Its very unfortunate that such a great game is plagued by bugs that should have been blatant when play-testing. I simply cant finish a L/I game without cheating. Here is the normal situation. I play and one of the following bugs happens (this is not due to mods since the vanilla experience is the same):

1. crash to desktop
2. white screen (of death)
3. over-watch freeze
4. some other kind of freeze involving enemy movement
5. mission trigger breaks and you cant proceed (happened for example at the codex coordinates mission where the gate keep simply wont spawn, in effect soft locking my whole campaign)

Ok not a big deal right? Simply revert to the start of my last turn... well too bad that the (auto)saving also doesn't work properly. So now I load the game and either I am back at the hologlobe or somewhere at the very start of the mission. But the issue now is that I have already all the meta knowledge about the map and its enemies! So am I now cheating? What can I do other than pretend I dont know what will happen? And this is not an infrequent event, these things happen nearly in every mission.
Not to mention other "non" game-braking bugs:

1. Showing an enemy in location A while in reality the enemy is in location B
2. Getting to an objective but your solider is unable to hack the objective for no reason (not disorientated / on fire etc...)

Sorry but not this is not x-com baby... Really disappointed with the developer.

TW/CW for descriptions of medical/surgical complications (and brief sex mention)
~~
Please tell any surgeons if you have EDS (or think you might have EDS) before you get surgery!!! I am 21 years old and I am diagnosed with hEDS and I had some very scary surgical complications after both my double incision top surgery and my hysterectomy. Obviously this doesn't mean that everyone with EDS will have surgical complications, but I wanted to share my experience as a cautionary tale.
After my top surgery, my body rejected most of the stitches. Luckily the surgeon also used glue to keep everything together so it healed alright, but I did have some scar stretching as a result. My nipple grafts also stretched a fair amount, most likely due to my skin elasticity. I probably should have considered what happened after my top surgery before I got my hysterectomy, which is when things really went wrong.
I had a laparoscopic hysterectomy where my uterus, cervix, and fallopian tubes were removed. Kept my ovaries. The surgery itself went great and I had very little pain afterward. About 8 weeks later, I was cleared for normal activities at a post-op appointment. I then had penetrative sex with my partner, which is when the problem started. The technique my surgeon used included placing a "cuff" where my cervix used to be. It looked closed/healed during my post-op exam, but EDS means slower wound healing time and even though it looked okay, the tissue was apparently still very fragile. During sex, the cuff basically split open. "Wound dehiscence" is the proper medical term, I believe. I almost had a total pelvic prolapse and had to be rushed to the ER for emergency surgery to repair the cuff so that my organs wouldn't fall out of me. It was the most pain I have been in ever in my entire life. Luckily my original surgeon was available and was able to fix it. That was 5 months ago, and I am still having issues. If I stretch a weird way or exercise too hard or get constipated, I have really bad pain in the same spot. I can't have penetrative sex whatsoever, which is not a huge deal to me since it wasn't my favorite anyway, but still. And I have a bunch of bladder problems too. Upon inspection, my surgeon says that the tissue is still very fragile and not healed all the way. I use vaginal estrogen tablets twice a week to help with healing, but it doesn't seem to do very much. I have been referred for pelvic floor physical therapy, which I am still trying to schedule.
Because of what happened, all of my doctors have now told me that further bottom surgery is off the table now. I was planning on pursuing phallo in the future, and now my doctors say that it is way too risky because my body might not be able to recover from it.
All that being said, I am more at peace with my body since both my top surgery and my hysterectomy, so I would definitely do it again if I had to. But the experience was very scary and very painful, and I think that it is important that others know about these risks. So, if you have EDS or think you might have EDS, please bring it up with your surgeon before you get surgery so that you can be properly evaluated and informed of all of the possible risks and complications. I'm open to any questions. Take care of yourselves, my friends!

Hey my fellow homeowners!
My husband and I are working on becoming more organized and managing our home better. There are a lot of things that I see around the house that I think, "Oh we should get to that soon..." then I continue wandering about my day doing normal chores and pursuing my hobbies. There was no concrete plan-making, so the tasks just don't get done.
I suggested to my husband that we set aside time and do a walkabout of our house, writing down every single task we see that needs to get done. We wanted to each be able to write tasks down, and I found the best way was to start a shared google document with each room of the house named so we could add tasks under that heading. Instead of a notepad, we just walked around with our phones adding the tasks to a single list, which was really convenient!
I think we were walking around for 1-2 hours discussing the issues we saw and the things we imagined doing in the house. But it felt really good to get it done!! I then converted all the tasks into a spreadsheet in google documents and I assigned a priority to each task 1-5 (1 means it is an immediate risk to safety or home, 5 means it is a wish or dream that is not necessary item in any way) and then a difficulty of 1-3 stars, with 1 star being something we can easily do ourselves, 2 being a task we would have to learn about and may need to contract out, and 3 being something that would be unsafe for us to do without a contractor. Then I set filters to the heading of each column and now I can easily sort the tasks alphabetically, by room, by difficulty, by priority, and so on. It's awesome.
Additionally the tasks range from "sort the boxes on this shelf" to "remove knob and tube wiring" so anything outside of daily chores or regular tasks (change the furnace filter) was fair game to add to this list. Additionally, some tasks were added to every room individually, so there are probably 10 entries each for "patch and paint" as well as "repair baseboards" and so on. The tasks even include low priority wish-items like wallpapering, decorating, and luxury things.
But it was very lucky that we did this because we noticed that one of our chandeliers had dropped down a bit and so we got up on a step stool and checked it out. It was hanging by the nearly 100-year-old knob and tube wiring that powers it!!! And what's worse is that somehow the hardware to fasten the chain to the ceiling was unable to be reattached. So at this point, we had to turn off the breaker, zip-tie the chandelier in place, and we now have no light in the dining room. It also made our need to remove the knob and tube wiring in the house much more urgent because we must re-wire this light before we can turn it on. Blessedly, our 2nd floor and basement both have modern wiring that we can rely on in the meantime.
Thanks for reading!
I am really glad that we did this and we got on the same page about literally everything that needs to be done in our house. Having a mutually shared spreadsheet really makes me feel like I can take a deep breath and like I have started to get a grip on things. Our house wasn't a disaster or anything, but all those little maintenance and repair tasks can really add up!! I was pretty shocked to see that the number was in the hundreds of tasks!!
Edit: Also, what would you do about the knob and tube wiring? Like, what approach would you take to removing it that wouldn't cost the price of a high-end vehicle?
Have you ever undertaken an organizational process like this, and how did it go for you?

