Happy anniversary gif funny

I went on a late night drive yesterday and it was so much fun. The empty roads and clear skies make one of the best combination ever. Do you go on night drives or walk often? What makes you happy? What about night shower or baths?
Also I recently watched run on Netflix and it was a good one imo before that I watched The last black man in San Francisco. What kind of stuff do you watch or listen to??
I love watching it rain from the window of my room, especially when we have thunderstorms and lightning, it just makes it better.
Also do you guys have any embarrassing or funny stories to share? Like I slipped on ice three times and it was embarrassing lol once was when I got out of the bus and slipped right away . So I’m wondering if anyone else would like to share their funny moments haha.
Anyways I love nature and animals and birds. I wanna see a tiger from up close, I wanna hold an eagle or at least try to cause they’re sooo huge. Wby? What do you have on your bucket list? Has it become so big that it’s become a well-list 😂. Well that sounded funny in my head. Also I love horror and crime movies. Although I watch all genres but those are my favourite. Not a big reader but I try sometimes. If weather permits I go play tennis in the summer. So yea I’m just looking to chat with some interesting people and talk about interesting things or dumb things or whatever lol . You’re free to talk about anything . Everyone’s welcome

I went on a late night drive yesterday and it was so much fun. The empty roads and clear skies make one of the best combination ever. Do you go on night drives or walk often? What makes you happy? What about night shower or baths?
Also I recently watched run on Netflix and it was a good one imo before that I watched The last black man in San Francisco. What kind of stuff do you watch or listen to??
I love watching it rain from the window of my room, especially when we have thunderstorms and lightning, it just makes it better.
Also do you guys have any embarrassing or funny stories to share? Like I slipped on ice three times and it was embarrassing lol once was when I got out of the bus and slipped right away . So I’m wondering if anyone else would like to share their funny moments haha.
Anyways I love nature and animals and birds. I wanna see a tiger from up close, I wanna hold an eagle or at least try to cause they’re sooo huge. Wby? What do you have on your bucket list? Has it become so big that it’s become a well-list 😂. Well that sounded funny in my head. Also I love horror and crime movies. Although I watch all genres but those are my favourite. Not a big reader but I try sometimes. If weather permits I go play tennis in the summer. So yea I’m just looking to chat with some interesting people and talk about interesting things or dumb things or whatever lol . You’re free to talk about anything . Everyone’s welcome

I went on a late night drive yesterday and it was so much fun. The empty roads and clear skies make one of the best combination ever. Do you go on night drives or walk often? What makes you happy? What about night shower or baths?
Also I recently watched run on Netflix and it was a good one imo before that I watched The last black man in San Francisco. What kind of stuff do you watch or listen to??
I love watching it rain from the window of my room, especially when we have thunderstorms and lightning, it just makes it better.
Also do you guys have any embarrassing or funny stories to share? Like I slipped on ice three times and it was embarrassing lol once was when I got out of the bus and slipped right away . So I’m wondering if anyone else would like to share their funny moments haha.
Anyways I love nature and animals and birds. I wanna see a tiger from up close, I wanna hold an eagle or at least try to cause they’re sooo huge. Wby? What do you have on your bucket list? Has it become so big that it’s become a well-list 😂. Well that sounded funny in my head. Also I love horror and crime movies. Although I watch all genres but those are my favourite. Not a big reader but I try sometimes. If weather permits I go play tennis in the summer. So yea I’m just looking to chat with some interesting people and talk about interesting things or dumb things or whatever lol . You’re free to talk about anything . Everyone’s welcome

