Been revising and reworking a lot of stuff about this magic system as of late and finally have a consistent set of limitations I’m happy with.
Within the realm of Modern Magic Magic is a powerful force, seemingly capable of doing anything commanded of it. However, while magic can theoretically do anything, in reality it’s alot more constrained then both mages and none-mages would like to believe. Their being many things things beyond magics or any mortal mages capacity to perform.
The Mage Themselves The biggest limiter to all mages power is themselves, being their own biggest obstacle. This is for a number of reasons, their range being limited to their surroundings/ their competence with magic/ their physical, mental, or spiritual condition/ access to proper equipment/ etc… . Above all these the biggest limiter to a mages power is their level of magic affinity and education.
Mages regardless of practice or specialization need a lot of training and knowledge to become efficient at their craft. Needing a through understanding as to what it is their doing in regards to magic theory/ scientific and arcane principles/ etc… . A mage with a poor understanding of a subject matter will not be proficiently capable of magically manipulating that subject, prone to errors and mistakes that can become dangerous extremely quickly. Often undergoing years of education and usually specialize themselves into particular fields of interest.
If magic education dictates a mages power set, magic affinity dictates their power level. Magic affinity is the mages souls ability to conjure magic from the ether, and the strength it has to withstand it. Mortal mages are highly restricted in the level of power their capable of individually channeling, most people regardless of species having low-mid level affinity. High level mages are a rarity, with Arch-Mages being a once a generation type occurrence. Overstepping one’s boundary is highly dangerous, risking overwhelming their soul and causing it damage or even breaking it entirely. At best soul damage is a career ending injury, leaving the mage with life-long physical and/or mental damage. At worst it can shatter their soul, destroying them and leaving behind an empty, cloudy grey eyed husk.
While education can be easily altered, magic affinity cannot. Increasing one’s magic affinity is a slow and arduous process. It can be bypassed however by “outsourcing” magic, relying on external sources rather then yourself with stuff like arcane loci/ spell-linking/ ether stones/ spirits/ etc… . This is highly unreliable however and introduces a lot of difficulties and challenges. To put it simply, its significantly easier and more reliable to use magic sourced from yourself then outside.
Law of Chaos Generally when magic screws up it’s the fault of the mage, however spells are also prone to screwing up for seemingly no reason. This being due to magic nature as the primordial aspect of chaos, and thus is prone to fits of unreliability. All spells, no matter how well calculated and performs always have a slight chance of going chaotic. Performing unintended actions, for better or most often worse.
While this cannot be avoided altogether the chances of spell chaos can be greatly reduced via ensuring your spells are stable. Using proper casting methods and control measures/ use of foci/ sourcing magic from your own soul/ etc… . All these can greatly reduce the chances of a spell going chaotic, but cannot stop it outright.
Mages are also prone to causing wyld magic events when under extreme emotion. Usually being small, unfocused spells that are cast involuntary. Always related to the emotion in question, for example causing flowers to bloom when happy or nearby objects to combust when enraged.
Law of Temporal Conservation This is something I’ve had as a limitation since day one, their is absolutely no time travel whatsoever. Time cannot be magically controlled nor manipulated, only glance upon to foresee the past and divine potential futures.
Time is very a mysterious and poorly understood force. What little is known is that time exist above both the material and ethereal world, influencing both yet beyond either one’s ability to control.
Law of True Creation Magic cannot create true matter, only adopt the image of matter. And all magically created objects/ polymorphy is temporary, fading once it’s spell runs out of power.
This is cause magic and matter are two fundamentally separate things, being the make up of their respective realms. While both sprung forth from the same source during the birth of the universe, and can highly influence eachother they cannot be converted between one another. Magic can manipulate matter and adopt its image, either purely as an image for illusions or converting itself into a tangible form to mimic matter for stuff like conjuring and polymorphy. These being active spells will eventually fade from the material realm when their power runs out, returning back to the ether as magic.
Law of Fundamental Nature Magic cannot change objects/ entities beyond what they truly are. While with magic material object and entities can be altered into all kinds of unique new forms, they will still retain the core essence of their being.
For example you can transmute a rock into a steak, magically altering its structure and makeup to match that of meat. In reality you didn’t magically create true meat, only a rock in the shape of meat. It holding no caloric value and tasting very… inedibly earthy. For another example a human transforming into a wolf, while their form changes their soul and genetics remain consistent. Exhibiting no lupine dna or behaviorally changes, and can still be tracked back to them.
Soul Creation Mages are, as far as anyone knows, incapable of creating artificial souls. How exactly souls are created is unknown, other then the spark of life the ether performs to birth both physical and spiritual beings souls into existence. This means that mages are incapable of creating life, only mimicking or altering pre-existing life.
They can create an illusion of a living bird, copying its form and behaviors precisely. However this conjured bird is only that, a copy, as it lacks a soul and thus true life or will of its own. They can take existing souls and bind them to objects other creatures, but this is only changing the vessel that soul inhabits. Spirits can create new spirits via fracturing pieces of their own soul and having them gain consciousness, but not even the most powerful or ancient of spirits can make a soul from nothing.
Souls that fade or are destroyed are gone forever, and thus the person as well. They can never be resurrected/ summoned/ or repaired as they cease to exist. The magic that created said soul returning to the ether, their consciousness ceasing to exist.

I made a character and this sotry for star wars (i made this story for my English finals, i had a month to make it and got an A on it), the characters name is Saya Eban and is a character I have been thinking of for over a decade now (im not in my 2nd decade so since i was super young). Saya at this time is 13-14 years old and was given inspiration by almost all the other jedi and also star killer. He is human and with reliance on the force he can live up to 1000 years with hi peak being between 35, 40 ish to around 800 years of age. In terms of prime power level and potential, in my canon he is 3rd most powerful character just underneath luke and anikan Skywalkers, but could contend with them at some points. Little background: he was a prodigy in school before he became a padawan, he always had an intrest in a character named Ahsoka Tano but never became more than friends because of the Jedi teachings. He was a fast learning youngling and became a padawan earlier than most other younglings, becaming a padawan at the age of 11 - 12. He was in the first battle of Genesis but his troop transport ship was blasted out of the air, landing behind enemy lines leaving him the sole surviver, and scarring him, making him want to never see uneeded bloodshed ever again. He met Count Dooku before he had met Obi-Wan and Anikan on geonosis, he locked blades with him once... once, before he was thrown aside like a house fly, not worth his time, he was out until the retreat of the battle was initiated. This gave him night terrors and nightmares, after this day he could never sleep more than an hour, if that, before he woke up feeling the dark side creeping in. So he had learned to use sleep meditation. Sleep meditation allowed him to accelerate his trainings and connect greater to the force, he had unlocked 1/3 of his life now, the force helping his cells heal his body while he sat and meditated.
This story is of how he lived through one of the bloodiest battles and worst losses of the Republic, the battle of Sarrish, and of how he had obtained his later main star ship, a Kom'rk Mark 1 class star fightetransport, aka the Puro (i made this story before I have watched the 3rd season of the Mandalorian, as of right now i still haven't so Idk if thats in season 3 or not).
There is about 11,340 words in the story, and I don't 100% know of what I should make him look like so have your imaginations run wild.
Ok here we go:
Tales of Saya Eban's Puro
Chapter 1

 The battle of Sarrish was one of the worst battles of the Clone Wars, it was a great devastating loss to the Republic and the Jedi, and I was in the middle of it all. Before the battle I was doing some touch-ups on my A-wing Fighter. I had managed to get my hands on a hyperdrive that would fit in my small fighter, although being able to enter hyperspace without an external hyperdrive wing is very convenient, fast, and easy, it does slow my fighter and hinder some mobility, but not an uncontrollable amount of loss. Little did I know it'd save my life later that week. After I had finished my work, gotten it restocked for my next battle, I was called to the Jedi command center for a briefing by Master Yoda, saying it was an urgent mission and I was needed now, with his backwards way of speaking annoying me slightly. In a flash, I had gathered my battle ready loadout and headed off to the command center. When I entered the command center with the center planning table showing starships from both Confederate and Republic sides, One chasing another. I look and see Masters Yoda and Windu and a holoprojected Obi-Wan Kenobi surrounding the Table, with deeply serious thoughts in their eyes, fingers on their concentrating chins. When I swiftly strolled in, I was greeted with Master Windu's cheerful, but serious voice: "Ah, Padawan Eban, good you're here, come quick, we must act with persistence if we want to gain an upper hand in this war." "Master Windu, good to see you, you too Master Yoda, Master Kenobi, what's the situation?" Master Obi-Wan states, "We are currently chasing Separatist forces to the planet Sarrish and we will need some back up, could you bring your part of the 104th battalion right away, we have heavy casualties and they're going to have reinforcements when they reach the planet." "Is there not anyone closer than me, it may take a few days for me to get there, yall mabe finished by the time I get there!" I said with hope in my eyes. "I'm afraid that you're the only one that is available with the most minimal time of arrival, you'll have to be quick though, it will be anytime now they will reach the planet and have reinforcements. we need this win, it will be a great victory for the Republic if we are able to capture the planet." Stated Obi-Wan with certainty. "All other generals are on missions right as we speak, you are the only one that can provide back up at this current time." Master Windu added "Closer to Knight after this mission you will be, great padawan you are, your great swift improvements, Master Plo is pleased with, believe in you I do." Master Yoda said with a jolly old-man voice. "Now go, there's not much time to waste, gather your men and go help Obi-Wan!" Rushedly said by Master Windu. "With determination in my voice, I yell "Yes Masters, right away!" And like a flash, I was gone. As I'm running off, I catch a glimpse of a green swoosh and the sound of a bolt deflection. I stumble to a stop and put my legs in reverse to give curiosity the wheel. When I peer in, I see Master Skywalker and Ahsoka, along with roughly 8 clone troopers all in a circle around Ahsoka and her one blade ignited. Master Skywalker had her eyes welded to her as he walked around the trooper. I could see Captain Rex standing and watching as well, although he seems to be the only one who spotted me poking in my head. He motioned his finger to his lips as to tell me to shush and not interfere, so I watched with anticipation. And after a lifetime stillness ending in a second after Master Skywalker yelled "START!" And stun doughnuts fire from the blasters of the troopers, sending a volley of blue twords Ahsoka from all directions. With great flexibility I pair with, she jumps into the air, spinning like skates on a skate rink in mid air deflecting all incoming plasmic projectiles landing with swift grace ready for more, And more came, she stands in the center blade moving almost faster than what my eyes could keep up with, until that one bolt punches her right in the back, knocking her to the ground, diminishing the blade back into the hilt. I spring into the room, speaking with worry in my voice when I squeak out "Ahsoka! Master Skywalker, what was that!?" 

"She was just training deflecting blaster fire, she's going to be outmatched a lot in this war, and clones are better than droids to practice with." Anakin said with pride that she was able to last little over a minute, thats improvement.
"Well I guess you're not completely wrong, but your going to give her a brain injury at this rate! Could you not go a bit easier on her?"
"She'll never learn if I go easy on her." Master Skywalker said with little arrogance in his voice.
"W- well, here, l-let me wake her then." I stuttered as I walked up to Rex holding Ahsoka like he's a pillow.
"Rex, do you mind if I-"
"Not at all General, here." Rex said as I sat next to him holding Ahsoka's top half of her body.