Hi all,
Me and my girlfriend have been together for 7-8 months, we were in person for 1.5 months and she came back for her graduation and I have visited her twice since.
We are both 24
The original plan was she would move back here until I finished school (Easy for her to get a visa) she is from the US I live in Europe.
She then changed it to be that she only wants to come for one year because her sister might be having a baby, then she added she doesn’t want to miss summers and family stuff back home.
She is turning down job offers and not applying to jobs for less than <40k and also doesn’t want to live in the apartment sorted for her with her friends because she wants a more city centre place but not at the prices.
She will turn down a job with the salary she wants because it’s not hybrid.
Today she said she is getting cold feet, but it seems like she is throwing up roadblocks and changing the plans. It is not easy for me to go to the US right now but I am trying everything I can because the Visas are hard and I still have 2 years of college left.
I feel like she doesn’t realise I will be moving permanently to be with her when she can and she’s being so selective about everything to move here for a year.
TL;DR
Starting to think my girlfriend doesn’t want to come back

I go back to work tomorrow and my life is insane
I’m mostly just needing to vent to people who will understand because I don’t have a ton of mom friends and I’m losing my marbles.
I go back to work tomorrow. I work from home. My LO will be 3 months at the end of this month.
My husband got a big promotion that requires us to relocate from FL to NC. Which we’re all very excited about!
In the last three weeks we have listed our current house, prepped for an open house, had inspectors, appraisers, handymen etc coming to the house, traveled to NC to house hunt, virtually toured probably 15 houses, put in 3 offers on new houses (third times the charm), hosted and entertained my husbands sister and her husband for a week. (All while my husband is at work every day)
Our current house is under contract to close at the end of April. Our new house closes Mid May. My husband has to start April 1st. So next week we are packing essentials and moving in with his other sister who has 2.5 year old twins for 6 weeks until we can move into our new house. My husband will be driving 4 hours to NC Sunday nights and coming back (hopefully) Thursday evenings. So I basically won’t have a husband during the week. We’re coming back down to Florida mid April to be here for the movers to put everything in storage.
Oh we also have 2 large dogs and his sister has 2 medium dogs that we’re hoping will get along.
My LO is on a sleep hiatus and is not a good napper. He only contact naps. He’s generally a happy baby but loves to be entertained. Exclusively breastfed.
I work for an app start up and my CEO (Male, no children) has been very nice and understanding and keeps saying we’ll figure it out and he’ll work with me.. but then proceeded to schedule 3 1 hour long meetings on my first day back.
I can’t even find the time to fold the laundry or take a shower and I’m supposed to start working again tomorrow?
My pelvic floor collapsed. I cry every time I try to put on real clothes.
I love my life and I ADORE my baby and my husband and I’m SO Excited to move and start a new chapter but currently I’m not doing well.
I know this is just a season. We will find childcare once we’re settled in NC and life might be a little normal again.
But AHHH.

A PC is attacked by a slightly DM-tweaked giant crocodile. Its bite does 2d8+6 (15) instead of 3d10+5 (21), but on a successful grapple, the crocodile gets to do its bite damage again each round without needing a new attack.
The EK, running in to rescue the bite-grabbed rogue, casts bladeward... which turns out to be very helpful as the second crocodile surprises him, and bites with a critical hit! The bladeward does its job, and mitigates the 37pt crit down to 18 damage. But he fails the grapple check, and the jaws clamp down.
Here's the question: on round 2, the EK wants to use bladeward against the autodamage, while the ranger pulls him free ("break the grapple" check). We all agree and understand that the original bite absolutely is - according to the spell's text - damage "dealt by weapon attacks". (BOLD text copied from DNDBeyond.) But we disagreed on the word "attacks" -- is the autodamage going to help against this autodamage FOR WHICH THERE ARE NO ATTACK ROLLS?
(There was a similar example in another campaign recently, where the pallock was bite-grabbed by a remorhaz for 41 piercing + 10 fire. The bladeward cut the piercing damage down to 20, and did nothing to the fire damage. But the paladin was still bitten, and the DM inflicted another 41+10 autodamage on the next round; the paladin asked if he could use bladeward to mitigate that damage [otherwise he was just auto-dying!].)
So how about it - if there is no attack roll, EVEN IF THE DAMAGE WAS ORIGINALLY FROM A VALID SOURCE - does bladeward apply?
​
​
[There's actually a houserule in effect concerning bladeward's timing, but that is irrelevant to the core question.]

My youngest, 8 years old, is like Jekyll and Hyde. He can be absolutely melt your heart sweet then start spewing pea soup the next. He can be EXTREMELY stubborn when it comes to being asked to do something he doesn't want to do. His favorite words are "no, I don't care, and I don't want to," and he just stares at you daring you to do something/make him do something with his outright defiance, and it's absolutely infuriating. We've taken him to counseling and he refuses to talk to the counselor. We take away his electronics and it has zero effect. There's really not much more leverage we have over him, but we're getting to the point where we're going to empty his room of everything but his bed and clothes, and make him just stay in his room. My wife and I just don't know what else to do.
If anyone has ANY idea what to do, I'm all ears, because I'm just done. I just don't have the energy to fight him anymore.

How about a "Poison Brute" build?

1. Start as a Bandit.
2. Focus on investing points in Strength and Endurance.
3. Get a Poison Mace or Great Club, and infuse it with Poison.
4. Equip the Shadow Set for maximum Poison resistance and mobility.
5. Use the Poison Mist Pyromancy to apply Poison to enemies.
6. Keep a Blessed Weapon in your off-hand to deal with tougher enemies.
7. Always carry plenty of Poison Throwing Daggers and Moss for emergencies.
8. Consider leveling up Resistance to improve Poison resistance even further.
9. If you're feeling confident, start invading as a Darkwraith and spread the Poison to other players.
10. Enjoy being feared and hated by everyone you encounter in the game!

