Hey folks. For approximately four years, I've been experiencing brain fog/acid reflux pretty consistently. In January, though, things took off and hit a whole new level of hell--nonstop bloating, gas pains, reflux like hell, unbelievable derealization/brain fog...
I've since spent some time with a very attentive GI and have many pieces of the puzzle assembled. An endoscopy showed no hernias, no issues with the LES, etc., and I tested positive for methane-dominant SIBO on a Genova breath test. I'm now on day 8 (dose one of three for the day) of Xifaxan.
I'm tolerating the Xifaxan well. Had diarrhea on day 1, but solid, quite voluminous stools since then (stools vary and either still look inflamed or as normal as I've passed in months). Otherwise, though...my gut is still pretty volatile, perhaps even more so than pre-Xifaxan. I've had a couple moments of UNBEARABLE gas pains that literally stop me in my tracks; I have to keel over and wait for it to pass. Belching is slightly improved but still present.
An additionally tricky element is that I'm still on both a PPI and an H2 blocker per my GI's instruction. Pantoprazole, 40mg in the morning and cimetidine, 200mg at night. I also take simethicone twice daily (with breakfast and dinner).
I'm overall doing much, much better than I was--the PPI + simethicone treatment has made life livable, despite the discomfort. However, I still have many questions. Any insight is valuable.

1. I get the sense that I really need to discontinue the PPI + cimetidine. Should I start this like...now?
   
2. My GI says that in her experience, her methane and hydrogen patients have both experienced lasting relief of symptoms post-Xifaxan alone. However, this sub seems to strongly recommend additional anti-methanogens. Are there any particular recommendations? (I will say I'm very reluctant to try neomycin due to the tinnitus risk).
   
3. For those who've completed a course of Xifaxan...how long was it before you experienced relief? I realize that I'm only a little more than halfway through the treatment (I've taken dose 27 of 42), but I'm wondering when I should expect to see changes, even if this round doesn't do the trick.
   
4. I've heard that one needs to start prokinetics almost immediately post-Xifaxan. Would this be of benefit even if my MMC doesn't seem to be deeply compromised? (Average total transit time is around 30 hours from eating to passing).
   

We'll all get better and retire from this sub someday--I have the sense that this is a very individualized condition, but that it's ultimately treatable with trial and error. Any pointers in my own journey are deeply appreciated in the meantime.

++I regret to say, we have lost control of the system to these invaders.++
The words hung in the air of the command centre, literally stunning those present. It was almost impossible to imagine. The image of Quinn on the screen continued.
++I’m pulling back to the jump limit, to preserve whats left of my forces. The repair ships can rendezvous with us there, and contact temporary repairs to enable us to get to Ti’an for proper repair work.++
Himdo took some time to react, as the enormity of what the fleet-master was saying sank in. When he responded, he spoke with A tone that was equal parts surprise and indignation
“You’re abandoning the system?! We cant just let these humans have a sector capital! Its unprecedented!“
Due to the distances involved, their was a significant delay fore the fleet-master responded.
++The humans ALREADY have the sector capital, My lord. I am in no position to stop them. ++ Quinn countered. ++We need to fall back at Ti’an, wait for the Battle fleet to arrive from the Core, and then retake the system. Parbat is lost.++
Dar’cy reared onto his true-feet, bringing him to his full height
. “We may have lost the orbitals, but we still hold the surface. Unless they are willing to destroy their prize, they will have to dig us out!”
“They may well decided to do just that, Corps-lord” Dal’ton said. “Those ships have more than enough firepower to raze most of the planet if they chose to, but they lack the transports needed to occuy the system. Only the Palace is fortified enough to survive.”
Himdo shifted his weight slightly as he was reminded of the weakness of the planetary defences. The Central Command, ever-paranoid about rebellion in the Frontier (which was not without cause, considering Imperial history) did not allow much fortification of worlds in the frontier. Normally, only the governor’s palace was properly fortified against orbital attack. The rest of the world was at the mercy of whoever held the orbitals, and when the Imperial Navy was the only force around, it made sense.
“Incoming transmission form the Human fleet!” a comms tech shouted, and the terran admiral appeared on a screen, and began to talk again. The translation text indicated it was a repeat of their demands to release any human prisoners, or “suffer the consequences”.
Himdo turned and advanced towards the camera pickup
“You do understand what your facing, don’t you? The Great and Bountiful Empire is more than a thousand worlds! We will not be dictated too by some upstart species that doesn’t recognise how overmatched it is!“
The terran grunted, the translator labelling it as mirth.
++wiː ɑːr əˈbaʊt tuː teɪk kənˈtrəʊl ɒv jɔːr ˈɔːbɪtl speɪs ænd dɪˈmɒlɪʃ ˈɛvri ˈsteɪʃᵊn ɪn ˈɔːbɪt. duː juː ˈrɪəli wɒnt tuː luːs ɔːl ðæt ˈəʊvə jɔː praɪd? ++
“They ask if we are really willing to loose the orbital industry for our pride” Mer’es, the xenologist, dutifully translated
“Tell them we do not have any prisoners, they were taken further into our great realm.” Himdo lied.
The human nodded in agreement as he heard the message.
++ðæts tuː bæd. ɪn ðæt keɪs, pliːz pɑːs ɒn tuː huːˈɛvə dʌz hæv ðɛm ðeɪ kæn ɡɛt ðɪs ˈsɪstəm bæk wɛn ðeɪ ɡɪv ʌs ˈaʊə ˈpiːpl bæk.++
“They say they will hold this system until we return their people” Mer’es read out.
Himdo reared up in anger…then forced himself back down, and spoke with a tone of measured anger.
“Tell them anything they do here will be repaid a hundredfold onto their people”
The face of the human was hard as stone, his eyes as cold as the depths of interstellar space.
++juː ɑː ˈwɛlkəm tuː traɪ, bʌt ðæt wɪl nɒt hɛlp juː naʊ.++
“He says we can try, but it wont help us now” Mer’es said as the human admiral carried on
++ aɪ ˈɒfə juː ə ʧɔɪs. juː kæn səˈrɛndə, ænd ˈɔːdə jɔː fliːt tuː rɪˈmeɪn ɪn ˈsɪstəm æt ðɪs ləʊˈkeɪʃᵊn. ɪn rɪˈtɜːn, wiː wɪl lɛt juː ɪˈvækjueɪt jɔːr ˈɔːbɪtl ˈɪnfrəˌstrʌkʧə wɪˈðaʊt ˌɪntəˈfɪərəns, ænd liːv ɪt ɪnˈtækt. rɪˈzɪst, ænd wɪl klɪər ˈɔːbɪtl speɪs ænd ˈskaʊə ðə ˈplænɪt ++
“He offers is a choice, surrender and order the fleet to this location” A image of the system flashed up, a location not far form Parbat orbit highlighted, as Mer’es translated. “If we do, he will spare the orbital stations and even let us fully evacuate them. Or we resist, and he scours orbit clean and then starts on the planet.”
The terran spoke one final, short sentence, then cut the feed. Mer’es said “he says we have until he reaches orbit to choose”.
Dar’cy reared up onto his rear True-feet, and bared his fangs. “Choice? What nonsense is this? What makes him think we would agree to such terms?”
“Control of the orbitals” Dal’ton said sourly.
“You don’t think they are actually going to carry through with their dire threats, do you?” Dar’cy scoffed “They must understand the scale of the response it would provoke!”
“They just went face to face with the majority of the sector fleet and crippled it”. Dreams of Cogs, the gangly, simian Chief of Engineering interjected “Would glassing a major planet really provoke the Empire that much more?”
Dar’cy looked puzzled “Well...” he said, then composed himself. “Could they even damage the palace? I was told the planets rain-storms would cause plasma weapons to suffer excessive bloom and waste most of their energy in clouds.”
“That is half-truth, Corps-lord” Gor-sek, the small, hyperactive Vren who was the chief physicist for Dal’ton answered Iit would be inefficient, yes-yes, but perfectly possible for a point target. Also, their rail-guns will punch though that without issue. They would struggle to get though the damper field, but they could dig us out if they wish-desire it” He carefully did not mention what effect the Terrans could have on the rest of the planet and its inhabitants, as it was clear the Corps-Lord did not care what happened to the subject races who worked the systems industries.
Dar’cy’s ears flicked in annoyance, then the army commander stalked across the room, muttering to himself “Who does this human think he is, holding a knife to our throats and dicating terms? Who does that?”
Dar’cy then became aware of the gaze of more than 30 subject race techs in the room, all looking at him in amazement. “WHAT?" He snarled as they all jumped back to their work.
Gor-sek, however, skittered over “You act like that.” He explained. “The Empire jumped into Vren clan-space, destroyed any ship you encountered, and melt-fused to glass any clan that didt surrender fast enough for your liking”
Dar’cy looked up at Dreams of Cogs, who’d come up behind the rodent “We were still pre-stellar when you found us, but yes, this is EXACTLY how you guys act to everyone else”
“BUT WE’RE THE EMPIRE!” Dar’cy exploded in a rage so violent, the two subject-scientists literally ran in fear of their lives. “WE ARE THE GREATEST FORCE IN KNOWN SPACE! NONE CAN STAND AGIANST US!”
“ENOUGH!” Himdo, who’d been quiet until now, suddenly shouted, which brought the raging Dar’cy to his senses.
Himdo pointed to a comms tech “Order Quinn to move his fleet to the designated location, and send the mobile repair ships to meet him there.”
Dar’cy physically stumbled in shock, “your agreeing to his terms!?”
“Yes” Himdo said simply. the room fell silent, all eyes on the Noble.
​
“You said it yourself. Hes got a knife to our throat. If we are to have any chance of salvaging this…disaster” Himbo waved his armed expansively to encompass the events unfolding around them. “then we are going to need to Quinn and his fleet in as good a state as we can get it. If Quinn is here, the terran fleet will need to stay here as well, to keep watch on him. We have heavy elements of the Battle Fleet and over a dozen divisions of the Army en route to us, here. If we can keep the systems yards intact until they arrive, we might still be able to push them back.”
Himdo looked at Dal’ton “Your subordinates have the right of it, as well. These demons” for the first time, Himdo called them ‘demons’ without mockery “are acting like us. We need to stop thinking of them like just another subject race we can conquer with a few ships and some threats, and start thinking of them as our equals... at least temporarily.” Several of the staff in the room looked openly shocked. The Empire had not dealt with a near-peer opponent in over 300 cycles, not since Emperor Shaddam had broken the Tulak Hordes and secured the Core-ward borders of the Empire.
“if we can stall them here, we can regain the initiative. But for that to work, we will need to play their game, and set the board for my successor to capitalise on.” Himdo seemed to slump, and said in a quiet voice “Send the orders to Quinn”. The Lord High Commander then turned and walked out of the command centre
Dar’cy looked at the departing Lord High Commander with a mix of awe and condolence. He understood, as almost no one else in the room did, what Himdo had meant by “his successor”.
The Imperial Court did not choose the rulers of Imperial Domains by pulling names out of a bag. For Himdo to be granted such an honour was a sign he was destined high office in the Court, but that destiny was contingent on him delivering success.
Himdo had just admitted, to himself and his staff, that he fully expected to be recalled, tried and disgraced for his failures. If he was lucky, he might be allowed to keep title and current rank, but any shot he had at a nice Minsters position was gone. Himdo now know that Glory was beyond his grasp.
All that was left was the burdens Duty. Duty, to a government that was going to crucify Himdo to avoid looking too hard at its own decisions, the decisions that had sabotaged their chances before they ever met the humans.
​
Duty, that must be carried out, even in defeat.
This is part 6 of my ongoing work, the First Rift war. Part one is Post-Mortem.