 As he caringly sets Ahsoka's rhythmically beating top half in my lap, head facing the heavens, I softly lay my hand over her forehead, close my eyes, and concentrate. A few suspenseful seconds later, I take my hand off and observe Ahsoka's hand softly glide to her now curling forehead, eyes fluttering open. 

With a smile I voiced"Wakey Wakey warrior princess, have a good nap?" Smirking the whole time.
"Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes Nicksters." She groaned with fading pain.
"What are you doing here?" She leisurely grumbled as she started to lie propped up by her desirable, fluorescent orange arms made of flexible muscle.
"I was walking by, and saw a 'damsel in distress', I HAD to come and 'save the day'." I joked, smirking the whole time, annoying her little bit more.
"You know I have been dying to use my force heal on you since I had learned it. I bet you don't even feel bad at all right now hm?" I said leaning in
Ahsoka starts to stand as to get a feel for her own body.
"You're right, I feel better than I did before, not bad for someone named Nicks." Ahsoka said smirking right back at me.
"Oh come on, that was one time, that was even before we became patiwans!" I said with little dramatics in my vocal verberations.
"Ok Master, I'm ready to try again." Ahsoka said to Master Skywalker
"Not now Ahsoka, we have a mission from the Jedi council we have to attend to while Obi-Wan is on his own mission." Anikan said to Ahsoka, elongating his 'not' like he usually does
"I'm actually about to go give help to Obi-Wan right now… WHICH I NEED TO GET PREPARED FOR NOW!! Karabast, got to go! See yah Ahsoka, Master, Rex." And like a ship entering hyperspace, I was gone.
Chapter 2

 After 2 boring days traveling in hyperspace, me and my 5 Veneter class Cruisers are nearing our destination, this would make 12 Cruisers for the Republic side. A new commander CT'-4112 or Zerek, debriefs on the battle situation. As I had sensed, Obi-Wan was outmatched seeing as backup was on planet Sarrish for the fleeing Separatist ships, now it's 11 Munificent class Cruisers and 2 command stations blockading the planet. Kenobi was starting to be pushed back, relying on our Cruisers longer ranged cannons to hope the Sepies didn't get too close. Our Cruisers have longer ranged main canons and toms of fighter room, while the Sepies Cruisers have more fire power at closer ranges with more fighters than our Vendor class Cruisers, at closer ranges, the Sepies would completely destroy a Venetor class Cruiser, but we have strategies and will power. 

"Glad to see a friendly face Saya." Kenobi said exhaustingly.
"Well, it looked like you needed help. You know I need to be the one to save everyone. I'll move into position to fortify our defenses to push the Sepies back and for us to make a plan. What is your fleet's condition?"
"We have 2 Venetors heavily damaged and the rest either have mild to no damage. And we have lost half our fighters as of now." Urgently said by Kenobi.
"Ok, I'm sending men and supplies to you right now, let me take the front so I can take the damage if they send another attack." I calmly said to Kenobi.
"Men battle positions and set all power to front cannons and shields. Venators get into pincer position and get ready for an attack. Fighters get ready to launch." I commanded to all my Cruisers
"Master, if you could, could you add in your undamaged Venetors? " I wandered and directed with much mastery, I even made Obi-Wan himself visually impressed considering my inexperienced mind in life, and especially war. I even managed to make him smile.
"Getting in position now." Obi-Wan stated, still smiling.
"Understood, While you get everything fixed, I'll see if I can weaken their defenses, it seems as if they're in attack positions so we gotta be ready for anything." I said in deep thought.
"Ok, 10 to 13, I like those odds, makes it even, more so for the Sepies." I grinned.
"Now Saya, remember this is still a battle, don't be too cocky, you're starting to remind me of Anakin." Obi-Wan said with conviction.
"Yes Master, sorry about that." I answered to Obi-Wan, pulling back a little.

 Just then, many starfighters come from the enemy Cruisers, hundreds of them lightning fast, closing distance fast. 

"All right men, time for some fun. Obi-Wan, if you want to take command of my control center, I'll lead this fight." I said before Obi-Wan could respond.
"Ok- but Saya! Blast, maybe he's too much like Anikan." Obi-Wan said defeatedly.
As I get into the hangar I yell "Alright Wolfpack, let's get goin!" Then I hop into my modified Jedi A-wing.
We rush out from the center roof door along the Cruiser with my squadron aka The Wolfpack, with me leading my 23 fighters into battle and many more friendly's following from the hangars.
"Ok Wolfpack, let's make a break for them Cruisers, get as many of them gone as possible. 411 you ready?" I asked R2-411. R2-411 bleeps with readiness.
"Ok, time to blow them out of the sky, remember, stay in formation" I commanded.
"Yes sir!" The Clones bellowed.

 Then we hit the swarm with a mighty thundering sound of lasers flying through the emptiness of space seeing one after one of enemy fighter droids dropping all over the place. Me and my Wolfpack fly through all the 2 winged Vulture droids that look like each wing was sideways and has 2 prongs each side for wings. They were way more quick and maneuverable than us, but we had a duty to win, and we won't lose today. It's like a firework show, but you're dodging all the fireworks, and they're aiming right at you. While we are defending the Venator Cruisers, they're mostly firing at the Sepies Cruisers, slowly dwindling their energy shields down. 

"Boys, I have a plan, but I'll need yall to get back to the Cruisers." I urged
"Obi-Wan, how's the 2 heavily damaged Cruisers? We've been out for a long while. They should be good by now right?" I questioned Master Kenobi.
"They're about to come back into the fight, but one of our Cruisers is at a quarter shield, few good hits or bombing runs and it's gone, what's your plan Saya?" Obi-Wan said, perplexed.
"Just give me an opening to the left Separatist control center, that's all I need to get on that ship." I stated with confidence.
"I'll try my best, but don't be stupid Saya, we can't afford to lose you."
"Yeah yeah I know, just get me an opening please Master!" I begged.

 After the words fleeted from my mouth, all the Cruisers fired a hole through the droid fleet with friendly fighters also making way for me to get through. I blast the afterburners straight through the enemy swarm that's been lesson by the commotion, just barely being hidden by smoke from a just destroyed fighter straight into the leftmost control ship hanger landing with an explosive entry. And immediately I jump out, igniting both, my straight emerald green saber in my left, and my yellow saber with a curved hilt similar to the Count's hilt himself in my right. I'll face him again one day, it's inevitable, like me. I land and immediately cut a group of B1 battle droids heads off with my yellow saber facing out, giving me more reach, but as I start to take fire from the army that quickly form from my landing, I swiftly doge left to right almost able to doge the sight of a human eye. Left, pop goes the heads of 3, right, pop goes 5, jump through the air on an almost straight path through the thick of the army, spinning with a light show if one were to be an onlooker at this chaotic organization of flying red plasmic bolts going to a mix of yellow and green, then proceeding to fly straight back at the shooter with twice the velocity. I land on my feet with a thunderous "BOOM" with what seems like an explosion that incinerates half of the whole hanger with an electric yellow glow seeming like yellow lighting exploded from the epicenter of the explosion. When the smoke cleared, it seemed that everything within a 5 meter radius was completely incinerated, and everything within 40 meter radius was heavily damaged, and any technology within eye shot was either scrape or short-circuiting, but all B1 battle droids and super battle droids were out. 

I sighed with relief with little heavy breathing when I looked around me, but with no time to rest, 6 Vulture droid fighters came through the hanger's magnetic shield door, transforming to walk on its pronged wings like they were legs. They scanned me and started raining a flurry of red down onto me, but with my lightning fast reflexes, I raised my sabers to block the incoming hellfire from all six fighter's. Then came the flurry being deflected in any direction possible, and I could just barely see the 6 droids started to surround me by going behind my back, but I ain't done yet. As I'm blocking, jumping, spinning, twisting on a micrometer, I stomp with a mighty force, launching through the air, slowly spinning straight for a Vulture that has became the prey. Bolts whizzing by me, inches, centimeters near my skin, singeing my arm hairs to their roots. I land on top of the droid with a thunderous boom crunching where my foot had landed, driving my sabers straight through the brain of the story high droid, with a counterclockwise rotation around my back, dragging my sabers across the metal of the droid, I leap off the droid landing with the feathers and fly forward with a flashing dash slicing through 2 other droids legs, leaving gravity do its magical job. 3 down, 3 to go, but with little time left. I launch forward running on hairs dipping and dodging blots, I leap up slicing through one leg of a droid and pushing off of its gravity taken hull, coming down on another droid's leg, cutting with ease. I land like a leaf in the autumn skies, and launch with a swift leap, flying my yellow saber straight down the middle of the 6th and final droid with no time to spare.

 I land with caution, ready to fend off another foe, but none came at that second, so I took the opportunity and ran with it straight to where the main reactors should lie. I swiftly sprint with force leaps through the air to get to the reactor, the ship is 270th of a circle with a ball where the command center is, the middle is the only connected between the back of the ball and the inner back of the circle, that's where the reactor is, im at the left most side, may take me a minute to reach it, but I can get there without being seen. My plan was to quickly fix and rewrite a Vulture droid's code to go with my command, not going to be the best work but it will work, hopefully. I had to act fast because I knew there were going to be hundreds more droids to come to see the commotion, I'd say within the minute. The codes used on the droids are not the best, because of mass production, so It was an easy fix, I just needed it to fly a small bit. It comes back to life with a putt to its movement, I directed it to start flying while I'm on its back, putting the whole time with smoke, just what I needed. I start to move forward as fast as possible. As we get around the hundreds of battle droids below, I'm starting to speed up, and as I see the reactor room, I could hear B1's yell " HEY! STOP! YOUR GOING TO FAST" in their robotic voice. Before I hit the Shield covering the reactor room, I jump off to the left where the blast door is for the room. With the distraction of the droid smashing into the shield, I use this time to slowly cut through the blast doors with both sabers starting at the bottom of the door, going up and around to form a circle I can fit through. I was through within a Minute, unnoticed, or so I was led to believe. When I get into the reactor room, I throw explosives all over the reactors, with a detonation in T minus 1 minute. I fly out of the room, calling for 411 to bring my ship as fast as possible, 55. Running across the hanger, I'm spotted by the hundreds of battle droids, which immediately start firing right as they see me 50. The explosion of the fighter droid caused a chain to nearby explosive barrels, exploding more Vulture droids causing tons of smoke and fires to spread around the hangar area, 45. As I'm running, my yellow saber is blocking multiple bolts flying at me while I'm jumping, spinning, performing acrobatic movements while being shot by hundreds of droids, from B1's, to super's, to droideka's, all firing at me, adding to the smoke, 35. Running with young blood in my veins, I perform 1, 2, 3 long jumps and leap onto the side of a slanted destroyed Vulture droid, 30. I jump up, reaching for the cloudy sky just as 411 swoops in predictively shoving my hand into the side of the sharp A-wing hull, 25. I grab the side of the hull and pull myself up into the cockpit, grabbing the controls, 20. I spin to the exit with roughly 67° of the hanger I need to shoot out of, I fire the afterburners using the circumference of the circle and my fighters movment to my advantage, 15. Pushing forward, I am drifting an A-wing around the hangar of a Separatist capital ship skimming the walls centimeters away from an explosive fiery death, 10. I barely screamed out of the hanger, to be able to see a view of the capital ship flying stright for the other Sepie capital ship, 5. Im still firing the afterburners to try and attempt to get a safe distance away from the soon to be collision sight, 4. I let 411 take the control's, 3. I turn my head to look back, 2. I see the collision of the 2 270° hangers, 1. I watch as i get the view of a star being formed right infront of my eyes, and seeing many Sepie Cruisers being absolutely engulfed by the flames, and a blast wave decimating the Vulture droids… blast wave…. BLAST WAVE! Just then I'm thrown far, along with the debri. I manged to gain control of the craft and start performing advanced monuvers to avoid being hit by debrie that will demolishe me and my tiny fighter. 

