin! These creatures should have a stat block similar to an Axe Beak. When the players enter into the Barn the Chickens will go nuts, obviously deeply bothered by the intrusion. Boss will throw in some deer haunches and the birds will tear them apart in a feeding frenzy. They will then put on a Chicken Suit and begin a flapping dance. (Google Magnificent Riflebird) It should be absolutely captivating and the chickens will become mesmerized, watching every move. Boss will then load two dozen chickens onto a large wagon and lock it. They will have the players push the wagon out while he keeps the Chickens calm. Once outside they’ll hang heavy tarps on the sides of the wagon, and remove the suit. He will then explain to them that they need to keep the tarps on the wagon, and keep the birds well fed, or the chickens will get restless and become violent. When they do need to interact with them someone will have to wear the suit and dance to keep them calm. The bigger the person in the suit the better. Boss will then give them a Map of Green Valley and instruct them to drop off two chickens at each of the outer settlements. They have two days to get this done.
Things To Do! - Head into the barn - Witness The Dance of The Chicken - Push the Wagon out - Get the Costume and Delivery Instructions

ACT 3: Bumpy Roads

They will be off to deliver the Chickens to various locations. There is no specific order to this delivery, they just need to pick a route and go. If they’re short on time they can take the country roads that lead between the outer settlements, but these aren’t as well kept as the main roads are. Whatever road they take and wherever they decide to stop for the night there are problems they will encounter along the way. You can make them random or pick the ones that best suit your players. Most of these should at some point require someone putting on the suit and dancing for the chickens to keep them calm. I would also increase the difficulty of each event. If they fail a dance the Chickens will become restless and start attacking the cart until they are calmed down. Too many failures and the wagon’s cage will break and the remaining chickens escape. They will then have to be rounded up and the cage repaired.
Things to Do! - Decide the delivery route - Deliver the chickens - Keep the Chickens calm
Possible Road Events 1) Rough roads cause problems 2) Yokels attempt to see what’s in the cart 3) Bad Weather swamps the road or scares the chickens 4) Pack of Coyotes causes trouble. 5) Chicken Rustlers! Protect the Flock! 6) Wagon breaks and needs repair 7) Cows in the road, someone’s herd is out. 8) Broken Bridge, not gone, just broken

ACT 4: Final Delivery

They’re now closing in on the final delivery. Something needs to happen here to cause them to put the suit on. Or maybe they never took it off! I love that idea, that one of your players just loves the suit and wants to be a chicken… lol… Anyway I’m a fan of having them need to get out of the suit for some reason, maybe a bathroom break, or they stand on a fire ant hill, or a snake slithers up their leg. You know something silly and fun. BUT the zipper is stuck! So they’ll have to try and unstick it and fast! Whatever happens they’re going to get shot at by some hunters looking for a big score who have mistaken the flailing caused by the stuck zipper to be the chicken attacking. After dealing with the Hunters they can go ahead and make the final drop. And head home.
Things to Do! - Head for the final delivery - Get shot at! - Deliver the last chickens
ENCOUNTER: That’s a BIG Chicken! Having two hunters in the field is more than enough to cause a problem for the players. The hunters will almost certainly surprise the players, but you can allow them a perception check, if they succeed they’ll see the hunters just before the muskets go off. It would be OK to down the Chicken Player here if the hunters successfully hit it. They’ll have healer’s kits on hand because, well, this seems to happen to them a lot out here. After the initial attack the players can decide to attack back or try and talk the hunters down. A basic Bandit or Scout stat block should do will for the hunters. If you’re looking for a bit more mayhem, if the hunters miss the players you could have them hit the cage, and you know, bust it open. This may be especially tempting if they
POSSIBLE ENCOUNTER: Big Ol' Frog So there is a giant frog hiding in the mud down in the creek. If a player takes cover behind the banks there is a good chance that the frog will attempt to nab the player as a snack. If it is successful in grabbing a player with its tongue it will immediately head down river, and they'll have to chase it to get their friend back.

CLOSE

When they return, Boss will reward them. How much will depend on how successful they were delivering the birds. If they did a descent job, they will be paid two day’s wages each. If they were completely successful they can have a bonus. However, if the wagon is in bad shape they might have some money deducted. After they’re paid out, they will be dismissed, and told to expect a new assignment next week.

CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent

After successfully delivering chickens Boss is going to trust them with a more important task. Their employer has requested an item to be created by Marvin the Magnificent. This is a farming community so having enchanted Farming Equipment is extremely desirable. Marvin has done a lot of basic enchantments over the years, but this new one, an The Stone Skipper, a plough whose blade goes ethereal while in contact with stones too large to push away, has really put him to the test. He needs some help with the final enchantments. The players will have to travel to the Ethereal Plane and hit the Blade of the plow with large rocks. But there’s a problem, they’re going to have mischievous Ethereal Sprites attempting to stop them! If they’re successful, which they should be, they get to take the plough for a test drive, and deal with the strange side effects of the enchantment. Angry goats that blink in and out of existence.

ACT 1: To the Tower

They’ll be summoned out to the Ranch where they’ll meet with Boss again. Once there they will notice a large pile of bent and dinged up plows. Boss will explain to them that a recent land acquisition has become problematic. The Fields are filled with large stones just under the topsoil and they’ve damaged a lot of Plow Blades. The Smithing costs are getting out of hand and so their Patron is looking for an alternate solution to the problem. He is sending them to help Marvin the Magnificent, who has taken the job, but run into some complications and needs some help. They may ask about Marvin. Or perhaps the fields that were purchased, so be ready to answer these types of questions. Once they’re done here they can head to Marvin’s Tower, which is just north of town.
Things to Do! - Meet Boss again - Ask some Informational Questions - Head for the Tower
NPC: Marvin the Magnificent Marvin Boudenbaum, AKA Marvin the Magnificent, has lived in town a good number of years, he wasn’t born here but is considered local by most folk. He is a mage of some skill, having mastered spells up to level 3 spells, and is frequently hired by locals to use his magic for anything and everything that their bumpkin brains can cook up. Thing is… Marvin has extraordinary bad luck, so bad in fact that his spellwork has a tendency to go wrong. Typically, it doesn’t go wrong in a dangerous fashion, but there was that time little Timmy Proudfoot was flung into the Astral Sea. Marvin was about to be sentenced for Negligent Magic Murdering when Timmy was suddenly returned by Captain Jinny Steampipe of the Atomic Dustbin (An Astral Spell Ship). Timmy was ok and Jinny and crew spent a few weeks spending some money and telling everyone in town amazing stories of the Astral Sea, so all was forgiven. Marvin, has since taken to having anyone who hires him sign liability waivers, you know just in case. He lives in a small tower just outside of town to the North.

ACT 2: Marvin the Magnificent

As they approach the tower they should see an explosion at the peak of the structure. It should look similar to a fireworks mishap. When it clears there will be no visible damage to the tower, But Marvin will plummet to the earth just off to the side of them, landing in a small pond. He will then come charging out of the pond, laughing hysterically, and riding on a large turtle. Once he gets a few feet away from the pond the turtle will disappear and he will tumble to the ground right in front of the players. He will leap up quickly and turn toward the players. “Behold Travelers, You stand in the presence of Marvin the Magnificent! And everything you have witness was mostly intended!” He will then strike a cool pose with his wand pointed to the sky! “Now why do you approach my tower!?”
Once Marvin finds out they’ve been sent about the plow he will become more nervous looking. “I see, well follow me. We have work to do.” He will then start walking toward the tower… his boots squishing out water. This should give them a little time to ask a few questions. Marvin will be a little subversive about what they need to do. He will attempt to frame it very mysteriously, saying things like “All will be revealed soon.” and “Save your questions! All Answers await us… in the future!” If they ask him about what they witnessed outside, he will tell them he was working on a mount summoning spell designed for lakes and rivers.
Things to Do! - Head toward the Tower - Meet Marvin - Ask Questions

ACT 3: The Cabinet of Mysteries

The inside of the Wizard’s Tower will be far more mundane than they likely expect. At least on the first floor. It will have a sitting room, dining room, and kitchen, as well as a few odds and ends about. Nothing special at all. The second floor, are Marvin’s personal quarters and some room for study, but it is the third floor, where Marvin will lead them, and it will be more of what one would expect in a Wizard’s tower. There will be books shelves, arcane equipment, and storage for components. In the middle of the room will be a tall cabinet.
Marvin will explain to them that the Cabinet is a transportation device, and that he will need them to enter into it with a plow that he has recently enchanted. They will be taken to the Ethereal Plane, and once there they’ll need to take the plow outside and begin hitting it with large field stones. There is a large pile of stones just on the north edge of the tower. They’ll have to do this quickly, before the “others” show up. Who are the others? Hard to say, but there are things that live in the Ethereal Plane that don’t like intruders. The idea is to imbue the Plow with Ethereal Powers so it can pass through large stones while plowing fields. Once they return with the Enchanted Plow, Marvin will have them load it on a cart, pulled by a very smart Donkey, and send them on their way.
Skill Challenge: Enchant the Plow This skill challenge will require five successes before they’re incapacitated by the others. However they decide to do it, they’ll have to successfully hit the plow with five large stones. Failures will result in strange indiscernible entities attacking them. They do minimal damage but could knock people out if there are enough failures.
Things to Do! - Move Through Marvin’s Tower - Enter the Cabinet - Enchant the Plow

ACT 4: Blinking Goats

Upon returning to Boss with the Plow they will be happily greet and paid. Their Patron will be there and will be very pleased with their success. He will ask them to demonstrate the plow’s abilities. Once they get set up out in the field and begin plowing something weird will happen. Every time they hit a stone and the plow’s power activates an Ethereal Goat will manifest and kick or ram the plow, and then disappear. It will feel very similar to what they encountered in the Ethereal Plane. They’ll have to find a way to deal with the manifestations.
ENCOUNTER: Ethereal Goats These goats should function very similarly to Blink Dogs, but I would trim the HP and AC a little to put them in line with the party’s. They will be intent on breaking the Plow not the party, although they will attack the party if they can’t get to the Plow.
Things to Do! - Deliver the Plow - Drive the Plow - Defeat the Ethereal Goats

CLOSE

Once defeated the Boss will come over to yell at them, but the Patron will find the entire thing amusing and more importantly, another impressive demonstration of the player’s skills. He will invite them to the “House” for an important party next week.