I wonder if i should try this for laughs.

So i had a presentation at university today which had a time limit of 5 mins for each student. I felt like i had a good flow of words and finished on time. But my voice was pretty shaky and maybe my body kind of shook as well.I felt like everyone was looking down on me. So one of the teachers in the front spoke to another and said she's scared, don't ask her questions and said this several times. This teacher is s/o under whom I wanted to start research work. But I felt that I gave off a bad impression overall,also feel pretty humiliated and feeling as though this is the end of the world. The reason I'm feeling really scared is bc i think I'm gonna lose opportunities bc ofc my well-connected nparents wont help me even a smidge to advance in my career.
How i came to think this way: after learning of my parents' narcissistic ways, I felt that I've shutdown in so many ways compared to when I didn’t know. I feel like at home I'm in a constant fight, flight or freeze mode, (bc i notice their abuse pretty quickly). so I've gotten more anxious in public and ofc public speaking. For now everything reminds me of this humiliation.
Any thoughts /advice on how to bounce back after a humiliating incident?
N.B: I'm writing this in a pretty distressed state so I'm probably unclear on a lot of things so feel free to ask for clarifications.

Housekeeping:

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Child Labor

Arkansas

Earlier this month, newly-elected Arkansas Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders (R) signed a bill into law that rolls back child labor protections across the state. H.B. 1410, the “Youth Hiring Act of 2023,” eliminates the requirement that children under 16 years of age obtain a work certificate from the state before starting a job.
"The Governor believes protecting kids is most important,” Sanders’ spokesperson Alexa Henning said in a statement, “but this permit was an arbitrary burden on parents to get permission from the government for their child to get a job."
While proponents insist that the new law isn’t a threat to children’s safety and simply gives parents more power over their child’s upbringing, opponents warn that the legislation puts vulnerable children at risk of exploitation:

"When we think about kids working who are 14, we think about who this might protect, it's not the 14-year-old who's working at the ice cream parlor in your hometown, whose parents have given them permission to work. We're worried about the children who are at risk of being exploited and who are being exploited today," Laura Kellams, the northwest Arkansas director of the Arkansas Advocates for Children and Families, a group that advocates for children's rights in the state, said earlier this month during a committee hearing on the bill.

The situation isn’t hypothetical—just last month Packers Sanitation Services Inc. was fined $1.5 million for employing 10 minors at meatpacking plants in Arkansas, as well as across nine other states. While the Department of Labor did not check their immigration status, all of the children spoke Spanish as their primary language.

The Labor Department said children, ranging from 13 to 17 years old, spent overnight shifts cleaning equipment such as head splitters, back saws and brisket saws, and were exposed to dangerous chemicals such as ammonia. The risks inside meatpacking plants also include diseases from exposure to feces and blood, according to the Occupational Safety and Health Administration.

Iowa

Iowa state Sen. Jason Schultz (R) introduced S.F. 167 in January to expand the occupations 14- and 15-year olds are allowed to work to include certain jobs in meatpacking plants. As OSHA outlines, work in meatpacking plants exposes individuals to hazardous chemicals and dangerous machinery.
S.F. 167 also extends the hours that minors can legally work and allows 16- and 17-year-olds to serve alcohol with the permission of a parent.
The Senate Committee considering the legislation has approved the bill and sent it to the full chamber for debate.

Missouri

Missouri state Sen. Andrew Koenig (R) introduced S.B. 175 to remove the requirement that minors obtain a work permit in order to obtain a job. The Senate Education and Workforce Committee passed the bill in February and it now awaits the full chamber’s consideration.
Proponents of S.B. 175 argue that removing the work permit requirement furthers the goals of “limited government” and makes it easier for minors to obtain important life skills through employment.

Minnesota

Minnesota state Sen. Rich Draheim (R) introduced S.F. 375 to allow 16- and 17-year olds to work in the construction industry.
Construction workers suffer nearly twice as many fatalities per year than agriculture and forestry workers. Additionally, over 165,000 construction workers are injured on the job each year.

Cutting food benefits

SNAP benefits

As emergency food benefits introduced during the pandemic come to an end this month, cutting recipients’ Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program funds by up to hundreds of dollars, federal Republican lawmakers are seeking to limit the program even more.
H.R. 1581, called the America Works Act, would end a waiver program that allows states to bypass work requirements to receive SNAP benefits. The bill would also expand the age range of those who are required to work in order to receive food assistance, raising the age from 49 to 65 years old, and imposes the work requirement on parents of children older than 7. Rep. Dusty Johnson (R-SD) sponsored the legislation along with 24 other Republicans.
Rep. Johnson on his bill:

I was that kid on food stamps—I know firsthand how government assistance can both help and hurt. Education, training, and work provide dignity and economic opportunity. Too many Americans are on the sidelines while we are facing a record labor shortage. We have the jobs, but we don’t have the people to fill them. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to this problem, but there are policy areas where government is hurting, rather than helping Americans re-enter the workforce…
The America Works Act also changes age eligibility for SNAP waivers. Currently, if you are over 49 years old, you can receive SNAP benefits with no need for a waiver. As I approach 49 years old, I know I still have decades left of work ahead of me. My bill changes the maximum age rate of an ABAWD to be 65 years old, consistent with retirement and Medicare age.
Finally, the America Works Act limits the provision that exempts ABAWDs from work requirements if they have any dependent children to if they have any dependent children under the age of seven years old. By seven years old a child is in school nearly 35 hours a week. If a child can go to school nearly full-time, a parent with no other children under the age of seven can work 20 hours per week.

Free school lunches

Minnesota Governor Tim Walsh (D) signed into law a bill last week to provide free breakfasts and lunches to students at schools in the state. The legislation, H.F. 5, was sponsored entirely by Democrats; only 2 of 56 Republicans in the state House voted in favor.
One of the Republicans who opposed the bill was state Sen. Steve Drazkowski, who went viral last week for saying that because he has “yet to meet a person in Minnesota that is hungry,” food insecurity must not exist. In fact, 1 in 6 children in Minnesota experience food insecurity and, under previous law, a quarter of them did not qualify for free or reduced cost meals at school.