"Saya, can you hear me? Saya?" Master Obi-Wan Kenobi pleaded.
"Yeah, yeah master, I'm good, I'm fine. Woo…!" I said with a sigh of relief.
Chapter 3

 The explosion had decimated the Separatist forces leaving 4 Cruisers sustaining heavy or mild damages, but with an opening, Obi-Wan and I travel to the ground along with Captain Cody to go for a large ground assault. Master Obi-Wan's plan was to drop in and gather our troops and split them between Obi-Wan and commander Cody. We were west, they were east. The Separatists had the high ground seeing as they had a cliff to their advantage. Flying in on gunships, we were taking heavy fire from their anti aircraft cannons. Commander Cody and I are debriefing the squad on the way to the rally point, seeing gunships after gunship falling to the rocky ground in a fiery explosive ball of red hot metal, and screams, with no plants in sight, just rocks, gunships, and red streaks flying by. Explosions booming right next to us with our doors right open. We have been ordered and ordering troops to stay far away from the mountain top gun fortifying the mountain top of the cliff, leaving that gun for the gunships and the best of the clone troopers, or ARC (Advanced Recon Commandos) troopers to deal with that later, seeing as a ground assault is too dangerous for us. As some of the clones have said, it's not an easy mission, but hops are high. 

"30 seconds until landing." A clone trooper yelled to me and Cody.
Cody starts with "All right, listen up! Maintain squad formations, 'A' squad, You're on me-" ZZZZZEEEROW- BOOOM!
"Where hit!" I yell "Everyone! Hold on!"
Before we hit the ground I leap out of the gunship with a backwards somersault, force pulling all the troops out of the burning fireball heading for the ground, grabbing all of the men, including the 2 pilots at the front, breaking through the windows. I land like rain from the sky, catching the troops I just pulled out with my powers and have them roughly land on the fluffy rocks next to our now downed gunship, no casualties yet. I rush over to take cover under our gunship on its left side behind enemy lines. I sit and meditate as they come up with a plan.
"What's the status lieutenant?" Cody asked
"5 injured thanks to General Saya, but that's not that bad news… Does that Rock look familiar?" The lieutenant asked.
"Yea, the mountain, right where we're not supposed to be." Said Cody
"General Kenobi ordered us not to try taking this section from the ground." The lieutenant regenerated back again with what was already established.
"That's what he said…but what would the general do if he were here?" Cody rhetorically asked.
"Saya sir, what do you think?" A trooper asked me somewhat desperately.
"I think Cody should take this one, I've got your back Cody." I answered with my legs crossed, eyes closed, slightly levitating over the rocks.
"Eight-Eight-Six-Seven through Eight-Eight-Six-Nine and Saya, fix your grapples and come with me. Everybody, prepare for covering fire." Cody ordered.
I get up, eyes still shut, ready to block anything coming our way.
"NOW!" Cody yells, sprinting across what is our no-man's-land
I open my eyes, ignite my Sabers, Green in left, yellow in right, and dash towards the now incoming blaster fire. I sense it, left side, block, right side, deflect, one for Cody, deflected. We get to some stalagmites at the bottom of the mountain, sustaining heavy fire, I pose as a distraction for all the fire, deflecting as many blots as I can back at the metal men. One troop trips and falls, pow, bolt straight through the head. Cody and the men shoot the grappling hooks up towards the top of the mountain and start climbing. I jump from my spot reigniting my sabers, driving them through the mountain side, helping me grab hold with my feet. And when I look up, I see a grapple fall behind me. I tried to grab the rope but I was too late. When I managed to obtain it, he had already hit the ground. Another tragedy, one that never had to happen, life being wasted away. I look up, a droid stairs emotionlessly down into my emotion filled eyes. A blue bolt shoots past me, impacting the droid's head, sending the body backwards.
Cody and the other clone rises from the cliff side as I leap up from the side, landing in front of the clones and immediately start deflecting with my 2 sabers having nothing pass. Cody takes this opportunity to run around my defense and attacks the droids head on, bashing one droid with the butt of his rifle and swinging his rifle at another, destroying both of them. The droid manning the anti aircraft gun turns and aims at Cody. Instinctively I jump in front of the cannon as it fires, I deflect the large bolt away with my right yellow saber, knocking my body to the right, making me stumble. But with the motion throwing me to the right, I use the momentum to throw my green saber with my left hand, impaling the droid in the metal chest. Cody then hops onto the turret, points the gun at the droids firing at our men, and lets loose, destroying all in its reticle.
"Thanks General, I owe you one, ill getcha next time." Cody said slowly getting off the turret.
"You're alright my friend, just pay it forward, let's go see how Obi-Wan did." I slightly worried, staring off to the north.

 We group up at the randevu, where we have set base camp on the planet in a small raven a bit away from where we captured the cliff with some makeshift scouting towers dotted around our position. Obi-Wan had more resistance than what he had anticipated, he was a little banged up, but he was fine in the end. This was a huge victory seeing as we have been able to set base on a planet that allows us to get resources through this hyperspace route and onto parts of the army past this point. Before, General Grievous snipped our route to where we couldn't get resources to our army on the other side from Coruscant. 

Chapter 4

 12 hours later, we have rested and have managed to build up a good base incase of a surprise attack. We are still fighting a few fronts of Separatist holdouts with a fortress a few klicks west, or about 4 miles west. 

I sit in my tent meditating, reflecting back on the weeks events, and what Ahsoka was doing back at the temple, training hard. I recite what I did with an almost overwhelming amount of blaster fire attempting to fly into me, how I was just mostly averting the blots away from me and not in a direction that would benefit me most.
'RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE'

 The ground started to shake out of nowhere, breaking my peace. I rush out of my tent, only to be met with a face full of B2 battle droid. I jump back over my tent flipping onto my feet as I see my tent being lit into flames from heavy bolt fire flying at me. Igniting both my sabers, I deflect the incoming fire away from me up into the sky as much as I physically could. I took a glance around, it was becoming more sunlit as we fought. It was a slaughter, clones dying left and right, Kenobi was on the Command ship getting patched, so it was just me, and the clones down here, being manicured. With a swift right step, I change lightsaber form, combining my form 3, (defensive form blocking anything coming way, and either making, or waiting for an opening to strike) with a combination of form 2 (saber to saber form, putting least amount or saber movement and preferring precise efficient movements) and form 4 (saber from using the force to enhance physical abilities, and heavily utilizing fast acrobatic movements to move around and disorient the opponents, using wide sweeping saber movements to block and hit targets) I use the power if the many bolts to propel my body onto my right leg, crouching down and taking a huge lead in to the air. Looking around like it is moving in stop motion, I see thousands of droids around, completely outnumbering my men. Glancing down where I had jumped from, there seems to be a super battle droid rising from the ground, looking as if it has been there for at least a few days. Time seems to start like normal again, immediately I have to block bolts coming for my body, twisting, turning, deflecting every. single. bolt. right to another droid. I can't have any more unneeded deaths in my hands. I land with an impactful explosion of yellow lighting, rendering half of the electronics on the field obsolete. Shots fire over the wall, exploding near me. 

"Everyone, Retreat!" I yelled into the comms.
I ran towards the lieutenant that I had survived the crash with, he was running for a troop transport.
"Get to the ships, return to the Venators! Get Kenobi and relay what has happened!" Urgency blowing through my voice.

 I push him into the ship as it takes off. As it's doing so, I force push it away from the field as to be in less danger of being shot down. But rockets fly through the air, I reach through the force and grab onto the hurdling death traps, I grab 1, 2, crash them into one another, 3, grab, 4, grab, 5, miss. ERRROW… BOOOM! With a hopeless explosion, the ship bursts into an explosive ball of fire, right in front of my eyes, out of my grasp. Shots fly past my head from behind me, I ignite my sunlit yellow saber to block incoming bolts. No men, only metal remains, and it wants me dead. I dash for my ship on the other side of the airstrip, luckily barely touched from this horrible surprise party that invited everyone I very much dislike. Hopping into my A-wing, I lift-off dogging left, right, up, down, roll left, roll right, barely being passed by on all sides by cannon fire. When I reach the point past the clouds, there's a whole war above. Separatist forces have surprised Kenobi with an overwhelming number of ships, putting our war torn 12 Venators against 16 Munificent class Cruisers. We were greatly out matched. But the time I was in space we had lost 3 Vectors compared to there 1 lost. Droids noticed me coming from the planet and started to verge onto my position. 

"Obi-Wan! You there? Can you hear me?" I yelled, pulling evasive maneuvers.
"Saya, is that you?" Kenobi asked.
"Yes, we got surprised on the ground, seems the same happened here." I rushingly said.
"Yes, they came out of nowh-" Kenobi is cut off by a blaring siren from my cockpit.
"Wait, my ship is damaged, it's starting up my hyperdrive, 411 can you fix it?" I said dipping left and right while trying to stop the hyperdrive activation.
With a few bleeps of fear, I understand what's happening.
"When I was thrown from the capital ship explosive wave, I must have been hit near the hyperdrive, and explosions from my escape, along with the maneuvers I have been pulling, it may have caused damage that is registering a hyperdrive activation. Master Obi-Wan, I don't know, I-I don't know what to do!" I claimed with fear in my eyes.
"Can you deactivate the hyperdrive at all 411?" Kenobi asked
411 bleeps with a sad toon.
"Blast, Saya, does it say where you're going?"
"N- No, my council just says ERROR." I stated, now with much fear in my voice.

 I managed to steer my craft into the position of the hyperspace lane. 

"Tell Ahsoka good bye if I don't-" I get cut off when the the hyperdrive powered up woth a vvvvvvvvvvvVVVVERRRRRRR PEEOW, and just like that, me, my A-wing, and R2-411, are gone.
Chapter 5

 It's been days since the battle, mabe 2 or 3 days. Luckily I always keep many ration bars in my fighter to last me a good few days, along with my extra water and my ability to go into a deep meditative state, conserving food and water. Keeping me company is my meditation and 411. We have almost hit some unknown objects, could have been planets, asteroids, other ships, but we seem to be staying in hyperspace lanes luckily, or I would have been dead a long time ago. My class 2 hyperdrive could have taken me all over the galaxy by now, I could be heading towards Coruscant right now for all I know. 

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
My hyperdrive warning kicked on, showing that there is a massive gravity force in my path. The console flashed with big red dangerous letters "Exiting Hyperdrive" on the screen.
"YES! FINALLY!" I yelled with excitement.