Thought I had
How badly I feel the need to be stimulated And more specifically entertained Even in like 6th grade when we got iPads for the sake of school work I would play so many games on there Even when I had free time to do my work Or if I was specifically suppose to be doing my work I so very very frequently in school opted to not focus because I would’ve rather been playing a game or talking to someone, or texting on my phone
When it was time to get shit done it was so easy to suede me away from doin my things
Funny enough when I was around my friends it was pretty bad If they were there how was I suppose to focus They were great to be around and interact with
But even alone, I still would do the same thing
So the question is why when it’s time to work do I choose to instead opt for entertainment And how can I change that

Hello there, thank you for reading this.
I am a major Evil Dead fan. I honestly love every single thing this franchise has brought out for various reasons.
Original three films, reboot (Reboot / sequel?) And the wonderful tv show. This is all just wonderful to me.
Now the problem came with Evil Dead Rise… and how it just felt fine to me? I have no real strong opinion on it. It could have been so much worse but man it could have also been so much better? Like this just felt like a generic horror flick which didn’t even need to be called evil dead for me.
I just feel like I do not want to watch this ever again which is the worst possible thing I can say about a film.
The biggest problems I had with the film:
-None of the characters actually reacted to anything.
-The lighting was just nonexistent, I could barely see anything.
-It was just not fun. Even the 2013 and original one were really fun. Before people start pointing things out like the eyeball bit or the cheese grater. The eyeball one is from evil dead 2 so that does not count and the cheese grater bit was the most overhyped thing I have ever seen in my life.
-The gore was… fine?
-The soundtrack is just …. I mean it’s there but like that is it?
-Terrible CGI
I just feel that this film took itself way to seriously like there is this bit where a deadite grabs a cooking pan and I was kinda hoping it would bang itself on the head like 20 times super fast for shits and giggles but no nothing like that. Perhaps I just went in with the wrong tone but the film just wasn’t enjoyable to me.
Let me talk about Mom and Dad. First if you have not seen this film please stop reading this post and go watch it. It stars Nicolas Cage and is amazing.
If you want to know the synopsis:
In an suburban community, moms and dads, one after the other mysteriously feels the irresistible impulse to attack and kill their own offspring.
Now Mom and Dad. This film is so much fucking fun, it’s actually hilarious and terrifying from the perspective of the children.
-Nicolas Cage is in this film (Yes this deserves it’s own point)
-This might be simple but I believe that these people are family and I actually care about them in the short time we know them (Only 83min!)
-These children actually act smart? Like the sister is I think around 16 and she acts like it, even smarter in fact. They’re not tricked by their parents and she just takes care of her brother.
-THE SCORE RULES
-The stunts are great. There is not really much gore but there doesn’t need to be. I mean it’s better then bad gore and terrible vfx.
-While evil and carnage is going on the film decides to abruptly flasback to when things were normal with the mother / daughter and son / father at different points and it’s so sudden but you’re like.. Yeah they really were a family, man this is actually sad. I kinda feel bad now.
The parents literally play the deadite card of oh no honey look at me I am still your mother please come here and let me hug you everything is gonna be okay.
-Look this film knows it’s ridiculous as does everyone here.
I was honestly flabbergasted as I kept watching and watching this. All you would have needed to do is add deadite makeup to the parents and boom it would have been an Evil Dead film I’m not kidding.
I had already watched this film before but know with the hindsight of Evil Dead Rise I just cannot help but compare this little 4 million dollar budget film.
(Evil Dead Rise is said to be around 20 million but I cannot confirm this anywhere)
Now last thing. What I really liked was that the parents were hellbent on killing their children but they still acted like themselves? Like this was just so bizarre to me how they are not mindless zombies but still very much themselves. Just themselves who want to kill their children.
I’m rambling I apologize I have watched like 6 films today which is way to much for one day. Anyway please watch Mom and Dad. I mean if you made it this far I hope you already saw it but still.
There is probably more I want to talk about but that can always be added in the comments. What do you think? I have a point or I’m just some dude who’s brain is melting from watching to many films?