Starting on January, 1, 2016, my self-improvement journey which includes NoFap has been extremely painful, abysmal yet rewarding. At 12 years old, my older brother introduced pornography and I became instantly hooked as I am extremely sensitive to stimuli which I will explain further down this post. See, pornography provided an way for me escape my childhood trauma. I was sexually molested at 5 years old and eventually harassed and bullied in school. Also, I have autism with extreme communication deficits, which causes me to not understand people and get singled out. Shortly afterwards, I starting cheating in school, lived a sedimentary life style, became fat, and masturbated EVERY day in conjunction with watching pornography. I became downright depressed and suicidal. I had several detailed plans on how to do it. I was actually prepared to die because I could not take the misery anymore. I thought I was a burden to my family, community, and country. So one day, I was holding my father's gun pointed to my head ready to end it all. There were two things holding me back. It would of destroyed my kind mother and she would of blamed herself for the rest of her life for the death of her son. Second, my childhood dream of becoming an astronaut. To reach forbidden, undiscovered lands that presents new knowledge to be gained. The ultimate challenge of life. The life of a pioneer, pilot and scientist. After that episode, I was searching on Reddit and found NoFap. A sparkle of light in my dark times, which presented a way for me improve myself. At first, I could barely make two days, but that eventually became three days, and then four days. Soon I was reaching weeks then months. The mindset is the key. To keep trying no matter what. The effort by itself is good enough. I started standing up for myself putting bullies in their place and eventually started excelling in academics because I wanted to learn. After graduating high school, I took a gap year working on my families ranch, while studying philosophy. Nietzsche once said "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how." The "Why" is the most fundamental question to our lives. Why do you wake up in the morning. Why do you want what you want? Why do you do what you do? If you know the why, then anything is possible. I am a college student that will soon be an Aerospace Engineer, Pilot, and Commissioned Officer in the U.S Air Force within approximately 4-5 years. As of now, I have stopped counting the streak for NoFap and if I gave it a rough estimate, it would be around 160 days. I do all of this because that is what I find meaningful. I do all of this because its what I want to do.
Pardon me for any grammatical and punctuation mistakes, including coherency as I was quite emotional when writing this.
I would suggest using the self authoring program by Dr. Peterson. It guides people through the process of discovering the past, present, and future. If you have any negative thoughts over 18 months old and want to increase self-awareness, I recommend it.

Hello! A little backstory: I'm a core sp/sx 5, married to a sx/so 9, together over 10 years in total. Last year I was deeply disintegrated, I'd say level 9. Not well. I ended up getting into therapy which is where I learned about the Enneagram and got really into it. Anyway, during my months-year long disintegration, I really brought my wonderful 9 down with me. We both got really comfy being low & disconnected. Now that I've been working in therapy for a few months and have started to come back to average levels, I'm afraid my sweet 9 is still really low energy and unmotivated. We plan to start a new bedtime routine, but I wanted to get some other 9's thoughts on what might help the most to get from your partner? TIA 🖤

Background:
This year I’m 27 years old I had dropped out of university 5 years ago and had been working in a job which I liked but pay me about 42k a year which I consider it to be low as university graduates whom are my peers are earning about 60-80k.
I made a few lucky investments over the years since I dropped out and had a liquid asset of about 760k currently I do not own a house and is still living with my parents and drive a 2007 Hyundai.
I am afraid to spend any money as I dabble in the stock market and I use my liquid asset to earn me money. Currently this is the breakdown of where I’m putting my money.

1. 300k in fixed deposit earning 4.18%/year which will earn me 12.5k this year
   
2. 70k in the stock market up about 20k year to date but unpredictable
   
3. 91k invested in funds down 9k (invested 100k)
   
4. 35k in invested linked policy (paying 1.5k per month)
   
5. 64k in a corporate account which is a side business I started after I had dropped out (Business earning average about 5k a month)
   
6. Roughly about 200k cash in my current account
   

I am the only child coming from a middle income family, my parents are both retired and my father had been diagnosed with cancer last year October luckily insurance which I had paid for them covered most of the bill for his treatment.
My major expenditure are as such:

1. I pay 24k a year for my family insurance (18k for the investment linked policy I mentioned and rest are hospitalisation/accidental insurance for me and my folks)
   
2. About 30k a year for food/fuel/bills etc
   

My worries are as such and is looking for some advice on what to do:

1. My full time job which I enjoys provide me a sense of stability but does not provide me enough to sustain my expenditure(excluding some profit from investments and my side business) . I do not own a university certificate hence it is quite hard to climb the corporate ladder for any significant progress. My side business has been doing alright so far but business could take a turn south anytime hence I don’t feel as secure leaving a stable job and go into it full time. Should I go back to Uni for 4 years and re-join the workforce?
   
2. I can’t seem to spend any money as any huge purchase made will affect my passive income from fixed deposit and investments. (A 1 room apartment cost about 1 million where I live.) what should I do to get out of this predicament?
   
3. When I see my peers I see them with a stable job with high income they don’t have to rely on cash to earn money to sustain themselves, they could buy big ticket items and pay the loan back knowing that they have a paycheck coming in every month that could cover the loan, hence I feel insecure about my current financial situation compared to them.
   

So basically, I started dating my GF for 5 months now, we are super tight and love and compliment each other really well (it's actually my first ever relationshpip where I completely am sure I love my partner and I fully belive I'm gonna marry her). We care for each other support each other, we are super good for eachother, we have our normal dose of discussions here and there like any other healthy couple, but nothing serious and nothing we weren't able to communicate and fix.
The problem is that lately I've been feeling a weird amount of insecurity regarding me having thoughts on her cheating on me, for context, she has never shown or given me any reason to think that, I know it's a total insecurity of mine, like just the thought of knowing that in any relationship healthy or non healthy cheating is always a posibility, destroys me, I'm a really trustworthy person and the respect and trust I give I expect it back, I can really say that being honest despite the concequences is a high quality of mine, and to me honesty is very important in a relationship of any type. I know it's not any type of trauma because I've never been cheated on (at least not that I know of lol) I've just heard so many stories and seen so many perspectives where cheating/micro cheating happens that it has weight a toll on me mentally.
tu summ it up, she hasn't done anything to make me feel like this, I have no trauma to justify feeling like this and I know everything is okay, its just the dealing with knowing the possibility, how do you guys cope with it, I'm a very realistic rational down to earth guy, but I know this is just a matter of having faith in that everything is fine, or is there anything else there that can help me feel less uneasy?