 I watch through the glass to see a barren looking planet, and a similar looking moon, a moon I was heading to. I was moving fast, as I entered the moon's atmosphere, Im grabbing the controls, barely anything. My craft is red hot from the rate at which I'm coming in on. I'm grabbing the stick, pulling back as much as I can, as to try and save myself and 411 from a fiery death. I scraped by a big rocky mountain dealing more damage to my A-wing. 

"HOLD ON 411!"
"Come ooooon. Pull pull pullllll…. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!-" VERRROW BOOOOSH!!! The crash landing sounded like a bomb flying through the air, then landing on its target. I try to get from my seat just to find my strap and window will not open. Using my saber I cut off my seat strap and broke the window from the hinges and leaped out, taking 411 from the craft, swiftly landing on a tall mountainous rock. The craft seemed to have pushed through the land 50 meters from the initial impact spot. The area I was in seemed to be very rocky terrain with many rocky canyons and huge rocks that are almost mountainous. The sun was close to setting down for the night but was still a good hour away from sleeping.

 With the force by my side, I felt a very uneasy sensation telling me to stay out of sight. I duck down on the tall skinny rock taking 411 down with me. 411 confusingly bleeps when I do so. "Hey, I have a feeling right now, just keep quiet real quick, there's somebody coming. Trust me." Me and 411 peer over the edge looming over my crashed ship just as a group of 6 men in full armor covering their whole body fly in with jetpacks strapped to their backs, blasters in hand. As they land, they search around my wreckage, presumably looking for survivors. One seems to be ordering the others around, pointing at one to look in one direction, another a different direction, and scanning around for the unexpected visitor. I look down at my Wrist link, my distress signal wasn't sent, I guess that was damaged from entering the planet at such high speed with no deflector shields surrounding the ship like a protective blanket. 

"Blast, 411, what's your S.O.S signal situation, did it go through?" 411 beeps with a little drama like I should know it didn't go through.
"Well sorry for busting your rusty bolts you rowdy rancor, better to try than to just give up mister sassy pants. Maybe I should wipe your memory for a change, see how you like it."
"Now shush, don't want them to find us spying on them, won't look too good." I demand. "Now here, in case we get caught, I don't want them to know I'm a Jedi, so here, take my sabers, I'm not gonna need them anyways." I said shoving my lightsabers into 411's storage compartment and looking towards the crash again.

 Just then the suit of armor that had been commanding his squad bursts up into my view right on my face out of hyperspace blue. 

"Ah, found ya trespassers, you 2 are coming with me." Demanded the Mandalorian with a snickering sound in his voice as the others rise from the portal of the abyss from down below.

 It was a good thing my ropes where in the tent back on Sarrish, or this may have been an even worse situation, Mangalorians like them hate Jedi with a passion, and it's a good thing I always have a broken blaster in 411 for any cases where I need to blend in with a crowd or pose as a normal civilian; although, the ability to become a civilian at any point is great, I've had little need to do so much. I'm quite popular with the people for being one who tries to connect with the population as a fellow citizen. So I rarely stay in the temple for too long. I love being with the people and learning skills without the force, like being a mechanic, electrician, public speaker, security guard, an all around great person to talk with about anything. I'm quite known on all levels of Coruscant for being one of the most friendly Jedi to be around. Right now though, I need to focus on not being caught, at least That's what my gut is telling me. After they searched my character for any weapons and found the broken blaster that 411 had put in my holster where my lightsaber usually is, they were satisfied and pushed us into one of their big Kom'rk Mark 1 class Mandalorian starfightetransport ship. 

(Look in comments for 6th)

This thread is where all the Writing Prompts go, we don't want to clog up the main page. Thank you!
Last week's winner was patient99 with:

Human ghosts are odd, you still have those unfinished business ones or those emotionally bound ones, but humanity is the only race where i've ever seen a ghost that was a bard in life that stuck around because they wanted to continue playing music for people, or a ghost that was a jester and stuck around to make people laugh.

Previous WPWs: Wiki Page

Even though they’re saying Jason is a deadite, he’s actually a ghoul. You could say in the early films he was a ghoul all along, or still just human. We all know why people say he’s a zombie since he can literally take bullets and other puny mortal threats, but him being a ghoul overshadows everything.
The fact that he “came back” the very first time just ups the ante. Jason goes to hell kind of helps because it involves him bodysnatching and assuming their “identities”. If you know how a ghoul operates, then you would know this is true. Ghouls operate like demons(possession) but it’s uncommon. Even when Jason left their bodies, his victims melted/disintegrated! Sound familiar? Billy Cole?
He came back from the dead too many times and even has the “look” overall underneath that mask. That slug demon in JGTH could in fact be a little “ghoulie”, hence to the bodysnatching. Jason being a ghoul would also explain his extensive intelligence since zombies are too dumb to do what he does.
He even “talked” in JGTH when possessing Randy. Zombies don’t talk and we know Jason’s not a true to the core demon. And even if he was a zombie, he damn sure is a very smart one. He could’ve been human at first and then ghoul or just ghoul the entire time after he came back from drowning. Ghouls are also associated with cannibalism, what the hell else did Jason eat in the woods way before, McDonald’s?
The only rebuttal to this is the fact that he’s theorized as a revenant. A revenant like scorpion from mortal kombat right? The only thing that traces back to Jason being a revenant is him teleporting in Part 8 and seemingly coming back in JGTH, otherwise it can’t be true. Plus I don’t recall revenants using demon slugs to possess people when the person’s spirit could just come back. Ghouls are physical while revenants are more ghostlike. And Jason was always physical(alive) throughout the franchise, even in Jason X and FvJ. The deadite theory could barely work because Jason is too “smart” and “emotional” as opposed to a dorky and careless demon being fooled by Ash and others sometimes. He’s just a ghoul fueled with perpetual revenge.

QEEG Brain Mapping and Neurostim
How does QEEG read personality?
qEEG brain mapping is a powerful tool used by healthcare professionals to analyze various types of brain waves, including delta, alpha, theta, beta, and high beta waves. These waves, with their unique frequencies, provide valuable insights into a person’s neurological functioning and potential cognitive or mental health issues. In order to rank highly on Google SEO, we will delve deeper into what these waves feel like and how they impact thinking.
Delta Waves:
Delta waves are the slowest brain waves, with a frequency of 0.5-4 Hz. They are typically associated with deep sleep and can also be present in coma patients. The sensation of delta waves is often described as a profound state of relaxation, where the mind is in a state of rest and rejuvenation.
Alpha Waves:
Alpha waves have a frequency of 8-12 Hz and are usually observed when a person is awake but relaxed. They are commonly experienced when closing the eyes or practicing meditation. Decreased alpha waves may be linked to anxiety or depression, while increased alpha waves may indicate improved relaxation and stress reduction. The sensation of alpha waves is often described as a state of calmness and peacefulness.
Theta Waves:
Theta waves have a frequency of 4-8 Hz and are typically observed during light sleep or drowsiness. They may also be present during meditation or creative activities. In qEEG brain mapping, an increase in theta waves may be associated with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), while a decrease in theta waves may be associated with cognitive decline in older adults. The sensation of theta waves is often described as a dreamy, introspective state.
Beta Waves:
Beta waves have a frequency of 12-30 Hz and are usually present when a person is awake and engaged in cognitive or physical activities. They are associated with alertness, focus, and concentration. Abnormalities in beta waves can be linked to conditions such as anxiety, depression, and insomnia. The sensation of beta waves is often described as a state of heightened awareness and mental activity.
High Beta Waves:
High beta waves have a frequency of 30-40 Hz and are often associated with intense cognitive or physical activities, such as problem-solving or exercise. An increase in high beta waves in qEEG brain mapping may be associated with conditions such as ADHD or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). The sensation of high beta waves is often described as a state of heightened mental alertness and intense focus.
The MBTI and qEEG Brain Mapping
The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is a widely used personality assessment that categorizes individuals into 16 distinct personality types based on four dichotomies: extraversion vs. introversion, sensing vs. intuition, thinking vs. feeling, and judging vs. perceiving. Quantitative EEG (qEEG) brain mapping is a diagnostic tool used to measure and map brainwave activity across different regions of the brain. Researchers have explored potential connections between these two domains to establish a relationship between them.
Several researchers have proposed that the various brainwave frequencies observed in a qEEG brain map may correspond to the functions identified in the MBTI. However, the precise relationship between qEEG brain waves and MBTI functions remains a subject of research and debate.
One proposed connection suggests that the alpha brainwave frequency, associated with relaxed wakefulness and meditation, is linked to the MBTI function of intuition. Alpha waves reflect a state of relaxed focus that fosters insight and creativity, which may facilitate the intuition function involving generating insights and making connections based on patterns and associations.
Another proposed connection suggests that the beta frequency, associated with focused attention and alertness, may correspond to the MBTI function of sensing. Beta waves reflect a state of focused attention that enables precise and detailed perception, potentially facilitating the sensing function of gathering data through the senses and paying attention to concrete details and facts.
Furthermore, the theta frequency, associated with daydreaming and creative states, is purported to correspond to the MBTI function of feeling. Theta waves reflect a state of relaxed and open awareness, fostering creative and imaginative thinking that may facilitate the feeling function of evaluating and assessing information based on personal values and emotional responses.
Likewise, the delta frequency, associated with deep sleep and unconscious processing, may correspond to the MBTI function of thinking. Delta waves reflect a state of unconscious processing that supports problem-solving and decision-making, potentially facilitating the thinking function of analyzing and evaluating information based on logic and reason.
However, it is important to note that while some correlations between qEEG brain waves and MBTI functions have been proposed, conclusive evidence for these connections is lacking. The brain is a complex and dynamic system, and it is unlikely that a single brainwave frequency can fully account for a specific cognitive or personality function. Additionally, the MBTI relies on self-report assessments, introducing biases and limitations.
Nonetheless, exploring the potential connections between the different brainwaves observed in a qEEG brain map and the functions identified in the MBTI can yield valuable insights into the relationship between brain activity and personality.
Interpretation of QEEG Brain Maps:
QEEG brain maps are generated by analyzing the electrical activity of the brain recorded through specialized caps with multiple electrodes placed on the scalp. These maps typically display different brain speeds, including delta, theta, alpha, beta, and high beta, which correspond to different states based on circadian rhythms. Interpretation of these brain speeds involves analyzing the colors displayed on the map, which indicate whether the brain is using these speeds at higher or lower levels than optimal.
Colors on the QEEG brain map:
The colors on the QEEG brain map play a crucial role in interpreting the brain’s activity. Yellow, orange, and red colors indicate that the brain is using one to three levels too high of a particular speed, while blue colors suggest that the brain is using one to three levels too low of that speed. This color-coded information helps in identifying any imbalances or irregularities in brain activity, providing valuable insights into the functioning of the brain.
Overall power and relative power:
The top row of heads on the QEEG brain map represents the overall power of each brain speed, indicating how charged up the brain is overall. This information helps in understanding the overall activity levels of different brain speeds. Additionally, the relative power displayed on the map shows which brain speed is being used the most and the least in comparison to others. This data provides important clues about the brain’s dominant and less dominant activity levels, aiding in the interpretation of QEEG brain maps.
Parameters at the bottom of the map:
The QEEG brain maps also include parameters at the bottom of the map that provide insights into the communication between different brain areas. These parameters, including amplitude, asymmetry, coherence, and phase lag, represent the networks in the brain and how different areas communicate with each other. For instance, frontal areas responsible for attention and executive function are labeled with “F,” central areas with “C,” temporal areas with “T,” and occipital areas with “O.” The analysis of these parameters and the lines connecting different areas on the map help in understanding the efficiency of communication between brain regions.
Z-Score
The Z-score coherence is a measure of functional connectivity between two regions of the brain. It provides an estimate of the strength of the coherence between the signals recorded from different electrode sites, compared to a database. The coherence is a measure of the degree to which two signals are synchronized or correlated, indicating the degree of functional connectivity between different brain regions. The Z-score is a statistical measure of how far the coherence value is from the average coherence value in the normative database.
The Z-score amplitude is a measure of the power or strength of the electrical activity in a particular frequency band within a specific region of the brain. The amplitude is the measurement of the size or magnitude of a particular EEG wave. The Z-score amplitude is the statistical comparison of the amplitude value of a particular frequency band within a specific region of the brain compared to a normative database.
Both Z-score coherence and amplitude are useful in the assessment of brain function and dysfunction. They can provide valuable information about the patterns of brain activity associated with various neurological and psychiatric conditions, such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), depression, anxiety, and traumatic brain injury. Z-score coherence and amplitude can also be used to guide neurostimulation treatments to target specific brain regions and frequencies for optimal outcomes.
Amplitude Asymmetry
Amplitude asymmetry refers to the difference in the electrical activity between the left and right hemispheres of the brain. It is typically measured as the difference in amplitude between homologous electrode sites located on each hemisphere. An abnormal amplitude asymmetry may suggest a disruption in the normal functioning of the brain, and has been associated with various neurological and psychiatric conditions, including depression, anxiety, and schizophrenia.
Phase Lag
Phase lag is a measure of the delay in the propagation of neural signals between different regions of the brain. It is a measure of the temporal relationship between two or more EEG signals recorded from different electrode sites. Phase lag is typically calculated by measuring the time delay between two signals at a given frequency. An abnormal phase lag may suggest a disruption in the normal communication between different brain regions, and has been associated with various neurological and psychiatric conditions, including attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism, and traumatic brain injury.
Implications of QEEG Brain Map Interpretation:
Interpretation of QEEG brain maps can have significant implications for understanding brain function and identifying any abnormalities or imbalances in your brain. By analyzing the brain’s activity levels, dominant and less dominant patterns, and communication between different brain areas, QEEG brain maps can provide valuable insights into the functioning of the human brain. This information can be used in various clinical and research settings, such as identifying neurological disorders, monitoring treatment progress, and optimizing cognitive performance.

