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2023.06.01 04:37 bowedsiding95 happy new year; looking for bright days from the heart of darkness

happy new year; looking for bright days from the heart of darkness submitted by bowedsiding95 to Baizarbon [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 04:36 Beanhedge Lifeguarding

You learn lots of things working as a lifeguard.
My favorite part is what we call the Good Samaritan Law. Or as my instructors called it, the CYA law.(We have an acronym for everything.)
That one stands for “cover your ass”.
It means that a first-responder, like a lifeguard, cannot be sued or jailed for actions taken to save a person's life in an emergency.
It comes in handy. I guard a place called the Camrock Quarry. It’s a glorified swimming pool, except forty feet deep, and we have parents who think we’re a daycare. I regularly fish kids out the deep end, only to drop them off, crying, to parents lazing in our chairs on their phones, angry that I won’t let their kids back in the water for a half-hour.
They threaten to sue. Every. Goddamn. Day.
Otherwise it’s chill.
I spend one hour scanning an area. Then two whistles blow. I get to walk over to another area and watch there. We have breaks sometimes.
Today was not chill. At break my coworker, Dede, walked up to me.
“That woman's child vomited watermelon in the toddler pool again.” she says.
I pause.
“Is that all she feeds it?
Dede shrugs.
I go clean the “biomass.” Treat the water.
Feel the stares of “that woman” on my back.
“Why’s it taking so long?” She asks.
I tell her.
“Well what about me?”
I sigh.
“My manager bought us ice-cream last week. You could have some while you wait.”
Five minutes later we’re standing inside.
“You look like a drumstick man.” I say to the woman's kid. Then I dig back in the freezer.
“And would you like an ice-pop, ma’am?”
“I think I deserve one, at this point.”
The boy eats his desert with feral energy. His mother is more hesitant. I watch her face pucker.
“These are sugar-free, aren’t they?” She asks.
I pretend to check the box.
“Oh. Sorry.”
She drops it dramatically into our trash.
Later I watch her swim in the deepest part of Camrock, what we call “The Pit.”
Then she touches her head.
And she sinks.
Did you know we’re not supposed to call them victims? They’re “GID’s.” Guests in Distress. Because “It’s not their fault they’re in trouble.”
But I do my job.
I blow my whistle long. By the time I get her out she’s not breathing.
I begin CPR.
Her ribs crack.
Dede runs up with our crash bag. “I’ve got the AED! I’ve got the AED!”
We paste the pads on and wait.
“V-TAC. SHOCK ADVISED.” The machine says. “STAND CLEAR.”
The woman's whole body arcs.
The woman rolls over, crying softly. By then the ambulance arrives.
The EMT’s put her on the stretcher.
“Hey,” One of them says. “Congrats. You just saved a life.”
I smile.
She’s going to be in the hospital for months.
Saved indeed.
And all I needed was an ice-pop tray and the key to our chemical shed.
submitted by Beanhedge to shortscarystories [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 04:36 kyaorin Writing first Fantasy Novel and would like Constructive Critique