CHAPTER 4: High Society

They've definitely been noticed now and have impressed with their ability, unconventional as it may be. They are invited to their patron's home, but not as guests. Though, they might think they were actually invited as guests! They have been brought in to help work the event held out at the Party Field. They will have to gather party supplies, help put up the tent, and then serve the actual guests. During the evening’s entertainment a hypnotist “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will mesmerize the crowd and attempt to rob them all. Hopefully the players don’t fall victim to her schemes. And if they do oh well, they’ll be entertained all the same.

ACT 1: Special Delivery

The players arrive at the Patron’s very nice property. They will be greeted by a properly dressed servant with a clipboard, the Party Planner. The Planner will be rigid and direct. They will immediately begin tasking them about. If they mention that they were invited to the party the servant will laugh “You didn’t think you were a guest? Oh dear, how embarrassing. You’re the help! It is still a great honor to be tasked to help at the Party, but you’re not guests. Now as for your current task. Head into town and gather these supplies. Bring them to the field by noon.” After the instructions are given the servant will go back to their tasks and expect the players to do the same. They will have three stops; The Crocked Crow for Food and Beer, Get Nailed for the Tent and Spirits, and Shalana Proud-Breed’s Tailor Shop to pick up the Dry Cleaning. Feel free to make any and all of these go sideways! Its a good place to toss in some shenanigans as well! They should also be introduced to Dr Hypnotika and her associates.
Things To do! - Go to their Patron’s Home - Meet the Party Planner and Dr Hypnotika - Run their Errands
NPC: Dr Hypnotika Dr Hypnotika and her group will perform for the party. Hypnotica is a Tiefling Mezmerist and illusionist. She has an obnoxiously high charisma and some pretty serious skills to back up her claims. However, she uses those skills to beguile her guests, robbing them blind while they are under her spells. She wears a fine robe with a bedazzled headwrap. She has dark upward spiraling horns, light purple skin, and matching eyes. She wears a monocle and walks with a ceremonially carved staff depicting the "Struggles of the Universe". She is extremely persuasive and even more deceptive. Even if someone were to grow suspicious she can easily talk her way out of trouble.
NPCs: Clapper and Bob Hypnotika brings with her two assistants. Clapper the suit wearing Kenku who will perform wondrous displays of mimicry and slight of hand, and her strongman Bob the Kobold. Bob wears a leopard print strongman's outfit and is amazingly swole, particularly for a kobold, and capable of lifting upwards of 400lbs. Bob doesn't do much else other than get hit with things. in the act.

ACT 2: Put up the Tent

After they finish running their errands they will be tasked with putting up a large party tent. This Act is an ongoing Skill Challenge and should have a constantly distracted feel to it. First they have to unpack the tent. Then they have to realize some pieces are missing, they’ll have to form a solution to that problem. After that wind should cause some problems as the tent is at least being pulled up. This is a great moment for some wondrous tom-foolery.
Things To do! - Unpack the tent - Deal with missing parts - Secure the tent during the wind gusts

ACT 3: Put These On

After they finish putting up the tent they’ll be sent to the Servant’s Quarters to bathe and change. They’ll get a little time to explore and snoop if they wish. Afterward they’ll be tasked with helping in the kitchen, but unfortunately the cooks are going to have been playing a drinking game all afternoon and are no longer fully capable of doing their jobs. This would make a great moment for some sort of mini-game where the players have to determine whether or not the cooks are doing the right things. Once the dinner has been completed they will have to serve the guests. This is a good place to insert gossip and help them meet a few other folks.
Things To do! - Get changed for the party - Deal with the drunk cooks - Serve the guests drinks and food

ACT 4: An Evening to Remember

At some point in the evening things are going to start sliding downhill. Some of the locals will have become extremely inebriated and will need to be encouraged to leave, or just moved off to the side as they’ve already passed out, before the show begins. Once the show begins the locals will become fixated on the goings on. “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will have put an additive in the drinks for the that will make everyone more susceptible to her powers of persuasion. Once the show starts she will have them all doing silly things, those who drank have disadvantage on saves against her powers. She will end the show asking the guests to display their most valuable treasure, a with a hypnotic pattern and then send her assistants out to collect those treasures. The players will have to “do something” about the thieves.
Things To do! - Deal with Drunks - Watch the Show - Stop the Criminals
ENCOUNTER: Hypnotika's Gang This encounter doesn't have to be a fight. If Hypnotika is caught she may claim it was all part of the act and simple return the valuables with a "no harm, no foul" type attitude. This will be he go to in an attempt to avoid a fight, but if the character persist in some kind of retribution or punishment the situation will devolve into a combat. Hypnotica herself is an Illusionist Wizard but is low on spells after the show. Clapper is a low level rogue and Bob a Barbarian, and should play out as such. Even with Skills they are combat adverse and will be looking for an opportunity to flee rather than fight. They do have a getaway wagon out front that they'll be headed for if things go south.

CLOSE

We’re assuming the Bumpkins at least attempted to stop the robbery. This will draw a lot of attention to them. Their Patron will be well pleased with them, and let them know they will be getting much more important jobs in the future. The guests will also take note and will begin treating them all a bit better. They’re all essentially Folk Heroes at this point for secondary backgrounds. Their Patron should reward them with something very nice as the party kicks back in. They will need to finish out the nights work of course.

QUEST-LINE CLOSING

Congratulations! Your Players have completed their first Quest-line! Hopefully it was a delightful experience. But now that they've finished what comes next? Well, here are some ideas.
Reward Them! They've been doing some rather Adventurous things lately, and therefore should now have a Class Level under their belt, so the real D&D world now opens to them! Maybe it is time for some real adventuring gear. No more sticks, stones, and burlap sack armor.
Folk Heroes? There's a good chance that the Valley is Speaking the News about them and their exploits while drinking in the taverns. They may have even earned the actual Folk Hero Feat! Maybe someone would be interested in giving them a task!
Simply Go Exploring! There are a lot of places in Green Valley that we only dipped our toes into. You could have them head down to Stinkmarsh, or maybe climb up the cliffs of Longridge. The world (Well, the Valley) is wholly open to them.
Explore Local Legends There are lots of local legends they can look into! Hopefully they search out something that isn't too far over their heads!
Continue Working for their Patron It would be an easy DM go to simply to have them continue working for their current Patron. They've probably been impressive enough fo a family to be interested in keeping them on.
Establish Themselves as Adventurers! Maybe they want to set up a Adventurers for Hire business? This "Heroes Guild" approach is really appealing to a lot of players and absolutely plays into Bumpkin Quest. Just remember, this is a place of low key problems that locals make really big deals out of. So the idea of slaying dragons shouldn't really be on the table... that is until an actual dragon shows up! Which one day absolutely should.

Cleaning your headset regularly will greatly increase its peak performance capability over a long time of using it. A VR headset is an investment after all, both in terms of money and time/energy. For something that you plan to continue using for years to come, do yourself a huge favor and make a habit of regularly cleaning your headset to guarantee it'll be working as well as it did on day one!
For starters, there are 3 essential items that every VR user should have in their kit:

1. The Lenspen - designed mostly for use with camera lenses, these little pens have a very fine brush on one end and a carbon sponge on the other: one side brushes dust and tiny particles away, while the other soaks up any sweat, oil, smudges or fingerprints left on the lens. No cleaners or moisture involved, so no residue or streaks - just perfectly clean lenses after a few swipes with the pen! Avoid the micro-tips though, and go with the regular sized ones.
2. Any decent electronics microfiber cloth will be worth its weight in gold for heavy VR users. Another tool in the kit focused mainly on keeping the lenses clean and clear, these cloths provide a quick easy option for getting a quick smudge off or what not. Works great in tandem with the lens pen, it can wipe up heavier smudges and fingerprints that the sensitive carbon tip of the lens pen may not be ale to on the first try.
3. The most contentious item of the three, but wipes are a must-have for most people. There's some debate about which wipes you should and shouldn't use on a VR headset, as the external plastic and silicone elements of the headset are sensitive to harsh chemicals and alcohol. I'd avoid using all-purpose cleaning wipes (Lysol, Clorox, etc.) and instead recommend fragrance-free makeup removal wipes. These are obviously skin-safe as opposed to all-purpose wipes, and will be much better for the silicone forehead pad and "curtain" element that goes around your eyes in terms of keeping the material soft and pliable. Harsh chemicals will make these black pieces turn grey and look "dusty", and also will stiffen them after continued use.