After seeing a few posts about folks needing a decent FM antenna, I worked thru building a compact antenna that gives some gain versus a basic T type wire dipole. It's actually a two element Yagi with it's element tips folded inward. These are basic the dimensions here...you can figure out how to house it. I used 1/2" PVC pipe and fittings and it's rugged enough to leave outdoors once the joints are glued. This is not some monster big antenna that needs special support and will work all kinds of DX. This is a simple project that can help improve the signal to noise ratio of marginal stations. But it doesn't cost a ton of money and can be built in a day. RG-6 Quad Shield coax is recommended, although it would probably still be ok if used with 300 ohm twinlead. In either case, the builder has to deal with fabricating a proper feedpoint to interface the coax to the two wire elements. I used a bulkhead type F connector with threads on both sides. I even attached my vector noise analyser to check tuning and it was close enough to the design point to leave it alone. This antenna is directional and is sensitive on its short axis...the front of the antenna is where the coax and feedpoin

Reason why I'm unsure about my height and weight is because they change on different devices.
So, I never took care of my body. Never went on a diet, or tried to eat healthy. I decided to change that, the problem is, I live in a site (Sort of like a small neighbourhood but with walls surrounded), it has a fitness saloon inside, but no instructor in it.
It has treadmill, bike-thing, dumbbells, that lifting device. As you can understand from my words, I have no idea about what they are called, and naturally, do not know how many "sets" I should do with what moves. As I said, this is my first time in 19 years attempting these, so yeah, the main problem is I have no idea on what moves to do and how many times. I currently only walk/run 6-8km/h for 1 hour.
Any recommendations?

I have GM/DMed many many systems and each system generally comes easier than the last. A lot of skills transverse games. I'm specifically looking for what book (or books) are the best place to start to learn how to play. Is the core rulebook the one that I want or should I look into the GM guide? Generally gm guides have tips and setting info and less to do with how to get started with the game. Is there a better option than these out there?
For example, dungeons and dragons 5e, the DMG is mostly unnecessary at the lower levels of play the PHG (or starter boxes) has most of what you need to play and is the best single place to start.
I played in a one shot and have a grasp on the basics, but am unsure where to go from here. Generally gm guides have tips and setting info and less to do with how to get started with the game. Does M&M3 have one quintessential book that teaches the system?

Heya, this is my... I think 2nd post here, and just wanted to share in the Barnabas thirst. And maybe give us something to fun to fret over while we wait for the game.
The passage of time, age, and experience plays a role in the narrative of FFXVI. We're not just going to be watching Clive grow, but the rest of the cast along with him. I'm so happy to see this cast is full of *adult* adults doing adult shit (like paying the mortgage on those elaborate castles), but I've caught myself having to remind myself these characters were all children, teens, and young adults at one point too.
For the first time in my life I feel genuinely pressed about character bio information such as birthdays, hobbies, fave foods (FFXV did this), favorite color, and blood types. Just, tell me everything.
I know these are sort of nonsensical in the grand scheme of things, but seriously why the hell haven't the devs told us how old some of the other cast is? Unless their ages are part of the plot and considered spoilers in some way. Still, you can't just tell me Barnabas conquered a whole ass continent, rallied(?) the people there, became the king, then built an actual economy, established laws, had buildings and a castle constructed, yet not mention how many years ago that was relative to his age. This is probably part of the story in the active time lore... I know I'm getting ahead of myself... Indulge me, please.
It's also really strange hearing Cid get called "old man". I've theorized this means he's approximately 41, but why is he an old man when I know Barnabas and Hugo have to be over 35. If not into their 40's. I need Barnabas to be in his late 30's/early 40's. That's the only explanation for why he looks like he does. Aged like fine, decadent, potent and delicious red wine. I know he's lived a rough life and the scars of war and trauma are on his features. Hugo too. So this story better not be like, "Hugo was always quite tall and wide for his age. Like the great rock barriers of Dhalmekia. At 24, he's just built different." LOL!
Dion seems to be about Clive's age. Benedikta is probably 28-30?
I'm very curious about what month was each character born in as well. There's a world calendar, and I've learned I love having dates to work from in the lore. I like to imagine what was all going on when my fave was born into the world.
Anyway, this is the first FF I think we have no name days present. This information is vital for fic writing research. What if I want to write a scenario regarding zodiacs? This cannot fly CBU3. On an end note, I hope XVI gets an Ultimania released in English.

I would like to talk about something different that I have experienced recently. I'm not usually a person who dreams a lot, but lately I've been seeing spiders in my dreams all the time. I see many spiders of different colors and varieties, large and small. In my dreams, these spiders appear in different places, sometimes inside an abandoned house, sometimes on the doorknob of my car. That's not the weird thing, the weird thing is that since I've had these dreams, l've been constantly encountering spiders in real life. It's not something that normally happens very often. I saw spiders in my car twice. This morning, as I carefully looked at the ceiling of my room, I saw a small spider dangling. a few days ago when i opened the kitchen cabinet i saw a dead spider in a bowl and again today while sitting at starbucks a spider fell from the ceiling on my lap. and a few more times i saw spiders in different places. I don't kill spiders, I push them slowly so they get away from me. But I don't know why they keep appearing in front of me. this started to get weird. I don't know what the meaning of seeing a spider in a dream is. I just wanted to share how I feel. And I would like to add one more thing, I am always on a journey in my dreams. I'm either going to the airport or traveling by ship. In my last dream, I found an abandoned car and ran away. I don't know where I'm going, but spiders are always with me. Spiders are everywhere in the trunk of the abandoned car, in the secret rooms of the ship, in the toilet of the airport.