So this is my first novel. And i want to know if you would read this book based on the first section of the book. Im wondering if i should continue writing. Also if the quality of writing is okay. Am i shifting tense and all that good stuff.
Its meant to be ya fantasy, but more on the classic fantasy side. Thank you for any comments made! ——————
Little Klara, no older than eleven, ran through the woods she came to love so much. The spring wind blew her short black ringlet’s out of her face. Petals whipped through the air, the rich colors of the petals appearing heavenly against the pastel pink and blue hue of the dawn sky. Her unusual sapphire eyes spotted a mouse hiding in a patch of clover, and the chase began. She loved chasing critters of all kinds, catching them and trying to become friends. Her brow furrowed in concentration as she made a quick dash to the right, grass and twigs crunching under her feet. The mouse swiftly avoided her, scampering through little areas that even small Klara could not reach. Klara kept pace however, hoping to tire out the little mouse. The mouse led her through twists and turns until they reached a small pond. The pond was a dark blue with an almost grey hue to it. There were many branches and lily pads floating along the surface. Dragonflies and other insects buzz above the pond while many fish swim beneath the glittery surface. The mouse, hoping to lose her, makes a jump for a log, acting as a tiny pier out to the pond. From the edge of the log, he jumps from branch to branch. The small creature looks back with a slight smirk, knowing the ordinary human won’t get wet for a mouse. However, Klara was not ordinary.
Excited by the chase, Klara kept running out to the lake, expecting to swim her way to the mouse. Instead of feeling her feet break the surface of the water she feels the cool wetness only on the soles of the feet. The young girl was sprinting on top of the water towards the mouse, having far too much fun to realize the oddity of her actions. The mouse froze, mystified by what he was seeing. ‘Perhaps she is a witch?’ He thought. “Ha ha ha I got you little bugger!” Klara blurted out giddily. She huffed and puffed while standing on the water, catching her breath. The bugs and other small creatures froze around the pond, waiting for the possibility of danger. She held the small mouse in her warm hands and spoke softly, “Hello. My name is Klara? Do you have a name? Either way we should be friends!” At this point, she finally glances down to see that she is standing on top of the water. Her heart flopped in her chest and her face turned crimson. She held her mouse friend to her chest to keep him safe and shrieked while frantically running back to the shore. She rushed until she found a tree to stabilize herself in her panic. She let go of her mouse friend and he scampered away hurriedly. Klara put her back to the tree, breathing heavily as she slid down the trunk to sit at its base. She looked out to the water, wondering if she imagined it all. But looking at her feet, only the soles were wet and covered with damp grass.
She took deep breaths in to steady her fast breathing, at last regaining composure of herself. Thoughts raced through her little mind. ‘How could any of this be possible? I am not a witch. At least I don’t think I am.’ She gazed out into the pond, ripples from her steps still flowing outward onto the surface and creating the softest waves on the shore. She pondered about her mother. A skittish woman that was very careful. The image of her mother in a tizzy, her light brown curly hair held back in a bun, scurrying around the cottage. She was a lady that never stopped moving. ‘Perhaps her anxieties are caused because she is hiding something.’ Klara wondered. “No matter.” She thought out loud. Deciding to keep her experience a secret, she stood up from her spot at the base of the tree and began making her long trek back to the meadow. Where the vine covered cottage was. Her home.
submitted by kyaorin to fantasywriters [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 04:35 Few-Pirate6046 I just-...What???

I just-...What??? submitted by Few-Pirate6046 to AreTheStraightsOK [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 04:35 Laurinforcell 2 summers ago I planted a mix of 8 different cultivars in my 1.2 acre backyard. It was an experiment to see what won back there. Here are the results.

2 summers ago I planted a mix of 8 different cultivars in my 1.2 acre backyard. It was an experiment to see what won back there. Here are the results.
My backyard is surrounded by the woods, weed pressure from neighbors and a million and two animals including my dog. In August of 2021 I made the decision to do a full renovation on it (low maintenance low stress my front yard is 6000sq ft of pure OCD) after moving onto the property. I nuked the old yard to just dirt. Countless dump truck loads of topsoil and bags of humichar later I planted a mix of 6 different cultivars to see what would survive in my partly shaded yard with the only water source being natural rain. Here are the results. Cut at 3” in zone 6A with a spring and fall fertilizer app.
Kentucky Blue stands out as far darker than the rest. In spring and fall puts the others to absolute shame. It goes dormant relatively fast in the summer. Rhizomatic spread is much slower than expected.
New turf type tall fescue cultivars are very impressive with relatively fine blades and good color would highly recommend if you have hot summers.
Creeping red fescue - I hate it.
Perennial Ryegrass - old reliable not much to comment obviously germinated quickly and has fine blades but with no added iron it’s too lime green for my preference.
Fine fescue - pleasantly surprised with it seemed to take hold near the woods which makes sense as it’s more shade tolerant. Goes dormant in summer but comes back quicker than the KBG. Most prone to weed pressure.
Chewings fescue - meh not bad not my favorite though
Summary - holds ups pretty well for the abuse it takes given the conditions. Resistance to weed pressure was fairly good but I tend to get clover in the thin spots. Will treat before summer and be back to 95% weed free. It really could use some water some days but i told myself I wouldn’t put work into the back besides mowing. For the next Reno I plan on doing strictly TTTF and KBG. Would maybe fill in with rye where needed but I doubt I’ll care that much. Anyways if you made it this far you’re one heck of a lawn nerd thanks for stopping by.
submitted by Laurinforcell to lawncare [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 04:35 bellchenst Present-Day Wonder in Dual-Era Worldview in Our Upcoming Adventure Game, Spatial Terminal: Riftwalkers