Another major tip that's mostly common sense but still always worth mentioning: NEVER leave your headset in direct sunlight! Make sure it's stored in a spot when not using it that is away from windows or anywhere that will expose it to direct sunlight. Regular room lighting is fine, but direct sunlight can severely damage the lenses of your headset and the sensitive optical technology directly behind them. Besides this, it can also cause yellowing of the white exterior plastic, and "bake" the silicone and stiffen it from UV exposure. As already mentioned, you really want to keep the soft parts of your headset protected and well-maintained: they're non-removable therefore non-replaceable, and they're already pretty fragile as it is, even without exposure to harsh chemicals or sunlight.
My last tip is a personal one that doesn't apply to people who've strung up their PSVR cord on the ceiling or in a similar management system. For those of us that play with the cord running the floor, keep that cord safe! One bad step on it and you'll be yanking your headset right off your head, or even worse, yanking the cord right out from its attachment to the headset. this unfortunately was a somewhat-common issue with PSVR1, with lots of support requests for disconnected cords from headsets. Keep in mind, this is a death sentence for your headset, totally non-repairable as far as Sony is concerned. All it takes to prevent this from happening to you is to simply tuck the cord into your waistband while playing. When you put your headset on, don't play with the cord running down your shoulder & chest in the front; instead, sling the cord over your shoulder so it's running down your back and tuck it into your waistband with enough slack on the cord to be able to swivel your head as far as you need. Problem solved! Now if you end up stepping on the cord, it will yank from your waistband instead of yanking directly on the headset - like those clips on old treadmills that automatically turned the speed down if the clip was yanked out.
I've been loving PSVR since its original inception and have been fortunate to avoid any issues throughout my time using PSVR 1 and 2, which I credit mainly to plain old good maintenance. If you like something, take care of it! I'm sharing this in hopes of others being able to enjoy PSVR with us for as long as possible. Being the most accessible format of VR available to most people, it's usually their starting point and they might not know some of these things. So, go forth with this info and keep having fun with your VR headset for as long as you can :)

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🫐 Blueberries Crave Home: (5ml bottle) Warm blueberry muffins, freshly baked bread, blueberry preserves, brown sugar, and gentle, creamy vanilla. $14
ASTRID
🥮 Tea Party Pound Cake: (8ml bottle) Lemon pound cake with lavender sugar glaze. $20
BPAL
🥀 Black Pepper, White Sage, and Tea Rose: (5ml bottle) $21
🪵Carved Wooden Soda Shop: (5ml bottle) A rootbeer float encased in cedarwood. $21
🍧Last summer froyo: (5ml bottle) cake batter froyo and gummy bears. (filled just above top of label). $18
DEATH&FLORAL
🪵Mossy Log single note (5ml rollerball) $9
⚰️ Let’s have a sleepover and conjure the dead: (5ml rollerball) 90’s blue body glitter and incense, blended with the wood from an aging ouija board covered in hall-closet dust. (2/3 full) $8
LUVMILK
🩹 Skinned Knees: (10ml rollerball) Dirt, grass, a bandaid, and the tiniest hint of a lollipop your mom gave you for being so brave. $8
MOONALISA
🥤Vanilla Cola: (1oz EDP) *80% full. $13
NAVA
🥧 Vanilla Pumpkin Pie: (5ml bottle) Decadent Crystalline/Kobalt/Crystal Vanilla's infused with Bastet's Vanilla Ice Cream and sweet creamy pumpkin. Spiced for the season: White Cinnamon, Black Clove, Australian Ginger and Indian Nutmeg. $18
NUI COBALT
🌼 Squash Blossom: (5ml bottle) Cocobolo wood, orris root, carrot seed, sunflower petals, mandarin zest, and acorn squash baked with brown sugar. $13
SOLSTICE SCENTS
🍎 Corvin’s Smoked Apple: (5ml rollerball) Applewood Smoke, Apple, Caramel, Benzoin, Guaiacwood. $13
WILD VEIL
🌺 Tropic of Hermes ☽•☾enfleurage perfume☽•☾: (1ml solid perfume) organic co-enfleurage of gardenia jasminoides, high-fragrance hyacinth, jasmine grandiflorum, and cabbage rose flowers from my gardens; blended with mimosa, pink citrus, tropical rhizomes, blue tree leaves, Indian agarwood attar, and wild Borneo camphor. $16