Back First Next
As promised Chapter 2. See you Friday. Also thank you all for the positive reinforcement and being generally encouraging, that is a fresh change of breathe I did not expect.
​
Memory Transcription: Captain Neil Campbell, United Nations ‘Black Watch’ Company #4
Date [standardized human time]: December 3, 2136
Air raid sirens went out and announcements blared with a recorded message from Mayor Zim, “Everyone, please remain calm. The UN forces are here and escorting us to shelter. I repeat, remain calm. Captain Neil has requested all those who can fight, please see him.”
The military shuttle that was supposed to contain the 180 black watch members was lifting off, packed to beyond the safety limits with those who had drawn the short straws, most giving up their place on the ship for their children instead. Very few adults were on board, just enough to cover keeping the children calm and policed.
When none of his men had volunteered, Neil had forcefully selected one. Corporal MacTavish, called Soap as a callsign. “MacTavish, you’ve got one mission, keep them calm, get them to the fleet, and then get them out of the system. They may be the last Tilfish alive. Also tell them where we are and we have the town's civilians with us.” He passed MacTavish a dozen data discs and flash drives. “I am holding you personally responsible for them. You are to ensure this gets up there too. It’s the entire Tilfish public library and all the government documents we could download. At least some of their culture will survive as well. Make sure those children know who they are.”
MacTavish saluted Neil as he turned to get onto the ship last, passing Neil his longarm and every bit of ammunition, grenades, and supplies he had down to his side arm and two magazines he kept for it. “You’ll need these sir.” Neil nodded and passed them to the nearest trooper escorting him.
Moments later, Neil was riding in a recon rover, packed with 4 of his black watch, Zim, and several Tilfish who were either elderly or children. The vehicle’s loud speakers continued to repeat automatically as Neil’s soldier lined the road, directing people forward. They urged them to move quickly but calmly while the vehicle sped for the caldera. “Save your energy, you will need it. Your lives are more valuable than your possessions. Move quickly and stay quiet, every second counts now.”
His troopers offered snacks they had packed, some took them. Trail mix bars, chocolate bars, coffee, water, whatever they happen to have on their person. The point was to prove that the Tilfish were not cattle and that the soldiers had no intention to harm them. Every little bit helped keep them calm and prevent a stampede.
When they arrived at their outpost, Neil stepped into his command tent which was being rapidly torn down now. Only four Tilfish came to Neil to Neil’s call, less than he’d hoped. Four of Four Thousand, they are the bravest four I will ever know. He smiled at that thought.
They were cowering to stand before him as he sized each one up. His glare was hardened from years in the Watch. Ages of fighting simulations and actually being present on The Cradle, earth, and a couple of human brush wars before that.
“I need you four to act as guides for my soldiers, they will protect you with their lives. You will be armed and expected to assist in the defense as well.” He explained firmly after nearly a minute of uncomfortable glares.
“We…we… what are we holding against? Our own people?” one of the Tilfish asked hesitantly and looking terrified at the predator.
“No, I’m not going to sugar coat it. The Arxur are coming, likely will be here within the hour. That transport was the last leaving the spaceport without being intercepted. Our only option is to shelter in place.” He spoke with a kind of hopeless certainty.
The Tilfish all cowered before him as Mayor Zim started to quake standing besides Neil, but Neil was unflinching. “I am asking you to help us make sure as many Tilfish get into the depths of the mountains as we can. I will not lie, our survival is not expected but those tunnels are deep enough that they might just survive until rescue can be sent.”
He looked at the herd walking towards the mountains at a brisk pace, the legs of the insectoids going quickly. “Now listen, I’m going to be sending out aggravation squads to delay incoming Arxur. You two going to be send with them. Our engineers are booby trapping as well as reinforcing the cave depths. Every little bit to assist in making sure the Arxur do not get into the tunnel and that those tunnels survive an orbital bombardment hit.”
One of the Tilfish shook his head, and has an expression of distress with his thorax and legs shifting, "No, nothing survives anti-matter bombs, it's hopeless."
Neil shook his head, "We have several bunker shelters survive near misses and a few survive direct hits on earth and they were barely a few hundred meters below the surface. Those tunnels lead nearly four kilometers down. I sent three engineers with every bit of quick-crete we have and the longer we buy time, the better odds the rest of your down get."
He leaned down onto the electronic display and pointed at the map, eager to change their focus and give them something to not fear. “I presume because you only live a few dozen kilometers from here you know the terrain and know it well?”
The Tilfish were hesitate to move or speak, shaking as if children about to piss themselves because the boogieman was coming out of the closet.
Neil nodded to himself, They’re raw recruits, rookies at best and terrified draftee’s would be in better shape than them. Time to make this clear to them and force them to fight those instincts. He exhaled a breath and deflated himself, letting his intensity wear off for a moment. “What are you names?”
“Jerlio.” The first smaller Tilfish spoke, he was barely taller than Neil’s waist and stood eye level with his belly button.
The second one, larger than the first coming up to Neil’s lower ribs, “H…h….h…Herci.” His speaking is uneasy and shows terror.
The third looked like twins with their spots and faces, if there was a difference Neil couldn’t make it out. “This is Hazeinia and I’m Tia.” They the one on the left spoke. Neil had started to recognize the two sexes of the Tilfish, he wasn’t sure if they had genders but that didn't matter now.
Their movements had them shuffling as if looking for an escape from their situation. Neil knew that for their people just to be standing here before him, meeting his gaze was a lot. He had to take measures into his own hands right now.
“Stand to!” He barked, his voice wasn’t shouting but it was harsh; undeniable, and made all five Tilfish in the room freeze in place. “Listen and listen well, dig this into your minds right now. The four of you have shown uncharacteristic courage just to step up for your people. Now I need you to show courage in spite of your fear. You fight not for your own lives anymore, you fight for those who cannot, those who we are desperately trying to save.”
He took a step forward, and gazed down upon both them, then knelt down to one knee, meeting them at eye level. The Tilfish started to shy away when he reached out a hand and grasped gently but firmly upon two of their feelers. The insectoid fur tickled him while the texture of the carapace was foreign and creepy to him. He steeled himself and brought the most calm he could forward.and his gaze relaxed slightly. “Let me explain something to you, all of you.”
“Humans are not fearless,” His eyes had tears in it, he knew his men would be dying soon and there was little he could do about it. “Every moment we are facing combat; we are terrified. We are scared that we will not take another breath, we fear deeply.” he looked at each of them. “Even if your stomach is tied in knots, you smell the blood and gunpowder, you want to run to save yourself.” He turned to the two he was holding the feelers of. “You can feel the clamminess on my hands, I know your antennae can detect the heightening of my heart rate, and you can see the corners of my eyes as I force the tears back and gain focus.” He took a moment to push through and made a show of gulping in a way to swallow down his fear.
“The difference is that I am asking for you to gather your courage.” His hand got tighter around their feelers not so it hurt but to show a change in demeanor. “It is easy to be brave when you are surrounded by friends, when you outnumber your foes, when you are bigger than them. No, I ask you five to do this, not because it is easy but because it is hard. I need any man, woman, and bug on that line. Nearly four thousand of you have run into those tunnels with forty of my men to keep them calm and moving deeper and deeper.”
He guided the four outside of the command tent into the forested caldera and motioned around to the positions on the reverse slope of the mountain sides, “40 more are under manning Air to Ground missiles, the new interceptor systems, manual fire close in 40mm chainguns, and the three Orbital firing cannons we have. Yet despite the difficulty they have made 40 seem like 400 with how many guns we have working and running.”
“The remaining ninety-nine of my troopers are rigging mines, camouflage firing positions with overlapping fire, explosives, and every other conceivable defense we have. They will be finished soon but we need to delay the enemy just to get our defenses exactly right.”
He turned to them, “Two of you will serve as guides for my soldiers. I’m going to send out a ten size squad. They are going to recon for the Arxur, setup ambushes and make them pay. Once they are spent, they will send you back to report.”
He turned to Jerlio and placed a hand on what he believed to be his shoulder, “I need soldiers and of the Ten Thousand Tilfish we had, the five bravest I’ve ever known are here. We fight back to back, to the end. Not for ourselves but for those Four Thousand in the caves, understood?” He turned to Herci as he spoke.
Each of the Tilfish nodded in turn except for Zim, “What of me? What am I do to?”
“Zim you have the greatest job of all. I need a radio director not only to coordinate our men and relay messages but to broadcast to the fleet for as long as possible. You’ve got 2 hours to study and learn our code book, if you make mistakes it’s okay, repeat it in plain language if needed.” He motioned to the entrance to the cave his people had run into. “The radio is there, work it until it stops functioning, if the Arxur are upon you, there is a pistol on the table and an explosive under it. Detonate the explosive as your last action.”
Zim recoiled, “I… I did not volunteer for a last stand, I don’t understand?”
Neil looked at him hardened and took a step towards Zim, “You voted for our annihilation, and yet here we are, allies. Now you are going to prove those people, your people, who put their faith in you, were right to do so. I’m going to station a trooper there with you if I have to with orders to shoot you if you flee; am I understood!”
It wasn’t a question, Neil had gone from gentle to absolute terrifying fury in merely a few moments. With a slow nod, Zim in agreement. Neil shook his head, “Say it, say Yes Sir to me, Private Zim.”
Zim suddenly straightened as Neil leaned in to look into his eyes, so close that they could feel each other’s breath. Zim was terrified, under the glare of a predator it took several seconds to find his courage. “Yes…. sir…”
Neil snarled, barring his teeth, he would put the fear of the divine into this Tilfish politician, “I can’t hear you, say it, like you mean it.”
Zim nodded and hesitated then realized the ritual he had seen from the humans earlier when Neil was disappointed in one of them. He turned his mandibles to be the best approximation of a salute. “Yes sir!”
“You’re in the Watch now, the Black Watch. Our motto is Nemo me impune lacessit. It means, No One Provokes Me with Impunity. Now get moving, there is an equipment sergeant nearby and once I’ve selected my troopers you will go with them. Zim get to that radio and start studying that code book until you are certain you can reference it. Every one of our lives and the lives of those ten thousand depend upon it.”
He looked from one of them to the other, giving each Tilfish a confident grin, ensuring he did not show his teeth but only curling up his lips. “Dismissed!”
The Tilfish scrambled towards their ordered positions where troopers went to meet them. Neil picked up his radio and tuned it to, he had one final duty to perform before the battle was to begin. “All Black Watch members, stop for a moment and listen. I’ll give you a moment to finish your tasks.” Neil took a moment as he pulled a cigarette out of his pocket, he didn’t actually smoke but carried them to share with those that did. At this point however, what was one more bad habit. He lit it and took a puff similar to how he did on a joint in college. He exhaled and pushed the radio button again. “What I am about to ask you all to do should be considered unconscionable just two days ago. We are disobeying our orders, we were supposed to be on that transport. I understand this may upset some of you but we have a duty." Neil took a breath as he wasn't completely sure if all of his troopers would obey him and go with this idea or not. He spoke his next words slowly and with gravity. "Four Thousand civilians; they are in those tunnels along with 40 of your brothers and sisters. We are their only hope.”
He paused to take another draw of the cigarette, he could understand now why some soldiers had this habit, really calmed his nerves for the next part. “If any man or woman doesn’t feel this is right, there is room for you in those tunnels, speak up and you will be relieved and sent. No questions asked; no shame given, I understand not wanting to die for a species that a week ago was trying to annihilate our existence.”
He waited and when no one spoke up, he pushed the radio again. “Anyone? Sergeants, report in.”
“Platoon A, no one is moving sir.”
“Platoon B, we’re here and we’re staying, all of us apparently.”
“Platoon C, guns are manned and ready, this is where they die and we stand.”
Platoon D didn’t report in, they must be too deep underground now for radio transmissions. That was good enough for him, at least they would survive if the first bomb got through. The follow ups they would need to keep going down. He hoped their air would hold out.
“Alright, the enemy is coming. The fleet cannot hold and is working to withdraw. We will have no artillery, air, armor, or naval support. We are on our own. What I am asking you to do is going to get you all killed. Make peace with any deity you believe in. Get any addiction you need satisfied, eat something, drink some water, and finish your preparations. Schmidt is coming with James, they are going to lead Platoon B squad 3 and Platoon A squad 4 on a little recon in force mission. They have their orders, and you have your’s.” He took another draw of his cigarette. “I will see you on the other side. Nemo Me Impune Lacessit.”
The radio resounded for the next several moments with all of his 139 remaining soldiers sounding off the Black Watch motto.
The Captain stepped out of his tent, he picked up a rifle, the one MacTavoish handed him. He checked the magazine, breech, and sights then chambered a round and turned off his safety. Slowly he walked towards his own position.
A shuttle was coming down, damaged badly but this wasn't a civilian shuttle or an escape shutttle. It was an armored assault shuttle. "What Now?"