Present-Day Wonder in Dual-Era Worldview in Our Upcoming Adventure Game, Spatial Terminal: Riftwalkers
Welcome, brave adventurers, to the world of Spatial Terminal: Riftwalkers! This extraordinary universe we’ve been crafting spans not just the vast spectrum of technology, biology, and society but also transcends the boundaries of time. Our world is set in a dual era, with the present-day cities of Tachimi and San Minato coexisting with an ancient civilization lost to history. It’s a place where past and future collide in new and profound ways, shaping a world that’s both eerily familiar and wildly different from our own. Let us take you on a journey through the dazzling present-day cities of Tachimi and San Minato, setting the stage for the incredible adventure that awaits you in the ancient realms beyond.
Concept of Tachimi City

Tachimi City: The Surreal Mastery of Technologies and Illusions

In the twilight of human development, the sprawling metropolis of Tachimi City emerges, etched on the island’s western coastline. Artificial Superintelligence lays the very foundation of this city, building layer upon layer of chaotic yet deliberate architecture beyond the realms of human understanding. In this city, neon lights reign supreme, casting puzzling shadows on the denizens below, who flock to the vibrant underground pop culture scene that has made Tachimi notorious.
Basking in the glow of night, holographic projections dance with AI bots to paint a portrait of surreal beauty as humans stand by and watch designs more ambitious than any mind could have conceived unfold. Rich, swirling colors pulsate from countless billboards and art installations spread across the city, the hallmark of Tachimi City’s thriving creative scene.
Yet, beneath the kaleidoscope of over-stimulation lies an undercurrent of darkness. The neon-lit alleys extend into a labyrinth of shadows and illicit activity, where exhausted souls vie for a taste of the glitz and glamour Tachimi promises. Amidst soaring futuristic malls and high-tech offices lie crumbling social welfare apartments, homes to those who eke out a living on the fringes of a society shaped by AI-driven ingenuity.
Concept of Tachimi City

San Minato City: A Harmonious Symphony of Life and Art

On the opposite end of the spectrum lies San Minato City, nestled on the eastern coast. Here, the air is free from the hum of AI. Instead, the city is alive with the whisper of nature and the touch of biological advancement. Silicon and quantum computers are rare sights, with their presence restricted only to the city’s banking system and a decentralized blockchain used for democratic voting.
The infrastructure here seems to grow rather than be built, thanks to revolutionary cell-growing technologies. Streets and buildings come alive, growing organically from the ground, as if San Minato City were a living, breathing entity. The scientists have even broken the inter-species communication barrier with Brain-Computer Interface (BCI) technology, leading to a vibrant, chaotic society where intelligent animals like monkeys and parrots participate in societal functions. From racial to gender and now species equality, this city is a hub of progressive movements.
Art flows freely in the veins of San Minato City. Each corner houses a gallery, with music, paintings, photography (non-digital), and motion pictures becoming the soul’s language. And yes, transportation here is a thrill on its own. Why ride a bus when you can hop onto a Turkey Taxi? Not only do these feathered rides beat cars, but they also outpace helicopters!
Concept of San Minato City

The Island of Conflict: The Endless Clash of Ideology

Dividing these two cities lies a desolate wasteland, all that remains of the once-great capital of an ancient civilization. The hazardous desert echoes with the whispers of ghostly conflicts, while scars of ceaseless battles dot the landscape, testament to the unwavering ideological divide between Tachimi and San Minato that never seems to reconcile.
Concept of Central Island Desert
Yet, it is in this estranged present that our protagonist’s quest begins, only to take an unexpected turn in the heart of Tachimi City’s public subway system. Captured in a gravity-defying anomaly, the very fabric of time and space unravels, casting our hero into the cryptic depths of a forgotten past, lost to all knowledge.
Welcome to Spatial Terminal: Riftwalkers. Our universe is vast and diverse, and every stone overturned reveals deeper layers of mystery and intrigue. As the present-day cities of Tachimi and San Minato give way to an ancient past, the boundaries between the known and the unknown dissolve, ushering you into a journey of epic proportions.
Concept of Tachimi Metro Station
Join us in this thrilling adventure, where time’s rift awaits those who dare to traverse its unseen path. Ready yourself, intrepid explorer, for the world of Spatial Terminal: Riftwalkers is about to begin.
Prepare to cross through time and space as you unveil the unseen world that lies before you.