I recently hit 1500 hours of comprehensible Spanish input closely following Pablo’s method and wanted to share my thoughts and feelings about dreaming Spanish and learning with comprehensible input in general. Unfortunately this subreddit wasn’t around when I started so this post will cover from 0 to 1500 so apologies in advance about the length (lol), and some fuzziness about my timeline, tldr at bottom.
So I started with DS in December 2021 after finding it in a comment on reddit and getting convinced to try it by the info on the website, and watching a few free sb / beginner videos and the captioned intermediate videos of Pablo in a park explaining the method and how to use it. Before that my experience in Spanish amounted to a just few weeks of duolingo. I took 4 years of French in highschool and don’t remember anything (I’m 24 now for reference) and had various stretches of trying duolingo with different languages without ever sticking with anything long. I remember not being 100% convinced at the time but figured I’d give it 50-150 hours and see where I got to. I was doing 30 mins to an hour a day for the rest of December and early January 2022 until I got covid. During my isolation I watched I think 3-4 hours a day and really noticed progress. After that stretch I was well into the beginner videos and pretty convinced the method would work so increased to 1 hour a day. Not long after that, I ran out of sb / beginner videos at around 100 hours, there weren’t as many videos back then. I also had watched some Peppa Pig and Spanish with Alma but still wasn’t quite to the 150 suggested for intermediate. I made the jump anyways and found I could understand some of Pablo’s videos but not many of the other hosts. Maybe just because I was more familiar with his accent or because he talked more easily I’m not really sure. As I got closer to 150 hours I was able to listen to more hosts intermediate videos, I especially remember Sandra’s being comprehensible and them being super helpful for making the transition to harder intermediate content.
During this stretch between 150 and 300 hours I started listening to Hoy Hablamos which is basically just DS as a podcast (I skipped all the grammar focused episodes). I remember this as a kind of an inflection point for my learning. It was a really cool feeling being able to understand a podcast 100% in Spanish with no visual aids, something I never would have been able to do in French with my 4 years of learning. This is when I became 100% convinced that not only the method would work but that the timeline is probably more or less accurate so I increased my daily goal to 2 hours. From roughly February through August 2022 I hit that goal. Being able to listen to podcasts made getting 2 daily hours so much easier than it would have been at the beginner levels, especially being able to listen to them while cleaning, or running, hiking, driving etc… The key thing for me is just being honest with myself about how much I listened to and comprehended. If I zoned out during an episode or if it felt alittle hard to follow I wouldn’t count it. My total input time, not just what I counted as comprehensible, is easily above 2000 hours…probably more.
At the end of August 2022 an opportunity came up at work for a last minute trip to Spain. I was at about 500 hours when I went on the trip and hadn’t started speaking yet. Funny anecdote, the first time I tried to speak on this trip I was so bad the waiter thought I was speaking French lol. That aside, I was pleasantly surprised at how well I was able to understand everyone and hold basic conversations. I was able to follow conversations between our work hosts which even they were impressed by haha. I came back from this trip super motivated and increased my daily time goal to 4 hours.
This is when I started understanding and consuming native content. Travel vlog youtubers like Pablo Imhoff, Luisito Comunica, Gabriel Herrera etc were my gateway drug to content made for native speakers, I think this format is great for people looking to make the transition since there are so many visual ques and they talk directly into the camera. Podcasts continued to be super important for me, but it did take me about 200 hours longer to be able to understand ones for natives vs the previously mentioned youtubers. The No Hay Tos was really helpful for making the transition. I’ll include a comment below with a summary of all resources I’ve used but generally I listened to (and still listen to) a ton of hours of podcasts from Argentina since around the 700/800 hour mark. Not sure if it’s just spotify’s algorithim being weird or if they actually make a lot of podcasts in Argentina, either way I’ve found so many that I like. I didn’t always hit my daily goal of 4 hours but being able to understand content aimed at native speakers made it easy for me to do often.
Around this time is when I started speaking, I’ve been doing weekly online “lessons” with a community tutor on italki from Argentina where we just talk in Spanish for an hour since around the 700 hour mark. It took me me a few lessons to get used to speaking but after 2 or 3 it felt much more natural and we’ve been having conversations in Spanish without much issue since. As my level got higher the conversations have become more interesting and now it’s more like catching up with a friend once a week than anything else. Now I’ll go through phases for a couple minutes where everything flows out super fluent but then will get hung up here and there on something and once I break that flow I struggle to relax and find it again. Generally I am able to hold a conversation about any subject but I still struggle to express myself effortlessly 100% the way I want to. I feel like this is more of a confidence and comfort issue because when I’m relaxed and not thinking about the language I am able to speak effortlessly. Either way I can usually find a way to get my point across, but don’t always feel able to make a joke the way I’d like to for example. I also tried to find some language exchange partners on HelloTalk at various points and have had a few calls half English half Spanish with people here and there but nothing consistent like with my tutor on italki. Honestly this is just because I hate messaging and always let the conversations die, you’d probably have more luck if you’re willing to chat with people for a while. In total I only about 30 hours speaking so far so I still expect to see improvements here as I get more comfortable.
Reading is something I’ve been a bit lazy with. The first book I read was the last book in the Percy Jackson series at around 1000 hours (listened to the first ones as audio books) and it definitely was a bit slower than I read in English, at least until towards the end of the book when it started feeling easier. Since then I’ve read 3 books books (Debajo el agua, El Entanado, Betibu) while listening along to the audiobooks. I don’t have a strong reason to support this but it made me feel more confident that the voice in my head was pronouncing the words correctly. Now I’m reading the Harry Potter books and I’m finding them extremely easy to read. Not sure how much of the improvement is actually from the reading along or just from having hundreds of hours more input. A goal of mine for the rest of this year is solidify my reading skills and reach 2 million words read.
In terms of my level now after 1500 hours, I wouldn’t be confused for a native speaker but I can hold a conversation about pretty much any topic, understand anything I put on the TV, read books etc….I could live my life 100% in Spanish. I did take a practice DELE C1 exam at around 1450 hours at a local language school with a similar format to the real thing to get a gauge for my level. I wish I would have saved my time and money and just done some quick self prep and took the real one because it felt easy, but I guess I’ll just be confident whenever I get around to taking the real thing, or maybe I’ll just wait a bit and take the C2 after some more reading practice. I had a vacation to Argentina & Uruguay planned for when I was at 1400 hours but unfortunately I had a lot of issues with my flights and had to fly home and reschedule it later in the year. I did get to chat with some people in the airport for a while though and was able to confirm my Spanish skills work IRL and not just in more controlled environments haha. I know people are going to ask about grammar and that they probably won’t like my answer. I just understand it, stuff sounds normal or stuff sounds wrong, the same as in English. Even when I’m speaking, things sound weird if they’re not right. A lot of the time that process happens in my head before I say it so I realize it’s wrong but then get stuck trying to remember what’s right and will have to rephrase but either way I’m seriously super happy with my level and never imagined I could have reached it without moving abroad or something. I definitely would not have reached this level without Dreaming Spanish, seriously I can’t thank the team enough.
Had some more I wanted to say but this post is already a book so hopefully this helped someone trust the method. Happy to try to answer any questions!
​
TLDR: My experience following Pablo’s method as closely as possible as a (formerly) monolingual native English speaker starting from zero with CI aligns very closely with the estimates and summaries on the roadmap.
Edit: I should mention that out of my 190 “outside” hour baseline a good many of them were DS videos I watched on YouTube and logged elsewhere before DS had the updated website it does now, so my total DS content is closer to 500 hours

I'm sure there are many threads like this, so I'll try my best to keep things brief. But we'll see how that pans out, as the situation is a bit of a doozy. Or perhaps, the much-feared combination of doozies. A multi-doozy epoch, if you will.
At the outset of the pandemic, I got laid off from a job where I had some decent opportunities and great, supportive colleagues. I had a tough time finding work after that - quotidian lockdown stressors, job hunting, and maladaptive coping strategies sent me spiralling into a manic episode where I had to be hospitalized... Obviously this was world-shattering and terrifying.
I spend the following year-and-a-half working a job where I feel totally underemployed and useless. Once my contract runs out, I find myself in a near-identical situation to 2020 after my contract expires.
Out of work -> bored -> depressed -> pot/alcohol -> funny farm for a few days.
This time was much worse and I successfully scared the living shit out of my partner and friends, only bolstering my sense of alienation further.
This time, my manic behavior was so awful, that I had to move back home with my parents due to the way I was treating my partner. The immediate month out of the hospital I felt totally estranged from reality and living back home brought to surface many reminders of why I moved out at such a young age.
Some key things to note.
One, I am aware that I am a fucking idiot - if insanity is making the same mistake twice and expecting different results, then the shoe does indeed fit well.
Two, my partner after both episodes has chosen to stay with me. I am confused, yet eternally grateful for that, but I will eternally feel guilty. So that's a healthy dynamic, especially when talks of marriage are on the table (I have suggested couple's therapy and she's amenable).
Three, my experiences with my industry (biotech) have left me completely jaded towards the field. Yet, I am at the moment pigeonholed by my experience. I want to switch careers (IT/lab automation/data science...I'm open to options), but I am completely at a loss for a path forward. A master's degree seems most sensible, but where is the money for that coming from when I'm currently unemployed and still saddled with undergrad debt?
Four, I do have a psych and therapist. Still unsure if the meds I'm on are right for me though (wellbutrin+celexa: been equally interested and repulsed by the idea of ketamine therapy or my skin potentially falling off via lamictal).
Despite these experiences, I am still at my core an ambitious person. I love learning and desparately want to improve my circumstances, however as I get older (28 now...) my preoccupation with past failures and acute awareness of limitations set forth by Time (and how I've routinely mispent it) hampers my motivation. Too many of my figs have gone black as I sit paralyzed with regret and self-loathing.
I have no schedule right now and every fiber of my being seems to resist creating and adhering to one. Why? I can only guess, but as with other failed attempts at self-improvement, it's most likely distrusting that I will actually follow through with whatever my new goal might be. I usually stick to a new habit for three days or so then just say 'fuck it' and return to complacency.
7 Habits of This Highly Ineffective Person:

1. Eating/drinking alcohol out of boredom (for the record I completely quit pot, at least)
2. Joylessly masturbating multiple times a day and then self-flagellating over porn usage
3. Waking up to a 'PM' on the clock
4. Chronic procrastination vis-a-vis video games, half-assed engagement with hobbies, scrolling
5. Refusing to exercise and taking minimal action towards self-care
6. Engaging with the world in such a negative, critical light and almost believing that those who don't (aka those who are happy, or at least content) are ignorant...
7. Leaving the door and windows unlocked for Comparison to come and go, looting happiness as it pleases

Awareness of these issues obviously isn't enough, but I feel like I have so much to overcome that overwhelm just pushes me from one shitty habit to the next, creating the illusion of activity.
I want to give up (or more realistically...severely limit my usage of) alcohol, pornography, sugar, social media - essentially all those common Opiate of the Masses types of things. And start exercising, reading the hundred or so books on my backlog, reengaging with hobbies in a thoughtful way. However, I just find a litany of excuses. Or in the case of something like choosing a book from my library, I'm greeted with the doubt that I'll finish it and even if I do, when's the next time I'm going to find the motivation to read another one? Surely it's a futile effort...(*eyeroll reacts only*)
I want to exercise, oh but my bike is too small and I don't have the money for a new one...What about body weight exercises? Yeah, I guess...I don't have a yoga mat though... How about going for a walk then? My neighborhood isn't very walkable and I don't want to drive somewhere just to walk, seems silly.
I want to improve my coding skills, but oh there are so many languages and I'm too dumb to remember syntax and vocabularly, let alone logic...Well you can just do what everyone else does and google those things as need, plus didn't you take many advanced math courses in undergrad? Yeah... but ever since my hospitalizations, I feel stupid and incapable of remembering things.
I want to be more intentional with my art, but well there are so many more talented writers/musicians/artists out there and what are the odds of getting exposure? Shouldn't the primary goal of art be to nourish the soul or whatever? Yeah...but, I should be using that time to job hunt. Yeah, I suppose, but you aren't, you're just in bed, playing Tetris 99 ad infinitum and listening to shitty podcasts...
I just want to find the motivation to get back to work. Having income, a place to go, a slight sense of purpose would improve my overall situation greatly. I have been searching for months and have landed interviews, a handful going to final rounds, only to get ghosted at the offer stage...I just feel less and less resilient with each setback. I used to be strong and iron-willed - I would like that back.
Unsure what the end goal of this post is, I could really go on for hours. Perhaps it was just to force myself to get some of this bile out of my body and onto paper. That said, I'm always open to thoughtful suggestions and enjoy the comfort of shared experiences.

I know it sounds bad because some people have terrible break ups but me and my ex only broke up because I had to move out of state with my family. I am a teen girl that's in high-school, my ex just graduated. I still have feelings for my ex and recently went on a trip to surprise my ex and my friends at their graduation, it was fun and I was happy for once, moving schools and starting fresh has been very difficult for me especially when I have trouble making friends and have social anxiety. I met my ex at a school funded summer camp. My school was for grades kindergarten to 12th, and everyone was allowed on every field trip, which was every Friday. When we met, I acted like a gremlin to test if he could handle the weirdness of my small friend group. He found it funny. That day, he sat with me and my friends at lunch instead of his usual friends, I warned him that my group was the weird kid group, but he didn't care. Over a few months, I grew attached to him mostly because he didn't mind my constant need for physical touch. I teased him a lot with stuff he did and he just accepted it and over time I gained a crush on him.The day I told him I was moving in under 4 months out of state he hugged me, later that day I confessed my feelings for him, he told me it was obvious but he also had a crush on me. We didn't make anything official until my birthday where I led him into an alley in my neighborhood and attempted to kiss him, but I chickened out, so he pulled me close and kissed me instead. After we made it official, I started to give him gifts that I know he would like, I only gave him 4 in total. Soon, he started showering me in gifts and paying for me even when I told him not to and that I could get it for myself. The day I moved, we both decided to break up to give each other freedom and stay friends. When I visited for my friends graduation he walked away when he saw me and was kinda avoiding me at first but when I brought myself to talk to him we were back to being side by side for the entire event. The next day I went to see him and he told me he missed me, I never lost feelings for him so I was happy and hugged him. I went to his guitar concert the day after that and saw him in a suit for the first time, I really liked it. After his performance we went to the resort I was staying at and went swimming, he cheered me on when I playfully strangled the 19 year old boy that my sister who is in middle school is a little too colse for my comfort zone. Ever since me and my ex and I broke up, he's been working out, so that was a nice treat for me. When we left my mom told us to dry off on the balcony and I only wanted a hug to feel safe for once but then we kissed and I wish that day wasn't the last day I saw him before flying back to were I moved to. I really wish I could get back together with him, but I don't want to put him in the cage of a long-distance relationship. What should I do, I know I can't get over him unless I start to hate him. He's still a close friend of mine and one of the only reasons I keep going.