This is a contrived example of a problem I'm having in a larger project.
-------------------------
I have a School entity and a Teacher entity. School has a One-To-Many relationship with Teacher.
The following code is similar to the POST service call which is causing me trouble:

public SchoolEntity someMethodInMyService() { SchoolEntity newSchool = SchoolEntity.builder() .schoolName("Silverleaf Middle School") .build(); newSchool = schoolRepository.save(newSchool); TeacherEntity newTeacher = TeacherEntity.builder() .school(newSchool) .firstName("John") .lastName("Smith") .build(); teacherRepository.save(newTeacher); // This next line in the real app is a call to a separate service // that retrieves the school from the repository and builds a // complex DTO. But for this example, retrieving the school by ID // from the repository directly causes the same issue. return schoolRepository.findById(newSchool.getSchoolId()).get(); } 

In the last line, when I get the school from repository and return it to the controller, the "teachers" list on my the school entity is empty. But if I hit a separate GET endpoint which returns all schools, the school returns with it's "teachers" list populated with the new teacher John Smith.
What I don't understand is why the teacher list is empty in the response body for the POST call, but is always populated in the subsequent GET call. The POST call populates the teacher list if I add the line entityManager.detach(newSchool) right after I save the teacher, but I don't understand why this is works or even if it's something I should be doing.
------------------------------
Here is how I have my entities set up if you need to see them: https://pastebin.com/XAjQ4Q5r

Maybe some of you can relate. Probably over-dramatizing this in my head, but when the same trash keeps repeating it really gets to me. Let me elaborate -
I have a sexual drive that I have to stifle and babysit constantly, which leads to all kinds of bad situations. This concept makes me want to just swing in the jungle like tarzan and yell.
It's not like I walk around daily with my body demanding murder to appease a desire. Yes hatred directed counts as murder in the heart, but it's something that happens in a moment, triggered by something. It's not an innate desire that is dormant. A situation might present itself where one is tempted to tell a small lie, or even do it - but you don't walk around with a constantly dormant desire to do that, do you?
Those kinds of things count as abnormal desires, like compulsive lying etc. Sexual desire is not an abnormal desire, but for me it has to be like that. I did not marry or get engaged at 18, so have fun messing up your brain for years and then carrying an exponential drive alongside it.
So many women I have to play down or ignore, because they don't match the criteria. - What criteria? That they are unbelievers? How do I know their heart, that somewhere deep within they aren't. I have to look at them like aliens, or the "doomed people"? No, I'm supposed to love them (and I mean that seriously) So why is it so important?
Everyone I've found interesting or had a crush on was wrong for me, had a sh** outcome. I know the reasons why, I was attracting those kinds of people because of own issues. Now that I am healed, majorly - I think and expect in the same negative patterns, if I like someone now. It sends me into old habits.
How do you even find someone you vibe with, are attracted to AND they are a believer also. Have fun.
I kind of want to dumb it down, and get together with someone on simple terms. Why idolize this idea of muh marriage, when I don't see it anywhere around me. It doesn't exist in my reality, as much as I read about it online. Maybe I deserve the consequences of this for my own stupidity.
I'm tired of over analyzing "lust" and this and that, as a single guy. As if wanting to be with someone is some abnormality, and you have some issues. The people that talk like they have it all figured out and apparently none of this is an issue annoy me also. I am happy that you are doing well, but it shoves something within me.
I don't want the quality of my faith (= life) to depend on if I fap or not fap, and how long it has been since I fapped. It's driving me insane.
​
Hey it's between that option 1 I presented, or I stop caring completely and do whatever I'm doing now. If I stop caring completely, but still have a desire to meet someone - will my non-caring not be counter productive? I know I'm wrong and that God is right, so I'm gonna go with option #2. At least it way lessens the chances of God watching me be disgusting. He warns me too, for my own good. Do I listen? For some reason in those moments I take one step too many, not seeing further ahead are holes.
I'm tired of feeding this sin so much too, I'm tired of being sad over it or reading about it. I'm just fed up. If I had absolutely no one who knew me, I'd probably ask God to just send me up. When I was living wrong I had "friends" - but I don't miss that even. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate life, I'm just fed up with dealing with myself here. Even that would be wrong, because I can still affect other people. But why am I so special, He could easily make someone else do these things and still accomplish his will. Someone more grateful/thankful maybe. Maybe He's just a little bit fed up with me.
Don't misunderstand the notion of my writings please, I'm still on God's team, there's no other way.
​
Life kinda sucks without real friends and a partner to share with, that's the summary.

I had to call and cancel my first FET that was supposed to be Thursday a week before my 35th birthday. I can't stop crying. It's only being canceled because they found a kidney stone on a CT scan I had last week. I was having some pain and I thought it was just bathroom issues. It turns out it's actually a 1 cm stone in my ureter. They don't know what's causing my bathroom issues. I know that this isn't the end it's just a delay but it feels like the end of the world. I am so sick of my body betraying me. I feel like I'm constantly dealing with some new pain or new ailment. I know it could be worse. I know I'm actually incredibly lucky for so many reasons but holy fucking hell I hate this. I'm not a religious person and it just feels like the universe is out to get me. I keep telling myself that the universe doesn't care about me. That is just the hand I got dealt. That this isn't over it's just a delay. I just don't want to deal with any of it anymore. I want to curl into a ball and pretend like none of this is happening. I want to pretend like everything is worth it but sometimes it feels like it's not. I go through all of this and think about how hard it has been and then I think why would I ever want to have a child? Why would I want them to feel these things? Life is just so hard sometimes. I've been telling myself for the past year that being human is hard but it's worth it. Then things like this happen and I wonder if it is worth it. I know I'm going to be okay. I know I'm going to move forward but right now I think I just need to be sad. Any hugs or words of encouragement are definitely appreciated. Just please don't tell me at least it's not XYZ. I already know that. It just doesn't take away the pain I'm feeling.