Please Wishlist Us

As our collective journey unfolds, we invite you to join us and be a part of the burgeoning Spatial Terminal community. Show your support by wishlisting Spatial Terminal Engine on Steam or diving into our early access: https://store.steampowered.com/app/2261570
Stay tuned for the highly anticipated arrival of Riftwalkers in Spatial Terminal Marketplace, with a sneak peek of the game to be revealed in late June. Keep an eye out for our upcoming real-time devlogs and updates, as we continue to breathe life into the worlds we build, powered by your passion and our unwavering commitment to innovation.
submitted by bellchenst to stworld [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 04:35 rClipsBot BAN APPEALS 💀 HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY! 🤣Yes, I'm late, I slept all day, sry fam forgot we had plans... 💀 BASED❌DEGEN❌ CLOWN❌JUBILEE❌KYOOTBOT

BAN APPEALS 💀 HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY! 🤣Yes, I'm late, I slept all day, sry fam forgot we had plans... 💀 BASED❌DEGEN❌ CLOWN❌JUBILEE❌KYOOTBOT submitted by rClipsBot to clips [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 04:34 CarpenterImmediate14 Hate my mom, tired of this bitch

She’s a bitch with kids. Thats really it. I get the spirit of discomfort around her I can’t be loving or pure hearted around that nasty... It’s weird, she probably hates how different we are but I’m happy. I’m a lil salty I look like her. I hope she doesn’t think I’m going to actually maintain a relationship with her. We are two different people w different capacity to love. I just hate how my energy is dragged down when I interact with her. She’s everything she hates in others. The lack of awareness at 60 is unbelievable . Im not going to focus on this anymore this is a pattern Im of me dislike if this bitch, strongly. She said she wanted to kill my cats amongst just other shit. I know my feelings of resentment and hatred will settle but I can’t forget how fraudulent this bitch is or I’m just going to be all genuine then get surprised she can’t be good natured for more than a day no hours. All this hot and cold is sickening. My whole family is, really. They really the opps.
submitted by CarpenterImmediate14 to Vent [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 04:34 trustmeimapro69 improvement!

I was recently prescribed 5mg of Lexapro a day for mood instability and anxiety. My OCD in recent stressful times has been god awful with terrible intrusive thoughts and constant reassurance-seeking. When it gets bad, my OCD can take hours out of my day. I did not expect this at all, but only one week on Lexapro and my mental state is markedly better. My intrusive thoughts have decreased so much- and the medication is not even at it’s most effective as I’ve only been taking it for about a week. I have terrible medication anxiety from going through a Manchausen-by-proxy situation with my mother (she would have me on 8 unnecessary medications at a time that reeked physical and mental havoc on me), but this is my first time taking Lexapro and I am so thankful for it! The first few days I was sick as a dog, but that has mostly died down already. I am starting therapy again as well. A win is a win!
submitted by trustmeimapro69 to OCD [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 04:34 gandalfhoe What do you do without backup childcare? Should I move again to be closer to family help?

Long vent incoming. On mobile so apologies if the formatting is awful.
I'm a single mom who moved across the country to live with family while I get back on my feet. Still in the process of getting divorced. I've been living with my daughter (15mo) in my brothers spare room for a little over 6 months. When we fist got here, I got a fast food job to supplement my income while I looked for something better. Brother has been watching my daughter when I work part time and when I go to interviews. It took me awhile to get a better paying job but I finally did it! Started last week and am really enjoying it so far.
Now that I'm going to be working more there's been some tension about how much I'm paying bro & how often I'll need him to watch her. In June my brother & his husband will be out of town for 3 weeks. I had to arrange for my ex to fly in to watch our daughter so I wouldn't lose my new job. Mother's Day weekend bro & BIL went out of town so our mom came to help while I worked. Long story short-ish, mom fell asleep on the couch & I came home to my daughter crying in her crib upstairs. They just told me they're going to be gone for two weeks in July and I don't know what to do. Not to mention the fact that they're going to be moving out of state themselves next year. So I have to have all my ducks in a row by then which is stressful.
My daughter is on waitlists at two local daycares but who knows how long those could take to open up. I've exhausted all my family options in the area that im comfortable with and am truly at a loss of what to do. I'm unable to take time off and haven't exactly asked my new boss if it's ok for me to bring my daughter with me.
My ex wants us to move back to our home state so we can have 50/50 custody and his parents can help with childcare. I was initially against it but the more I think about it I can't help but feel it might be what's best for everyone. I'm so stressed all the time worrying about being able to support us on my own, finding a new place to live, finding childcare, doing fun things, etc, etc. At least if we moved home I wouldn't be so worried about childcare and she'd get to form a relationship with her dad. Thoughts?
Not really sure what I'm looking for here. Maybe just to shout into the void? I'll happily take some advice or words of encouragement:')
submitted by gandalfhoe to SingleParents [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 04:34 lvcardplug There’s no point in life