"You did WHAT?!" The half-completed apartment building was a dangerous ribcage affair of a building, wind easily guiding itself thru it at higher floors, of which there were four total. The entrance office was enclosed and hard to notice, so they'd parked in the nearby crew lot and walked before talking business, which Fennel was already regretting. "Hey, it's a fullproof way to do this stuff without attracting attention, like you said." Her contact with the Syracuse Runners was this wiry albino fox, red eyes and piercings adding to the shock of his white pelt and various tattoos, like the tiger stripes on his burly arms. Fennel thought an 80s action movie was missing an antagonist somewhere, but that was the point of this whole venture; to maintain attention. "She'll come here, we beat her near to death in the ensuing ambush, then we split that reward money fifty-fifty, it's easy as that." "Yeah? Well, genius, what if she decides to just show up now?" He held up a finger as his phone suddenly beeped a phone call, which he answered with a hands-free. "Talk to me... uh huh, did you pay him? Alright cool, once you get the go-ahead from D&D, tell 'em to sit tight at their hotel room until I call 'em, then we can get everyone paid and leave town, alright? Okay, good, set up at the look-out spot once you're here, we'll be waiting. Right, see ya." He hung up the phone and gestured purposefully with both arms. "You see? Everything's coming up roses, all we gotta do now is take her down." "WITHOUT killing her." Fennel said firmly, crossing her arms. "Without killing her, yeah sure." and the gang leader turned to meet his men outside. Fennel's bodyguards came down from upstairs, putting their suit jackets back on. "We checked it out, the real party's ready to go and the last of the extra team is about 10 minutes from here." "Alright, good, some news I can count on. Has Fez sent any further information?" One of them nodded. "Yeah, apparently this red-haired cat was talking with some striper earlier, our guy on the streets saw them and figured to call it in, he said they seemed on complete speaking terms." Fennel's eyes narrowed. "Could be a possible proxy or old partner, do we got any further leads on this guy?" "Only that he's the only northern raccoon the guy's seen in town recently, should make finding him a cinch." The wolf nodded, heading onwards with her entourage in tow. "Alright, that simplifies things; you guys see him at any time before we head home, you pull him off the streets, take him into the woods and slice him, and not a trace left behind, capisce?" "You got it boss, this chick's gonna be our main concern until we break her down, then we just find this dude and ice him." "Right, Moe? Starting to like working out here after all, how 'bout that?" They chuckled maliciously and left the skeletal building, but from up on a pile of particle-board slabs, Tom's head poked out a little and he let out a huge breath, his eyes darting wildly all over the place in mind-crushing trepidation. A step went awry and he fell to land on two feet, skidding backwards a bit to crash into a stack of pallets. Fear stung his mind again as he got up quickly and headed up his escape path, making it to the trees and falling breathless behind a wide-trunked spruce, trying to calm his mind. He'd taken a detour through the woods, but there was still a good 300 paces between the route and the gas station next to the Door. "Fuck... holy fuck, they're gonna kill me... shit, this--" He sat in that one spot for a long time, feeling a terror in his chest even as he somehow fell asleep with thoughts of losing it all ringing in his mind.
Shank of night was approaching, and Karilara Sunkiller was readying herself for a real fight, one that she intended to survive. The point she'd been trained for, and trained in her own time for, was maximum movement, keep the vitals out of the fight, and shoot first. She'd gotten into her old worn-in black jeans and tank top, which she further covered with custom combat armor, meant to maintain ease of movement while covering a few more than the standard weak spots. She frowned a bit while inspecting the plates and weave, wishing she had a better alternative. Still, these fools had called her out, and leaving the engagement area wide open was a mistake... a slightly obvious mistake, but maybe that was for the best. She unrolled an old weapons satchel and began to equip the blades. Throwing knives, a folding dagger she hid at the base of her tail, and then, a hunting knife with a dark crimson hue to the blade. She unsheated it and took a look over the finished sheen of it, putting the pommel to her eye to check the tang and tip, taking some copypaper and deftly slicing it in two with nary a hiss. It had been quenched and treated in special oils to allow a dangerous level of swiftness to its edge, and it was Kari's singular trophy she retained from her days as Death's Eyes. The scarlet color of the weapon shone blood red across her face from the light in her bathroom. The weapon went back into its sheath and the whole bargain was belted to her waist, along with her trusty K90 ten-mil pistol, taken apart and prepared for the occasion earlier. It wasn't the strongest pistol she owned, but the point was to wound and finish up close; if anything, she rarely used the weapon except for a few bad jobs and her escape from DEN. The monitor of her computer had an online map of the area in question, and the ingress/egress routes drawn in dry-erase marker, one of them leading off the road and into the wooded area. It was all in her mind now, and it was time to go. Kari took a while yet to braid her hair into a short bun at the back. Her armor and pride rode on keeping her back away from the enemy at all times, so she worried little about someone grabbing it. With one final tightening of straps and stares into the mirror, Karilara Sunkiller went to leave her room, looking over it for a moment, then headed downstairs and out to her car, leaving the darkened home behind as she crawled inside herself to unlock the chains of a killer that rested patiently there.
There wasn't much to describe of the surrounding area besides the road leading to the attack site. The evening sky was overcast and lent a spooky muted tone to anything he could see. Larry, the look-out spot was in a perfect spot with a long view down the main road, which would give him ample time to call it in, get back to the others, or just hit the dirt and remain quiet while the others got the work done. Equal shares, that's what their leader had said, so this would be easy. Any second now, the binoculars, the road, and his awareness would lead to a huge payout and easy street for the rest of the year, if not, more. Sure enough, a car's lights topped the small rise before heading into the slight downgrade before rising back up into view, only the car pulled off to the right and vanished. Larry blinked, checking the road again; there wasn't any other way to the site than this, maybe he was seeing things? Larry hastily returned to his watch, waiting quietly, breath fogging in slow sequence, his weapon loaded and phone fully charged, he was ready. A blade gently touched under his chin and throat, making him lock up completely. "How many." said a voice, not asking a question. "Fuck you." The blade slid faster than he could call out with a smooth, silent metallic ring in the air and a puff of red mist, the thicker liquid behind drooling from the thin slice across his throat, deep enough to sever vocals, and so wickedly fast. Larry was gone a second after he hit the ground and laid still. Kari wiped the blood off on his coat and hurried to the site down the way.
Tom gasped wildly, his memories tangled at the ankles in dreams before reality. It all came back to him, the site, the run back, the conversation at the site, the orders to find and kill him. He almost got up and ran in a random direction, better judgement holding him in place to plan first. The gradual bones of the building were still nearby, a couple hours had passed, and from a careful peek around the tree and immediate area, he could see the cars hidden behind the portable offices for the project site. Lights were on in the first floor area, the gangers from before were visible, but just as he leaned closer, he noticed some movement on the top floor. His ears turned and listened carefully... definitely voices and movement up there. Further movement caught his eye suddenly, from on top of the portables. A dark monster of some kind was crawling across the aluminum roof, but it took on a more real shape when the red hair and tail were spotted. "You've gotta be shitting me..." he whispered, watching Kari move like a spider, hopping off silently to move around to the sides and disappear thru a small doorway in the wall there. Somewhere between panic and preservation, perverse interest was beginning to mount and urge him on towards what might be something crazy. With his heart pumping a little faster, he hurried from the woods and across to a vantage point. He almost shouted in surprise at someone staring right at him in the window he looked into, only to recognize his reflection as he ducked back down in the throes of a micro-coronary. 