Hi! I’m new here in reddit & it is my first time sharing my childhood traumas in a virtual crowd of people but I know that this is my safe space rather than twitter. Nice meeting y’all! :)
I was in my fourth grade when I found out that my mother wasn’t my real mother, and then it all hits me. I experience abuse (Verbal, Emotional and Physical) at the early age of 5 years old from the hands of my “kinalakihang” nanay. At first, I thought she was just disciplining me because not gonna lie I was a bit of an annoying child back then but mostly in a funny way. I was an only child before, but then when she got pregnant with my sister, she got worse on how she treated me. Mind you, she was a Teacher in a very well known university in Manila. Fast forward to when I discovered that she wasn’t my real biological mother. I was really in shock and in pain, but I didn’t really know how deep was the cut until my step sister came, she was the real biological daughter of my step mom and my real father and I’m just the unwanted child, the outcast in the family. Our family was just small, it’s just me and my step sister.
I treated her as my full blood, i love and care for her. Since my father was already working as a seaman, he wasn’t always there even when I was still alone with my step mom. So he doesn’t know how my step mom is treating me, and back then I didn’t really understand that I was being abused already. I thought it’s just a normal way/form of discipline (because that’s what’s my step mom was telling me) so I keep on obeying all her rules, accepting her punishments, her hurtful words, etc. I remember when I was in second grade and going to school, she refuse to give me money to buy food sa school instead she will have me take I pc of boiled egg and a zesto juice and it’s going to be my food for the whole day. I don’t question her that time, I just obey everything she wanted me to do. I remember the mother of my classmate buying me food cause she noticed that I was not eating anything on our afternoon breaks (because I already ate my food on our morning breaks) and thinking about it now, i feel sorry for myself.
My lola tends to visit me every once in awhile when I was stilling living with my step mom, (my lola was the one who raised me, until my father decided to take me with him and ny step mom when they got married, i was 3 yrsold) —my lola would always notice some bruises and scratches all over my body and she would ask me what happen, I couldn’t speak cause my step mom was always watching. She told me to keep my mouth shut everytime someone will ask what happen with my bruises or red marks. My step mom will always say that i fell from running around the stairs or it’s just scratches from me playing with our dogs. I was voiceless that time. I’m scared that she would hit me harder if I say something.
My lola would stay with us for 2-3 days and then go home again to province, and then I’m alone again with my abuser. There’s this one time, that even guards in our subdivision will hear me crying and shouting out of pain when my step mom was hitting me with a hanger or a single pair of sandals. (Our house is near the guard house and just at the very first lot when you enter the subdivision gate) they knocked on our gate and ask what’s going on. The lies kept going as well as the abuse. My step mom would tell me that I’m just an accident and my father doesn’t really want me. That he just have no choice but to take responsibility because my biological mother already abandoned me. How painful is that? I didn’t know what kept me going that time. I guess I just cope up with it and tried to kept going with my life.
Fast forward when I was in college, I learned how to fight, learned how to stand up for myself, learned how to protect myself. Maybe some of you are asking “why she didn’t tell her dad” I tried, so many times. But he won’t believe me, he’s always with my step mom’s side.. So here comes college, my father was still absent. I understand that he’s working but there are times that they would hop on a video call and doesn’t even bother to ask for me. He doesn’t even ask how I am doing, am I healthy or what Im feeling. It feels like he doesnt really care about me. I remember hearing the three of them laughing while talking through vidcall and I was just there in my room. Alone.
In my second yr in college, that’s when I start being resentful towards them. I joined our school’s pep squad just to keep myself busy everyday. After class, i will go straight to out training, after doing household chores and that includes ironing my step sister’s uniform for the following school day, preparing food for the next morning, fixing my step sister’s bag, doing the dishes, buying water (drinking water) and dinner for them. My class starts at 9am and ends at 4pm and my training will start at 6pm-9pm. That’s my routine everyday just to keep me busy & sane. I will come home late (10pm) do my homeworks and sleep then wake up at 5am to prepare bfast for me and my sister and then take her to school. Her school starts at 7am and it’s just walking distance from our dormitory. Yes we are both in the same college/school. After that, i will come home and prepare myself to go to my classes as well.
I worked so hard to finish my college despite all the nagging and verbal/emotional abuse I’m experiencing that time. My professors noticed that as well, but in my mind finishing college is my only way to get out of this hell hole. I was gay btw, I’m attracted to girls, 🏳️‍🌈 I had a few relationships with the same gender back then. Well that’s another fuel to my step mom’s rage over me. She was livid when she found out, she said I am being a bad example for my little step sister. Well they put us in an all girls school (and even before I am already attracted to girls) and being in an all girls school for 4 yrs really made me realize my true sexuality.
Fast forward to my graduation, I am so excited and happy for myself. My dad threw a graduation party for me and for a second I felt that he cared for me. Not until I came out as gay infront of my whole family and relatives. My lolo and lola accepted me but they didnt. Eversince that day, I never go back to them nor their house. I never speak with any of them ever again. Then my step mom and dad messaged my lola saying that I am being ungrateful to them.
Ever since I graduated I never asked for their support, I worked hard to find a job to support myself and my grandparents. I distanced myself, & never looked back. I’m now living with my grandparents and supporting them & myself independently. Am I really ungrateful for doing so?

I miss my dad. He passed away from cancer 2 years ago but even though I think about him everyday, it feels like I still haven't accepted it. If I think about him for more than a minute, I start to feel tears coming, so I just remember the funny stories for a moment then move on. I don't know what's wrong with me, for some reason I barely shed a tear at his funeral surrounded by everyone. But whenever I have a dream of him now, I wake up somehow both happy but also crying so hard I can barely breathe.
He was always so strong and healthy, even when he was getting treatment you wouldn't know he was sick, he was even cancer free for a little bit. But it came back hard with no warning, and he deteriorated so fast, it's so unfair and I'm pissed off. He was supposed to be there for all the big events: my wedding, for the birth of my kids, so many holidays and birthdays. I'm getting married in a few months and it really hurts knowing he won't be there. I don't know how to deal with this, so I keep it inside and go somewhere alone to cry every once in awhile.
I've always been pretty introverted with not many friends after college. Besides my fiancee, I don't really have anyone to talk to about it, and I'm afraid of letting my mom or sister see me like this, because I'm scared they'll get sad too. I want to be strong for them, but I feel so weak..

I don't know if it's my autism or I'm just a pessimistic asshole but sometimes NTs say corny stuff that sounds so silly.
Por ejemplo, "I'm so proud of little McKaylynn and Jaylenn!" I think being proud of your kids is great and it's great to give positive praise and reinforcement but they say they're proud of their kid for doing any random thing that kids do. Like "omg look at my daughter in her cute dress! I'm such a proud mama!" Or if it's their kid's first day of school, their kid says something funny etc etc. Like idk maybe it's just the particular way they use that word but it sounds so funny to me. Like maybe they could say "I'm so happy to see my little girl growing up" or something but "proud" implies the kid has some kind of special achievement or quality.