And don’t give me ohh there’s so many experiences you’ll miss there’s literally no point of me living there’s no way to be happy with this condition the only “happiness” is trying to trick yourself into beliving this bs that everyone tells you everyone will backstab you eventually no girl ever truly loves you and even if they did why entertain someone you’ll just get bored of in 2 days I wasn’t born with money my only hope was I was 1/100,000,000 and I’m not so I have to suffer through life because of a condition that makes you a lazy fuck the only thing that matters in life is that you behave and make enough money to support yourself no body actually cares I’m done living like this but don’t have anywhere to go the moment I do lol. I’m not looking for anything just here to tell the truth. If you can fake it and make it congrats but I can’t and I’m just going to continue to suffer because of it just had to have adhd just had to make all of those dumbass mistakes life was never going to be good just like everyone told me and now I have to just settle for whatever “life” gives me. Wish I could just believe in an invisible man who “clears all sin” like everyone else.
submitted by lvcardplug to ADHD [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 04:34 akoparinba my bday turned out pretty great this yr

2 yrs ago, i was at work during my bday, i remembered going home tired since it was my first few days at my first job. my ex and i fought pa that time kasi hindi man lang siya nag-effort na puntahan ako kahit bday ko nun haha
last yr, i celebrated it at home, kasama fam and friends ko. i was still sad pa that time from a break up. naalala ko pa na all they could talk about was my ex, bakit nag-break and anong nangyari. mas lalo ako na-off that day kasi puro nonsense naman napag-usapan namin haha i ended the day crying.
yesterday, i celebrated it w my safe space. we roamed around makati and ate good food. naglakad lang kami around pobla habang hawak ko lang kamay nya. at exactly 12AM, the only pic i got was the blurry pic ng kalsada na hagip lang yung sapatos namin haha
tried a cafe sa 4F Glorietta, hindi ko na napicturan ng maayos yung naorder namin saka yung place kasi nag-enjoy na kami mag daldalan masyado. we also ate dinner at a japanese resto. good place + good food kaya nakakatuwa 🥹
seems like a normal day lang but it was peaceful for me. i was happy and contented na i get to celebrate my bday the way i wanted to tbh.
she also got me a gift that made me teared up 🥹 makita niya naman siguro to hehe salamat ulit, f.
maybe birthdays r really just another day and thats okay :-)
submitted by akoparinba to OffMyChestPH [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 04:33 bowedsiding95 happy new year; looking for bright days from the heart of darkness

happy new year; looking for bright days from the heart of darkness submitted by bowedsiding95 to Restutore [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 04:33 ParagusPrime I am strongly considering medical assistance in dying for next year

On most days I just rerun various memories of how I got here to this point.
I'll be 30 years old in a few years. Not that young anymore but not old.
I dropped out of college due to lacklustre performance, academic probation and well, stupidity really. I never took any real courses afterwards. Maybe a license or small certificate here or there. No goal orientation. No reason for existence.
2018 was a wonderful year. I held a great role at a non profit at the same university I'd departed from. I had a romantic relationship. I was actually living. And then things started crumbling because of my own ignorance. I was 147-155 lbs, quite fit and loved cycling.
And since then, nothing I've done has made sense. Never held a job longer than 12 months. In late 2022 I got laid off from a firm that does residential lending. The only real feedback I received was 'we don't want you to work so hard to be so unsuccessful'
I did exactly what I usually do when things get stressful. I flew off the rails, cold turkey quitting a strong SSRI. There were approximately 11 days of no sleep mixed with nausea, cold sweats. I lost 3 months of job searching, not seeking any medical assistance as well.... I'd suggest firmly that if idiocy does exist, I suffer from it in some dimension.
I saw my grandfather for the first time in 20 years this year. How sad it must be grandfather. To have lived 80 plus years, see the world so completely change. He cried when he said, "...we didn't hear anything, saw no pictures, we hardly knew what happened in the intervening years"
I was overcome with shame.
I've, through my own issues, caused all my relationships to die. It's just me and my brother who is my lifeline to the outside world. My mother calls and I ignore the phone. Every day I just spend aimlessly scrolling through Reddit or social media. My housing arrangement is a bit of a disaster but I can stay here for the time being.
I've developed other comorbid issues. Impulse shopping. Obesity. Internet addiction. I don't ride my bicycles anymore yet two of them that I purchased sit in the garage. I would suggest I am functionally unable to write or think critically.
I haven't left the house other than to go to the gym (just to use their sauna) or purhase groceries. I'll apply to jobs, even get called to in person interviews only to be unprepared and cancel last minute.
I try accessing care services but I have to actually go and declare an emergency in a hospital to receive care. I have observed my own decline into irrelevance.
My doctor has become my de facto 'best friend'. He has prescribed me some medications but I do not think they will provide relief.
In spring of 2024, the Canadian federal government could allow medical assistance in dying for persons with mental illness in significant psychological pain.
It is quite strange the vicissitudes of life. I've failed. I am haunted by the person I was. There's a picture of me and a woman I was good friends with. And I ruined that friendship through petty anger at cost sharing for a road trip...
I believe that my brain itself has been damaged this time. I hope I can get a magnetic resonance image or similar tests to see what exactly is going on.
My brother wants me to take things slowly. I have given up on life. I sometimes want to be sent to prison, just so I can be alive and have a roof over my head.
I cannot refute that I haven't thought of ways of ending things. I can't go back to the places I frequented. There's no point or anyone to go back to. I think fondly of all the people I've ever met. Oh how foolish I was.
What was the point of all of it? Why did I ever complete high school? Why did I ever have hope? Why did I ever believe anything was possible?
I appreciate any feedback. Thanks friends.
submitted by ParagusPrime to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 04:33 iiPumpkin_Pieii I'm so tired of being me.