I will try to keep this short enough and yet provide all the information needed. Firstly, some basic information about me - I am 23 years old and live in Croatia (Europe). Currently, I am on my last year of undergraduate studies for Computer Science. Since I am about to finish my studies in 2 weeks, I will be at the point where I can finally decide "what next", since this step of my life will be over.
I will provide all kind of different and seemingly disconnected information in this post, just in order to present my character as accurate as possible.
There are things I do like, things I do not like, and things I hate about my current path. Firstly, I love to code - but I hate things such as web development. Instead, I like algorithms, AI, statistics, things that make me think and solve the problems. I love math as well. I also like physics, enjoyed it a lot in high school, but ended up in software industry due to better job opportunities.
If we talk about things related to coding/software, I seem to find interest in things related to data. It just amazes me that data is everywhere, like in every machine, in speech, on the Internet, and all that data can be very useful if used correctly. I like to read and learn about how to store data, how to extract meaningful information, how to use and process that data and so on. Well, since this is the case - I had this idea of having a Master in Data Science - and so far this seems to be the most probable choice, since it is the "most realistic one".
If we talk about other things related to computers, I think cybersecurity is interesting (but am scared that actual work in the industry is far different and more boring than in the movies). I also like to read about neuroscience & psychology (I know this is kind of unrelated). As for Data Science - there are two options: stay in Croatia or move to Vienna - this is something I believe to be a good opportunity - it is Uni that is not hard to get in, has okay reputation (not good not terrible), city is nice, courses seem to be flexible, there are a lot of students and young people in general & I love Austrian culture. So yeah, seems fine! Salary should be good as well once I graduate.
If I talk about my long term job sometimes in the future, here is the thing that bothers me. I would HATE to work in a place where I can not be creative, learn and generally move forward, and just work my thing alone for 8 hours a day sitting on a chair and looking at the screen. Hell no. I want something more adventurous, something where I can be creative, create new things, do the research and so on.
What I would absolutely LOVE one day (the sooner the better) is to have my own company. I just have no idea where to start. The reason I want this is not financial - at least not in the first place. I am aware that I need to take care of finances to make things work and also to have some money to pay the bills, but I really want more than that. The reason why I would like to have a company is not to "become a billionaire", but instead to build something from scratch, to help others, to develop, to hire people, to learn, to grow, and to do something great for humanity. For example, if I could get into gambling industry, I would probably deny that - since I do not believe this is very helpful to society. I also like to play with numbers, so probably thinking about business strategies would make me very happy.
Also, I am fully aware that creating a company is not just "fun" and "easy money", but really about hard work, putting in the time and effort and comiting long term to it. But to me, it seems like much more enjoyable journey than working 8 hours a day, 5 days a week job.
If you asked me about any specific industry I would love to work in, I am not sure. However, there is one particular "general idea" (note, just an idea, I have no business plan and this is something I should think about if I decide to make this happen) is to have a platform/company that is related to "investigative journalism". Why?
Reason #1: I love the thrill, I always get a rush of adrenaline when thinking about something dangerous. It is almost as it makes me feel alive. Discovering affairs, getting insider information and so on, you get the point...
Reason #2: Data. Did I say I like data? Yes. Well isn't big part of journalism about data? I would like to work with it.
Reason #3: Transparency. I feel like information people get is very limited. People go out and vote. They decide to support one side or another politically. They go to wars. Lose lives. And I feel like all those people deserve to know more about what is going on, about things that might not be available to the public right now. (this is "helping the humanity part")
Reason #4: Art. I love creativity. I like, for example, photography, videography, and editing. I love how free you are to express yourself on various topics, how you can create something amazing and send a message in this way.
Reason #5: I do believe that there are no high quality media houses in this part of the world. There are many journalists who write about bullshit topics or just never go in depth with the research. It is about quantity and not quality, and I do want to have different business strategy. Also, I do think that this part of the world (south-east Europe is politically very interesting, and yet it lacks media coverage, everything is very biased and researched only on the surface levels)
Cons #1: I know nothing about journalism.
Cons #2: I have no idea where to start.
Cons #3: I have no money to invest. But I have the time and desire.
About some other hobbies, I like to travel, to read, I love motorsport sport, spending time in nature, watching documentaries, hiking, gym, art, philosophy, politics, reading about investigations/crimes, martial arts, and more. I am just mentioning this for no reason other to just not forget about those. I am aware that career can not be related to everything. Where do I go from here?
So far, I feel like I'd be best to go to that DS Master, work part time to make a living, and in free time work on my company and do my best to make things work. When I happen to have some extra time, I will enjoy my other hobbies, friends and so on, but this will not be career related. This way, if the company fails, I will still have a degree and be able to find a decent job. If it succeed, I will be the happiest person alive. Thoughts?

An often had discussion in this community is whether or not RWBY has been planned from the very start, or at least, what is happening in the show. While these discussions sometimes come up in other fandoms especially if a story is known to have had production troubles or refocusing, RWBY has very intense disagreements on this issue in no small part due to its main creator passing away very early in the shows production.
Since i saw a relevant meme quite recently referencing this, i thought to expand a bit on the topic.

Some planning

Let us first acknowledge one important thing. A lot of aspects of the show HAVE been planned in advance. In our critic wiki you can find the "Monty Files" section in which you can see that Monty pre-planned a lot of RWBY before anyone else even knew about it. He kept art portfolios, ideas etc.
While there were definitely things that he would sometimes add on a whim, a lot of things we see in the show, or at least saw in the early volumes of the show were definitely there for a reason.
The reason i am saying it is because i have sometimes seen takes in critical communities of RWBY about how nothing of the show is planned and casting various aspersions, even going so far as saying that the map of RWBY is "shit" because it wasnt properly planned and was first made on a napkin. Which is half of the story, since what started on a napkin was then converted and modified into an actual map, proving the planning in advance of the show.
And at the very least Volumes 8-9 were pre-planned and writen as Volumes themselves. As in, the episodes and Volumes were written and planned BEFORE the production started.

Ideas are not plans

What i have often heard about Volume 9 is that it was "planned" for a long time, that it was "planned" from since before the show even started. And i am of the opinion that calling it all being "planned" is a very incredible overstating of reality.
The fact that the showrunners themselves admited to having no idea WHERE to put this volume alone shows that it was not "planned". If it was planned the volume would have had a definitive place in the story where it can fit. That is what we call an idea, not a "plan". And this same thing applies to a lot of RWBY.
I think we have all heard that the volumes V3+ are being produced while referencing/using Montys RWBY "bible" that supposedly had 13 entire volumes in it. While i cannot cast doubt on those aspersions i can at the very least state that it is UNLIKELY that the "bible" contained coherent plans of how, where and why each Volume should happen. Many creators often have ideas that they write down for future usage, or things that they expect to cover. While i am no writer of shows even my threads start from simple outlines of what i should talk about.
The writers are also very adept at changing their writing on the fly or adding/removing things. Neo for example is one of the greatest examples of that. I sincerely doubt that Neo was always supposed to have the role that she has now. And yet now from a nameless henchman she became the main antagonist of an entire volume. Eddy since V7 has kind of become known for lampshading criticisms in the episodes that he writes, which very much show reactivity from the writing team, even if the result is less than desirable.
And we also should not forget the productions of Volumes 4-6. Which were written and made at least partially during the time that these Volumes were ALREADY airing. And my god people really cant talk about RWBY being "planned" when some of it was LITERALLY writen by the seat of their pants.

Something planned is no guarantee of quality

This is a bit tangential but i needed to get this out too. I have seen many a critic fall into the trap of arguing what exactly in the show is planned or not. In reality, it does not matter when discussing the merits or failures of certain episodes or scenes.
Some of the best moments in television for example are very much improvized. Some games see bugs turned into features or changed into something that fits the game. Anime and animated shows are no different in this regard.
Something being planned/intended or not does not matter to the end result of the thing. Whether its actually good or not to the person perceiving it. Why focus on criticizing BB for being or not being planned? Its irrelevant. Regardless if BB was planned or not, its still a shit romance. Does it matter if Neo was planned or not? Not really, as both her and Roman were very much impromptu additions in V1-V3, Neo with being a completely new character and Roman getting a bigger role than he was supposed to have.
The only time the discussions about RWBY being planned or not should occur really is when some RWBY fanatics decide to praise the show to high heavens for things the show never did/had. Which is sadly pretty common.

Ending Word

So yeah, anyone talking about the show being "planned" is just perpetuating an undying myth about the show that is as false as it is never ending. At the end of the day though, in terms of critique of the show matters little however. Is it fine to point out that RWBY seemingly has problems due to lack of planning and impromptu writing/production? Yeah. But that should never be the focus of any critique and more often than not serves to just distract people from the more important points of discussion.