Hi,
​
I wanted to start a thread on quality of life upgrades. Once you have your 'standard' gear set up. What have you added that has made the biggest difference to quality of life? Not just your standard, 'make do' gear? I'll list mine below, add yours! :)
​
1) Neoprene socks - being able to slip in and out of my gear and not have to worry about what I'm putting my feet down on, having grip and also being warm in the water.
2) Dry gloves - warmish and cold water diving is just so much more comfortable as I'm more dextrous, warmer in the water and able to warm up a lot quicker at the surface.
3) Moulded mouth piece - heat in hot water and bite down. Especially for long duration pool sessions, I find my jaw/teeth ache a lot less. Slightly awkward look on people's face if they try and use yours though!
4) Self-made dive log book - having everything in the order that it comes off my dive computer to save going back and forth is nice (you can look through my previous posts for a copy, slightly humorous but fully recreational featured).
5) Dry robe. Man these things are expensive but quality of life is great. Being warm and dry on the surface in bitter temperatures and heavy downpours that would otherwise spoil your mood is worth it.
6) BPW - could easily be included in 'standard' dive gear these day. Just more comfortable in the water and adjustable for those, like me, that change weight/shape with frequency.
7) Spare hood/gloves - putting on a warm and dry one for dives 2/3/4 is a creature comfort but one worth the expense if you have some spare pennies.
8) Air integration - again, close to 'standard' these days but having everything in one place means you can focus on the action. Having it on my daughter's gear means I can keep an eye on her without bothering her all the time (I still do manual checks).
9) Cylinder handle - a few $/£/Euro for comfort, especially when having to haul multiple tanks.
10) Thigh pockets - whether that's on your dry suit or on tec shorts, having somewhere to put all the bits and pieces you'd otherwise have to find somewhere to put down. Having two is way more of a game changer than I'd thought it would be.
11) A camera - being able to share your passion with others is great. I take the photos for my dive club/school and having someone make their profile picture something you took is immensely pleasing. For newer divers, having a camera *may* help with stress levels as well, with something else to focus on. It will definitely help train buoyancy!
12) Spares of everything. Any time I've seen a spare of something going cheap, I've bought it. Not only can it help save your own dives or an expensive trip to the dive centre, but you'll quickly become a popular dive buddy after saving other people. Repair kits, zip slip and wax also goes here too.
13) Gear bags/dry bags. I held out for so long on these. Having to haul my wet gear over my dry clothes at the end of every week's pool session especially was a misery inducing experience that I always dreaded. Now it comes out in one, easy to carry load that also doesn't get my car interior damp.
14) Fold out chair. Somewhere to sit before, between and after dives is great. Other people will love you for the borrow when you're not using it too ;)
​
What's yours?