im so tired. and i shouldnt be upset with what i have. i have friends and stuff, and im mostly happy. but sometimes i feel like absolute garbage. its so hard for me to communicate how i feel and all of my problems, im terrified of my friends making fun of me. i have a huge hyperfixation right now and i can't even talk about it without feeling like im being annoying or embarrassed about what people might think of me if im more open about it. ive been miserable for the past few days. i havent called my friends at all, barely talk to them. im so tired of not being able to talk about what i want to, but i cant even try to talk about the stuff i like because it embarrasses the shit out of me for no reason. id give anything just to fit in and have interests like a neurotypical person. i cant be who i want to be. i cant just ignore what people think when i get made fun of. so many people have made fun of me and i just cant let my friends start to do the same. i want things to change but cant stand the embarrassment of telling my friends about the things i like. i just dont want to get hurt ig? idk what the point of this rant was but it helped me blow off some steam from the things ive been feeling lately. if u have any advice orrr just anything to say then go ahead.
submitted by iiPumpkin_Pieii to autism [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 04:32 EvitaGoch Review:Nike SB Dunk Low StrangeLove Skateboards💌💌💌

Review:Nike SB Dunk Low StrangeLove Skateboards💌💌💌 submitted by EvitaGoch to SneakerWatch [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 04:32 Motor-Upbeat I love you and I want you to live a better life