Hey Folks,
My mortgage is up for renewal in July. I owe approximately $595k on a house currently valued at $950k+. I've recently received $400k from my father's estate and considering putting down a hefty amount onto my mortgage ($300-$350k). I'm looking for some advice on a couple things:

1. Should I be putting down as much as I can right now based on how interest rates are? I'm looking at 2-3 year fixed terms with the plan to be mortgage free at the end of my term.
2. Amortization period - My current mortgage payments are around $3200 monthly which I can currently afford comfortably. My bank is currently offering me a 5.28% 3 year fixed.. at an amortization of 21 years.. brings my payment down to $1600 a month (assuming I'm putting down the $350k). Should I consider reducing my amortization to like 10-12 years, increasing my payments to pay off the principal quicker? Or take the extra money that normally would go to mortgage payment and investing it else where (TFSA/RRSP etc).

I'm in early 40's.. single, no kids, no other debt (cars paid for). Make $230k+ per year. Like I said, id like to be mortgage free by end of my next term. Most of the additional funding for that would come from sales commissions/bonuses and selling stock I have in my company (which I buy at a discount twice a year). Savings wise I'm putting away $300 month in TFSA and contributing to RRSP's which my company matches and purchasing stock. I have approx $500k in savings and another $100k in stock currently.
Any insight is appreciated. Cheers!

Hello! I'm getting really sick of seeing I have so many creatures and not being able to do anything useful with them, so I'll be selling/trading them.
Below is a list of all the creatures I have extras of, the amount of mush I'm looking for, and how many are available. All prices are up for negotiation and all creatures are species!
If you don't have the set amount of mush, but you want a creature listed, you can also offer creatures. The specs I'm looking for specifically are Sturbi, Kavouradis, or Angelic Warden, but I recognize I am most likely way under. You can also offer a creature besides these three and if I don't have the spec, there's a good chance I'll accept!
These creatures can either be used to unlock the LSS creatures, recycle for tikits, host giveaways, etc. The sky is the limit.
Moemoea (100 mush each) (3 available)
Belluvaraptor (30 mush each) (2 available)
Kriprik (50 mush each) (2 available)
Momola (50 mush) (2 available)
Polymonstrum (200 mush) (2 available)
Ralokai (50 mush) (2 available)
Boskurro (400 mush) (1 available)
Brequewk (50 mush) (1 available)
Hemokai (100 mush) (1 available)
Kemoti (50 mush) (1 available)
Khetheral (250 mush) (1 available)
Lmakosauruodon (250 mush) (1 available)
Magnarothus (75 mush) (1 available)
Miik (25 mush) (1 available)
Minawii (50 mush) (1 available)
Molangai (150 mush) (1 available)
Morinus (45 mush) (1 available)
Murlk (50 mush) (1 available)
Pero (50 mush) (1 available)
Phyremia (200 mush) (1 available)
Prabiki (30 mush) (1 available)
Rebiiaton (20 mush) (1 available)
Sarchias (20 mush) (1 available)
Traiboros (75 mush) (1 available)

1. "When you are happy and drifting from Allah, sometimes He will break you so that all you have is Him". I have seen posts like this so many times and although I objected internally, wondering how this isn't considered a toxic relationship, but I forced myself to look at it in a positive light.
2. "Pretty men" aka. beardless men are considered fitna to women AND men. For a religion so vehemently against homosexuals this is a little suspicious. My assumption would be that if you, as a men, feel notably tempted by a man without a beard, you might need to do some digging about yourself. As for women, quite frankly the Islamic beard that men are supposed to have has never been appealing to me, but for them to cut it means defying sunnah. Women need to be appealing to their husband's physically, but if a woman doesn't like her husband's beard she should just suck it up...mm something is not right here.
3. When it comes to priests and rabbis forbidding or enjoining things, that means worshiping according to the prophet. But if the prophet forbids or enjoin things, that's just respect and if you dare to defy him you're also defying Allah. Throwing yourself at his feet, kissing his body, being willing to sacrifice your parents for him? That's all fine <3 just the respect he deserves!!
4. He married aisha because Allah ordered him to, it wasn't a personal choice. But Aisha is his favorite wife? There are countless hadiths of him being intimate with her but I haven't seen any of him being affectionate with the other wives. In fact, he wanted to divorce the woman closest to his age and that woman held onto him and gave up her marital rights just so she could be resurrected as his wife.
5. The wives being unallowed to remarry? You could say "it was to respect him" but aisha was still a teenager when he past and she grew to be older than 60. Therefore she was condemned to a life of celibacy. How is that fair???
6. FREE WILL IS A LIE.