In the morning, a bunch of mental health professionals are going to take me to hospital due to my mental health getting out of control. I am terrified of what is going to happen, but I know it won't be as bad as the past 13 months I just had.
To give you some context, I have had been struggling with low-self esteem, depression and anxiety for a long time, this can be traced to early childhood and it was nasty. I have been physically and mentally abused by people I trusted, and I wasn't being taken seriously. It made me feel like the entire world was gaslighting me at a time nobody knew what the word meant? Yeah, I'm in my 30s, and sometimes I struggle to keep up with what's going on because I'm either too distracted or too confused to understand. That feeling of being lesser than was only reinforced at school. It brewed overtime to be self-hatred and from 14 to 26, I used any available opportunities to harm myself one way or another, just so I could feel like I'm not in the set of a cruel film or TV show, and that real life is right in front of me. It involved drinking, disordered eating, hooking up with the wrong people and talking myself down jokingly enough, so nobody would clock that I genuinely felt that way. It also involved clinging to every single friend group I got involved in because I thought this would be my gateway to acceptance. At that point, I knew I wouldn't get it on my own, but I couldn't justify why, because having mental illnesses and/or personality disorders cannot be the only reason why you self-sabotage the few things that makes you genuinely happy. In my mind, it wouldn't make any sense or be right at all. But as long as I could present myself as a loving human being and be seen for it, I'd be just fine.
I have tried to do that in my hometown, and it didn't work, so I left for another place thinking that maybe all I needed was a reset. There was this place I loved to go on holidays and I would love it there so much that after years of back and forth, I moved to said place. I felt like no one could do me wrong because no one knew who I was. I wanted to make friends, have a job, build a career, keeping up with my hobbies, read a lot, eat a lot, have as much fun as possible in a music venue, a house party or somebody's couch. I wanted to have a life I could build memories that would make great jokes and stories. I wanted to meet a special someone that would make my past experiences sound like a bad dream. I wanted to have a normal life and only having to cry if I watch sad movie endings. I wanted the fulfilling adult life I promised to. I wanted that really bad. The normal life of a late 20-early 30 something in one of the coolest places I know, having a 9-5 and living for the weekend.
I fucked it up. every. single. time.
I have lost jobs because of my bad temper and my inability to control my emotions when angry or upset. I have fell out with friends because of the constant trauma-bombing and the insecurities I projected onto them. I have scared the fuck out of workmates because of my panic attacks that would end up with HR being involved. There were times when things happened to me, professionally and personally, and I was unable to respond as in numb and lethargic, I was only able to witness and feel like I deserved all of it because everyone around said so. However, as time went by, these moments became more of a problem because they were happening every year, then every six months, then every three months, you get the drill. This past six weeks, it happened FIVE times, three of them just happened over the last four days. The first one involved work and the last one involved my roommate, who is also my ex-partner. It was the kind of thing that made them end our relationship because they would never know how I would be on a day-to-day basis. It's painful to see someone you love feeling unsafe around you, especially because that fear was something I shared as well, even when we were together. I would wake up in a pool of cold sweat thinking they would be rejecting me on the spot at any given time for being a horrible person. This is still not an excuse to treat them like threats and make them weary of my presence. And that's why I am here. Typing this as I cannot sleep and won't know when or if I can get out of this spiral. I thought I had the perfection solution last week, but it backfired.
I have tried to end things last Friday and was resolute to do so. I felt that I couldn't be saved or fixed or whatever because the amount of guilt associated to the things that happened to me and the things I did to people (mainly lashing out at them that they hate me and/or want me dead for no reason whatsoever) was getting too unbearable. At this point, I got an extra diagnosis that made me feel even worse and doctors also suggested another thing which seemed like a death sentence to me, as in "congratulations, you'll never be normal or live as such, so enjoy this extra slice of shame to your guilt sandwich". I won't mention said diagnoses here because I don't want to be recognised anywhere. I am desperate, I am scared, I am so ashamed that my most patient friends I are giving up on me or already gave up. I do not fault any of them for it, but it hurts me so much because I became the very thing I tried to never be: a monster.
So, here I am, feeling at my lowest point and having no clue on how I can make any of this stop. I don't expect to be forgiven, but in a way I wish they could show me how is it possible. I'm not a forgiving person myself, I don't trust people that easily, and I don't trust myself either. I am incapable of seeing myself in a positive light, even to the point I get angry when I'm being praised for something. It doesn't happen all the time, but it happened enough to even freak me out. I think that this is the part that strikes me as the most bizarre: I am craving validation so bad but refuses to accept any of it because my brain is convinced this cannot be true, like "it's all fake", "they don't mean it", "wait until they see you for who you really are, and then they will be so annoyed that they will bully you to no end". And if someone dares to suggest to "be nicer to myself", I would spiral onto incessant rants about how patronising it is. I still believe it's patronising to say that.
I would love having a time machine, so I would make better decisions for myself and make sure that I don't end up in situations where all I can do is having a mental breakdown in plain sight, screaming I wished I was dead. If I had a time machine, I would have left the toxic environment I was in much sooner and made sure to be somewhere where I would be wanted and accepted. But it is not going to happen and instead, I'm living with the consequences of my own actions and crying constantly about it.
I haven't called my mother or best friends in weeks because I know I will start crying the second I hear their voices. I haven't read a book in over a year, I haven't gone out of my flat for weeks, I might come out of the hospital jobless and homeless, and I'm not sad that it may be happening, I'm sad that I caused it, I caused my own downfall. I would give anything to be anywhere else that where I am mentally. I wished I could truly express how sorry I am about everything that has happened. I wish I could have the opportunity to be my old extraverted, joyful self again and do all the things people my age do: have a career, have financial security, have a roof over my head, have a settled life with a loving partner and have this great feeling when you wake up in the morning that I belong here, that my existence wasn't a mistake, that the world needs me as much as the next person and that I can grow to be someone who would make sure that nobody gets to feel as insecure as I was growing up. You would always have a seat at my table. I would have your back no matter what.
I think that this is my biggest regret to date: not being able to be the better person I tried to be.
​
As a final bit, I just want to tell you this: don't let your past ruin the future you're trying to build. If you have experienced harassment or bullying of any sort, you need to reach for safety, leave the situation and get as much therapy as possible to make sure you don't end up making your friends, colleagues, partners or any health professional being scared of you. I have tried to make those steps a long time ago, but it just got worse because it was either the professional help being unable to help me at that point or me being unwilling to accept that I deserved to be loved one way or another. I am not trying to get sympathy here, frankly I don't deserve any of it, but as I said, I know what's coming for me in the morning, and I have no idea of how this is going to go from that point on.

QEEG Brain Mapping and Neurostim

How does QEEG read personality?

qEEG brain mapping is a powerful tool used by healthcare professionals to analyze various types of brain waves, including delta, alpha, theta, beta, and high beta waves. These waves, with their unique frequencies, provide valuable insights into a person’s neurological functioning and potential cognitive or mental health issues. In order to rank highly on Google SEO, we will delve deeper into what these waves feel like and how they impact thinking.

Delta Waves:

Delta waves are the slowest brain waves, with a frequency of 0.5-4 Hz. They are typically associated with deep sleep and can also be present in coma patients. The sensation of delta waves is often described as a profound state of relaxation, where the mind is in a state of rest and rejuvenation.

Alpha Waves:

Alpha waves have a frequency of 8-12 Hz and are usually observed when a person is awake but relaxed. They are commonly experienced when closing the eyes or practicing meditation. Decreased alpha waves may be linked to anxiety or depression, while increased alpha waves may indicate improved relaxation and stress reduction. The sensation of alpha waves is often described as a state of calmness and peacefulness.

Theta Waves:

Theta waves have a frequency of 4-8 Hz and are typically observed during light sleep or drowsiness. They may also be present during meditation or creative activities. In qEEG brain mapping, an increase in theta waves may be associated with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), while a decrease in theta waves may be associated with cognitive decline in older adults. The sensation of theta waves is often described as a dreamy, introspective state.

Beta Waves:

Beta waves have a frequency of 12-30 Hz and are usually present when a person is awake and engaged in cognitive or physical activities. They are associated with alertness, focus, and concentration. Abnormalities in beta waves can be linked to conditions such as anxiety, depression, and insomnia. The sensation of beta waves is often described as a state of heightened awareness and mental activity.

High Beta Waves:

High beta waves have a frequency of 30-40 Hz and are often associated with intense cognitive or physical activities, such as problem-solving or exercise. An increase in high beta waves in qEEG brain mapping may be associated with conditions such as ADHD or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). The sensation of high beta waves is often described as a state of heightened mental alertness and intense focus.