I (30F) started using weed on a regular basis when I got into a relationship with my now ex boyfriend. He has been smoking daily since he was very young. Before we got together, I had only smoked maybe 4 times over the course of 15 years. I never thought I'd become a daily user.. I don't blame my ex for any of this btw. He never forced me to smoke or anything. I am just very very prone to addiction (runs in the family), so I know I never should've started using in the first place. That's all on me.
Throughout our relationship I started using more and more, because I couldn't deal with the anxiety I was getting from the relationship and other life circumstances. By the end of our relationship, I would smoke far more than my ex. Since the breakup I have been smoking around about 4-5 joints (and I filled 'em up GOOD) every single evening. In a good week, 5 grams would last me about 3-4 days. I had been noticing a lot of side effects like extreme brainfog, forgetting what I was talking about mid sentence, no motivation for anything, not being able to remember things, not caring about anything or anyone etc etc. Even my co-workers started noticing that something was off. I'd be late for work every single day and I would forget things I had been asked to do and all that.
Last Sunday I decided that would be my last time smoking weed. And I chose to stop at a very very bad time. My ex and I broke up after 4 years and it was probably the most intense relationship I've ever been in. It has cost me a lot, mentally. He was everything but loyal and continuously lied to me about other women. He also cheated on me, gaslighted me and manipulated me into thinking it was all on me. However, I really f*cking loved him to bits (yeah mental issues on my part, I know).
Aside from that, we had to put our dog down last Friday. I dreaded it all week, seeing him walking around knowing he would soon be gone. I felt so guilty and it's been so hard to deal with alongside of the breakup. I made sure to cry and deal with my emotions before numbing, but I quickly turned to weed again. I smoked myself to bits last Friday-, Saturday-, and Sundaynight.
So this is my 2nd day off weed and I am struggling. Woke up completely drenched in my own sweat, I feel sick and I'm extremely fatigued. On top of that my ex made it known yesterday that he feels better off being alone and working on himself. It hit me like a ton of bricks tbh. I know I shouldn't care that he's glad I'm gone, but I can't really help it. I invested far more than he ever did, so it makes sense that this hits me harder..
I don't know what to do with my evenings and weekends anymore. I don't have my own place, my friends are all in solid relationships so there's never really time for me anymore and I simply don't have anyone else. I'm glad I still have my job as it keeps me busy during the day. But man, this is really hard..
I am so tempted to go to the shop tonight and get some weed.. Would it have been a better option for me to just ease off of it instead of doing it cold turkey? I know I should pull through, but I don't know if I really can at this point..