There's so much more lol but I forgot

Previous post: https://www.reddit.com/valvereplacement/comments/1363zn2/surgery_in_2_weeks/
Bio: male, early 30s, bicuspid aortic valve, severe aortic regurgitation, severe 6.9cm LVEDD, 3.5cm mild ascending aorta aneurysm, no symptoms other than a significant heart murmur and a visible bounding pulse in my neck. I had the David procedure done, which is an open heart surgery where they repair the aortic valve and replace the aorta root with a synthetic graft. The native valve is placed inside the graft.
Day before surgery: I spent the day hanging out with my wife and daughter. My parents also flew in the night before to help take care of my kid while my wife and I would be in the hospital. I'm quite fortunate to have had essentially no anxiety leading up to the day. From my point of view, I didn't really have to do much of anything so there was nothing to be anxious about :) I tend to only get anxious before a performance or presentation or things like that where I'm responsible for executing something.
Before bed, I washed with the special antibacterial soap and we changed the bed sheets, pillow cases, and my PJs. Chugged a good liter of water before going to bed.
Day of surgery: Woke up at 4:30am. Showered again with the special antibacterial soap. Said bye to my parents and drove with my wife to the hospital for 6am check-in. The surgery itself would start at 8am. They called my up at around 7am to start prep. I hugged my wife in the waiting area and followed the nurse into the pre-op area where they shaved my chest and legs, wiped me down with some antiseptic wipes, and placed an IV. I waited for about 30 minutes once I was prepped, mostly browsing reddit on my phone and sending funny faces to my wife since I was wearing a dorky shower cap thing, before a team of 2 anesthesiologists came and confirmed all the details about the procedure. They wheeled me off into the OR. The last thing I remember is an anesthesiologist apologizing for all the "stickers" (ECG electrodes I think?) they were putting on me. I have no memory of them starting the anesthesia itself (like the mask or IV; no memory of counting down from 5 or anything like that).
A blink of an eye later, I had teleported to the ICU and woke up with a breathing tube, 3 chest tubes, a Foley cather, and like 3-4 more IVs and arterial lines that I had no memory of (left wrist, right wrist, right elbow, right side of the neck, possibly left elbow? Can't recall). It was slightly uncomfortable but absolutely no pain at all. The most uncomfortable thing was that the breathing machine seemed to have its own cadence for breathing and I wanted to breath my own way. I asked them to remove it but the ICU nurse said it was still too early and they wanted to wait another couple of hours. I was still pretty out of it and I'm pretty sure I was falling asleep here and there. My wife told me that the surgeon had come by and said the surgery went very well, and they were able to repair my valve. There was still some mild regurgitation remaining apparently, but nothing to worry about.
That evening, they removed the breathing tube and I had a bit more awareness. The anesthesia was wearing off and I was starting to feel pain in my lungs, which turned out to be from the chest tubes. Initially it wasn't too bad but over the next couple of days it got quite painful if I ever tried to take a deep breath. So I was taking quite shallow breaths and didn't really want to use the incentive spirometer
Woke up in the middle of the night with severe pain in my right lung and summoned my nurse, who administered dilaudid through my IV and it quickly got better.
Day 2: I was surprised to learn that the pain meds weren't scheduled, and they would only administer them if I asked for it. I was approved for 650mg Tylenol every 6 hours, 10mg oxycodone every 6 hours, and some amount (can't recall) of dilaudid and gabapentin. My recommendation would be to set some timers to ask for the pain meds on a regular cadence to avoid it getting out of hand. My right lung was by far the worst, spiking up to 7-8 on the pain scale whenever I took a deep breath, and holding at 3-4 during shallow breaths. No real pain anywhere else, including the incision.
One of the medicines they administered twice was a day was a Heparin shot, which reduces blood clots. It has to be administered subcutaneously which I found to be quite painful, and I grew to look forward the least to this medication. They also had me on metoprolol for blood pressure.
Around mid-day, they removed the Foley catheter which I would miss -- it was quite nice not to have to worry about urination. They had me get up for the first time, drink some chicken broth, and get weighed. I had gained 16lbs in fluids (160lbs -> 176lbs) so they started me on lasix to eliminate some of that. A PT guy came and had me walk to the neighboring unit and back (about 1 minute of walking) and told me to start practicing my incentive spirometer. I wasn't able to get it any higher than 500 before my right lung would start to hurt.
Soon after, they said I was ready to move out of the ICU. A transport person came, helped me into a wheel chair, and wheeled me off. I settled into the new room. Someone came to take some chest X rays with a mobile X ray machine. It shows I had a mild pneumothorax in my right lung; maybe that was why it was painful. They didn't seem concerned about it and said it would hurt less once the chest tubes came out.
Day 3: One of the chest tubes seemed to be done draining, so they came to remove it. It honestly wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. They had me exhale and hum while they pulled it out in one go. Took about 3 seconds and felt funny, but no pain. My right lung pain immediately got better. I was suddenly able to breath a lot deeper than before and was getting my incentive spirometer up to 1000.
After this point, I never really experienced much pain ever again. Except for the god damn Heparin shots.
I kept drinking chicken broth and apple juice as my only source of calories, and the lasix were in full effect at this point so I was getting up every couple of hours to pee. I was something like 168lbs at this point (lost 8lbs of fluids).
I did 3 walks around the nurse station. About 5 minutes each. Had my first bowel movement somewhere around here. By evening time, my doctor cleared me for a regular diet and I ordered a bunch of fruits and a barley soup.
Getting in and out of bed was a chore -- I had to get help from a nurse every time. It took a good 5 minutes to organize all the tubes every time.
Day 4: The other 2 chest tubes came out, and also the pacing wires. Again no pain, just feels strange and ticklish. Easily tolerable. I suddenly had a ton more freedom. Without the chest tubes, I no longer needed the nurse to get in and out of bed. Tried to get in a couple of longer 10 minute walks, but it was definitely a lot harder. My heart rate would go up to 130 and I would need to go back to bed and lie down to get it back under 100.
I also noticed that sitting upright in a chair and eating food would also spike my heart rate, up into the 120s. I would be a little bit out of breath after eating and would need to lie down.
At mid day, they wheeled me off to get my first post-op echocardiogram. The echo results were very surprising: it showed mild-to-moderate regurgitation, and a completely normal LV size -- 4.5cm LVEDD. My surgeon's PA came by to talk about it, and said that the surgeon disagrees with the echo tech's interpretation of the images and would still classify it as mild regurgitation. More importantly, during surgery when direct visual inspection is possible, it apparently looked quite good. They think once the lasix fully drain me of all the excess fluid, there will be less regurgitation. I asked if it's really possible for the LV to shrink so dramatically in just 4 days (6.9cm to 4.5cm) and she said yep, and in fact it's a sign that the valve is working well. I think I wont really find closure on this until my next echo which is probably many months away so I'm putting it out of mind.
They did say they would switch me from metoprolol to hydralazine, which also reduces blood pressure but has the side effect of increasing the heart rate. Apparently a faster heart rate would be good in my situation to help the valve heal (I guess because faster heart rate = lower volume of blood that is pumped?).
To my surprise, the PA said they were going to discharge me ahead of schedule since I met all the necessary criteria. My blood pressure was pretty steady at around 120/80. I was a bit conflicted since it felt safe at the hospital, but I also did not want any more god damn Heparin shots so I agreed to go home.
At home, I had a wedge pillow but it was a royal PITA to get in and out of bed so I impulse ordered an power lift chair rental which they dropped off the next day.
Day 5: The lift chair arrived, which was amazing. I no longer needed help from my family to get in and out of a horizontal position. I did find that it was important to be horizontal to get my heart rate under control with the hydralazine. Lying completely flat, I was at 100 BPM. Sitting up would take me to 110. Eating would get me to 120 and walking would get me to 130. I would need to go lie down after eating or walking to catch my breath and get my heart rate down.
I went for my first outside walk, where I walked about 4 houses down and back (5 minutes).
I took my first shower sitting on a shower stool. I was very cold after -- probably another side effect of the hydralazine as well -- and struggled to warm back up in bed. I was shivering and was worried for a bit whether I had an infection, but my temperature was normal so I think I was just cold.
My appetite wasn't very good and didn't want to eat what my family had cooked for me. I preferred cold, sweet things and ate a lot of honey net cheerios with cold milk.
I filled my hydralazine in oxycodone prescription, and picked up some tylenol as well. I used the oxy once on day 5, and didn't find the need for it after. I was able to get by just fine with tylenol.
Day 6-10: More of the same. Appetite got a lot better and started eating normally. By day 10, I was able to slowly walk a good 15 minutes in one go, about .5 miles. Around this time I also stopped using the lift chair and was able to get in and out of bed solo without too much difficulty. I also no longer needed the shower stool. It was a bit of a regret to spend a bunch of money on the stool, wedge pillow, and lift chair only to use them for 3-4 days, but they did make those few days quite a bit easier so I'm convincing myself it was money well spent.
Day 11-14: Rapid improvement -- on day 14 I was able to walk 1 mile in 20 minutes, and did it 3 times that day. Heart rate is down to 90 at rest now, and eating doesn't really increase it much. I feel good enough to go back to work honestly (just a desk job, and can work from home). I was half thinking I should try jogging, but I have cardiac therapy starting in a couple of weeks so I'll save my energy for that.
I'm still on the hydralazine and tylenol. I have essentially no pain as long as I'm maintaining the sternal precautions. I'm considering stopping the tylenol to see how it goes.
All in all, I have to say it was a pretty smooth experience and wasn't that bad at all. It seems like it's not completely unlikely that I'll need another surgery in the far future, though hopefully it's at least 15-20 years away. But if it's going to be anything like this, then I really have nothing to worry about. My wife tore her ACL in a skiing accident a few years ago and I have to say the recovery from ACL reconstruction surgery was a lot harder than this!