Hi! I’m new here in reddit & it is my first time sharing my childhood traumas in a virtual crowd of people but I know that this is my safe space rather than twitter. Nice meeting y’all! :)
I was in my fourth grade when I found out that my mother wasn’t my real mother, and then it all hits me. I experience abuse (Verbal, Emotional and Physical) at the early age of 5 years old from the hands of my “kinalakihang” nanay. At first, I thought she was just disciplining me because not gonna lie I was a bit of an annoying child back then but mostly in a funny way. I was an only child before, but then when she got pregnant with my sister, she got worse on how she treated me. Mind you, she was a Teacher in a very well known university in Manila. Fast forward to when I discovered that she wasn’t my real biological mother. I was really in shock and in pain, but I didn’t really know how deep was the cut until my step sister came, she was the real biological daughter of my step mom and my real father and I’m just the unwanted child, the outcast in the family. Our family was just small, it’s just me and my step sister.
I treated her as my full blood, i love and care for her. Since my father was already working as a seaman, he wasn’t always there even when I was still alone with my step mom. So he doesn’t know how my step mom is treating me, and back then I didn’t really understand that I was being abused already. I thought it’s just a normal way/form of discipline (because that’s what’s my step mom was telling me) so I keep on obeying all her rules, accepting her punishments, her hurtful words, etc. I remember when I was in second grade and going to school, she refuse to give me money to buy food sa school instead she will have me take I pc of boiled egg and a zesto juice and is going to be my food for the whole day. I don’t question her that time, I just obey everything she wanted me to do. I remember the mother of my classmate buying me food cause she’s noticed that I was not eating anything on our afternoon breaks (because I already ate my food on our morning breaks) and thinking about it now, i feel sorry for myself.
My lola tends to visit me every once in awhile when I was stilling living with my step mom, (my lola was the one who raised me, until my father decided to take me with him and ny step mom when they got married, i was 3 yrsold) —my lola would always notice some bruises and scratches all over my body and she would ask me what happen, I couldn’t speak cause my step mom was always watching. She told me to keep my mouth shut everytime someone will ask what happen with my bruises or red marks. My step mom will always say that i fell from running around the stairs or it’s just scratches from me playing with our dogs. I was voiceless that time. I’m scared that she would hit me harder if I say something.
My lola would stay with us for 2-3 days and then go home again to province, and then I’m alone again with my abuser. There’s this one time, that even guards in our subdivision will hear me crying and shouting out of pain when my step mom was hitting me with a hanger or a single pair of sandals. (Our house is near the guard house and just at the very first lot when you enter the subdivision gate) they knocked on our gate and ask what’s going on. The lies kept going as well as the abuse. My step mom would tell me that I’m just an accident and my father doesn’t really want me. That he just have no choice but to take responsibility because my biological mother already abandoned me. How painful is that? I didn’t know what kept me going that time. I guess I just cope up with it and tried to kept going with my life.
Fast forward when I was in college, I learned how to fight, learned how to stand up for myself, learned how to protect myself. Maybe some of you are asking “why she didn’t tell her dad” I tried, so many times. But he won’t believe me, he’s always with my step mom’s side.. So here comes college, my father was still absent. I understand that he’s working but there are times that they would hop on a video call and doesn’t even bother to ask for me. He doesn’t even ask how I am doing, am I healthy or what Im feeling. It feels like he doesnt really care about me. I remember hearing the three of them laughing while talking through vidcall and I was just there in my room. Alone.
In my second yr in college, that’s when I start being resentful towards them. I joined our school’s pep squad just to keep myself busy everyday. After class, i will go straight to out training, after doing household chores and that includes ironing my step sister’s uniform for the following school day, preparing food for the next morning, fixing my step sister’s bag, doing the dishes, buying water (drinking water) and dinner for them. My class starts at 9am and ends at 4pm and my training will start at 6pm-9pm. That’s my routine everyday just to keep me busy & sane. I will come home late (10pm) do my homeworks and sleep then wake up at 5am to prepare bfast for me and my sister and then take her to school. Her school starts at 7am and it’s just walking distance from our dormitory. Yes we are both in the same college/school. After that, i will come home and prepare myself to go to my classes as well.
I worked so hard to finish my college despite all the nagging and verbal/emotional abuse I’m experiencing that time. My professors noticed that as well, but in my mind finishing college is my only way to get out of this hell hole. I was gay btw, I’m attracted to girls, 🏳️‍🌈 I had a few relationships with the same gender back then. Well that’s another fuel to my step mom’s rage over me. She was livid when she found out, she said I am being a bad example for my little step sister. Well they put us in an all girls school (and even before I am already attracted to girls) and being in an all girls school for 4 yrs really made me realize my true sexuality.
Fast forward to my graduation, I am so excited and happy for myself. My dad threw a graduation party for me and for a second I felt that he cared for me. Not until I came out as gay infront of my whole family and relatives. My lolo and lola accepted me but they didnt. Eversince that day, I never go back to them nor their house. I never speak with any of them ever again. Then my step mom and dad messaged my lola saying that I am being ungrateful to them.
Ever since I graduated I never asked for their support, I worked hard to find a job to support myself and my grandparents. I distanced myself, & never looked back. I’m now living with my grandparents and supporting them & myself independently. Am I really ungrateful for doing so?

So funny how many people are so triggered by the legalization. Too many reefer madness watchers XD. Anybody know any anti-pot people they'll be trying to convert come Aug 1st? I sure know I do! Happy toking y'all!

So basically me and my friends were at my friend, Kelsey’s, boyfriend’s (Mike’s) baseball game. Kelsey and my friend Olivia both get very embarrassed very easily, but it’s much worse with Kelsey. I literally can’t say anything in public with her, or be myself at all. I’m not even exaggerating - one time I saw someone walking down the street who I thought went to her school, and I whispered to her (we were at least 100 feet away from him and I whispered it so quiet that I couldn’t even hear myself) “is that so-n-so?” and she went crazy on me, she was like “omg stfu are you stupid?” Completely unreasonable.
Anyways so we were at the game, and this guy she used to talk to, Ian, was on the team as well. Our other friend who was with us, Rachel, kept yelling Ian’s name and being slightly menacing. Rachel typically gets on my nerves, but I thought this was funny so I was laughing along, but I wasn’t yelling anything. Kelsey and Olivia were not happy about this, and they kept scolding Rachel and telling her to stop because it was embarrassing. Our other friend, Paige, who is chill with everything, was even telling her to tone it down. Rachel tends not to listen, though, so she kept going.
Then, Kelsey whispered to us that Ian looks like he’s a different race than he used to be, and I turned around to look at him (we were in the bleachers and he was playing second), and I said to her “he looks the same to me” in a normal tone, not yelling but not whispering. I didn’t say his name or anything that could have given it away. She still got annoyed. She told me that I need to be quiet and I need to not say these things. This wasn’t as big of a deal as other times, but because of the build up of me not ever saying anything about them constantly telling me what I can and can’t say when we’re in public, I lashed out at her. I told her in a very aggressive tone that she needs to stop telling me what I can and can’t say and constantly acting embarrassed about what I do. She probably didn’t even hear me though, because her and Olivia started shushing me and telling me to wait - in other words, interrupting a someone who’s already really mad. Naturally, I got more mad, and more rude, so I told them to stop interrupting me because it’s really fucking annoying, and Kelsey fucking LAUGHED. I was like absolutely not. So I turned around and I texted my mom to come get me. I really don’t think I’m in the wrong here, but they made me feel like I just committed the eighth deadly sin. I was laughing at Rachel’s antics, so maybe it was egging her on? AITA?