'A clean window... I'd only ever heard stories.' he thought, wondering for the 33rd time if this was a good idea, only to hear a voice above him. "I'm just opening it to let the breeze in here." "Just get back over here, something doesn't feel right." Tom sank lower, his shoulders somewhere behind his ankles as he held still. Movement was heard now, up the stairs to the balcony overlooking the office. The raccoon slowly stood up to try and have a look around the office area. They were silent, looking around, guns drawn... there was a squawk, a noise, like when you bump into someone, heard from up high, then near-silent taps. Blood was on the air. "Jack! What's up there, dude, hey!" called their leader, with seven of his men closing ranks. A bouncing thud was heard and something had fallen into the first floor. One of them produced a flashlight and pointed it towards the sound. It was a severed head. Sounds of terror and surprise followed, clicking of hammers, more flashlights now. Tom felt his mouth go warm and wet, portending vomit, but he held in check, looking around for the red-haired woman... something hit the ground heavily to their right and the bullets went chasing after it, the biomancers eyes growing wider as he saw it happen. The headless body had gone in one direction, Kari went the other, landing at their backs now as they turned to shoot, and she attacked. Her movements were continuous, impactful, touch-and-go, almost a dancer's grace. A knife flashed in the dark, and arms went around where it sailed past before their owner fell to their knees and collapsed. Two or three entanglements got more of the group injured or killed outright, one especially for certain as she held him as a bullet shield as a volley of blasts went her way. Gunfire erupted again, chasing the blue-eyed shadow aside, a gagging sound following from the attacker feeling a thin metal needle go into their open mouth. The attacker drew her own gun and fired twice, two shots blowing a splatter of red against the wall. There was only one left now, and barely 23 seconds had passed. "Oh FUCK this!" the fox grunted, laying down more bullets rapidly to force Kari back behind cover as he ran up the unfinished access stairs which lacked walls. The snow leopard wiped her blade off on the sleeve of one of the dead men, exhaling for a moment to assess her body quickly. In the confusion, she'd actually been attacked a few times, but seemed unhurt. She got a thumb under her sweater and lifted it, making Tom feel like looking another direction, only to see one bullet had struck home on the armor. As adrenaline ebbed, he could actually see she was breathing a bit labored; the flattened bullet was low and to the left, definitely struck a rib. Kari dug the slug loose with her knife and sheathed it, hurrying to the stairs to finish the job, leaving Tom to consider how to follow for a bit. That was when he heard the shout of 'NOW!' and football-arena lights erupt from the third floor landing. "That can't be good!" he said under his breath, moving into the atrium gingerly to try and see up above. There were probably 14 of them, all too big and almost arm to large arm. Kari began marking off targets in her mind, but it would be a terrible squeeze. It would hurt, and she was fine with that, it would really hurt, and she was fine with that... but capture was tantamount to death, so that she was not fine with, and would prevent at all costs. The hallway 'ledge' might be her only shot, but two stories down without a minute to prepare could cause a broken leg or arm. Many variables, all of them pointing to a grim conclusion. No capture. "She's cut off, get her!" someone shouted, and they came at her and she came at them. A haymaker greeted her first, dodged, a second attack stopped in a spray of blood as she clawed at the exposed side, aiming a hard kick up at the third, but three more were already upon her. Kari raked out and hissed, putting her foot hard into the side of an exposed knee to extend in sideways. The owner shrieked in pain, but Kari felt two blows, and another begin hitting home, so she dove through the opening and tried to get clear from the four behind them. Another fist cut across her face, all the shouting and yelling from her and them was gathering into a fever pitch, she was throwing fists and kicks, but could barely see from the mob striking at her from all directions. Someone pulled her back, and the racket was muffled by bodies as she was kicked at from the left and right, her arms crossed over her face and chest to guard. One hand closed around something, a brick, and she managed to hold it hard and punch its dense weight into what shins she could, managing to make enough room to get back up and go on the attack again, putting two of them down hard with savage brick-slams to the head. Suddenly, an explosion went off behind her and she went down to barely stop on one knee: her back stung like it had been ripped off and replaced again, she'd been shot and it went thru the armor just behind her right shoulder. Winded and wounded, she collapsed to the floor, motionless, hair hanging from the tight braids. The assembled attackers stayed around her, out of breath and some clutching at hard injuries. "Fuck... aaahh-- fuck, the bleeding won't stop.." "Did we get her? Someone make sure she's still breathing." "Hold still, man, I think your skin is flapping off." "AAAAHH! DON'T TOUCH IT!" "Moe! Hey, someone get the med kit, he's not breathing!" The damage sustained from the attacks were enough to hopefully repair, but Kari was facedown and feeling her body alive with pain, wisely trying to breathe shallow to appear harmless. Hands suddenly grasped her from behind and hauled her around on her knees, bent before the doorway as her breathing came in low, labored gasps. It hadn't gone well, and there could be more in reserve. What the feline wasn't expecting to see was Fennel, who had flipped her off only two days ago now, stepping out of the shadowed doorway to close the distance. A zip-tie closed at Kari's wrists and her odds shrank significantly. Fennel put a finger under the snow leopards chin to meet her face-to-face. "Hey, bitch, guess you've been having a pretty nice fuckin' time of it, yeah?" Heavy breathing only responded, Kari's face contorted in anger. "Well, don't expect us to lose any sleep over those guys you killed or anyone in your career, no... we're here because one specific job." Kari felt inwardly lucky; this Fennel woman seemed to have a need to talk, a perfect way to buy time. It was a long time ago, but she had ways of escaping zip-ties. "You're gonna have to refresh my memory here, sweetheart," she managed, coughing only once, "I've killed a lot of people." Fennel's eyes narrowed and she began to pace, Kari barely resisting rolling her eyes at this move. "2005, it was," said the wolf, "an old villa house in a secluded area of Campigliano, the home of a very important old man, one Allesandro Gabriele Russo." Kari thought for a moment, her ears pointing up as she pretended to vaguely remember "Oh, him! Head of a rogue crime syndicate that was attempting to muscle in on the Cosa Nostra operations setting up in Salerno. Yeah, entire crew found dead on the scene, and apparent leader stabbed once and left burning in a hearth like the old trash bag he was, THAT Allesandro Gabriele Russo?" Fennel looked beyond enraged, and decided to let a hard kick to Kari's nose provide the rebuttal. Her face exploded in cold pain, she felt something crunch in her nose and she bent forward, nearly falling onto the poured concrete to cough again, blood pouring from her onto the floor. She laughed somehow and leaned back as she sat up, feeling her options shrinking and somehow, not minding so much, or so it appeared and sounded. "Ha ha, heh.. kffh hnhh... oh wow, I haven't been beaten like this since prom night. Look, if you're gonna kill me or take me back to them for the reward, let's hurry it up already, can we?" Composure managed to return to the wolf woman's attitude and she came closer again to hunker down with a psychotic glint in her eye. "Oh, it'd be easy and a better use of time, no doubt. But you see, you killed my great grandfather, ruined my family's wealth in the subsequent criminal charges and all, and broke my father's heart... so no, we're not going anywhere." She had cupped Kari's cheek here before patting it gently and getting up again. "You gotta understand two things I got to work with here: one, the contact from DEN just said alive, not necessarily intact, and two, when I put the word out for people interested in this gig, I made sure to find some scum, I mean real monsters here, the kind of people that can't be trusted with pictures of a playground." There was sinister chuckles and calls from behind Kari and she began to feel a sting of actual worry, trying to hurry up with her wrists. "Once these disgusting reprobates are done holding you down and violating your fucking brain to pieces, we're gonna take some of these here medical tools and cut you down to size by numbers. We even brought a doctor to make sure you're alive when we toss what's left at the feet of this Bear guy." 'Come on, hands...' Kari thought wildly, almost stuck in the zip-ties now. Fennel smiled viciously, her back teeth exposed in the killers grin. "Gotta admit, this'll be fun to watch. Alright, you sick fucks, she's all yours." As a foot was pressed to her shoulder, Kari opted to make a quiet, scared noise all of a sudden. The others were still coming closer, but Fennel held up a palm and they stopped. "What?" said Fennel. Kari shook and trembled, feeling the terrible visions the imagination produced of her damnable fate. "Oh god, it's the end... let me just say something fast." The wolf huffed a bark of laughter and crouched close, shaking her head. "Always such badasses until you clip those wings... what is it, bitch?" "The... oh god-" and she whined a little, her head hung and trying to breathe, "Just remember this next time you have to kill someone, please!" "What about it, cunt?" Kari's palm slid up the other and relocated into place, and she smiled a skull-like grin.
"Just kill them."
All at once, she sprung out onto Fennel's torso like a cobra, her free hands scratching and raking at whatever she could reach, the wolf's going berserk as she shouted in pain while clawing and kicking at the serpentine assailant. The others recovered from the stunning instant and moved to attack her, but faltered as Fennel's screams became a wild shriek of agony, rising in pitch as Kari's head pulled back, one blood-soaked paw holding her down. Clamped in her sharp teeth, at the end of a long, stretched line of viscera and optic nerve, was a dark brown eyeball, coming free with a snap. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHAAAAAAA!!" Kari looked coldly into Fennel's shocked face as the moment froze in aghast eternity, her jaws holding the little fleshy ball up before smiling again and chomping it with a wet splatter and taking off to run to the stairs to the third floor. The goons were coming, she had to hurry. Clamored voices from below; they'd cut off the stairwell. Kari lungs were working like bellows as she gained distance down a 3rd story hall. With a little luck, the scaffolding could be a way down, if she had one good jump in her. It was on the left side of the building, she was almost there as the footsteps neared from behind, but the incomplete walls vanished fast and the jump was before her. 'Jump, take the landing, roll with the impact.' she hurriedly thought before turning to get a sprinting start back. As she turned, it all happened in slow motion. The loading mechanism advanced a shell into the barrel, and the quiet clicking of the trigger pull barely registered before there was an explosion and an impact that knocked wind and mind from her. She flew backwards so suddenly, the snow leopard might've seen her own tail. She tried to turn in mid air, but only glanced her arm across an unseen fixed pipe. It was definitely broken, and the pain threatened to blur out her senses. She turned more now and felt a dull explosion at her back this time, and the limit was reached. Her autonomic system seemed to have shut her down for reboot, and when she fell with a thwack to the poured cement below, she barely felt anything. One weak attempt at rising proved nothing and the lights went out all at once, leaving her at the worlds' mercy.