I've posted a lot of versions of this in comments and it's my OC however I feel it needs a post of its own for people who are struggling. Whether that be mental health, sexuality, life worries or anything. This one is for everyone, so feel free to send it to someone who may need it even if they haven't said as much.
You're struggling now but look at your past struggles and just assess them for a minute. You have faced, and won, every single battle that life has sent your way. You know how I know that? Because you're still here. Still fighting. Take a moment to look back at your past battles. Go on, take a moment and reflect on them. You can pick up HERE once you've had a minute to assess them.
You see all those daemons you've defeated? Did you see each and every challenge that has ever been put in front of you? Notice that they're BEHIND you now? That is because you have come through them and that means that you are AWESOME. You have left legions of daemons broken and vanquished in your wake, some of those daemons were created by your own psyche. Your own mind that knows EVERY vulnerability and hidden fear that you possess and you have STILL beaten them and got to this point. That is not something easily accomplished but you have.
Now you're facing this new challenge and what? You're going to let this be the one that defeats you? The one that makes you tap out and give up? You're telling me that THIS is going to be what finally breaks you? No, I didn't think so either. Compared to all that other shit you've just looked back on this next battle is like a teletubby holding a wet dandelion. You have come through so, SO much and to think that whatever life throws at you now can even trouble you is a ludicrous notion and I won't have it.
You may have battled with addiction, your sexuality, mental health issues, physical health issues, employment struggles, money worries, trauma, housing challenges, social and familial trouble, legal challenges, heartache, heartbreak, loss, longing or even just the fact that they don't make great rock music like they used to after the turn of the century (yes I know, I'm old) but you battled them and the very fact that you're reading this means that you've WON!
I'm Germanic Pagan (think Norse with slightly different names) and I'll tell you this now there is a seat in Valhalla or Folkvangr for you. The Valkyries don't come for those that lose their battles, they come for those who stand and fight them rather than turning and hiding. Any fool can have a fight with someone else but the battles that take true courage are the ones you've already won. The daemons you've already beaten. Woden (Odin) and Freya cannot wait to hear your tales of how you found your inner strength but you won't be telling them for many years to come, and in time the great heroes of the ages will toast and roar to hear more about how you overcame not mere mortals but the trials life placed before you.
Now, let's get back to this teletubby in the room shall we? This latest issue that life has dared throw at you. I don't need to know what it is I just know that compared to what you've already overcome this is nothing more than an annoying children's character holding a rapidly drooping weed. This isn't going to be what breaks you, it's nothing more than an inconvenience compared to what you've already bested. Show me whoever told you life was easy or fair and I'll show you a barefaced liar who needs a high five to the face and I'm not saying this is going to be easy. I'm saying you've come through worse so to give in to this...this... Quite frankly this insult of a challenge would be beneath you and you know it, even if you don't always believe it. Well you're going to start believing it because the next time life knocks you down merely stand back up, adjust your hair and clothes just so and politely inform life that it clearly has no idea just who it is messing with. Glance and the vanquished daemons behind you then look that purple bastard in the eye and watch it shudder and say "eh oh... Shit" when it realises it's picked the wrong fight.
Whatever this latest battle is you've already got it beat, it just doesn't know it yet. Things may not go how you'd like them to go but I refer you back to tha fairness of life and the facial application of a high five to anyone who would say otherwise but again, you're not going to be beaten by that. It didn't go your way, you're not the kind to give up after a setback because you're STILL fighting. You're STILL moving forwards leaving even more daemons banished in your wake.
Just because it's your battle does NOT mean that you're facing it alone. Ask anyone for help whether it be friends, family, coworkers, professional organisations, the postman Hel, even some aging old sod like me on the other side of a screen. I'm going to be honest here and say I don't care WHO you ask just so long as you ask. We're a social species and whilst a few idiots continue to defy Darwin in that respect the good FAR outweigh the evil in the world.
Now by all means have five minutes to yourself, we all need it now and then but you're only getting five minutes so make it count. Cry, shout, scream, punch a pillow, write as many words that would make your mother blush as you can in five minutes then throw it in the bin. Whatever it is that works for you do it but you only get five minutes. After that dry your eyes (I personally cry like a newborn but that's just me), put the pillow back on the bed/sofa and do what you do best. Make the world a little more fabulous than it was yesterday. If you're really in a "sod it" mood then do something a little different to claim the day for yourself. Try a new hairstyle or wear that outfit that makes you feel invincible (we've all got one, don't deny it), play your music extra loud in your headphones and imagine belting it out on stage with thousands of people screaming for more. Flirt with your partner like you're teenagers again or do something to melt their heart. One of their favourite flowers 'just because' or order their favourite takeaway. Perform a random act of kindness for a stranger and do so whilst unashamedly being your fabulously awesome self.
Whatever it is that you're struggling with you got this, and we've got your back. You'll never walk alone.

It has happened to me twice.
21F 23M The first time with a boy who I'm sure was securely attached, we were together for over a year, he respected me, he was very patient with me and he wasn't jealous or toxic. He liked to go out to parties from time to time and my anxious attachment was always activated by not getting a quick response (to which he always apologized) but it generated a lot of anxiety, in addition to my trauma that he was unfaithful due to that my dad has been with my mom all my life. My anxiety reached the point that I didn't enjoy the relationship, we couldn't see each other that often and I was looking for a fight over everything. He decided to break up with me and said that it wasn't healthy to be like this, that I needed to work on my insecurities. I begged him a lot and he stuck to his decision, we never spoke again.
It completely destroyed me, I had to leave the country where some aunts were, I stopped eating, smiling and doing everything I enjoyed.
Little by little I started to feel better and I promised myself not to let this attachment affect my love life again (although at that time I didn't know what it was).
22F 22M A few months later I met someone with whom I connected very quickly, we were from the same country and we began to have a relationship but without being in an official relationship, despite this I felt good with him. He warned me that since I was leaving the country, the best thing is that we end things because his ex had ended it from a distance and that had traumatized him. Despite this, we continued and when it was my turn to return, he finished everything. I felt bad but I decided that I was not going to suffer like before and we made 0 contact.
A year and a half later we met again in our country, I felt much more emotionally mature that now things would work out.
However, my fear of abandonment began when we started talking again and all the symptoms began to appear, crying almost every day for not being able to express how I feel for fear of being rejected has been torture. The first month of talking, he confessed to me that he had had a girlfriend who had been unfaithful to him and that he was very hurt by it. The fact that he did not have a formal relationship with me hurt and months later he did. We kept talking and my anxiety kept rising more and more, my insecurity because he could left me again, because he could have someone else and above all because he could be only using me. I've already seen some redflags but being small I didn't decide to do anything, the first time we met he seemed more securely attached now I feel like he became avoidant.
Sometimes he gets lost for a day and texts me saying "Sorry, I was busy" or he texts me back every 8 hours. This makes my anxiety go to heaven, I have asked him many times if he wants to stop talking and he says no. At the same time, every time I want to talk about my feelings, I feel that he doesn't want to talk about his.
It hurts to feel that I will always be his second option, I'm tired of crying and waiting for him.
I have lived through hell these two months and I know that in large part it is because of my anxious attachment but also because I feel so distant at times. There are days when I feel so bad that I have thought about suicide, or I have felt death.
I've been to therapy and hypnotherapy, it has helped me with my anxiety overall but non of my terapist focus on anxious attachment.
Sorry if there are grammatical errors, I translated it.
Any advice on Anxious attachtment?