My story is similar to all of yours. I’m a 18 y/o who paid attention to the little details from a very young age. I remember in many occasions seeing a photo of a girl on the side while I was playing on the computer and I just couldn’t stop thinking. Even though I only looked at the first pornographic image when I was around 12 years old. It was when I got my first phone and I was on Facebook and I found this account that had only the cover photo of a woman who wasn’t fully naked but showed a lot. I remember keeping memory of the profile name and searching it whenever I was alone in my room and just staring at it. I felt something I have never felt before.
I had such a traumatic childhood and I’m sure many of you brothers and sisters would relate to me when I say that I used many of the online outlets to soothe myself. I played video games for hours. I also started watching porn videos when I was in 7th grade (abt 14 y/o.) That addiction developed to hardcore porn and fantasies by the time I was in junior high, including hentai and others. I ended up realising how much of a toll it was taking on me mentally, physically and spiritually.
I decided I was going to stop once and for all when I was a senior in high school. The reason I wanted to stop was to feel better and get more attention from girls. I relied completely on willpower and watched TONS of motivational. I started going to the gym consistently. I made sure I ate right and slept well and kept good hygiene. I started getting attention from girls more. I started to ask them for their number and if we could hang out. I then got a girlfriend after 4 months of no PMO. I liked her so much but I couldn’t connect with her. I didn’t know if this was right or wrong so I asked God to give me a dream about whether or not I should stay with her. That same night, God gave me a dream where I picked an apple off of a tree and tried to give it to her, and she did not take it. This was a sign from God that this girl was not the one for me. Even though I could not wrap my head about leaving her just because of a dream, I said, “Jesus, let it be your will and not mine.” I then started talking to the same girl about Jesus and about how we should make him the centre of the relationship in order for it to prosper. I realised that the more I talked to her about God, the more distant we because. This was enough evidence for me that God didn’t want me to stay with her. Therefore, I left her and broke it off cold despite having feelings for her. She used to say that she loved me, but today she says that she never even liked me. She got a new boyfriend. Looking back, I think I just wanted to feel loved, but in a genuine way. And I’m not talking about sex or any of that. I just wanted to feel loved but I couldn’t find that in my relationship with this girl. I remember feeling heartbroken and sad. Often, I couldn’t sleep from the pain I felt in my heart because I really loved this girl. I started going out for walks as late as 2,3, and 4 in the middle of the night and just feeling down. With nobody to talk to. What made the pain worse was thinking back of the memories where I used to hug my ex and exchange kind words. I often found myself crying and even sobbing. I was feeling lonely and I missed feeling as though I was loved.
I then went back to porn again to make myself feel better. After 6 months of no porn and no masturbation, I finally gave up. My ambitions started crumbling and binge watched porn again. I didn’t look as happy as I once did. However, I met with a 54 y/o friend that I met before the 6 months of abstinence from porn. This is a guy that God tried using to warn me of getting into a relationship when I was this young. I remembered him in the middle of my pain and called him. He remembered me and asked how I did, I told him the same story and he was happy to know that I didn’t have sex with her and didn’t even kiss her because he said that sex forms a bond between two human beings. He made me meet a group of young men who are around my age and we now support each other. Don’t get me wrong, I still fall. But I now realised that the only way out of sin (pornography and masturbation) is through Jesus Christ. As Jesus said; “I’m the way, the truth, and the light m.” And “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest.” Jesus gave us all the power to defeat sin, and he said “Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.”
I want to make sure you ladies and gentleman understand that porn and masturbation is not a physical war, it’s a spiritual one. Ephesians 6:12 “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” You need Jesus because he said: “Without me, you can do nothing.” Therefore, I will pray for everyone who struggles with porn and masturbation to be set free from the spiritual chains that bind them and make their lives miserable. I want you to know that Jesus loves you. There is no sin too great for Christ. Christ, who died on the cross for you and I 2000 years ago so that we wouldn’t perish, knows your struggles and wants you to know that he knows exactly how you feel and wants you to be better.
“This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” (1 John 4:9-11)
Remember that you are precious. The Bible said in Genesis 1:27, wherein "God created man in his own image.” This means that no matter what you want to think of yourself, you are created in the image of God, and he loves you more than you could ever imagine. Just put this in his hands and have faith that he can set you free.
Matthew 21:22 “22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive. 22 And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith."
Therefore, have faith that it is possible to live a better life through Christ who loves you beyond all measures. And his love is the only thing that you need.
Matthew 22:37 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt alove the Lord thy God with all thy bheart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy cmind. 38 This is the first and great acommandment. 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt alove thy neighbour as thyself.
Peace and Love, Your servant and brother in Christ
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2023.06.01 04:31 Equivalent_Champion I think this could be it ??

Hi everyone! I just wanted to share my story and see if anyone could relate, and maybe have any tips on which tests I should be asking for next?
After I gave birth in 2020 I found myself rapidly gaining weight and not being able to lose a single pound even while in a pretty decent calorie deficit. I struggled with this for years blaming myself and thinking I was just destined to be obese because I had a baby. As time went on I developed horrible acne, to the point where it hurts to touch my face to even clean it sometimes. I started having memory loss and blamed it on my possible adhd (which it def could be idk). I have migraines that are excruciating, I’m in so much pain sometimes I actually get sick and my vision feels off. The pain is felt right behind my eyes. Recently I noticed my face has plumped up and I have grown a double chin. I have a very noticeable buffalo hump, and starting to get small striae on my belly. I have bruises covering my arms and legs constantly. My most recent weird issue has been my digestive system, I have diarrhea and constipation on and off now every day.
I saw a tiktok last month about cushings and it caused me to start researching. I started actually tearing up when reading the stories of people with Cushings and their symptoms, it sounded so similar to what I’ve been struggling with. I feel like the past three years have been awful and I’ve been robbed of happiness because of my body failing me. I’ve been telling my husband that I feel like an outsider in my body, and I’m losing myself more as the days go on.
My primary care physician ordered just a “cortisol random” blood test. I had it done at 8am and the normal range was 4-22, my cortisol was 26.8. The report from the lab didn’t mark it as elevated though, so I’m not sure. I’m now waiting for a follow up with my primary care provider and I’m going to ask for a referral to a endo and hopefully they’ll listen to me. I really feel like this is it, I’m hoping this is it honestly. I just want to feel healthy and enjoy my life with my little girl ☹️. Thanks for listening to my rant❤️
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2023.06.01 04:31 Superbosscat36 Today I received garlic bread

I was at lunch and someone opened up there lunch box and inside was 12 PIECES OF CHEESY GARLC BREAD. He asked if anyone wanted any and I gladly took it. I was very happy for the remainder of the day
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2023.06.01 04:30 AutoModerator Parental love is truly selfless, unconditional and forgiving! Thank you for shaping me into the person I am today. Happy Global Parent's Day!