Hello fellow Derp masters, I am in a dilemma. LONG STORY.
TL;DR what can I do to help/supplement bone density/growth?
Our 1 year old has had a series of broken bones over her short life and I'm asking for advice.
We got her at 8 weeks; happy puppy that sat funny. (right leg kicked out when sitting)
at 4 months old, while chasing an RC car, she broke her left front toe. (zigged when she should have zagged) Cast for 8 weeks.
During this time, we noticed a funny gait when she was walking/ running. When we followed up on her toe, we mentioned the funny gait. X-rays showed that her right femur had been broken at 2 growth plates, and that it healed funky (deformed). She still walks and runs funky but is VERY active (2-3 miles a day, walk/run/jump/play daily) We take her health seriously.
We were shocked! She's never been out of our sight and had NO trauma prior to the toe. (Hindsight reveals an old break from in-utero, birth, or stepped on as a newborn) Breeder denies any issues.
We dealt with it; however this past Saturday, while jumping to catch a bubble, she snapped her left tibia. Spiral fracture. It was a terrible experience.
Vets think we need to go to a $peciali$t (U-Penn) to diagnose/study/treat the issue. It is ridiculously expensive (10k plus according to the vet, and they may not have an answefix)
Is there anything that we can do for our Derp that can help with the healing process? I have an active email to 2 vets and Penn to ask for advice. No answers yet.
I've considered calcium supplements, multivitamins, etc, but won't pull the trigger without a Vet's blessing.
Any and all advice is welcomed and appreciated; we love this Derp to death and want the best.
Thanks in advance!

on and off for about a year. he was charming at first like they all are, before the mask dropped. i didn’t really see the red flags for a long time. every time i begged for him back. it would work, we would be “happy” for a while, and then he would throw past things in my face again & use them as a reason for breaking up despite talking through them and reaching a resolution. mostly things that i said in response to him throwing me away like he loved to do - 3 times total.
then, with this discard 3 weeks ago, i had finally seen him for what he is. he insulted me and i saw this glint in his eyes that made me feel very unsafe, DARVO, projection, manipulation, victim complex, all of it. would not tell me why we were done & wouldn’t speak to me in person - i was really insistent on this bc it totally surprised me. i thought i was seeing real progress and self reflection on his part before. during the next few days, i actually had to remind him a few times that i wasn’t trying to get him back just trying to get closure (now i understand that doesn’t exist with these kinds of people)
i was basically tired of trying to pull a reason out of him and just said i wanted us to apologize to each other & move on. he said that my apologies are insincere, that agreeing to disagree is the same to disagree, apologies when you don’t mean it are useless, etc. then, he said “erase me from memory like you said you wanted” (i said this during the first discard 9 months ago, another blindside that hurt more than every other breakup i’d had put together- got back together after this and started talking about moving in together). i sent him a bunch of texts saying that wasn’t true, that i hope one day he’ll realize it takes 2 people to make a relationship work, we both have baggage that needs to be worked on before a healthy relationship can be had, etc.
he doesn’t respond for hours, then sends this:
“after all the negative things said today I want to end on a positive note
you’re an incredible woman who’s passionate about her work and cares deeply. you’re smart, funny, attractive, independent, and a good cook; among many other things.
I promise that you’ll be okay. you’ve always been able to take care of yourself. you’re too strong of a woman and too smart to wonder “why you’re not good enough”. you have plenty to offer and your future is incredibly bright.
this is just the beginning and im grateful for the time we spent together. any hate you have towards me is not reciprocated and I want you to succeed as bad as I want myself to succeed
boss up and continue evolving into the beautiful woman you’re becoming. I’ve very proud of you for all that ive seen you accomplish. graduating, getting promoted, moving into your own place. it really is just the beginning.
the last thing I want to say is this: I’m genuinely and truly sorry for any pain ive ever caused you. you care very deeply and it’s apparent to me how hard your tried to make things work. seeing you cry and get upset should never be considered normal.
I will always have love and support for you. being mean or resentful towards you hold no place in my heart. I don’t want you to question yourself or to think this was easy. I struggled and cried in private. you were and always will be in my thoughts and dreams. I’m sorry that things devolved into this and we argued so much. it shouldn’t have been that way. I can’t forgive myself for what happened between us. I love you and will miss you dearly”
i didn’t respond that night because i was out with friends and honestly in shock, didn’t know if i wanted to. he was being so nice & i realized i had settled for the bare minimum this whole time, i felt disgusted & sad that i finally felt validated by him in this context. everything before that apology had been framed to be my fault.
woke up to another text saying “smh” and boom, i am blocked on social media - not everywhere though, just the ones he knows i use often. he removed me on instagram as well. he’s done this with every breakup. my texts don’t go through, i’m trying to explain i was just in shock. i send him a long one back saying i love him care about him etc but need to let go of this completely if there’s any hope of it working out in the future (stupid as hell looking back, i know). eventually, it delivers.
so…. this was just a hoover because he realized i might actually done this time around, right? is it possible it’s sincere? the emotional whiplash has been so insane i have tried to avoid thinking about it all. since then i never got a text back. i haven’t been hoping for one. he’s mirroring my behavior on social media (going private when i go private, going public when i do) until, i assume, he saw a tweet i liked about people not willing to fix themselves to be with a good person - magically the next day he is private again. it’s weird and i feel like he’s watching me really closely bc i’ve never NOT begged for him back. id usually cave about 2 weeks into NC, but i’m really done this time. friday is 3 weeks NC. i’m in therapy now.

Hello everyone! I am partnering with an experienced DM to start a group for a long-term campaign in the SE DenveAurora area. We are both upper 20’s professionals, but welcome players of all races, ages and orientations to join! We will start off with a 2 session intro game so that everyone can get to know one another before committing to something long-term. We are currently looking for 3-4 more players to round out the party. We are open to players of all experience levels, just be aware that this game will be a commitment and requires regular attendance.
Apply here ➡️ https://form.jotform.com/231497386933166
About the intro game:
The goal of these introductory sessions is to give players a taste of all the different types of gameplay that make up D&D. Your level 2 characters will fight tactical battles, make and lose frenemies, solve (or fail to solve) a puzzle, and roleplay with fellow party members and NPC’s alike. If you aren't used to roleplaying, don't worry! Roleplaying isn’t about speaking in funny voices or dressing up in wizard robes, it is simply thinking about the situations as your character would.
A word from the DM:
As a DM, the only measure of my success is that my players are having fun and no one feels unsafe or uncomfortable at my table. I pride myself on my stylistic flexibility and strong understanding of the aspects of D&D that appeal to different types of players. I've been playing D&D on and off for over a decade and have run games for many different players (well into triple digits). I've run both long-term homebrew campaigns and prewritten modules. The vast majority of my games have been with D&D 5E, however I shamelessly steal fun mechanics from other games and systems.
I try to balance narrative/roleplay, combat and exploration based on what my players enjoy. For the narrative/roleplay folks, I plan my sessions around heroic power fantasies. I try to set up a spotlight or two and fill the path to each with challenges so that they feel earned. I am also a big fan of tactical combat, and consider carefully the party composition when designing encounters to ensure everyone has their chance to shine. Because of the effort I put into combat/encounter design, outside of planned dungeons I prefer one big fight per session vs the (arguably) more traditional 3-5 smaller battles. Lastly, as an avid worldbuilder, exploration is a particular favorite of mine. If I get the sense that my players are interested in the world, history and lore I am more than happy to dream up cool stuff for them to learn and find.
When I consider the types of players I want at my table, the most important thing is that they are engaged. Ideally, I want players that either understand what they want and can communicate that to me, or are willing to work with me to figure out what they will enjoy. My foremost goal is to run a game my players will enjoy, but I need my players to help me focus my efforts on what is most important to them.
Additional Details
How to prepare for this one-shot:

1. Have a discord account
2. Fill out a level 2 character sheet (or choose a generated character)
3. DnD Beyond is encouraged

What I provide:

1. Ambient music to fit the current story setting
2. Good storytelling and interesting NPCs
3. Custom battle maps (will be provided during the official campaign)

Interested in joining? Please click on the link and fill out the New Player Form ↓
https://form.jotform.com/231497386933166
\Reminder → The eventual goal is to transition to a long-term campaign. We will first play a couple of intro sessions though to build rapport and so everyone can decide if this is the group for them. After that, the sky's the limit! We can’t wait to create an awesome world and tell some amazing stories together!*

There's a married couple I follow that makes shorts on youtube. Mostly cute couple things and some funny stuff. One video was about the husband surprising his wife by taking her to see a movie she really wanted to see and reserving the theater for just them on their date. He danced for her, got her movie snacks, general cuteness. A month ago, I commented that we'd never find a husband as good as him because women often comment on their videos on what a great couple they are, he's such a thoughtful husband, etc. Not to mention this is a stark contrast between men who are like that and men we see women make posts about here. You know the ones.
The men who can't pick up after themselves let alone contribute, the men who forget her birthday, the men who see women only as sex objects or maids, the men who do nothing for the mother of their children on mother's day, the men who ask when she can go back to house work after just giving birth, and the list goes on. I read these posts all the time and it's plain sad. So it's nice seeing videos about a happy couple who do things for each other, are silly, and just have fun.
But no. I've gotten reply after reply to my comment from men complaining women don't have a clue what they want, women don't appreciate "nice guys", women friendzone men like that, women only like bad boys, women are bored by nice guys, women only care about money, women don't do anything nice for men, women only want rich husbands, maybe if I was as good as her I'd deserve a husband like him, I won't do what it takes to get a man like him, women want everything and bring nothing to the table, women only stay as long as men have money, I probably have had a guy like that and I broke him, if you found him you'd probably cheat on him, "you women just want to be spoiled a good man deserves a good woman not some demanding chick who wants to be spoiled", "don't be a gold digger", "all you want is vacation real life has responsibilities", "this is why women are never happy while men are happy with what they have".
I'm a nobody just making comments anonymously. I just want to watch something cute, make an innocent comment, and not have 100 men bombard me in the comments telling me what's wrong with my gender and telling me what I actually want. Why do men insist on shoving misogyny at me over nothing? Why is it so hard to down vote or keep scrolling? I'm just so tired of it.

Hello everyone! I am partnering with an experienced DM to start a group for a long-term campaign in the SE DenveAurora area. We are both upper 20’s professionals, but welcome players of all races, ages and orientations to join! We will start off with a 2 session intro game so that everyone can get to know one another before committing to something long-term. We are currently looking for 3-4 more players to round out the party. We are open to players of all experience levels, just be aware that this game will be a commitment and requires regular attendance.
Apply here ➡️ https://form.jotform.com/231497386933166
About the intro game:
The goal of these introductory sessions is to give players a taste of all the different types of gameplay that make up D&D. Your level 2 characters will fight tactical battles, make and lose frenemies, solve (or fail to solve) a puzzle, and roleplay with fellow party members and NPC’s alike. If you aren't used to roleplaying, don't worry! Roleplaying isn’t about speaking in funny voices or dressing up in wizard robes, it is simply thinking about the situations as your character would.
A word from the DM:
As a DM, the only measure of my success is that my players are having fun and no one feels unsafe or uncomfortable at my table. I pride myself on my stylistic flexibility and strong understanding of the aspects of D&D that appeal to different types of players. I've been playing D&D on and off for over a decade and have run games for many different players (well into triple digits). I've run both long-term homebrew campaigns and prewritten modules. The vast majority of my games have been with D&D 5E, however I shamelessly steal fun mechanics from other games and systems.
I try to balance narrative/roleplay, combat and exploration based on what my players enjoy. For the narrative/roleplay folks, I plan my sessions around heroic power fantasies. I try to set up a spotlight or two and fill the path to each with challenges so that they feel earned. I am also a big fan of tactical combat, and consider carefully the party composition when designing encounters to ensure everyone has their chance to shine. Because of the effort I put into combat/encounter design, outside of planned dungeons I prefer one big fight per session vs the (arguably) more traditional 3-5 smaller battles. Lastly, as an avid worldbuilder, exploration is a particular favorite of mine. If I get the sense that my players are interested in the world, history and lore I am more than happy to dream up cool stuff for them to learn and find.
When I consider the types of players I want at my table, the most important thing is that they are engaged. Ideally, I want players that either understand what they want and can communicate that to me, or are willing to work with me to figure out what they will enjoy. My foremost goal is to run a game my players will enjoy, but I need my players to help me focus my efforts on what is most important to them.
Additional Details
How to prepare for this one-shot:

1. Have a discord account
2. Fill out a level 2 character sheet (or choose a generated character)
3. DnD Beyond is encouraged

What I provide:

1. Ambient music to fit the current story setting
2. Good storytelling and interesting NPCs
3. Custom battle maps (will be provided during the official campaign)

Interested in joining? Please click on the link and fill out the New Player Form ↓
https://form.jotform.com/231497386933166
\Reminder → The eventual goal is to transition to a long-term campaign. We will first play a couple of intro sessions though to build rapport and so everyone can decide if this is the group for them. After that, the sky's the limit! We can’t wait to create an awesome world and tell some amazing stories together!*

Post all your thoughts, cops and buy/sell about the drop and collection here. Any posts relating to the drop outside of this thread till the end of the weekend will be removed. This post will continuously be updated as more information become available so please check back often.
The partnership between Stüssy and Nike continues with another installment. This collection features a reissue of the Nike Vandal High in 3 colours and accompanying apparel.
This delivery of the Stüssy x Nike collaboration will be available worldwide at select chapter stores, select Dover Street Market locations, and stussy.com on
North America - June 9th, 10am PST UK - June 9th, 10am GMT Europe - June 9th, 10am CET Japan & Korea - June 9th, 10am JST
As well as on SNKRS on Thursday, June 15th, 10am EST.
​
Photos of the collection will be added shortly.
​
If you are having trouble uploading a picture to the comments, I've attached the imgur guide below: To upload images, here is a quick guide for desktop and mobile:
Imgur Website or App