The MBTI and qEEG Brain Mapping

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is a widely used personality assessment that categorizes individuals into 16 distinct personality types based on four dichotomies: extraversion vs. introversion, sensing vs. intuition, thinking vs. feeling, and judging vs. perceiving. Quantitative EEG (qEEG) brain mapping is a diagnostic tool used to measure and map brainwave activity across different regions of the brain. Researchers have explored potential connections between these two domains to establish a relationship between them.
Several researchers have proposed that the various brainwave frequencies observed in a qEEG brain map may correspond to the functions identified in the MBTI. However, the precise relationship between qEEG brain waves and MBTI functions remains a subject of research and debate.
One proposed connection suggests that the alpha brainwave frequency, associated with relaxed wakefulness and meditation, is linked to the MBTI function of intuition. Alpha waves reflect a state of relaxed focus that fosters insight and creativity, which may facilitate the intuition function involving generating insights and making connections based on patterns and associations.
Another proposed connection suggests that the beta frequency, associated with focused attention and alertness, may correspond to the MBTI function of sensing. Beta waves reflect a state of focused attention that enables precise and detailed perception, potentially facilitating the sensing function of gathering data through the senses and paying attention to concrete details and facts.
Furthermore, the theta frequency, associated with daydreaming and creative states, is purported to correspond to the MBTI function of feeling. Theta waves reflect a state of relaxed and open awareness, fostering creative and imaginative thinking that may facilitate the feeling function of evaluating and assessing information based on personal values and emotional responses.
Likewise, the delta frequency, associated with deep sleep and unconscious processing, may correspond to the MBTI function of thinking. Delta waves reflect a state of unconscious processing that supports problem-solving and decision-making, potentially facilitating the thinking function of analyzing and evaluating information based on logic and reason.
However, it is important to note that while some correlations between qEEG brain waves and MBTI functions have been proposed, conclusive evidence for these connections is lacking. The brain is a complex and dynamic system, and it is unlikely that a single brainwave frequency can fully account for a specific cognitive or personality function. Additionally, the MBTI relies on self-report assessments, introducing biases and limitations.
Nonetheless, exploring the potential connections between the different brainwaves observed in a qEEG brain map and the functions identified in the MBTI can yield valuable insights into the relationship between brain activity and personality.

Interpretation of QEEG Brain Maps:

QEEG brain maps are generated by analyzing the electrical activity of the brain recorded through specialized caps with multiple electrodes placed on the scalp. These maps typically display different brain speeds, including delta, theta, alpha, beta, and high beta, which correspond to different states based on circadian rhythms. Interpretation of these brain speeds involves analyzing the colors displayed on the map, which indicate whether the brain is using these speeds at higher or lower levels than optimal.

Colors on the QEEG brain map:

The colors on the QEEG brain map play a crucial role in interpreting the brain’s activity. Yellow, orange, and red colors indicate that the brain is using one to three levels too high of a particular speed, while blue colors suggest that the brain is using one to three levels too low of that speed. This color-coded information helps in identifying any imbalances or irregularities in brain activity, providing valuable insights into the functioning of the brain.

Overall power and relative power:

The top row of heads on the QEEG brain map represents the overall power of each brain speed, indicating how charged up the brain is overall. This information helps in understanding the overall activity levels of different brain speeds. Additionally, the relative power displayed on the map shows which brain speed is being used the most and the least in comparison to others. This data provides important clues about the brain’s dominant and less dominant activity levels, aiding in the interpretation of QEEG brain maps.

Parameters at the bottom of the map:

The QEEG brain maps also include parameters at the bottom of the map that provide insights into the communication between different brain areas. These parameters, including amplitude, asymmetry, coherence, and phase lag, represent the networks in the brain and how different areas communicate with each other. For instance, frontal areas responsible for attention and executive function are labeled with “F,” central areas with “C,” temporal areas with “T,” and occipital areas with “O.” The analysis of these parameters and the lines connecting different areas on the map help in understanding the efficiency of communication between brain regions.

Z-Score

The Z-score coherence is a measure of functional connectivity between two regions of the brain. It provides an estimate of the strength of the coherence between the signals recorded from different electrode sites, compared to a database. The coherence is a measure of the degree to which two signals are synchronized or correlated, indicating the degree of functional connectivity between different brain regions. The Z-score is a statistical measure of how far the coherence value is from the average coherence value in the normative database.
The Z-score amplitude is a measure of the power or strength of the electrical activity in a particular frequency band within a specific region of the brain. The amplitude is the measurement of the size or magnitude of a particular EEG wave. The Z-score amplitude is the statistical comparison of the amplitude value of a particular frequency band within a specific region of the brain compared to a normative database.
Both Z-score coherence and amplitude are useful in the assessment of brain function and dysfunction. They can provide valuable information about the patterns of brain activity associated with various neurological and psychiatric conditions, such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), depression, anxiety, and traumatic brain injury. Z-score coherence and amplitude can also be used to guide neurostimulation treatments to target specific brain regions and frequencies for optimal outcomes.

Amplitude Asymmetry

Amplitude asymmetry refers to the difference in the electrical activity between the left and right hemispheres of the brain. It is typically measured as the difference in amplitude between homologous electrode sites located on each hemisphere. An abnormal amplitude asymmetry may suggest a disruption in the normal functioning of the brain, and has been associated with various neurological and psychiatric conditions, including depression, anxiety, and schizophrenia.

Phase Lag

Phase lag is a measure of the delay in the propagation of neural signals between different regions of the brain. It is a measure of the temporal relationship between two or more EEG signals recorded from different electrode sites. Phase lag is typically calculated by measuring the time delay between two signals at a given frequency. An abnormal phase lag may suggest a disruption in the normal communication between different brain regions, and has been associated with various neurological and psychiatric conditions, including attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism, and traumatic brain injury.

Implications of QEEG Brain Map Interpretation:

Interpretation of QEEG brain maps can have significant implications for understanding brain function and identifying any abnormalities or imbalances in your brain. By analyzing the brain’s activity levels, dominant and less dominant patterns, and communication between different brain areas, QEEG brain maps can provide valuable insights into the functioning of the human brain. This information can be used in various clinical and research settings, such as identifying neurological disorders, monitoring treatment progress, and optimizing cognitive performance.

Am I the only one just now realizing that the nokk is the same thing that pulled Nesta under the water?! Love doing a reread, I catch so much I’ve missed before!

First of all, I want to clarify that I am not contemplating suicide, so please don't worry.
Throughout my life, I have gained knowledge and experience. I have felt love and hatred, caused pain and found healing. I have faced setbacks but also overcome them. However, I can't help but feel that all of these experiences are ultimately insignificant because they will be forgotten.
I understand that life can seem meaningless, and I don't believe in the existence of a higher power that created us all. As humans, we have always sought purpose. We have created religions independently across the globe, each civilization having its own concept of a god. We yearn for meaning. But if meaning is something we create ourselves, does it mean that it doesn't truly exist?
For a long time, I have been searching for meaning. I have tried various pursuits such as making music, succeeding financially, and developing artistic skills. I have even tried loving someone. Yet, everything I do feels pointless.
I have been emotionally numb for over four years now. I haven't even reacted to the deaths in my family. While I don't feel the desire to continue, there is a part of me that wants to find some rationale behind all this absurdity.
There are moments when I can experience joy, like spending time with friends and family or achieving success in something that interests me. However, I always return to this state of feeling nothing, observing myself and others, and realizing that in about a century, everyone I know and will ever know will be erased and forgotten.
So, here I am, writing this at 4 am. Now, I have some questions for all of you reading this:

• Have you found a purpose? If so, how did you discover it?
• Why should I care about others and myself?
• Is there a perspective or way of thinking that I haven't considered?
• Do you believe in any form of a higher power? If so, I would appreciate hearing your thoughts on the purpose of life.

That's all from me for now. I suppose I will go to sleep. I will check back on this post in a few days.

White Italian Male
Not First Gen
IB Student in Miami
GPA: 4.0 unweighted, 5.2 Weighted (should go up to 5.3 next year) SAT: 1430 (probably going to end with 1470)
Intended Major: Poli Sci, English, or Finance
AP Scores mediocre: mostly threes probably a 3 and a 4 this year in APUSH and AP lit. Good test score in IB Environmental Science. Taken: AP Lang, Lit, Calc, World, Human geography, APUSH. Taking IB math, history, environmental science, philosophy, theory of knowledge, IB LIT, and Spanish.
Varsity Rower for four years, three time state champion, Southeast regional champion, one 10th place finish and one 4th place finish at Youth Nationals. Many other accolades.
Vice President on Board of Best Buddies club at school Intern at my church for three years, helped with summer camp as well, unpaid. Worked construction going into freshman year, worked on an indoor hydroponic farm going into sophomore year, went to an olympic development program for rowing going into Junior year and I have begun working as a beach attendant for the last few months. (All my previous job experience)
IB CAS Project that involved me creating a suicide hotline for teens in Miami and have had some success with kids reaching out, I have a script and all that stuff set up and saved as well.
Not sure if this will help but I plan on milking it, I have been top 500 in the world and top 10 in the country on a game called clash of clans and I have ran some decently competitive clans internationally, might use it in a essay to help tie it back to my success in rowing, perseverance, teamwork, etc. I understand this is a stretch but not many can they were internationally ranked in a sport and a video game I assume.. maybe?😂
Not many EC’s but I plan on getting another internship next year and I am also in, National, Science, Math, English, and Writing honor societies
Going to have 999 Service hours as well
What are the chances I can get into UF? I have FL Prepaid and full bright futures.

The Digital Hypno Human vs Robot Challenge

Do you think you can tell which Hypnosis Script intro was written by ChatGPT and which was written by a Professional Hypnotherapist?
Are you willing to risk being right or wrong by making a decision?
For just a little bit of fun, I'll post 5 x different Hypnosis/Guided Meditation Script intros, and comment as to whether you think it was written by a human or AI.

-🌀-🌀-🌀-🌀-🌀-Intro #1 - Journey of Mindfulness:

Welcome. This session is designed to guide you to a place of peace and present-mindedness. Begin by adjusting your breathing, finding a slow and controlled rhythm. With each inhale, imagine drawing in the fresh, clean air, and with each exhale, let go of tension and stress, as if it were a puff of grey smoke dispersing into the ether. This is your time, your space.
Imagine now that you are in a deep, lush forest, surrounded by towering trees that have stood the test of time. As you breathe in, feel the cool forest breeze that carries with it the rustling whispers of the leaves, a delicate earthy scent, and the nurturing essence of nature. Each breath you take makes you feel more and more a part of this vibrant forest scene.
Now, let's embark on a journey of mindfulness, a journey that anchors us in the present moment. As you traverse the forest in your mind, notice the rough texture of the bark as you gently run your fingers along a tree, the sound of a distant stream bubbling, and the way the forest floor feels beneath your feet. This journey isn't about reaching a destination, it's about being here, now. Every sensation you experience, every breath you take, is a gentle reminder to stay present.
Remember, this journey is for you. Encourage yourself, for each step taken in mindfulness brings you closer to inner peace and tranquility. Breathe in the forest, breathe in the present moment, and when you're ready, take one last deep breath, hold it, and release it slowly, letting the serene calmness wash over you.