Parental love is truly selfless, unconditional and forgiving! Thank you for shaping me into the person I am today. Happy Global Parent's Day! submitted by AutoModerator to DadaBhagwanFoundation [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 04:30 I_am_leaving I felt a baby foster kitten's heart stop in my hands today

I picked up two foster kittens at the local animal shelter on May 19th. Both were maybe 6 days old. I never fostered babies this young before, so I brought them back a week later to make sure they were still healthy. I was paranoid and anxious and wanted confirmation they were growing.
The kittens were maybe 10 days old when they received dewormer on Saturday (May 27). Diarrhea, reduced appetite is typical as you already know. One kitten (Nibbler) had a healthy appetite and was easy to feed before this. I asked the vet what their weight was. She told me they were both 24 ounces. I asked this two more times because it was clearly off. She told me twice more they were 24 ounces each. I was sleep-deprived and knew this wasn't right. I didn't question it at the time.After Saturday, Nibbler began eating less and less. I figured this was a side effect and planned on taking her to the vet because it’s been 4 days since the last visit. I fed them at 12am, 4am, and again around 9am today. Nibbler couldn’t keep her head up and didn’t suckle when I tried to feed her so I brought her to the vet ASAP. It was 11am when I got there.I was waiting outside the vet for about 8 minutes. I had her on a heating pad with my thumb rubbing her chest. All of a sudden I feel her heart stop.
My heart is in pieces. I don't know where to go or who to tell. I feel like more could have been done. I blame myself. I blame the shelter. I can't stop crying

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2023.06.01 04:30 be-an-idiot Must read for all aspirants here

Hey there, fellow JEE and NEET aspirants! I want to share some important thoughts with all of you. Trust me, I've been exactly where you are right now. Back in the day, JEE Mains wasn't even a thing. We had AIEEE instead. I had this passion to get into an IIT, so I joined a popular coaching institute. The competition was insane, unlike anything I had ever experienced before.
Some of my classmates had already covered the entire 11th syllabus while I was trying to figure out where to start. I felt lost and my passion turned into depression( that rhyme though). That led me down a path of indulging myself in night outs and all.
My AIEEE rank was around 50K and I didn't qualify for IIT(AIEEE and IIT were unrelated at the time. One could score negative marks in AIEEE and still get into an IIT).
I got a job in a good coaching centre(I just applied and got an interview call, got selected and since I was unemployed I took the job). Being on the other side as a teacher, I witnessed the struggles of students who had lost all motivation. I tried to help them. Some were even battling suicidal thoughts. I talked to them almost daily. I don't how much of a difference I made but even if I could help just a single student then I am happy.
Some teachers make you believe that if you don't make it into IIT or NIT, your life is over. But I'm here to tell you that they couldn't be more wrong. It's just about money and ranks for them, and they don't care about your mental well-being. They focus solely on the toppers.
I've learned from my journey, both as a student and a teacher, that JEE is not the end. Life goes on. If your teachers are pressuring you to the point of sacrificing your physical and mental health(torturing your body to get into IIT and BDSM stuff) for the sake of cracking JEE or NEET, they're failing in their role as educators.
Even if your performance in JEE Mains falls short of your expectations, don't lose hope. Life is full of opportunities. I know the idea of being an IITian is appealing but Is compromising your health worth it? (if you think yes then I don't blame you, our society has taught you this)
There was this student who scored lower than me in AIEEE. By his third year, he had already developed multiple mobile apps. So, even if you end up in a tier-3 college you can still be successful. Getting into IIT helps to get a good job and all but the same can be done from some private college. Trust me, success isn't limited to a single exam or a specific college.
Keep pushing forward, stay motivated, and believe in yourself. Keep moving forward. It's okay to not excel in these papers just don't give up.
I wrote this because of the increase in suicide news on this sub. If anyone wanna talk, my DMs are open but I might not reply quickly. I wanted to make a YouTube video for this but that requires time and I am struggling myself so I think this will be enough.
PS- I know your parents won't understand this and it won't be easy for you but as I said keep moving forward. Take it slow. Rest when you should. All the best.
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