• iOS App (requires account) - Link
• Android App - Link
• iOS Website Guide - Link
• PC/Mac/Linux Guide - Link

I had the best person on this world as my friend. I know that may sound over exaggerated, but it’s true. This person was a big part of my life.
She was a online friend of mine when I met her around the age of 9. I’ve known her for 6 years. She changed my life when she came. No, she wasn’t that type of person where you wouldn’t have to worry about her asking personal questions of some sort. She is the same age as me and I never had to worry about her ever trying to find out where I live or anything. I could tell her anything. Just like how she could tell me anything.
There never was a day where we wouldn’t talk to one another. We would chat either on Wattpad (not anymore, only throughout 2018-2019), Pinterest, Obimy, and Tiktok. We have many socials where we can talk to one another but we mostly used Tiktok. The rest were just for fun. I will also count in on the multiple accounts we had on tiktok that each had us as friends.
I was able to talk to her about anything I wanted. It was actually like we were childhood friends, I like to say that we were. We knew so much about each other that even our own friends or family didn’t know.
She had a habit and interest of making her very own ocs. She was the one that actually got me into making them myself. I could just hear the happiness when she would tell me about the new or old ocs she made through her messages. It was like music to my ears and it never got boring, it never got boring—I wouldn’t let it. We put our ocs into our favorite shows and games. The main two being Danganronpa and Pokemon. It was our own little fantasy and it made us both entertained. It was fun cracking inside jokes about them through videos or pictures we’d find and we would laugh our behinds off. It was amazing. It put us at ease.
Our last project together was during the middle month of March. We decided to make characters and act like they were in our very own video games. It was our imagination that we gladly took advantage of. We were very creative. More inside jokes ranges on throughout the couple months. We updated each other on new scenes coming in with our fake but amazingly video games that we made on gacha club. I know it may be cringy to others or weird in a way but this is where we had fun.
All this imagination ended on May 10th. My mom had just gotten into the house and i went to greet her. I was in the middle of telling my friend about a redesig of an oc she’s been begging me that i bring back. When I came back,she wasn’t there. “Only friends can message each other” I thought this was one of tiktoks funny glitches since that’s what happens to us sometimes but this time it wasn’t a glitch. It was all real. I thought that tiktok was glitching out and I started to message her on her different accounts but she never responded. I tried. I waits for so long. But what hurt me more was that she saw the messages but never replied at all.
I want her to come back. I’ve seen her play roblox but i was far to scared to even join her. I wasn’t able to access her account and I immediately thought that she had blocked me for a strange reason. I thought her parents found out about me somehow and prevented her from talking to me. It hurts. I was to scared to message her because the thought of not knowing who in the world was or is behind her phone scared me. I don’t want to talk to her parents while trying to talk to her. when I did try to talk to her sometimes she would block me and hurt my feelings really bad because I don’t know what I did wrong. At least I don’t think I did something wrong. The funny thing is that she didn’t block me on all her accounts she didn’t block me from all of her accounts despite her, knowing that she had lots of other accounts that I had access to. The very last message was me. He praying that she came back and how I wish her to have the best summer of her life since it was last day of seventh grade it hurt me to my heart. It hurt that I wasn’t able to spend my last year of seventh grade with her. It really really hurt my heart. all I pray is that she comes back. if I’m like a big chunk of my life had just been thrown away into the garbage can when she left. If only I didn’t go greet my mom and stayed on the phone with her while telling her about about the OC that she’s been wanting to know she would’ve been here. She will be in here with me and I wouldn’t be writing this.
I have dreams about her and me playing Roblox. I have dreams of her and me being able to play. I always have those dreams and I longed for those dreams to come true I want her to come back. All I can do is pray, and hope for the best and I hope nothing bad has happened to her. I hope nothing bad has happened to her throughout these these days and weeks , I really hope for the best and I hope that she’s doing all right nowadays I won’t let her go because I love her dearly. She is one of my most prized possessions and she makes me smile every single day.

I am going to give birth in about two weeks. I stopped my work to rest and finalise things before the birth. My husband works away and spends one week at work and one week at home resting so when he is with me, he doesn’t need to work.
Before I was working nights so we didn’t spend much time together as I’d be sleeping when he’s awake. So naturally I thought it’s time to spend time together. He’s never been a very affectionate person . It’s not his personality and I’ve gotten used to it. but seems things are getting worse. We were sleeping in different rooms for various reasons which is not a big deal for us it’s not our main time spending time together.
We went out for dinner and went to watch a movie at home. As usual he didn’t consider to what I’d find enjoyable. It was some action movie that was fourth in a series where I hadn’t seen the first three so I had no idea what was happening but just watched it anyway to spend time with him. There was one point which was funny and I started laughing unexpectedly and then choking on my spit. I was covering my mouth, coughing uncontrollably and he kept saying I was spitting on him which I don’t know how is possible because my hand was completely covering my mouth. He asked me to go to my room because I was distracting from the movie so I did and just cried as it was obvious he was not actually interested in spending time with me.
After the movie he came to see me but it was just like “okay I know you’re sad, not my problem, I’m gonna go to bed bye”. I asked him to sleep in the same bed and he refused. He said he would the next night but I don’t understand why he wouldn’t do a simple thing I ask when I need emotional support? He came and brought food to my bed in the morning and just left. It’s not like he does nothing for me. Just not the things I actually want/need from him. He just pretends like nothing is wrong, waiting for me to get over whatever is making me unhappy.
I am starting to feel his behaviour is suspicious. Why wouldn’t he just take the time to make me feel better? Why wouldn’t he care about spending time with me? I understand if he had work in the morning and needed to sleep but that’s not the case. Sadly, he doesn’t even wake up for fajr most of the time.
Overall I felt rejected and very depressed. Whenever I ask him to improve anything in our relationship, he doesn’t. I blocked him on my phone and don’t intend to speak to him as I’m just exhausted getting rejected from everything I ask of him. I am honestly really depressed.
I don’t see any happiness or motivation to live because my dreams are tied to my love for him. I just imagine living the rest of my life with a guy who can’t even do the minimum in terms of my emotional needs which seems very depressing and a fate worse than death. I get jealous whenever I see happy couples. I know he cares about me but it’s almost a fatherly way rather than as a husband.
I couldn’t imagine leaving as economic conditions are very poor for single mums in my country at the moment. There’s no way I could get suitable housing on my own. I don’t have family I could live with. I can’t imagine getting remarried when I have a daughter. I honestly just hope I give birth to my daughter so she can live and then I want to die. I don’t have the guts to actually harm myself so just imagine myself slowly withering away until something kills me. I don’t even mind if I die in childbirth and I even hope for it but doubt that will happen.
Also, anyone suggesting “get therapy”. That’s not going to happen and it’s not going to fix my problems. I can’t afford it and my husband will not go to counselling. I’ve already asked him.