Normally I'm a 2-bag traveller: 40L backpack, ILE Travel Pack as of late, &15L-40L shoulder bag, usually a TB Western Flyer or ILE Arid Duffle
Well, for an upcoming trip I need a max size check-in bag (dimensions sum = 62, 70lb weight limit) so what to get? I have some old B&R experience here, but was looking for "the one" and here's what I came up with:
Softside vs Hardside
For me there is very little reason to get a hard side for check-in:

• Annoying clam-shell opening, though some like B&R are 80/20
• Can shatter
• Get beat to hell looking real fast
• No security advantage (due to TSA locks)
• Heavier

Soft-side bags avoid most all of these downsides and my 15 year old B&R softside check-in has been to 3 continents many times with zero problems, so I was pretty set on no hard side but nevertheless here are my research findings:
Rimowa
80% owned by LVMH. Unless you're flying private, why? The aluminum *will* get dented and will look like crap almost instantly, the poly is the same, but less so. Some call this damage "patina" though IMO it's more using the wrong tool for the job. They also have a nice internal compression system.With that, these are the best rolling bags BY FAR, so for carry-on I would ABSOLUTELY get an Original Cabin aluminum ... but I don't have a roller for carry-on soooo.... Rimowa has a deal with (Porsche &) Lufthansa so you might get some size flex there if you're over-size / weight. Lifetime limited warranty ("RIMOWA’s lifetime guarantee does not apply to cosmetic wear and tear, misuse or abuse, damages caused by negligence or accident by any third party, particularly flight or transport damages.")
TUMI
100% Owned by Samsonite. Their new hardsides have some Rimowa-beating features like soft-fall handles and latches that sound like a g-wagon, plus their divider system is great and makes storing/retrieving a laptop from a packed bag easy, though this only matter for carry-on. Also excellent rolling, though not quite up to Rimowa's level. Great softside options, partnerships with racing brands like Ducati & McLaren. 5 year limited warranty, with a LOT of complaints. "For years two through five, we do not cover damage caused by airlines or other transit damage"
Briggs & Riley
100% owned by United States Luggage Company (private) with the 2nd brand being Solo. This is not the fashion/luxury brand like the other two and will be under-the-radar so if you care about bling, this isn't your brand. Of the 3, B&R has the best warranty, i.e., full lifetime "simple as that" including self-repair kit options for broken wheels etc which is handy if you want to be proactive and carry, say, spare wheels with you. The B&R wheels around well but a somewhat worse experience than either Tumi or Rimowa; not bad, just not the cloud Rimowa is. B&R also gets dinged for wiggly handles, though they claim this is a feature to prevent sticking and I tend to agree as other German engineered products I own have this same "feature" and explanation from the engineers. B&R bags are ~10%-20% cheaper, but also lack luxury feel features like the soft-return handles and baller latches. In general B&R feels like the best normal product whereas Tumi and Rimowa feel like luxury products, for better & worse. One killer feature of B&R is the handle on the outside so you can pack flat - awesome! B&R co-brands with Jet Blue and have a "simple as that" lifetime warranty ("Our simple as that® guarantee means if your bag is ever broken or damaged, we will repair it free of charge, no proof of purchase needed, no questions asked.")
AWAY
Private female-owned startup of former Warby Parker employees who may sell. Of the cheaper priced (eg., Monos, Beis, Travel Pro, etc) hard-side check-in bags, Away is the best quality at a great price. While everything about the bag is far Away (get it??) from the first 3, maybe you don't want or need those features and so $400 gets you a great bag, albeit with fewer features (I'm ignoring the battery). Away partners with other startups like Harry's and has a damn good warranty, limited lifetime, but less limited than Rimowa/Tumi.
** TLDR and In Conclusion *\*

• Rimowa is luxury, and the best wheeling bag, period, however prone to damage and getting a bit long in the tooth feature-wise. Not check-in material IMO.
• Tumi is mostly luxury, and has great luxury touches like their handles, latches, and handle, but their warranty is janky with many complaints (e.g., new ruined bags not covered)

Thus, IMO, both of these brands are carry-on only
​

• Briggs & Riley is a basic looking bag built about as tough as you can get with the ability to travel with spare parts, and the soft-side can take a ton of abuse and not look worse for it thus making for a dependable check-in bag

Overall, I've ordered 2 B&R check-in size softside bags as they seem the most able to absorb bag smasher abuse and give me the option to field repair them.
I typed all of this up because I have nobody else to tell & you're the only people I know who may care.

So, like many others, I think the grenadier is a great vehicle with an absurd price for what it is and isn’t. Lots of the additional options are not quite what I’m looking for anyway, and would either do it right myself, or get 3rd party options fitted. I’ve heard about (but can’t find links to) aftermarket modifications that may allow me to simply buy (just about) the base model and mod from there for cheaper and better. Has anyone heard more (with links?) about options I’ve heard mentioned for: * Rocksliders but with steps * A compatible lift kit and modified wheel arch panel mods for 35’s * An alternate roof top like Alu Cab (this would probably impact if I got the safari windows or not) * Modifications for an increased gas tank size or secondary tanks? * Steering stabilizer height modifications for increased under body protection panels (it sits very very low)
I’m sure the clarity on these being possibilities or eventualities effect others decision for preordering as well.
I’ll be looking at an aftermarket front winch for the grenadier (assuming I buy one), aftermarket blind spot detection, and rear view mirror camera system (cause you cannot see out the back of this thing).
Thanks, and appreciate any info or help here. As the vehicle is new, I’m sure a lot of this is “wait and see”, but I’d really like to know the latest rumors or see links on these things.