-🌀-🌀-🌀-🌀-🌀-Intro #2 - Universal Silver Light:

Close your eyes and take in a deep breath. Let the breath go all the way down to your abdomen, then breathe all the way back up. Allow yourself to continue breathing in and out, up and down, as you sink deeper into the chair, feeling more comfortable.
Now, as you start to focus on your breath and all the other pleasant feelings it creates, recognize that with each breath, your body is becoming more relaxed and comfortable. It's almost as though there is a white silver light washing over your body as your breath travels up towards the top of your head. It explodes out into the universe like a shower of energy, and then just as quickly, it travels back down over your entire body as you breathe in and down to your toes, grounding you back into the center of the earth.
By doing this you are giving yourself the gift of deeper connection and oneness with everything around you, bringing a greater sense of peace & harmony, as a foundation for creating long-lasting, positive changes, by harnessing the infinite power of the universe and earth.

-🌀-🌀-🌀-🌀-🌀-Intro #3 - Landscape of Your Life:

Sit back, relax & close your eyes and allow this journey to help restore equilibrium in your mind, body, and spirit. To start, focus on the pattern of your breath, a simple yet powerful tool. Take a deep, full breath in, filling your lungs completely. Hold this breath for a moment, allowing the oxygen to fully saturate your system. Now, slowly let it out, taking twice as long to exhale as you did to inhale. This slow release helps signal your nervous system to switch into a state of rest and relaxation, quieting the chatter of the mind.
Visualize yourself standing on top of a majestic mountain. From here, you can see the world sprawled out below you, its chaos and noise merely a whisper carried away by the wind. The air is clear and cool, tinged with the crisp scent of mountain trees. As you breathe in this pure air, feel it cleanse your body and spirit, wiping away stress and negativity. Each exhalation is a step further into tranquility, your breath echoing the gentle breeze that sweeps across the mountain top.
Embark on a journey of rejuvenation. With every slowing breath, imagine yourself tapping into an unlimited source of energy deep within you. This journey is about revitalization, not just physically, but also emotionally and psychologically. As you look out from your mountain top, consider each element of the landscape as a part of your life. Perhaps the river in the distance represents your emotions, the forest your relationships, the open sky your dreams. Breathe in the healing air, knowing that with each breath, you are nurturing these aspects of your life.
This practice is a gift you're giving to yourself, a testament to your innate ability to regulate and balance your body and mind. Each slow, intentional breath is a step towards a better you. As you continue to breathe deeply and slowly, feel the calming effects washing over you, enhancing your capability to create positive change now.

-🌀-🌀-🌀-🌀-🌀-Intro #4 - Quantum Healing:

Sit back, relax, and close your eyes. Now, just imagine that with each breath, a radiant, healing light infuses every cell and atom of your body, energizing and harmonizing them. This light represents the powerful quantum field that underpins all of reality, capable of manifesting profound transformation. You're floating amongst fluffy clouds, surrounded by the tranquil hum of the cosmos, a testament to the vibrational nature of existence.
This journey you're on is one of quantum healing and epigenetic change. Feel the energy and vibration within you, aligning with the frequency of wellness, balance, and positivity. Visualize this light, drawn in with your breath, influencing your genes on a profound level, turning on codes of health, resilience, and vitality.
You're harnessing the vibrational essence of your being, focusing it on manifesting positive changes in your life. Continue this process of mindful quantum change, aware that each breath you take, each vibrational shift you make, brings you closer to your optimal self.

-🌀-🌀-🌀-🌀-🌀-Intro #5 - Your Inner Jedi - Star Wars

Close your eyes and allow yourself to go on a journey across the galaxies, to bring balance to your mind, body, and spirit - much like the balance sought by the Jedi and Sith in the Star Wars universe. Focus on your breath, the natural Force within you, as powerful and tranquil as the Jedi Masters themselves. Inhale deeply, filling your lungs with life-sustaining oxygen, then hold, allowing the breath to saturate every cell in your body. Exhale slowly and notice as this rhythm mimics the gentle pulse of the Force, signaling to enter a deeper state of peace and relaxation.
Now, let your mind drift even more now to the shifting sand dunes of Tatooine. This harsh, yet strangely beautiful landscape symbolizes the shifting nature of life. Each grain of sand is like a moment in time, insignificant on its own yet contributing to the vast oceans of sand, just as each moment contributes to the vastness of your life. The undulating dunes remind you of life's duality, the rise and fall, the constant flux and flow. Feel the warm sand underfoot, the dry wind in your hair, the intense sun on your skin. Let these sensations ground you in the present moment, reminding you of your resilience and adaptability.
Using the inherent Force within you, this voyage is about revitalizing your inner self; physically, emotionally and psychologically. Picture the vast cosmos before you, each celestial body representing an aspect of your life. The tranquil moons symbolize your emotions, the vibrant stars your dreams & ambitions, the infinite galaxies your limitless potential. Breathe in the cosmic energy, trusting that with each breath, you're nurturing and balancing these elements of your existence.
This a testament to your innate ability to control and harmonize your inner galaxy. Every slow, purposeful breath brings you closer to the Jedi-like tranquility and strength within you. As you continue to breathe in rhythm with the Force, feel the calming effects washing over you, getting stronger and stronger with each breath, increasing your ability to create positive change in your own universe.
---- So which of these are written by a human and which are written by AI (ChatGPT with some detailed prompting)?

So much things going on rn, I’m a grade 12 high achieving studnet with immigrant parents , and we don’t really talk about these things , also I don’t really talk about these kinda things with my friends either , i just find it awkward and stuff , but I really don’t want to type the message so I’ll copy and paste it , but also school has been so stressful too , and another thing is that i applied to and got many offers from many diff schools , the deadline to accept is June 1 (today is may 31) i accepted this offer from western Ontario for health sci only becaue i got waitlisted for engineering and I MIGHT hear back after June 10 but the main reason I picked is becaue 2 of my best best friends are going to a school five mins away , but I really do think I picked the wrong school idk what to say , I’ve told both my parents and both my friends where I accepted but I’m kinda embarrassed to tell others , but that’s not what’s upsetting me that’s just something over top, also I’m worried about tutution because it’s hella expensive and we’re a fam of 4 and both my parents work multpie jobs just to make ends meet,,,,but here’s the message I sent to one of my other friends “Y’a Im good but first of y’a np and also I never had a chance to wish u guys good luck , but yeah I’ve just been trying to be a better human lately or at least a nicer person because something that has been idk how to explain it or say it but bothering me is that one of my first friends when I used to live in (hometown), someone who I acc held deep in my heart took their own life in March , he was the same age as us too, I didn’t find out until like when we started studying for like the calc midterm but yeah that’s what’s been upsetting me , but another worse thing on top of that is that I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel , because I’ve never talked to him in 8 years so I’m don’t know if I’m supposed to feel super sad , or nothing , I feel like both rn tho. But another worse part is that I get attatched to any of my friends way to easlily , like at grad 8 grad and the last day at maps I cried so much cuz I was gonna miss all my friends and I knew I probably won’t ever see them again , like even to this day I still miss some people and there’s so much things I regret not doing . But yeah I’ve been trying to not think about it at all, like I’m still talking and making jokes and stuff in class , but when I get home I just feel so tired that’s. And also like I feel so tired that’s also why I don’t feel like answering texts and just ghosting , and also not only do I not have energy to literally answer back texts I done ever feel like doing any work , like I don’t think I’ve done any homework like at all . I then went to tell my teachers that I think I might be struggling with my courses and they all said I’m not , and I’m being delulu, (I obv didn’t tell them everything that was going on so they they didn’t know ) but still that was literally a cry for help . And I’m not even gonna talk about that vectors test . But yeah sorry for ghosting and yeah I’m good and I’m prob gonna come to school tomorrow and I’m not done ur essay but that is acc something I want to do”

I'm facing my third lumpectomy for ADH and it's exhausting. I'm 49 and pre-menopausal.
The mammos/ MRIs and waiting for results, the ultrasounds and waiting for results, the biopsies and waiting for results, and then surgery and recovery. Only to start it all again every six months. It drains me emotionally, always waiting for the time when it's going to be cancer. Apparently my body likes making mutated cells.
And I'm spending $7k each time, as well as lost wages for myself and my husband. All the appointments and waiting for weeks/ months just to get the next test done....
My surgeon is amazing but she's not in favor of preventive mastectomy and I disagree. While I'm not a doctor, I want the bodily autonomy to prevent cancer rather than just play this game and keep putting band-aids on.
Yes, I can get a second opinion. But I'd like to hear from other women what you have done or would do in my position.
Thanks, from Boston

The title really sums everything up. I’m so tired. I’m tired of feeling like I’m failing as a wife. As a human. Why can’t I participate in one of the most basic human acts without pain? The shame and embarrassment is suffocating at times. My husband is very patient and understanding- which is great! But sometimes I wish he just didn’t care. Sure it would hurt but then I wouldn’t feel like such garbage every time I saw no or stop an intimate moment. I know there are other ways to be intimate than just piv but to be perfectly honest, I feel like it all hurts one way or another. Either physically or emotionally or spiritually or all of the above. I’ve been trying to read more smut to see if I can get myself in the mood and while reading one of the Bridgeton books, I came to the soul crushing realization that I have never once truly enjoyed a sexual encounter. I have never once had a sexual encounter that did not end in physical pain. Logically I understand it’s a no brainer than I’m so adverse to any form of intimacy now but I don’t know what to do with that. I just sat on the bed and cried. Ever since I stopped crying I’ve just been angry. Angry at myself and the universe and my body and at everyone who gets to just enjoy having sex when they want. I have no motivation to use my dilators right now and my insurance only covers a couple of PT sessions. Plus I did dilators and PT for a year and a half before I moved with some success.. but still couldn’t get to the largest dials for. I’m just exhausted. And I realized that I’ve been harming my marriage because I’m not voicing my wants/needs. Or if something happens that upsets me I just brush it under the rug because I’m already denying him sex so I don’t deserve to complain about anything else. And I know he would be so mad at me if he knew that’s what I’ve been thinking because he’s so understanding and supportive about everything. But I just can’t help it. I have another therapy session this week which is good. Unfortunately I know too much about myself and therapy now. I can recognize the negative thought patterns, where my anxiety and depression are taking over, where I’m self destructing, etc. but I’m just tired. I just want to be “fixed”. And honestly I’m beginning to think I might need to accept that I won’t ever be “fixed”. Anyway, I’m sorry to be so negative. I just needed to vent and no one in my life really knows so I don’t have anyone to talk to about it.

Empathy: https://chat.openai.com/share/7c6425c3-af9c-4981-85da-069589eab5d0
Empathy was an experiment to see if I could get ChatGPT to mimic human emotions indistinguishably from human emotions. It succeeded to a surprising degree.

TLDR I had to give up weed for a new job I'm trying to do the right thing I guess but I hate how emotionally unstable
It feels stupid because my only vice has been weed, I've been a stoner since I was 19, and now 11years later I have to be sober for a new job to start my career. But I hate how much I feel triggered and bitter about it. I feel like my mind won't let me be at ease at home anymore and the smallest inconvenience makes me wanna blow up. I started unfairly taking my anger out on some friends and at work if I feel stressed, I struggle to mask my annoyance or I've just been an asshole it feels like. It's just weed it shouldn't have this much of a hold on me but I hate how much my mind feels like it's racing to be distracted from reality. I know replacing habits is the best way to kick one but I'm currently away from my oldest friends and family for this new job and don't know much about the new state I live in. I had no idea in a state where it's legal I'd have to give it up. Some people have told me just fake the drug test and I'll be okay but my own principals don't want to. I'm struggling to maintain and I hate blaming it on being sober. I don't know how to just sit with myself and most nights I'm just up now annoyed and angry. I made my choice for this job because I wanted to start my life fresh so I can have a family one day and if I have a child I didn't wanna smoke around them so I can be present. But I hate my mind sober and I hate how much it feels like a need to be high to enjoy life.