• I know people might recommend for me to get mental help (which is solid advice), but I've actually been through 3,5 years of intense therapy, which only came to a stop about a year ago now. It has helped for sure, but I still deal with a lot of things that stem from trauma and my psychologists can't really help me with that anymore. They basically said I dissociated too much to really be able to work through the rest of my trauma (I've had EMDR among other forms of treatment).

I didn't want to write to you today. I met someone else, but I'm not ready to move on. It sounds silly, as we hardly knew each other, but we got so intimate. You will never know that was the first sober sex I'd had since K passed away. Opening my eyes while we were entwined to find you gazing into them is something I cannot forget, something I don't want to forget, even though we've now spent more time apart than we did talking. I'm trying to be grateful for what you showed me—that I can still feel that desire for a man stirring something primal deep inside me. I was starting to feel like myself with you in a way I hadn't in years, and letting myself picture a future with you, something I very rarely do with a man, and it hurt that you met someone else so quickly. There was one who stole my heart after K died, but he was married and we could not be together. It cost me my publishing career—that's why I left. That was almost four years ago, and I had loved him ever since. You somehow shook him from my heart. I knew I wanted you in the bar—you sat with such ease, so comfortable in your own skin. It was wild that we both loved the same author, and both of us seemed to have a wild streak. It's rare to find a wild streak in a man as put together as you are, and that is my absolute favorite thing in a partner; that duality. It's rare and precious. I know now that you lied about your age, but it really doesn't matter. If you would come back, I would forgive you, but I know if you did it would never be the same, knowing I was your second choice. It's hard to accept how fleeting the joy of knowing you was. It's hard to accept that I won't know you anymore, when you had my heart aflutter with your warm words and romantic emojis. I wish I were big enough to wish you happiness, but the way you lead me on with all of those red hearts and kisses the whole week after we hooked up only to date someone else the very next weekend leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I'm sorry to say but I hope your new thing doesn't work out. I hope you miss me and by the time you realize that you let a woman with such fire in her slip through your fingers, I have forgotten you.

I thought I would give everyone an update (and possibly motivation) on my Lexapro journey. You can find a more blow by blow in my log I started here: https://www.reddit.com/lexapro/comments/10nq48j/my_lexapro_journey/
Warning: Long post ahead. Writing this seems therapeutic for me, but I also hope it helps others.
First some background:

• I’m a 54 year old male, with a wife and a 16 year old daughter.
• I’m a white collar professional who leads a large team and experiences high stress at work.
• I don’t have any other health issues at all and consider myself in excellent physical shape.
• My dad’s side of the family has a history of anxiety and depression.
• No previous experience with these kinds of meds at all.

Pre Lexapro:
The wheels started coming off about three years ago. What I thought was solely job stress, started giving me sporadic insomnia. First it was infrequent with a night here or a night there every couple weeks, but things rapidly deteriorated. Fast forward a year later and I was routinely going 2-3 nights in a row without any sleep. I found my mind racing constantly with thoughts of work stress spinning around in my head. Worse, I started worrying about insignificant things that I normally wouldn’t even think about. It would just spiral out of control. It got to the point where I’d get out of bed in the morning and literally say to myself, “I can’t do this anymore.” I was exhausted and at the end of my rope. While I was not suicidal, I wanted to “quit” everything else…my job, being a husband, being a father, being a son, being a friend.
I tried everything. Lunesta, Ambien, Trazedone, Mirtazapene, Weed products, Accupuncture, natural remedies, thereapy, meditation. Nothing worked. Nothing I tried helped me find the “Off Switch” for my brain. My anxiety kept spiraling, this led to depression, and not only was it bringing me down but it was bringing my whole family down. I felt like I was the biggest risk to everyone’s future.
I finally found a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and recommended Lexapro. I couldn’t believe it. I’ve always considered myself a strong individual, mentally and physically, so this wounded me. I’m also not a fan of pills at all. This was a big leap. I did some research on this forum and elsewhere. My Lexapro sat in my drawer for 2 months.
Finally, after a serious bout of anxiety and insomnia after new years, I said screw it. I have nothing to lose.
Post Lexapro Experience:
I started on 5 MG for four weeks and then bumped it up to 10 MG. I felt…”something”...immediately. After two weeks I could tell this was going to be a “glass half full” situation at minimum. More good was taking place vs. bad. After bumping up to 10 MG (where I experienced zero side effects), things only improved from there. The reason I’m writing this now is that I’ve had two consecutive weeks where I’ve had zero insomnia as intrusive thoughts have been kept at bay.
Here’s some other comments on frequently asked questions on this forum:

• Side Effects: One day of nausea.
• Libido: Yup, an issue. Takes a lot of work to “finish.” That said, at 54 years old, that’s a sacrifice I’ll make and hope it improves.
• Mood: Much improved. My mind is a lot clearer as a lot of the “noise” and “anxiety clutter” has been removed. It’s made me more productive at work and more willing to take on other activities where previously, any insignificant addition to my life would break my back. Also more engaged with friends and family.
• Energy: This is the biggest difference for me. I have this strange energy I didn’t have before. I’m more willing to take on the day. It’s almost as if the world went from all grey to a brighter white.
• Anxiety Episodes: I still have them, but it’s not the end of the world. I’m much more capable of coping now. I still will wake up in the middle of the night and have intrusive thoughts, but they come in and out of my head more easily. Sometimes it takes me a while to go back to sleep, but I do.
• Alcohol: No issue for me. I’m a huge craft beer fan and drink it regularly. I’ve also taken Lexapro right before going out for a night and having several drinks. No biggie. That said, I wouldn’t recommend it.
• Increase Dosage: Right now, I’m not considering it. My psychiatrist indicated that for someone like me, the sweet spot is between 10 MG and 15 MG. Maybe I’ll go up to 15 at some point, but who knows.
• Tapering: Not even in the realm of possibilities. I’m continuing indefinitely for now.

At this point, I consider my Lexapro experience a success. I’m not going to declare victory here. I expect there to be ups and downs, but I’m hoping the recent trend continues and I continue to have “higher highs” and “higher lows.”
Hope this helps some.
And lord I hope I just didn't jinx myself (and that's the Pre Lexapro me talking).