I have a gastric emptying study next week so I don’t KNOW if I have gastroparesis but it seems to really explain things. After having my gallbladder removed (completely a surprise infection, I had NO IDEA I had gallbladder issues until then) I started getting really sick after eating— fatigue, nausea, cramping, bloating, and generally just feeling like I’ve eaten a FEAST when I’ve eaten like half a sandwich. I thought at first it was just a slow recovery but it’s been a long time and I met a GI who really doesn’t think my symptoms are directly gallbladder related and I agree. I also had a really long episode of cyclical vomiting syndrome, which I was just diagnosed with. I think I had CVS my whole life, though I could go years without episodes until now. The gastroparesis symptoms are constant but the CVS symptoms are episodic, so the diagnosis of 2 separate conditions makes a lot of sense to me. He gave me no prescriptions and actually instead told me I need to stop using THC as an antiemetic/analgesic so it’s really like I came out with LESS medicine.
I’m feeling really overwhelmed. On top of those diagnoses, I have a history of severe bulimia as a kid. Looking back, I have no idea how I survived that. These episodes of vomiting have been so bad I’ve lost consciousness. I have no energy because I’m eating so little. I have symptoms of malnutrition too, which I think caused some bruising and rashes on my body too, not to mention weakness, fatigue, and low blood pressure.
On top of all of this I have chronic migraines that make me really nauseous too. But with the post-meal nausea it’s different because it just rides up my esophagus without much warning. 2 weeks before my surgery, I finally figured out that I had a lot of food triggers, which included a lot of my favorite foods. It hurt my relationship with food a lot but I had hope I would adjust.
I feel so weak all the time. I got a partial medical leave at work and have a meeting soon to talk about the future but I just don’t know. I feel like my symptoms are never going to go away and I just have to learn to live with being so sick forever. I used to be a big chef, passionate about cooking/baking, with a food blog and everything, constantly hosting dinner parties. The worst symptom of all I think is just the fact that cooking has been crushed for me because I so rarely want to eat. Most foods make me sick or bring me pain or excessive bloating. Even if not, I’m so scared of vomiting that I avoid food. I feel like so much joy has been taken from my life.
What’s been really hard lately is after seeing my GI a couple weeks ago, I realized I had lost ~30 pounds. I’ve dropped 2 pant sizes (not to mention that I’m losing my ass 😭). I spent this weekend thrifting new clothes. But it’s stressful to think that my size might either continue going down fast, or maybe I’ll be healed soon and gain it all back. It’s starting to trigger a lot of old eating disorder thoughts and even though I am recovered enough to know that’s not how I want to think, I don’t totally trust myself to know whether any of this is psychosomatic, or if I’m just not pushing myself enough. My do tor said “try to eat more” and I just started crying. I’m scared to eat and emotional when I think too much about it.
I just can’t see a finish line here, and I feel extremely hopeless. Do people with gastroparesis ever return to normal? I know my CVS ad migraines are forever. I just need some hope. I’m snappy, grumpy, anxious, tired, and often in pain. I want my old self back.

I saw a post in here asking if Bridezillas are born or made and I thought I'd share my story. I am on mobile so apologies for any formatting errors. Apologies, its super long...
For context me and my FH are getting married in August. We really debated on having a big wedding and reception vs eloping for a number of reasons:
1) My grandma died 6 months before my engagement and I could not fathom the idea of planning and having a wedding without her. 2) My dad is an abusive alcoholic and our whole family crashed and burned like 1 month before my engagement and I went super LC. So no support from my dad, a lot of tension and hurt, plus no daddy daughter dance. 3) I work a very demanding job that I am very passionate about so I did not want to spend a lot of time and energy planning a wedding.
We ended up having a wedding and reception because my FH really wanted a wedding and reception, and in a way I did too, just the whole idea of planning was super overwhelming and I was / still am not in the best place mentally and emotionally, having experienced a lot of loss recently. Plus my mom was really excited about it and knowing she too had experienced a lot of loss and trauma way worse than me, I wanted to do anything I could to make her feel better. However there were 2 conditions that I had:
A) I was very clear with my FH that this was not MY wedding it was OUR wedding so we would both equally participate in the wedding planning and decision making. B) We would plan over a long period of time so it would not get to crazy (1 year and a half).
It is also important to note that I am the first niece, grandchild and cousin to get married on both sides of the family, plus I am the first person to get married in my friend group, so everyone is excited x10 for my wedding, which will come into play later.
Now on to every single incident that has happened:
First incident: booking a wedding company
The shitstorm started almost as soon as planning started. We decided to seek wedding packages were many things were included along with the venue to limit the number of vendors we would have to deal with. So I contacted a bunch of comoanies seeking a quote, the thing is we had a very clear budget that we would not compromise on because we did not want to put ourselfs in a bad spot financially because of a wedding. Well let me tell you getting an actual number from venues is next to impossible, they all want you to tour the venue, check their ig, tell them all about the wedding, etc. I tried to be polite at first but then had to simply draw the line and tell them that I do not want to waste my time and theirs if they are not within our budget. But it did not end there, once I got a quote and told them they were too expensive for us, they would not let it go, it was a bunch of calls, text, e-mails trying to convience me to book them, some would be polite and just hype themselves, but others even resorted to shaming me for not caring about the biggest day of my life, telling me money comes and goes, etc.
After a 3 month search we ended up booking a company we both liked that worked with out budget, and once I got to tell these people I had already booked someone else, most of the pushing stopped, but one company continued to contact me speaking ill of the company we booked.
Second Incident: Save the Date
As soon as the venue / company was booked we sent the Save The Dates literally one whole year before the wedding. Well, 3 weeks after we sent the Save the Date, I get a temper tantrum form a family member because she had a trip planned and she wanted me to change the wedding. She told me how I always said my wedding would be in the fall, and I was prioritizing my FH's family, etc. Yes I had always said I'd get married in October like my parents, but with my parents separating under the worse conditions, and since SIL, who lived in the other side of the world could only come over the summer I was more than happy to send October to the curve. And I was not prioritizing FH's family we were prioritizing immediate family over extended family.
Now I have no issue with them missing the wedding but to actually complain about me not asking her about their availability was so absurd to me. Plus they had a whole year of heads up to rearrage the vacation if they wanted to, which they ended up doing.
Third Incident: Wedding Attire Shopping
This is more a series of incidents but I am putting them all here because they relate to finding my wedding dress / outfit.
Dress shopping was aweful, I am convinced that if I ever go to hell I'm going to be trying on dress after dress for all eternity.
For context I am currently struggling with hormonal issues and went from 125 pounds to 165 pounds in 6 months so trying on clothes in general, but specially wedding dresses was super triggering.
Originally I wanted an second hand dress since it is more eco and budget friendly. I serched for a couple of months and found nothing I was at that weird midsize range in which I am to big for the average sizes but too small for plus size, so I had to buy new.
I went in with what I thought was a pretty good budget, the equivalent in my currency of US$1.5-2k... boy was I wrong. They kept offering me dresses that were too expensive for me like 2.5k, 3k, etc. As I kept turning them down, because again I was sticking to my budget, the lady helping me kept getting more and more rude, ro the point she undressed me with the door open in front of all of the staff, my mom and friends (including men). I almost cried.
I also had to spend all day being body shamed by everyone and hearing how I had to lose weight when I knew I wouldn't / couldn't because there is something wrong with my body. Plus my biggest worry is not how I fill my wedding dress, but actually how this affects my reproductive health and fertility.
Eventually I found a dress I could afford at another store. Everything was good until the first dress fitting rolled around, they informed me for the 1st time that the fittings could not be done on the weekend (once the dress was fully paid mind you). This was very upsetting because I could not / did not want to miss work, and make my life super comolicated and stressful at work. This is the first time I went full bridezilla on anyone... I told them it was very unprofessional to not include this policy on their store, their website nor my contract, if they had actually informed me this beforehand as they are legally required to, I would not have purchased my dress with them. I told them either they see me on a saturday (within the hours listed) or they can issue a refund. They agreed to see me on a saturday.
Shoe shopping was also a nightmare since the person I bought my shoes from would ghost me for weeks.
Fourth Incident: Decisions, Decisions, Decisions
This is also a series of incidents that all fall into one category.
My FH is not very good at decorations so when picking the color scheme of the wedding I came up with 3 or 4 options I liked and he chose his favorite. When my mom found out she called me on a rant about how my wedding had to be pink since I loved pink and this was MY day. I calmly told her this is the colors WE picked for OUR day and I liked them. Mind you I love pink but I never ever wanted a pink wedding, I always thought pink felt too bride centric and I did not like the feeling thst a cotton candy cupcake monster had just swallowed me.
Then the vendor nightmare, although we hired a company that offered a very inclusive package, they still had people in charge of different aspects, i.e. they had a catering person, set up person, flower person, etc. Plus there were some vendors we hired on our own, like the photographer. So FH as I decided to split the vendors so he would deal with some people and I would deal with others, for some of the more important stuff we asked them to send all communications to the group chat since we did not want to risk me not seeing it and delaying anything.
I kid you not most vendors time and time again would text me in private, even after me asking them to text the group chat or FH, as applicable. Plus they would text me to confirm the desicions y FH was making. I understand that this is how some people might want things done, but I have told them time and time again that I trust FH, that this is his wedding too and that this is our agreement... in one ear and out the other. I am so tempted to tell them for the 5th time that FH is in charge of this and just block them.
It is soo inportant to note that I am super busy with work, have ADHD, my hormones are crazy, and I am not in the best headspace going through 2 griving processes, I simply do not have the brain capacity to keep track of all this stuff. On the other hand FH was moved to a different role with less time sensitive work and claims to be in the best mental health shape ever, thanks to me, so he is really happy to take on the heavier load of wedding planning. Plus we are really good at communicating and reaching solutions that work for the both of us, it is aweful that wedding vendors simply cannot be empathetic to our situation and respect the agreements we have as a couple.
Fifth Incident: The Last Staw were we went full bridezilla / groomzilla
Background: there were some things the package we got did not include and had been asking for recomendations for months, plus other things that were not included and the company we hired required, like lighting, however we were not aware of this extras.
So like 3 months before the wedding we get a text from our wedding planner with a quote of all of the extras which would increase our budger 20%. We were shocked and very upset. We rejected all of the extras we could and only kept the barre minimum that was absolutely necessary.
Shortly theteafter we get a text from the sales person of thr company letting us know they would be opening a hotel next to out venue and we could either book it or let other people go through our wedding to get to the hotel.
The issue: We had already booked a different hotel with them further away, and we were required to book the whole hotel and if our guest did not use the rooms, we'd still have to pay for them.
I was very upset because: A) My other grandma and my FH's uncle are very sick and having a room to lay down really close to the wedding venue would be perfect. B) Having other people constantly going through our wedding seemed like a nightmare specially since as per our contract we were liable for any damages to the venue caused during the wedding.
So I called the sales person to try to negotiate a solution, I had a bunch of proposals including: granting a release for the damages caused during the wedding or letting us release the other hotel and book the new one. He was having none of it he was super rude and condescending, not letting me talk, not hearing my proposals and trying to mansplain contract law to me (a lawyer whose practice includes contract law). I kept raising my voice since he would not let me talk (wrong on my part) but eventually told me he would make a different proposal. I told him I would not hang up until I had it in writing, but he hung up on us.
Both my boyfriend and I sent vn to the groupchat and to the director of the company. He was as mad as I have ever seen him, I was in tears.
FH told them he could not believe how disrespectful the sales person had been and how he would not tolerate this level of disrespect to his future wife.
I told them that they had constantly disregarded our wishes and failed to inform us many things in a timely manner including the hotel, which made me think they did not care about our wedding. So I asked them to confirm they actually cared or if they wanted to they would refund us all the money paid and we could go our "marry" way.
One of the higher ups called later that day apologized profusely and agreed to let us release the other hotel and book the new one, which worked for us. And things have been looking up.
Other minor things that happened
My invites included some hotels that offered a discounted rate to our guests. A family member called me to complain about the hotel rates and sent the link to a motel demanding I include it in the invitation. Mind you this is not a destination wedding, we are getting married in a venue one town over 1 hour or 1.5 hours away from were we live which is a common vacation spot for the people in our city. Kind of like the hamptons and NYC, but closer. Guests are not required to stay at any of the hotels listed. Many of them have rest homes there, many are choosing to get an AirBnB and some are even driving back the same day.
A family member sent a picture of a white dress with a black trim asking if it was okay to wear. Idc about standing out in my wedding, but why whould she want to wear white is beyond me. I said its okay because I wanted to avoid drama and I don't cate too much, but it definelty rubbed me the wrong way, I feel like I should not have to be answering this kinds of questions.
Another family memeber demanded I resend my STD one week before the invites were to be delivered because some people had forgotten and if I did not remind then they would not come to the wedding. She was offended when I told her the wedding was still almost 4 months away and I understood if some people could not make it, but it was on them if they did not save the date when they got the save the date.
Another thing that happened was that everyone was very excited for my wedding being the first pf my generation getting married so they all wanted to throw me an event or something, a bachelorette, a bridal shower, an engagement party, etc. The issue was that they offered to throw a party I very easily could live with out and then expected me to pay for it / plan it.
Not everyone, some people actually did threw awesome parties with little involvement from me and I apareciste them soo much.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading.