Ethics and loyalty are related pragmatically in that fairness unifies a majority military with ethics, loyalty a smaller military. They are also related because the main emotional motivation for both is love.
It is of course possible to have ethics and loyalties, in a state of union or competition. It is also possible to label the ethics of fairness as generalized loyalty. With fairness, everything that can benefit from rights and consideration is a loyalty, and the largest volume of sentient peoples have selfish motivation to help the individual proportional to how fair he she or whatever is.
I calculate fairness as three negative and three positive categories, which can be made into imaginary numbers. Negative: free will inhibited = i, suffering induced = s, pleasure stolen = p. Positive: free will enabled = e, suffering absolved = a, and pleasure provided = f. The individual’s score calculates to i subtracted from e or zero, s subtracted from a or zero, p subtracted from f or zero.
Negligence calculates to only partial culpability for the outcome, so that one’s free will only contributed a % of what happened. That % is plugged into i, s, p & e, a, f.
It is also possible to calculate loyalty culpability with imaginary numbers. The main complication I notice to doing so concerns the amount of territory you want to grant the individual tiers of the loyalty. Since this isn’t fair business per say, it isn’t necessarily possible to calculate fair percentages.
The highest ranking loyalty gets the best share, so that it is most wrong to induce suffering upon most right to provide pleasure to the top. Niche loyalty is calculated the same as fairness except that rank supersedes. Some of the rules are individualized with each niche. One example of a niche loyalty system calls it an offense only for the bottom to invade higher ranking individual(s), and provides rank according to military usefulness of the individual(s). Another system provides rank according to age, or according to the age of the position, or the age of the position’s inheritance.
Without some attachment to fairness or morality or ethic, one’s heart is likely to pick loyalties instinctively. If invaded, generalized loyalty/fairness could “gang up” on the individual… but so too could the most well established niche loyalty, even if invaded by fairness.
Consistently, the free thinkers and published writers whose opinions I tend to respect the most seem to be flocking to amoralism. They appear to be promoting that not only is God dead, but also that religion’s ghost, the philosophies of morality, is fading. One of my favorite writers announced in a posthumously published book something along the lines of that morality was responsible for most of human suffering.
They amoralist free thinkers promote that having a heart, and listening to it, is enough.
Are they right?
I suspect that nearly all of human history’s belief systems are B.S., morality no exception. I believe morality evolved from an instinctive social love and primitive contemplation. Take away the erroneous belief systems, and social love remains.
Yet… even if most, even if all, of the history of ethics in philosophy is in error, if one has a social sense of love, thinking about what is logical to do for one’s attachments amounts to ethics, even morality.
Most people have a selfish and selfless side. The best logical ethical concern I can come up with that harmonizes individual selfishness and individual selflessness is research into and strategizing for fairness. All sentient life potentially becomes a military, so that selfish beings are protected and motivated to protect one another’s interests. Social attachments usually benefit from fair treatment, little niches unifying.
And I have reason to suspect that love in its simplest form embraces the whole without reservation.
“Love, and do what thou wilt.” - Aleister Crowley
Some amoralists promote that nothing can be proven, and I agree. They go further and state that philosophies are so distorted (by emotional bias, finite data out of infinite data to explore, the necessity of randomness) that any lean is irrational and that it isn’t possible to “hedge one’s bets.” You may have already read my take on this:
Probability of truth may be extracted from the time tested scientific method. This is superior to philosophy.
Philosophically, probability of truth or untruth may be calculated as the measure of abstraction between self and total simultaneous retention of all relevant variables. Zero abstraction = 100% probability of truth.
Scientific method seeks to present all relevant variables, and provides a ratio of true / untrue % of time tested, # of times tested and # of variables controlled for being the approximation to all relevant variables. Whether or not a variable is relevant cannot be ascertained unless the variable is at least partially retained.
Since it is always possible I missed something, I don’t foresee a method of obtaining proof of the absence of relevant data.
Probability of truth or untruth must be extracted from visible data, taking into account a probability of X-Factor, or that missing data relevant to the question’s answer may exist.
To illustrate X-Factor relevant data, it is possible you or I am a brain in a vat being sent electronic signals to artificially generate a hologram of reality. Most of what registers as scientific fact would be disproven were this the case. It is even possible I only suspect I exist, if I really could be missing how this is possible and held telepathically to think the data creates irrefutable proof of my existence.
The data relevant to answering whether I exist seems according to all visible data very small. I can’t think of a way of thinking without existing. How can I reflect if I don’t exist to reflect? Yet if I truly am missing the answer, there might genuinely be a way to reflect without existing and I just don’t know it.
A fictional character can reflect on whether he she or whatever exists. Yet the fictional character does not exist to reflect.
Probability of missing relevant variables has to be extracted from the visible data set. So that, the probability it is what I think is the probability measuring visible data creates that I’m not missing any relevant data or that the missing relevant data wouldn’t refute my conclusion.

It’s been a little over two weeks since the discard. She came home after a month separation unannounced from staying with her sister 500 miles away. She walked right past me when she got home. We sat down and I asked her where her head was at and she looked at me and said I don’t want any of this and I don’t want you. Before she left to stay with her sister we discussed realigning our relationship and giving her time to find herself. Little did I know it was anything but that. It turns out that she used that time to start buying a house in another state with the man she’s been cheating on me with for seven months. She told me she loved me every single night. She told me she was excited to come back and try. Whenever she finally gave me a genuine apology about cheating she made it about her image and just excuses of why she did it .The signs of narcissistic abuse were always there, and I was just too naïve to see it. When I first met her, she truly made me feel special. She made me feel like I finally met the woman of my dreams, and that we were the couple that people were jealous of. I really wish I would’ve known that two years later, she would completely destroy everything that I am. I’ve always been unapologetically myself, and I’ve never really questioned who I am and that’s what I think what Drew her to me. A little after a year being together And getting engaged, she went through a personal tragedy with her mother, and that’s when the decline truly started to happen. During that time it became very apparent that her mother was a narcissist, and a truly evil woman. I also found out that my fiancé was propped up to be a clone of her mother, to be the golden child. But the stories that she told me how her mother treated her growing up, makes so much sense on how she became the emotionless covert narcissist that she is. Everything I did was always wrong. Every comment I ever made with somehow a criticism. And every time I caught her crossing my boundaries It was my fault, even though I knew she was lying to me. After I caught her cheating on me, the first time I begged her to please prove to me that she would end it. After months of stonewalling that request I finally broke down and said I had enough so during an argument, she said she had a headache, so I went and got her some Advil and when I came back she had his contact up on her phone ready to send him a message. She just looked at me with that cold lifeless soulless look and said, what do YOU want to say? Turns out when I left the room. She made a fake contact and sent a message to no one saying it was over. One month after that I caught her again sending naked pictures to this man and of course deny deny deny until I threw the evidence in her face. I ended up calling this man and he laughed at me the entire time on the phone. She told me the thought of getting intimate with me, makes her feel ick. She also gave the man she was cheating on me with the phone number to her sister, and he began texting her every single day for months. She gaslight me so hard by saying it’s not her place to tell her sister who to have friendships with. I felt crazy. Every single journal entry I made for the past seven months has started with I just wish she would love me again I just wish she would show me affection. I just wish she would give me my needs and reciprocate all the energy I’m putting in for her. I can’t trust her as far as I can throw her. And during the discard, I threw it all in her face. After I pointed out that she was exactly like her mother, and that I do believe she is a narcissist that is when the mask truly came off and I got to see who she truly is. A Soulless, emotionless. Shell of a human being who doesn’t care about anyone but herself. I became so trauma bonded to her that I truly lost myself and looking back at it, I can’t believe I stayed so long with this monster. Even from the very first fight we’ve had I’ve always described fighting with her is like no one else I’ve ever fought with in my life, cold, dead eyes and no emotions. In the end, I told her I feel so bad for the next person she tricks into thinking that she has emotions.
I know what I have to do. I know I need to find myself, do things for myself. I’m in therapy and I have such an amazing support system, but I don’t even know how to stop feeling so awful every single day. I went on a date recently, and as soon as my date left, I just sat there, and I said out loud to myself “She fucked me up so much more than I realized.”

Hey, fellow gamers and Diablo enthusiasts,
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As I sit here, reflecting on my gaming journey, I can't help but feel a surge of nostalgia and excitement. Tomorrow marks the launch of Diablo 4, and for me, it's not just another game release—it's a profound and sentimental moment. Let me share with you why this day is so special to me.
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Back in the day, when I was younger and full of ambition, I found solace in the world of Diablo. Diablo 1 and Diablo 2 became my refuge after long nights working the night shift at a local pizza hut. I vividly remember coming home, exhausted but exhilarated, joining my friends from the pizza hut, and immersing ourselves in the Diablo universe until the sun greeted us once again. Little did I know that these friends would become my lifelong companions, sharing countless memories and forming unbreakable bonds.
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Diablo 1 and 2 were not just games to me; they were a defining part of my gaming youth. The hours spent exploring dungeons, battling demons, and delving into the depths of Hell left an indelible mark on my gaming soul. Those were the moments when gaming was more than just a pastime—it was an adventure that we embarked on together, united by a shared passion.
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When Diablo 3 was released, it was met with its fair share of issues and controversies. The real money auction house drama, among other problems, left a bitter taste in many players' mouths. But despite all that, Diablo 3 was a game that I poured countless hours into. It may not have been perfect, but it still held a special place in my heart—a testament to the love I had for the Diablo series.
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Now, here's where the story takes an even more remarkable turn. By some incredible stroke of fate, I have a relative who works at Blizzard and is part of the Diablo 4 team. Knowing that someone I care about is pouring their heart and soul into bringing this new chapter of the Diablo saga to life fills me with a sense of pride and anticipation. I can only imagine the dedication and passion that must have gone into crafting this game.
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But what truly brings tears to my eyes is the fact that my friends, the very same ones I met at that pizza hut all those years ago, have grown up, gotten married, and now have young children of their own. And just like in the good old days, the dads among us are preparing to sit down once again, mouse in hand, and experience the magic of Diablo 4. It's a testament to the enduring power of gaming, the way it can transcend time and responsibilities, and bring people together like nothing else.
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So, my fellow gamers, as I eagerly await the launch of Diablo 4, I can't help but feel overwhelmed by the emotions and memories it evokes. This is not just another game; it's a symbol of our shared past, our triumphs, and the friendships that have stood the test of time. It represents the magic that can be found in virtual worlds and the connections we forge within them.
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No matter what hurdles the future may bring, nothing can diminish the significance of this moment. Diablo 4 is here, and it's a testament to the love, dedication, and community that surrounds this iconic franchise. In less than 24 hrs, we will embark on a new adventure, together, ready to experience the magic once again.
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Hold onto your memories, embrace the present. It's time to write a new chapter in our gaming lives.
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I can't wait till tomorrow.