Seeing how I was downvoted in the last post with the characters getting perks, now I will make quotes of the characters getting guns. There are two types of guns that I think would do well, wall guns and box guns. There will be seperate quotes for each weapon or type of weapon depending on the character and we will do this in character order. Depending on the size of the map, the box will move every few guns made when someone gets a teddy bear. Now remember, this is the Jingle to the Mystery Box.
Takashi Komura
"Well an over under Shotgun, don't see if this can be much help?" Purchasing the Olympia
"At least I can try to figure out what to do with this, I think Rei has a better idea than me." Pruchasing the M14
"Something to keep me light on my feet, might be running back and forth to get more ammo for this." Purchasing the MPL or PM63
"Well a Pump action, wait wasn't this supposed to have a scope?" Pruchasing the Stakeout
"Well if my legs want to, I guess I can keep running or ditch one of these." Pruchasing the Mp5k, MP40 or AK-74U
"A little boy with his favorite toy!" Purchasing the M16
"Explosive barricades, might come handy in a pinch." Purchasing Claymores
"Restocked and ready for more!" Purchasing grenades
"Wait why is there a knife digging into my inventory space?" Purchasing the Bowie Knife
"Well sensing something happy that this box will give me. I would take my chances." Getting an Assault Rifle or Spectre from the box
"AUG more like AUG-SOME!" Getting the AUG from the box
"Wow this must be heavy, I don't think I want to develop problems from carrying this thing for too long." Getting a light machine gun from the box
"Time to blow some heads off!" Getting a Shotgun from the box
"Fighting me up close isn't fair, and now I get a SNIPER RIFLE?!?" Getting a Sniper from the box
"Now the entire crowd will have to see what someone like me has in store!" Getting an explosive weapon from the box
"Don't know if this would be much use?" Getting the Ballistic Knife from the box
"God why are you so cruel some times?!" Getting a Pistol from the box
"Don't know if its one or two?" Getting dual wield pistols from the box
"Wait what is this supposed to do again?" Getting a Ray Gun from the box
"Wow this should be interesting." Getting the wonder weapon of the map
"Just you and me my fuzzy pal, now lets go kill some zombies." Getting monkey bombs from the box
"Hey box! FUCK YOU!" Getting a teddy bear from the box
Kohta Hirano
"A shotgun with the highway in its barrels, I can't see if this would cause an accident." Purchasing the Olympia
"Hey this used to be my favorite gun to get from the wall." Pruchasing the M14 or MP40
"Ammo count is low and the rate of fire isn't going to help." Purchasing the MPL or PM63
"Well if they want to get up close and personal, I'm ready for them." Pruchasing the Stakeout
"Hey looks like I got something light and portable. Time to watch this kid run." Purchasing the Mp5K or AK-74U
"This is a little off balance... wait doesn't this thing come with an underbarrel grenade launcher?" Purchasing the M16
"Now I want to be careful as this might trip someone up." Purchasing Claymores
"Well now I don't need to wait between rounds to get more grenades." Purchasing grenades
"I think this thing was useful for the first ten rounds, why did it have to become obsolete?" Purchasing the Bowie Knife
"Well me and my friends would always bet 950 on the Mystery Box." Getting an Assault Rifle or Spectre from the box
"Well someone could say I am happy." Getting the Commando from the box
"Time to go full Rambo on the zombies." *Laughs* Getting a light machine gun from the box
"I bet there is one where you can dual wield a Shotgun." Getting a Shotgun from the box
"Do you really think I need to be across the map for the perfect shot?" Getting a Sniper from the box
"No refunds from this party cannon zombies." Getting an explosive weapon from the box
"What am I supposed to do with this? Go down?" Getting the Ballistic Knife from the box
"I try my best to accept everything I can get in life but this something I don't want to take." Getting a Pistol from the box
"Akimbo with these things? This could be interesting." Getting dual wield pistols from the box
"This brings back fun memories!" Getting a Ray Gun from the box
"This looks... odd... I bet it can be useful." Getting the wonder weapon of the map
"I remember I wasn't fond of that mister monkey." Getting monkey bombs from the box
"Why did someone like me have to roll that dreaded teddy bear?" Getting a teddy bear from the box
Rei Miyamoto
"I am happy and ready to fight!" Purchasing the Olympia
"Wee! This is my favorite rifle!" Pruchasing the M14
"I wish I could hold another one of these with my other hand." Purchasing the MPL or PM63
*Laughs* "Look at this pitful thing, it was very expensive if we aren't to pay for its upkeep!" Pruchasing the Stakeout
"One two three four, these guns are in my... how does it go again?" Purchasing the Mp5k, MP40 or AK-74U
"I don't like the mechanics of this gun." Purchasing the M16
"I completely forgot what these did again." Purchasing Claymores
"Strapping extra explosives to my body is a good idea? Right?" Purchasing Grenades
"Well time to stab and slice them to ribbons! Ribbons for Takashi." Purchasing the Bowie Knife
"Well if someone says fortune could make a lady like me smile, this could mean first love." Getting an Assault Rifle or Spectre from the box
"A nice cushion for my chest." Getting the FN FAL from the box
"I would definitely lay down and mount this thing to my body." Getting a light machine gun from the box
"Birds, seeds, slugs, deer. This has it all." Getting a Shotgun from the box
"Definitely reminds me of the scope of my rifle. I want to mount it to the M14." Getting a Sniper from the box
"Definitely want to take down the horde with this." Getting an explosive weapon from the box
"Gah I don't like using knives up close." Getting the Ballistic Knife from the box
"Why do you hate me box?" Getting a Pistol from the box
"Hooray! This makes me very happy!" Getting dual wield pistols from the box
"This is... MINE!" Getting a Ray Gun from the box
"Wee! This weapon would look to be a lot of fun." Getting the wonder weapon of the map
"A fuzzy little friend for someone like me." Getting monkey bombs from the box
"Where are you going box, did you dump me or something? Do you not like me?" Getting a teddy bear from the box
Saya Takagi
"Argh, I'm not a fan of double barrels." Purchasing the Olympia
"Who wants to reform the M14 Gang?" Purchasing the M14
"A little gun but it should have a deadly output of lead!" Purchasing the MPL or PM63
"Time to make their little heads go... boom!" Purchasing the Stakeout
"Something to keep my time occupied with their moans as they collapse to my feet." Purchasing the Mp5K or AK-74U
"The MP40! WUNDERBAR!!" Purchasing the MP40
"A three round burst of... DEATH!" *Laughs maniacally.* Purchasing the M16
"Time to see their legs shatter into a hundred pieces!" Purchasing Claymores
"This makes a girl like me very happy." Purchasing grenades
"I don't know who Jim Bowie was but he must have been BIG and LONG and SHARP!" Purchasing the Bowie Knife
"Something like this would make someone as crazy as me but I want to hear them scream while they fall to my knees!" Getting an Assault Rifle or Spectre from the box
"Seeing something as strange as Kraut magic that makes the zombies go pop will make me smile with glee!" Gertting the G11 from the box
"So much lead, so much death!" Getting a light machine gun from the box
"So much fun in these tiny little shells." Getting a Shotgun from the box
"An excellent engineering piece... for zombie on the stage with me at the balcony seat." Getting a Sniper from the box
"I will be drowning in all of their body parts!" Getting an explosive weapon from the box
"The surgeon's favorite tool. Ze Doktor is in!" Getting the Ballistic Knife from the box
"A doctor's tools are numerous but this is one I wouldn't use." Getting a Pistol from the box
"Oh wow! Time to use these to harvest their organs!" Getting dual wield pistols from the box
"Glowing green balls are my favorite tools to perform an amputation. TO THE LEGS!" Getting a Ray Gun from the box
"Blowing them away with infinite damage isn't as fun as painstakingly taking them apart with finite damage." Getting the wonder weapon of the map
"My little monkey friend. Shall we go kill the hordes of the undead. YES VE SHALL!" Getting monkey bombs from the box
"All right fine! If you don't want to keep my medicine in check then you are fired!" Getting a teddy bear from the box
Saeko Busujima
"A good gun to start us off. Wait why does it have to be a shotgun?" Purchasing the Olympia
"Now this is something a warrior's desires should be taken into consideration." Purchasing the M14
"Nice and feather light. Divine wind would sweep over me." Purchasing the MPL or PM63
"Why would I need a shotgun? Shouldn't I be slicing and dicing instead of blasting holes into them?" Purchasing the Stakeout
"They say a true honorable warrior's kit is full of useful tools. This should satisfy my needs." Purchasing the Mp5k, MP40 or AK-74U
"This thing should be full auto right? I am not one of a controlled bursts." Purchasing the M16
"Land mines for the honorable warrior to protect herself. This should be interesting." Purchasing Claymores
"I am glad to be restocked. I wouldn't have many ways to keep myself in fighting condition." Purchasing Grenades
"Now this is an honorable weapon to killing the zombies with." Purchasing the Bowie Knife
"A warrior's basic tool to fighting the undead, I lust for the blood to be spilled!" Getting an Assault Rifle or Spectre from the box
"This is considered the best of the best. I would certainly have to make do and keep fighting." Getting a Galil from the box
"A warrior has to be nimble to fight. This is too heavy for my tastes." Getting a light machine gun from the box
"Eh... not my favorite." Getting a Shotgun from the box
"I can't do much with this, I am no coward." Getting a Sniper from the box
"Can be exciting, can be not. To be fierce or not to be is my question." Getting an explosive weapon from the box
"Oh look two knives. I am pretty excited to see this." Getting the Ballistic Knife from the box
"It turns out the wretched box doesn't recognize my honor." Getting a Pistol from the box
"It's not like having two guns pleases me. I can barely control even one." Getting dual wield pistols from the box
"Can this... device... be of any use for a warrior like me?" Getting a Ray Gun from the box
"The warrior is now invincible!" Getting the wonder weapon of the map
*Chuckling* "The Emperor would be amused!" Getting monkey bombs from the box
"You wretched teddy bear. You bring all misfortunes to the entire group!" Getting a teddy bear from the box
Shizuka Marikawa
"Why do I always have to make the wrong choice and get the shotgun early?" Purchasing the Olympia
"A brutal way of dismembering them piece by piece. Wait it's my job to help patch them together?" Purcashing the M14
"Definitely a side arm I want to keep as a back up. I wish there were more automatics like this." Purchasing the MPL or PM63
"Takashi would like this to be used as a medicine dispenser." Purchasing the Stakeout
"Something that requires two hands to hold. It's like taking Zeke for his walks." Purchasing the Mp5k, MP40 or AK-74U
"I wish I had one of these in Rika's weapon locker." Purchasing the M16
"Be careful and don't drop them." Purchasing Claymores
"Well I needed more of these like a shopping list." Purchasing Grenades.
"A cooking utensil for using it on them." Purchasing the Bowie Knife.
"Standard with every shipment." Getting an Assault Rifle or Spectre from the box
"This weapon wants to make me G16GL3." Getting the Famas from the box
"Concealing something as big as this makes it hard to carry at least I'm big enough to carry it without problems." Getting a light machine gun from the box
"They often say fun things come in small packages those packages are the ammo." Getting a Shotgun from the box
"I wouldn't be so useful if I was so far away." Getting a Sniper from the box
"Boom boom time!" Getting an explosive weapon from the box
"I heard this thing is excellent to bring downed team mates back from the grave. Now time to wait for someone to need my help." Getting the Ballistic Knife from the box
"This gun doesn't bring much joy to me." Getting a Pistol from the box
"Two pistols? I don't know what to say." Getting dual wield pistols from the box
"Wait what does a nurse with a strange weapon like this is supposed to do again?" Getting a Ray Gun from the box
"I guess we seemed to have luck on our side no?" Getting the wonder weapon of the map
"Aww he's so cute. I want one of these in my office." Getting monkey bombs from the box
"Wait you're leaving? Okay have a nice day box." Getting a teddy bear from the box
Alice Maresato
"Why would there be a gang with this gun, it's not good for anything." Purchasing the Olympia
"A beautiful piece of machinery, maybe good for points." Purcashing the M14
"This will get expensive in the long run, I do not suggest purchasing." Purchasing the MPL or PM63
"I can see this being helpful getting rid of that one zombie in front of me." Purachasing the Stakeout.
"Come baby we do the 59, eh?" Purchasing the Mp5k or MP40
"I can declare that this is my favorite gun from the wall." Purachasing the AK-74U
"Second best to put them down in a controlled manner." Purchasing the M16
"I will surround myself in these to form a barricade, they won't be able to reach me!" Purchasing Claymores
"Well I would always fall in love with Semtex grenades as they just stick to them like glue." Purchasing Grenades.
"EEEK! I knife almost the size of me!" Purchasing the Bowie Knife.
"Well there isn't a rifle that I don't like. I would like them all." Getting an Assault Rifle from the box
"Okay guys I'm all set up until round 35." Getting a Galil from the box.
"Hey the box really loves me!" Getting the Spectre from the box
"I... can't... carry... this!" Getting a light machine gun from the box
"Time to blast some holes in those stiffs. I definitely want to see them fall." Getting a shotgun from the box.
"I can't tell if the AK-74U, Galil, Spectre is now my favorie because this has outranked them all... probably not. I still love the Spectre." Getting a SPAS-12 from the box
"Hello beautiful I will cock you gently." Getting a Sniper from the box
"Is it really safe for me to use this? I definitely want them to explode." Getting an explosive weapon from the box
"I feel I want to immediately trade this for another gun." Getting the Ballistic Knife from the box
"Well gun you did it, you made Alice cry!" Getting a Pistol from the box
"Two guns is better than one and one is better than... what?" Getting dual wield pistols from the box
"My old friend, shall we kill some zombies? Yes Alice yes we shall!" Getting a Ray Gun from the box
"They will see what they will fear from a little girl such as myself!" Getting the wonder weapon of the map
"I would prefer Gersch Device or Matryoshka Dolls over this monkey!" Getting monkey bombs from the box
"Hey guys, the box disappeared, what... what are we going to do?" Getting a teddy bear from the box
What more quotes should I make? I definitely have had some fun making this as this would explain more about the characters in how I wrote them. I would like to hear your suggestions.